Capture

It happened suddenly one day. Without warning, like a gush of wind blowing straight through our home. But unlike the wind, the clamor of heavy footsteps and clicking gear mercilessly echoed from outside our walls. In an instant, my eyes became bloodshot and my throat dry. And Devin, he hadn’t even noticed, his attention fully on the bright colors of his expensive, new toy.

Perhaps, I should have known it was coming, but I was too lost in thought and saddened over the months to take notice. Perhaps, my very demeanor in recent times tipped others off that something was awry.

Nonetheless, the faces of suspicion and disapproval, the very same ones that I kept getting long ago in the city, came to mind as soon as they showed up.

In mere moments, a flood of masked men broke through the doors and trained their weapons on me. Devin became hysterical, having been interrupted in playtime, a rare moment when I let him have his way. Our infrequent moments of true happiness shattered by these people intruding upon our home.

Quickly, they lifted him up and into their arms. And he screamed for me the entire time, forgetting all about his shiny gift dropped onto the carpet. His eyes were on me, wondering if he had done something wrong.

But tears bubbled around my eyes. He had done nothing wrong.

Not the times that he secretly ran away to seek out new friends, not the times that he got angry in public and caused a scene, and not even when he shouted words of hatred at me when I put my foot down – he had simply become fed up with keeping Mommy’s secret.

And when word got out, it didn’t take long for us to be found. No matter how far away we tried to run, we couldn’t escape the world. The world that we tried so hard to leave behind. I was too tired to run now.

I felt my head pressed to the ground. And metal cuffs clinking around my wrists. These men had finally come for me. To finish a job that had been left untouched for many years, for all the times that I stole warmth from Devin.

Because he was not mine to take. He never was. I had pretended the entire time. Basking in the joy of another’s, simply because I had lost mine forever.

But I didn’t care at the time. Sorrow had caused me to pick him up. To hold him gently against me and run. Out into the cold night and as far as I could take him. I wanted so much for a world of my own.

Devin’s screams in the distance slowly faded from earshot, just like it had done with my baby shortly after it was born. The men in uniform muttered various things about rights and court, but I paid them no mind. I was lost in déjà vu, reliving the same bitterness of years past. And nothing could seemingly bring me back to reality. Nothing but the voice of my child.