Look Me In The Eyes

My body feels heavy. There's steam and heat all around as I'm lying on what seems like a stone floor. It feels hard but at the same time warm and wet. I was hoping for it to be cold, after all, most of the time the floor is colder. My body is covered only by a towel on the place where the pants go. I mentally check out and realize I don't have any underwear too.

When my vision gets clearer I realize I'm on a hot springs complex or something like that. It seems I'm alone here, or at least I don't see anybody close. It's being a long time since the last time I went to a place like this. I can hardly remember when it was, maybe 9 or 10 years ago. Still it wasn't anything special to begin with.

Then, coming from behind the fog, I hear a feminine voice calling for me;

-Kazuki-kun!-she shouts in a cute manner-Can you come closer? I've been feeling alone...

I recognize Ai's voice after a few seconds. I get up slowly to try to see a bit better. It seems it's her.

-Hey! Are you OK?-she asks me again-Maybe you want me to go instead of you coming here.

I stay in silence, but not because I don't want to give an answer, but because I can't really speak. Maybe I'm sick or feverish. After all I wasn't feeling really good yesterday. I give my best effort to say something:

-OK, I'm kinda tired, I'd be grateful if you could come-I say in the weirdest way ever. When I see her silhouette getting out of the nearest pool and coming closer, I can't believe she actually came.

While she passes through the steam I can see her more clearly. Ai's only covered with a white towel, that barely contains her luscious body. Her chest seems like is about to burst out in any moment. I can hardly contain my excitement, and I'm talking about that kind of excitement.

-It looks like you're really tired.-she says in a compassionate manner, like if she's taking care of me.- Maybe you want me to give you a massage to relax your body...

Just the thought of it was enough to drive me close to madness. I don't even feel like I'm ready for something like this...

-A-are you sure?

-Yeah, why not?-she asks sweetly while tilting her head sidewards with a questioning expression

W-well, if it's OK with you, then...-I say nervously

I really don't know why am I acting like this: she's everything I've ever wanted and now we're alone, almost naked, and she wants to make me feel good, to comfort me in the sweetest of ways. I can't reject something like this, I just can't.

-OK then-she says happily.-Please turn around and lay down on the floor, OK? Please don't look!-she says in a playful manner, like joking with me, and probably knowing what I'm thinking. God I'm so easy to read sometimes.

I do as she says and wait a few seconds. I think that maybe I'm too helpless, and that maybe she's playing with me. Nah, she's not like that. She's more like this angel kind of girl.

Then I feel the soft touch of naked skin in my back. Two big marshmallows seem to caress it. Going back and forth. Her naked boobs in my back. All wet, warm, soft. I can feel the nipples tickling my back slowly. I feel like I could be exploding in any moment.

-You like it?-She asks me in a sweet seductive manner.

-Yeah, this is, like the best thing ever, really!

-I'm so happy to hear that.-Ai says while continuing her movement over me.

She keeps on massaging me with her breasts for 1 or 2 minutes more. Whenever she feels I'm getting relaxed she giggles a bit and asks me if it feels good. I can only answer with simple words, my head feels dizzy from the combination of steam, heat and boobs.

After a while she gets up from above me and asks me in a sweet way:

-Now please turn around, and please close your eyes.-She demands

I do as she says. After all, there isn't much I can do. I feel very embarrassed, as I'm trying to hide my erection, and turning on the floor with my eyes closed isn't really the most logical thing to do.

That's great-she says. I just hope she's not talking about my erection-Now, I'll make you feel a lot more relaxed.

I feel her soft hands down my thighs, caressing slowly, even under the towel, which should seem like a damn tent now. Is she going to do what I think she's going to do? She's getting really close. I feel her hand now grabbing my cock in a soft and gentle way and starting to stroke...

******************

The alarm rings as everyday. But this time I wasn't awake before it rang.

It should have been pretty obvious it was a dream. To begin with, I probably wouldn't even be allowed to be in the same spring as girls, and I'm not a hot springs owner, and probably she isn't too. Also, she never called me Kazuki-kun, even when she calls me by my first name, which I'm not necessarily used coming from her.

Still, it felt so real, in that dreamlike way of real, which isn't too real when you wake up. At least for me, my underwear would probably say otherwise.

*****************

A few days have passed since the evening I went to Ai and Sumire's café. I saw Ai a few more times outside my apartment, and we greeted each other as usual but no more than that. I thought about going to her store again, but I don't want to seem too desperate. After all, maybe she thinks I'm kind of a mess after the way I went out of the café last time. I wasn't very polite then, and I hope she understood I wasn't feeling well.

So the week passed by uneventful. You could say "like always", but at least this time my mind was distracted with thoughts other than getting home and buying a better instant ramen at the conbini. I haven't had any other wet dreams about her, but whenever I close my eyes I think about random stuff and then she appears. Her voice, her face, appear from out of nowhere. I'll have to admit it now: I'm in love.

I've just known her for a week or so, and I can say I'm enamored by her ways. I haven't felt this way for many years. Like, the last time I liked a girl so much was in college, more than 8 years ago. Nothing happened with her, well nothing ever happened with any girl in general, so why would it be different with Ai? Just because she's sweet with me, it doesn't mean she likes me or thinks I'm cool. Maybe she's the kind of person that's nice and caring to everyone, and I'm just another person. Which is something good, but not something to lift my hopes up.

And even when I think all this depressive stuff, I remember her, and everything lightens up a bit. Everynight I get home hoping to see her around, and to chat with her for a while, ask her phone number maybe going out to eat something. Maybe I'm dreaming too much, I just don't even know if she is single.

But maybe I think a lot about it because I'm a bit desperate. When I was a bit younger, I used to think everything would be different. That I would finish college, start working at a big company, meeting a girl and then getting married. I don't know, generic japanese salaryman life. But the years began to pass and nothing ever happened. I finished college, but my job wasn't really good. I'm just a full-time employee at a third rate company with no more benefits than a salary big enough to rent an apartment 30 minutes away from work. Guess my parents are kinda proud of me, but I think they thought I'd do better.

I also thought that way.

So when Ai appeared (and I'm already talking about it like I'm talking about ancient history) it was something I was expecting from a long time. And it was so close to me. And the thought of it maybe being my last chance to enjoy my youth, to feel the love old guys always talk about, was enough to attract me to her.

I mean, she is definitely my type. The type of girl I like on anime or whatever idol stuff. You'd probably call me a fetishist. I really don't think that way about it. It's just, I like that kind of girl who is onee san like: sweet, caring, loving, nice, calm and mature. And her body just matches that personality type. I know I'm being a bit superficial but I guess I can't help it.

I just imagine her waiting for me at home, wearing an apron and making a delicious dish and that thought alone drives me crazy. I'm not talking about sexual fantasies: just the idea of sharing my time with her at home motivates me. All these mental images pile up in my head in ways I never thought possible. Like, when you play a videogame a lot and you can close your eyes and see it.

Any activity or thing I do is invaded sometimes by thoughts or memories of her, even when I've seen her only a few times. But the evening at the cafe felt like a date to me, so maybe that's the reason why.

Now it's already a week and a half since I met Ai. I'm thinking that maybe I should stop being a coward and go again to the cafe. I shouldn't be scared: of course I don't want her to think that I'm some kind of stalker or something, but I still feel like I really want to see her again. I get out of work and go straight to the station. All that's on my mind is the thought of seeing her again.When I get to my neighborhood's station I feel a bit nervous. I really don't know why, it's not like I'm entering her apartment or something. I start walking towards the street where the café is hoping to see her greeting me from the store's entrance.

I get to the place, only to find it closed. Maybe I was thinking too much about it. I don't think the universe is conspiring against me, but sometimes it seems so. Like, when I decide to be brave and go find her, the place is closed.

Going back to my apartment, the sun is falling behind the far buildings, bathing the neighborhood with its orange light.

I enter my apartment, turn on my TV as background noise and have my dinner, as everyday. I think that I shouldn't feel so disappointed. Maybe I should knock her apartment's door to see if she's there. But maybe that's too rash, like it might come out as disrespectful.Or maybe I always think too much. That might be the reason why I'm single.

I end up doing nothing, playing some games on my phone and watching a random late night anime. The night is already dark and the street is silent except for some TV noises.

-Aaaaaah!!!

A female scream breaks the silence. A scream so loud that is uncommon here. Probably everyone around heard it. Seems to be coming from next door. It's probably Ai's voice. Although I never heard her shout, so I don't know.

I get up, open the door and go outside, to see if everything's OK. Maybe she needs my help or maybe it's other person. I can't really think about it. I knock Ai's apartment door without thinking twice.

-Is everything OK?-I ask, just like the first time we met.

-Y-yeah, it's just...-Ai says nervously-I need help.-Her voice sounds scared from behind the door.

She opens the door slowly letting me enter, in a way that's both a bit scared and embarrassed. I ask for her permission to enter, as I'm not completely sure of entering a girl's apartment uninvited.

She's behind the door, trembling like a small animal. She's wearing a soft white nightgown that makes her look extremely sexy. But I don't really have to think about that now.

-W-what happened?-I ask her.

-T-there, at the bedroom...-she says filled with fear.-There's a big... cockroach. P-please, get rid of it!

I think that maybe it's not a big deal, and she's just a bit too scared. I look for an object to kill it, so I end up grabbing my own shoe. I wouldn't want to break anything in her home. I enter the bedroom acting like some kind of action hero, trying to look as decided as I can. She's behind me, really close to me, like trying to support me on my quest. I bet she looks really cute, but I can't see.

When I get inside, the situation is worse than expected. The cockroach is literally a monster, well, maybe not, but it's been a long time since I last saw one, so I guess I understand why she's scared. I get closer trying to avoid being noticed by the ugly insect. I raise my weapon over the creature and I drop it energically.

Bang!

My blow misses the target as the insect quickly escapes and gets under the bed. I get under trying to find it, but it's pretty dark. I haven't thought about it, but I've just entered a girl's room. But the fact I entered looking for a cockroach distracted me from that. Before anyone says I'm acting like a clueless teenager: I've been in a girl's room before, maybe during highschool, but she wasn't wearing a nightgown and I was with three other people.

I extend my hand in the darkness with the shoe. I can't believe I'm doing this. But I'm feeling braver than anyone now. I thought I hit the insect but I realized it's walking towards my face.

-Augh!

I hit my head and arm while trying to escape from the cockroach. I know it's a harmless animal yet it scared me. The arthropod walks fast under the closet. I try to find it down there but it's hard.

-It's still there, isn't it?-Ai asks grabbing my arm slightly like looking for my protection. I can feel her boobs pressing softly against my arm.

-Yeah, I guess I can't get it out.-I say frustrated with the situation.

Now it will be impossible to get it out of there.

-Maybe we should call a fumigator.-I suggest.-Although they probably don't do 24 hour shifts, I guess.

Ai seems a bit scared to stay here, and I there might be more cockroaches around. I haven't seen them in my apartment though.

-C-can I stay in your apartment tonight?-Ai asks nervously. My face instinctively blushes, realizing the situation I'm in.-I-if it's not any trouble for you, o-of course...

She seems like she's blushing too, and her face and body are contorted in a very awkward gesture. Like if she's really embarrassed for asking this to me. I feel really embarrassed too. I understand, I'm not a kid anymore, I should be adult enough to answer like a man and not like a middle school boy receiving a Valentine's chocolate.

-It's OK, don't worry.-I realize that I feel a lot more confident around her, like I'm trying to give my best impression-I'll grab some blankets if you're afraid to go in again.

-O-ok-Ai says-please do. I know it sounds silly but I'm a bit scared...

-No problem, I was a bit scared back there too, I guess...

I go inside the room and grab the blankets that were on the bed. Then we go together towards the exit and close the door before going to my apartment. I try not to look at her too much, but she looks gorgeous. Like the way girls look in movies when going to sleep. Maybe I'm exaggerating but that's the way I feel about her.

We enter my room, and I can't help feeling strange. Like I've never thought this would happen. It's destiny I guess. Maybe she's the right one. Everything falls into place like in a cheesy romance movie, or one of those silly hentai doujins. It's my first time inviting a girl to my room. But I shouldn't think too much: I'm just letting her stay tonight because her apartment is infested with cockroaches. It's just that, no more than that. Still, I look at her, and she looks so cute.

-I'll lend you my futon. It's not the best there is, and probably less than your bed but please accept it.

-Are you sure you don't want to sleep here?-she asks me doubting.

-Yeah, don't worry, the living room's sofa will do. Don't worry, really.

-I think you'll be unconfortable. The futon is big enough for the two of us.

-A-are you sure about it?-Of course, I'm not even sure if I'm sure about it. I mean, we'd be so close to each other, in the same bed, sharing such an intimate moment as sleeping. While I love the idea, it's so sudden I still can't believe this is happening.

-Yes.-she says in a confident way.-I wouldn't like to see you sleeping in a bad way because of me.

-But, wouldn't it bother you?-I keep on asking like I'm boycotting myself. I wonder why I do that, like I'm escaping from my happiness.

-Not a bit.-Ai says smiling and sitting politely in the futon. I think I can catch a glimpse of her panties when she does so.

-O-ok then-I say while walking towards the other side of the futon, and sitting down giving my back to her. I try to act as calmly as I can, but I'm still getting nervous. I can feel how she's now laying down on her side, so I do the same on the opposite side to her.

-G-good night-I say to her while watching my cellphone for the last time in the night.

-Good night Kazuki.-she says softly, like whispering in a sweet way.

I'm having a hard time closing my eyes. Like, I feel her by my side, so close to me, and my head spins like if I was drunk. I do my best to try to sleep during those minutes but I'm unable to relax. I never thought something like this would make me so nervous.

I start having weird flashbacks to my childhood. Like images I barely remember appear in my head. I can't say my childhood was bad. I was really happy. Then high school came and I started becoming more bitter about everything in general. Maybe I was doing that to myself. I wasn't able to adapt to the changes that were happening around me and I ended up being alone.

But nothing matters now. I'm with the girl of my dreams by my side, even if she doesn't know that I like her. I can't help but smile. It's the kind of silly situation I never thought possible.

I end up closing my eyes and wishing that these days never end.

*************

Sunlight filters down through my eyelids. I open my eyes slowly, with effort, trying to remember what day is it, and realizing its sunday. Nothing to do today. And I open my eyes to find the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

Ai's laying down in front of mine, smiling softly at me, her hair shining under the sunlight. Her nightgown makes a huge cleavage, that opens in front of me. But I can't really look at it, as Ai asks me in a soft voice:

-Morning Kazuki-kun. Would you look me in the eyes?