Chapter 9:
/Paradigm
I am nowhere and yet everywhere at the same time, no sensation to be felt from my body-less consciousness. There is no air for me to float in, and I have no eyes to tell me that I am surrounded by overwhelming darkness, but I am somehow able to sense these things nonetheless. I had always wondered what was beyond death, of what there was waiting for the people who had lived good, fulfilling lives, and of what there was waiting for people like me.
I don't bother to call out for help. As far as I can tell, there's nobody else here with me. I'm all alone, with only my thoughts to keep me company in this void. I had all these expectations of Hell from what Father Damian had described when I still went to Sunday service with him. I imagined scorching flames in all directions, billions of men and women screaming in agony as they writhed and wriggled amongst each other, begging for mercy that they weren't ever going to receive.
And here I am now, questioning whether or not it's actually I who I'm hearing right now.
I suppose I can't say that I've done anything to not deserve this fate. Each death that I've caused is still embedded in my memory, along with the memories that I stole from my victims. I won't lie and say that I've never meant to kill anybody. I've done it voluntarily a handful of times, using the power that I'll never have an explanation to.
I died a murderer. A monster.
And yet, deep down in my nonexistent heart, I can't help but ask why...
Why did I have to die?
With no hesitation, Diatra took my life away from me: the very same life she had sent someone to save. I thought she was supposed to be helping me, so why...?
Why am I like this?
Why was I born the way I am?
Why, why, why, why...
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