Chapter 25: Jealousy

Emi’s heartbeat drowned out everything else around her. She found Cynthia at the end of the hallway, outside Matt’s room.

She was glad she was feeling so high right now. It had taken all day to summon up the courage to come talk to Cynthia, and she never would have been able to do it at her worst.

“Hi, Cynthia.”

Emi still felt uneasy around Cynthia. Serena had tried to convince her not to feel guilty, and she’d helped, but… the way Cynthia lit up when she saw Emi made her heart ache.

“Emi! Hey! You come to visit Matti?” Cynthia waved her over and Emi sat down.

“He’s… asleep?”

“Yep. Long day, you know how it is. I’m… gonna have to head out soon, actually.”

Emi noticed that Cynthia’s clothes were rumpled. And she kind of had a smell.

“Did you sleep here?”

“No, they wouldn’t let me. I had to camp outside, since I didn’t have a hotel room, and-“

“That’s no good!” Emi exclaimed. “You just slept in the street?!”

Cynthia nodded to her duffel bag and shrugged.

Emi couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I camped out all the time at my folks’ farm, it’s no big deal.”

Emi couldn’t imagine sleeping out in front of the hospital.

“Cynthia, you’re Matt’s girlfriend. You can stay with us, you know. With the Guardians.”

Cynthia lit up at the idea. She was as chatty as could be on the way to Strayhaven. Emi, on the other hand, was surprised at her own offer. She’d come to the hospital to apologize, and somehow that had turned into inviting Cynthia to stay with them.

“You know, I’m really jealous.”

Emi flinched. Cynthia must have suspected something about her and Matt!

“J-Jealous? B-But… I mean, I…”

“Matt’s already made so many friends like you! Meanwhile, my friends…” Her voice trailed off and a tear rolled down her cheek. “S-Sorry. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to… you’re great! Really!”

Cynthia was trying to smile, but Emi could see she was hurt by something. She wanted to ask, but it wasn’t her place.

She wasn’t good with words. Hopefully Serena would be cooking something nice for dinner.

…

Everyone took to Cynthia like a new puppy. The Guardians were in the common room entertaining their guest.

“…So Matti had to go up and do his entire presentation in a dress, it was amazing! Best prank I ever pulled!”

Ryan was practically doubled over laughing and even Willow had to politely hide her smirk. And Serena was eating every word with a big spoon.

“…Please, please stay here forever,” she pleaded, hugging Cynthia tightly. She was already figuring out ways to torture Matt with all these stories.

Emi watched them from the couch. She hated how jealous she felt, seeing Cynthia as the life of the party. She was everything Emi was too shy to be.

“So that’s the girlfriend, eh? Way to go Matt!”

Emi jumped in shock when Nick sat next to her. She scooted away from him, still sore about what he’d said in the hospital.

“You wish you were her, don’t you?” Nick’s voice had lost its playfulness. “You don’t need to deny it. I’ve got pretty good eyes.”

Emi took another glance at Cynthia’s beaming grin and nodded sadly. Her emotions had been in flux all day, and she could feel herself slipping back into the mire.

“She’s so bright… and nice. She says what’s on her mind and people like her. I wish I could be like that, but I- wait, why am I telling you this?!”

Nick shrugged. “You’re sensitive right now. Vulnerable. You’ve got your emotions bottled up and you’re reaching out for help because you feel insecure and want someone to comfort you. I’ve seen it plenty of times.”

“Uh…” Emi had no idea what to make of that.

“This would be the perfect time to make a move on you, but I’m not that kind of guy. Besides, you’re not my type.”

“…Thanks for that,” Emi muttered, rolling her eyes in disgust.

“Cynthia’s definitely got pluck. I can see why you’d be jealous of someone like that. But there’s nothing wrong with being a wallflower. You’re a great girl, Emi!”

“…This is you not trying to make a move on me, right? Because I’ve had guys hit on me before, and somehow they had more tact than I’m seeing right now.”

“Right there, see? You’ve got a great sense of humor.”

“Cynthia’s still funnier.” If Nick was trying to make her feel better, he sucked.

“Emi, it’s not a competition. Just because Cynthia is more outgoing than you, that doesn’t take anything away from who you are. Just because people like her, that doesn’t mean that they don’t like you.”

Emi knew he was right. But she still was still jealous.

“Are you really the right person to give advice about being liked?” What… what had she just said?! It had just slipped out because of her bad mood.

Nick took it on the chin with a laugh. “See? What did I say, a great sense of humor, cutting as it might be.”

“…Sorry.”

“Listen, Emi. I’m not the genius who’s got all the answers. I’m just some guy. But I do know that if you want people to like you, then you have to be yourself.”

“Huh?”

“I know a thing or two about pretending to be something you’re not. Even if you acted like Cynthia to get people to like you, I think in the end you’d feel even worse. You’d feel like no one was seeing you for who you are.”

Emi stared at the floor and thought about what he was saying. It stung to hear his words ring so true in her ears. Nick barely knew her, she’d barely had a single conversation with him. So how was he able to see her so clearly?

Nick clapped her on the shoulder. “Well, don’t feel too bad. People like you just fine for who you are.” He left her with her thoughts. Emi would have to make her choices for herself.

Lori entering the common room made the perfect distraction.

“Lori. When’s the Guild Master going to come back?” Serena asked.

“She just called. There was an incident at New Margilia, and the conference is taking longer than she expected. She’ll be back in the morning.”

“Great!” Nick cheered. “So when’s dinner?”

Dinner was even worse than the common room. Cynthia wanted to sit next to Emi, putting her right in the center of the girl she was jealous of.

Cynthia continued to tell stories about Matt while Emi picked at her potatoes. She was afraid that her depression would take over, and then Cynthia did something unexpected.

“Emi, how’s the food?”

Emi was surprised that Cynthia was talking to her. “Um… I guess… it’s good?”

She felt small under the girl’s shining gaze. It was like a goddess granting kindness to an ugly shrew.

“Emi, did I tell you about the time me and Matti snuck into the swimming pool after hours? So, great story…”

Emi smiled and nodded along with her. She tried to have fun. The dinner was tense, but she was glad Cynthia was feeling better. It helped ease the guilt she felt for the girl.

After eating, Cynthia seemed to latch onto Emi. The other Guardians were still friendly to her, but Emi was the one she followed into the common room to chat with.

“That was just the best! It’s been a while since I had a dinner like that! You guys do that every day?”

Emi nodded. “Yeah, it’s… really lively.”

Cynthia had a wistful smile on her face. She stared off into the distance.

“The barracks in Carthade aren’t like that. I mean, sure, we all eat together, but this… it felt like I was back home with my family.”

Emi thought of her own family. She remembered her sisters gossiping around the table, her little brother telling his stories, and her mother’s warm smile.

“I have four sisters myself. And a little brother.” She didn’t know why she was telling Cynthia. Maybe because she wanted the girl to like her. Cynthia had that sort of air about her, like she was a warm and soothing wind.

“I have three brothers myself. Large families are a lot of fun, aren’t they? Never a dull moment!”

Emi laughed, she had to agree with that.

Cynthia stopped laughing and smiled again. “Dinner tonight… kind of made me wish I’d joined you guys, you know?”

“What? You mean the Guardians?”

“I’m real jealous of ya, Emi! This place is a blast! Heck, you guys have a pool table, how cool is that?!”

Cynthia… was jealous of her? Emi couldn’t believe it.

“That’s… it’s not so…”

Cynthia jumped onto the couch next to her and hugged her. She was a hugger alright, and it was making Emi really uncomfortable.

“It’s okay, as cool as this place is, Central Services is better,” Cynthia boasted, letting Emi go. “Getting to help people, serving Autoria… it’s amazing. But I’m glad he came here, instead of working with me.”

“R-Really? But wouldn’t you… um, don’t you want to work with him? So you can be together?” If Emi was Matt’s girlfriend, she would be with him all the time. It was so weird that Cynthia was okay with them being in different guilds.

“Oh, that would be awesome! But no, this place is better for Matt. A lot better.”

“Really? Why?”

The wistful smile crossed her face again.

“You know all those stories I was telling you guys about Matti?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, there’s one that really stands out to me. It’s a treasured memory. How much do you know about Matt’s family?”

“He… has a big brother, Kanone, right?”

“Yep. But Kanone was always busy with guild work. And since he doesn’t have any parents, he was alone a lot. He didn’t really have anything like a real family.”

Emi felt bad for him. That must have been hard.

“He used to be so rude and quiet. But I guess I felt a little bad for him, you know? Being all alone on the holidays like that. So I invited him to my house for break. And the way he lit up, being around my folks? It was like he was a totally different guy. It was like he had a family for the first time.”

“That’s… nice.” Emi tried not to get gooey inside as she imagined Matt’s smile.

“You guys are his family now. Dinners like that are just what he needs. Thank you for giving it to him.”

Cynthia’s smile lit up the room. She was so great. Nick was right, Emi wanted to be liked for who she was. But in the presence of someone like Cynthia, could Emi really be blamed for wishing to be like her?