The Masochist Arrives

"Have you seen a dog around here?"

'No I haaven't miiister Saaataaan."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"I waaant you to puunish me, miiister Saaatan!"

"You're enjoying yourself way too much! Who the fuck are you?"

"God knew I was a maaasochist, so he sent me down here insteaaad. I loooove it heere!"

Satan put his head in his hand.

"I'm pretty sure he sent you down here to punish everyone else down here. We've got some bad people down here, but you're making life so much worse for all of us."

"YES! YES I AM! I'M A DIRTY LITTL-"

Satan immediately left, proceeding to search for the dog and attempt to forget what he had just seen. His wings spread to an impressive length and they quickly propelled him through the sticky sulfurous skies of hell. Satan scouted large areas and crowds of the damned from above.

"I knew I shouldn't have left that damn chamber today..."

Powered by pure curiosity, Satan flew for several hours before he landed to rest.

"Hey, look! It's Satan!"

"Can I get an autograph?"

"He's responsible for our suffering, let's kick his ass!"

From less than half a kilometer away, a homogenous swirling shitstorm of Satan supporters and angry flaming Satan haters approached.

"I guess I can't rest anywhere, now."

Satan once more took flight. He went to his chamber so he could send some demon scouts out to find the dog in his place.

— — —

The dog had wandered for miles. Unlike on earth, he would not need to stop to eat or piss on a gravestone. Therefore, the amount of exploration the dog could accomplish was near-unlimited. When approaching a small settlement, the dog approached cautiously.

There were buildings constructed of basalt between lava pits, which while not even remotely tall, they were still impressive in a way. With no real tools, these structures were the first real signs of technological advancement among the people in hell. Some people in the small village looked out and saw the dog.

"Wow, I thought only people were allowed here..."

"I thought all dogs went to heaven."

"Should we stay away from it? It could've attacked people or something."

The dog didn't really pay any mind to any of those people. It wandered into one of the shoddy 'houses' and laid down to rest. The dog closed its eyes, but couldn't sleep. Such is life in hell. Such is life on earth. As it rested, the house's owner came back and looked in.

He was an evil, instantly recognizable man with an infamous short mustache...