I Told A Little Bird

“Oh, hey there! You must be wondering why I’m like this.”

“Well, it’s a long story, actually.”

“But, I swear to you it’s an interesting one so I hope you listen until the end.”

I paused, waiting for a response.

Well, I’m not really waiting for one.

I wasn’t talking to another person or at least another creature that could hold an intelligent conversation. Instead, I find myself talking to some bird. A sparrow, maybe, guessing from its size. I’m not really sure as it was on top of a tree branch and I couldn’t get a good look at it due to the angle. Although, I’m sure it’s got blue feathers. I saw its colors when it landed on top of the branch so, if anything, I’m talking to a blue bird.

Regardless, I was bored enough to pretend I was talking to a person, which is why I tried waiting for a response. Then, as someone who really wants to tell a story would, I started telling mine to this bird whether it wanted to listen or not.

“So, as you can see, I’m hanging upside-down by this tree and I’m not tied to a rope! Although, I guess, from your point of view, I’m just floating upside-down in mid air. But, trust me, there is some invisible force tying my feet to the branch you are perched on right now so I’m still technically hanging to this tree!”

“Now, you must be wondering ‘how could I be hanging by this tree without a rope?!’” I said the question with a falsetto pretending it was the bird’s voice.

“Well, the answer is magic!” I proudly answered my own question.

“Magic!?” I exclaimed in surprise to pretend it’s the bird’s reaction. “But, magic is a rarity in this world! Only a chosen few have that skill and they’re either employed by the royal court or studying at the academy, both of which are in the capital!”

“Your reaction is expected. I am not surprised you are doubting me. But, that is the truth! How else would I be hanging from a tree without a rope?”

“‘But, who out in the boonies can do magic?’ you ask”, I said still continuing with the bird’s pretend high-pitched voice.

“Good question! Up until yesterday, there was no one who could use magic in this village. But, there was one person who arrived from the capital yesterday and they can use magic. I also happen to know this person as she grew up in this village.”

“Well, don’t leave me in suspense. Who is it?”

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell you, but you wouldn’t believe who it is!”

“Just tell me already!”

“It’s Aria Roseberg!”

“‘Who is that’, you say?”

“I’m not surprised you don’t know her. You look like a young bird so you probably were not even an egg yet when she left the village to study at the capital six years ago.”

“Still, maybe you have heard of her from the other villagers who are the same age as I and older. After all, she has become kind of a big deal since she was invited to study at the capital. No one from our small town has achieved any kind of prestige in recent memory so, of course, she’d be famous among the village folk.”

“But, even before that, she was already relatively well known. She was already able to cast simple spells when she was young so people knew her for that. But, back when we were kids, she was mostly known for being Aria the Crybaby and Aria the Bedwetter.”

“That second one,” I said, chuckling. “She was called that because she didn’t stop wetting the bed until the age of- Ouch!”

I cried out because I felt something hit my chin. I cried out not because of pain, however, but due to surprise. The thing that hit me did not actually hurt. I just did not see it coming towards me, which is why I reflexively said “ouch”.

Upon inspection, to my disgust, it was bird poop. It was disgusting, but not that big of a deal since my line of work deals a lot with nature so I'm used to poop. Besides, I could just wipe it off and that’s exactly what I did.

Not with my hands or my shirt, though. That would be even more disgusting!

There was a basket right below me - rather, from my perspective, above me - on the ground. I wasn’t exactly sure where it came from, but it was already there when I woke up in the morning filled with food and a few bottles of water. It also contained a handkerchief.

Wetting the handkerchief with the water, I was able to clean myself up using it. As I did, however, I can’t help but notice the bird staring at me, almost like a glare. I started thinking that it pooped on me on purpose.

But, that would be silly. It’s a bird for crying out loud!It poops whether there’s someone below them or not!

Anyway, I got a better look at the bird I was talking to and I confirmed that it was, in fact, a sparrow.

As for the basket, if I had to guess, it was Aria who left it there for me. She was the only one who knew I was here by this tree on this hill far from the village. She was the one who brought me here, after all. Not only that, but it used to be our secret spot back when we were kids. It could only be her.

She may have hung me to a tree, but I take solace at the fact that she was not leaving me here for dead. If she did, why would she bring me food? That’s the reason why I don’t feel like my life is in danger right now.

Still, there wasn't much to do while hanging so, once I was done cleaning up, I continued my chat with the bird.

“Now, where was I?” I said to restart the conversation. “Oh, that’s right, Aria and bed- Whoa!”

This time, I managed to see it and dodge. The damned bird actually tried aiming at my face with its poop! Luckily, I saw it with just enough time for me to evade it as the white stuff dropped to the ground just beside Aria’s basket.

I can tell it did it on purpose with its intense glaring at me. I could almost hear its tongue click for missing.

“Alright, I get the message you don’t like the topic”, I said, trying to dismiss the same notions I had earlier after the bird’s act of aggression. It felt silly, really. “So, moving on, now that we’ve established who put me in this situation, I bet you’re now wondering what her motives were.”

“That’s right”, I said, continuing with the falsetto again. “Why did she hang you upside-down?”

“Another good question! But, alas, I do not know the answer to that.”

“Well, do you at least have an idea why?”

“Really, I don’t know. I just met her for the first time in years last night and somehow I got her mad so now I’m here.”

“Think back to what you were doing before you met her, maybe you’ll find something.”

“Wait, who said that?” I asked loudly.

The voice sounded like the falsetto I was talking with for the bird’s parts, but I was not the one who said it.

I looked around but saw no one. It was still just me and the bird as far as I could see.

Hearing no reply, I decided to continue. It was what I was going to say anyway, maybe I mistook it as a disembodied voice due to the blood finally rushing to my head, which interestingly hasn’t happened until now when I’ve been upside-down for more than half a day.

“Anyway, you’re right. I should retrace my steps.”

“So, yesterday, I just returned from a week-long errand to check the beast traps down in the southern forest.”

“Oh, I haven’t mentioned yet, but I’m a hunter. I excel at the hunt, but it’s also my job to make sure there are traps working along the village’s borders so dangerous beasts don’t get too close and cause a ruckus.”

“My situation is funny, isn’t it? Like a hunter caught in his own trap” I lightheartedly commented. “Although, it does happen more often than you think. It even happened to me a few times when I first started out as a hunter.”

“Get on with it!”, I interrupted myself with a falsetto. I imagine this is what the bird would say as I was going off-tangent.

“Right, my apologies. So, yesterday, I was looking to enjoy myself for the first time in a week hence, in the afternoon, I was busying myself trying to ask some of the girls I know if they’d be interested in going out with me for the night.”

“I asked Catherine, my neighbor, but she said she was busy.”

“I asked Mae, the smith’s daughter, but she also said she was busy.”

“Lily the baker also said - well, she didn’t say she was busy for the night, but she had to turn in early because they’ll be busy early in the morning.”

“I tried putting some moves on Shana from the other side of town, but, even with that, she said no.”

“I mean, I don’t get it. I went on a date or two with these girls this year and they said they had a good time, but somehow I couldn’t get a third date out of them. It was the same last year with Mariana, Gretel, Kimbell, W- Whoa!”

I saw it again. This time starting from when the bird points its behind at me until it drops its load.

I evaded it again.

“Oy, I saw that!” I shouted and pointed at the blue sparrow. “The next time you try that, I swear I will pluck all the feathers off of your little body!”

I was not sure if it actually meant to drop its poop on me all three times, but I was beginning to get suspicious, hence the threat. I also was not sure if it understood me, but if it was dropping poop on me on purpose, then I figured it should understand what I just said.

I have an inkling that it’s dropping poop on me when I’m saying something it doesn’t like. Although, I still have no idea what pattern to make out between Aria’s bed wetting and the girls I dated briefly so I could not think of a theme of which to avoid for this shitty bird to not poop on me.

In any case, I continued relating my story to the bird.

“Anyway, I couldn’t get a date, but still wanted to do something to unwind so, when evening came, I went to the pub by myself.”

“Is that where you met the person who can use magic?” I said, still continuing to give lines for the bird even though I already have a bit of a grudge on it.

“No”, I replied to myself. “Well, we did meet there, but not yet.”

“Of course, since it was a pub, the first person I made conversation with was the barkeep, which, at the time, was the owner’s daughter. I didn’t know it was her turn to mind the shop, but I’ve been trying to ask her out lately so I took the opportunity in trying to flirt with her while things were not as busy yet. I even tried asking her out for a picnic the next day, supposedly today. But, as you can see, I’m hanging by a tree instead of enjoying a nice weekend date.”

“So, when does the person who can use magic come into the picture?”

“Patience, my dear bird”, I answered pretentiously to myself. “I am just about to get there.”

“There I was chatting up the barkeep, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, to my surprise, when I asked her out on a date, her response was telling me to talk to the person sitting on the opposite end of the counter. I thought she was testing me, so I assured her I had no intentions of looking at another woman unless she was going to explicitly reject me, but she insisted that I talk to this other person.”

“So, I did. I walked up to this person. I actually wasn’t sure if it was a girl at first since she was wearing a long cloak and she still had her hood up. For all I know, it could be an old person and I was being set up for a joke, so I was surprised to see a really pretty lady when she looked my way.”

“Really? How pretty?”

There was that high-pitched disembodied voice again. I knew this time for sure that it wasn’t me since that was not what I intended to say next, but I ignored it since I was about to describe her anyway.

“Hmm. I’m not sure I can do her justice since her beauty is unparalleled by anyone in the village. Long, silky hair. Beautiful deep blue eyes. Her cherry red lips were irresistible. Plus,  she gave off that mature, dignified vibe.”

“And is she the person who can use magic?” This question was not asked by me again.

“No, actually.”

“What?”

“This person I was describing was probably a traveler, just a normal person. The magic user was in the next seat and I recognized her instantly. I mean, she is my childhood friend, after all. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be telling you about my encounter with a new pretty face.”

“I’m curious, what did you think about your childhood friend when you saw her for the first time in years?” The disembodied voice asked, sounding a bit annoyed.

“Well, considering the nature of our reunion, it’s a bit difficult to think of something positive about her right now. I mean, what kind of girl tells a guy to stop flirting with other girls then tie him upside-down to a tree overnight?”

“Let’s leave that aside for now. What did you think of her looks when you saw her? Did she look prettier? Maybe more mature?”

“I don’t know about maturity, but I guess she looked more grown up. Although, she only seemed to have become taller and had not grown in the right places.”

“WELL I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT!” The sparrow screeched at me.

“Ah! I knew it was you, Aria!”

I was already suspecting that the bird seemed a little too smart. But when those disembodied voices started conversing with me, I began to have more suspicions.

“Aria, get me down from here already! I still have things to prepare for my work tomorrow!”

But, my pleas fell on deaf ears. I was not sure if the blue bird was Aria herself transformed, but whichever the case is, it flew away without speaking to me again.

Meanwhile, all I can do is struggle, squirm and scream Aria’s name.