Chapter 29 – Three Alcoholics Share a Bath

We went to our usual bathing place. Which just coincidentally happens to be the same a local queen uses. Nothing fancy, meh.

This time she had already started without us. Then again we were here much later today than usual.

She was naked, towel floating near the bottom and a fancy floating tray on the top of the water. Unfortunately the latter was hiding some of the juiciest details. On top of the tray there were two empty glasses, one half-full one and one half-full bottle of familiar red wine.

“Hello there, miss maid!” I shouted to announce our presence.

“Hullo demons!” she half-mumbled.

“Woah, rude!” I joked, “we will join you soon for some soaking.”

She was already mildly inebriated. Her skin flushed red, especially on her cheeks and nose.

Only when we were clean of dust, sweat and blood did we descend the steps of the main bath.

“Wood you like sum wine, demons?” asked the temptress.

“Is that an Alhambra bottle?” asked Elfin in a rather cold tone.

“Yesh.”

“The one master delivered to the Queen’s Chambers? Why do you have it?!” Elfin was fuming.

Well we did break at least one law to get those bottles. She was right to get mad at wrong person obtaining it. Except it ‘was’ the right, intended recipient.

“Wy woodent I hav it?” asked curious maid.

She ‘was’ the queen. This gift was actually meant for her. What a headache.

“Hush dear,” I said to calm her down, “I prefer sweeter beverages. Dear, what about you?”

“Alhambra is fine,” said Elfin without any emotion in her voice.

The queen poured one for my slave and I took the last empty glass. With a sweet wine blend form my inventory I joined the reverie.

I could not help but notice that not a drop of Alhambra fell outside of the glass. Was the queen faking her inebriation?

“Cheers to the Kingdom of Velia!” I raised a toast.

“”Cheers!”” shouted the girls.

After we drank for a bit I asked:

“Okay. Should we assume the queen is agreeing to lease one luxurious room to the Dark Rose Society? Also why are you the one drinking it and not her?”

“I hat to chek it for poyson.”

What a cute little lie.

“And the room?” pressed my half-elf.

“Wan stingy room. Yu kan hav it.”

“Please relay to the queen our most sincere words of gratitude. Which room can we occupy?”

“Pig whatevyr’s ‘mty.”

“Sure, thanks.”

“I hav dy fynix mask!” she said and reached on to the bank behind her.

The red mask we had bought last night was now in her hand. She fumbled trying to put it on. When she finally donned it on, she spoke once again.

“De Fynix mask!”

Phoenix, really? Is it just me or is her mask a tad bit cooler than ours are? We cannot allow that!

“Not phoenix. Little red birdie,” I denied her words.

“Wat?”

“The mask represents a little red birdie species. Not phoenix.”

Well, the identify indeed marks it as “Phoenix Mask”.

“Boolshid!”

“Check it with Identify spell if you do not believe me,” I encouraged her.

Quickly afterwards by using my authority as a God of Thrope I altered the Throne record of this item.

“Wydentyfy!”

Apparently even mispronouncing is enough to invoke this pseudo-skill. Not that the vocal component is needed anyway – we have been using those skills without invocations all the time.

“Imposhible!”

Elfin also muttered “Identify” and gave me a weird look.

A Little Red Birdie Mask

A mask that covers most of the face. It depicts the visage of the mythical species – Little Red Birdie.

“Nothing is impossible,” I replied to the maid slash queen.

“For my demonic master nothing is impossible,” spoke my slave to herself as if disbelieving her own words.

“So, codename Little Red Birdie, is it correct to assume you have intercepted our gift and invitation meant for Her Majesty?”

“Intershept?” she asked in return, while taking another sip, “yesh, I have it.”

“Then provided that you provide us with a decent room I welcome you as the newest member of Dark Rose Society. Feel free to check your status for your new position in the Society. You will now also be able to see our positions in the organization.”

I had it prepared beforehand so it was just a matter of making it visible after one more small tweak.

<Throne System Notice: Administrator Lynx has gained a new special name: Lord Demon >

<Throne System Notice: Administrator Lynx has gained a new special title: Dark Rose Society’s Upper Inner Ring Leader >

<Throne System Notice: Divine Slave Elfin has gained a new special name: Lady Vixen >

<Throne System Notice: Divine Slave Elfin has gained a new special title: Dark Rose Society’s Upper Inner Ring Vice-Leader >

“Status Check!” she shouted, “am I an Underling of the Dark Rose Society? Is it not a kind of a low position?”

She seemed to have sobered up instantly. Was it all just an act? Was talking about authority a thing that interested her so much she would drop all pretenses?

After a two more spell-yells she continued with:

“..and you are the leader and even your slave is a vice-leader!”

Indeed if the Throne was set up to send notifications about others getting titles it would probably go like this:

<Throne System Notice: Totally-not-the Queen of Velia has gained a new special name: Lady Little Red Birdie >

<Throne System Notice: Totally-not-the Queen of Velia has gained a new special title: Dark Rose Society’s Underling >

“Every new member has to start at the bottom rung of the Society,” I patiently explained my scheme.

“How many members does the Society have?” asked the sobered maid.

“Including you?”

“Obviously.”

“Then three,” I answered truthfully.

“Three thousand?”

Hearing problems at her age?

“Just three.”

“Three what?”

She was not giving up. Unfortunately it was not a negotiation.

“Three members.”

Elfin started laughing without an ounce of remorse. She was getting drunk fast unlike the queen.

“Long live the Society!” I raised another toast.

“Long live,” responded her Majesty without any emotion nor cheer in her voice whatsoever. She sipped what remained in her glass.

“Do not worry too much. I am currently tracking a band of necromancers and I already have three suspects. We could put slave collars on them and if everyone of them can raise a single undead than we would have three times three members. That is thrice as many members as we have now,” I joked, while intermixing some truth.

“Ewww,” commented Elfin.

Yeah, maybe I should have not made such a joke in front of her. I need to increase my sensitivity. On the other hand the queen simply grew pale.

“I must be getting quite drunk. Not only have I repeatedly heard the word three, I am also seeing double. Hadn’t miss vice-leader possess only one eye?”

She is quite observant to notice it behind that fox mask. I should be more careful with revealing stuff around her.

“You must be mista..,” I tried to say.

“I did, but my demonic master got it back,” replied Elfin, cutting into my denial.

I facepalmed. Hitting the horns on the mask hurt somewhat.

“Got it back? Healed?” inquired the maid further.

“Yes, healed. Completely. And I can see stuff like souls,” she boasted.

I tried to stop her from spilling the beans by nudging her side. She only squeaked and tried to continue.

“You are drunk. Stop spouting nonsense like that,” I warned her.

“We harvested royals the whole day, yesterday, and scary blood monster miss was so happy with our work she called us to a fancy room.”

“Really,” asked the other ‘drunk’.

“Super long tongue. And fangs like a wolf. But master was scarier. She wanted the blood of this vixen, but master demon was like ‘No, have some royals and shut up!’ ” she shouted.

This is getting out of hand.

“Vixen! You have had too much!”

“Oh no, have some more liquor,” that devil woman denied my words while pouring another glass for my elf.

“Master used me up so much today. I am completely worn down,” she further complained inviting misunderstandings.

“Enough. Do not tempt me to neutralize alcohol in your bloodstreams. Fucking drunks,” I swore.

I have taken the glass from Elfin and put it into storage.

“Where did my wine go?” she said in a daze.

You cannot get this drunk, this vulnerable. The world is full of predators. I wanted to scold her so badly.

“Please excuse us. My slave is wasted.”

“But it was starting to get funny,” said the maid and giggled.

“It makes me wonder whether you are truly inebriated or not, lady Little Red Birdie. It really does. Good night,” I replied before picking Elfin under her arms, “come, my drunken vixen, let me dry you.”

Indeed Elfin was like a piece of silly putty in my hands. I was more than suspecting she had almost no tolerance for alcohol. Dealing with drunks is such an awful experience. I need to find spells for what I threatened those girls today with – neutralizing alcohol.

I dressed up, but left her only in my upper pajamas. We again forgot to buy them. At least I now had spare blankets in storage. I searched the palace complex for an empty room with a large bed.

“We are taking the Lilac Room,” I announced.

The rooms had no numbers, but were conveniently named apart.

I waved at the maid and teleported right inside our new home.

“A demon master? A Demon Lord? Blood monsters? Scary miss might be another Demon Lord. Are they connected with the one sealed below? What could they mean by harvesting royals? Are they dead? Undead? Or on their side? How many Kingdoms have fallen into the hands of the Dark Rose Society so far?” spoke the Queen of Velia, while trying to organize her thoughts and suspicions.

She poured the remainder of Alhambra into her glass and swallowed it in one gulp. For the first time ever in her life she did not take time to savor such an expensive drink properly.

“Master is so warm,” was all she spoke before falling asleep and she was still in my arms while doing that.

I quickly got her off and tucked her under covers of our new bed.

The windows and the door were closed, but the key was nowhere to be found. I searched the surroundings and there it was among its brethren in a key cabinet. I ordered a teleport onto my hand and voila – the room was secured.

I quickly redressed myself in some casual peasant clothing. I had to inform our innkeeper lady we would not show up tonight. She tried to return the lodging fees. I only replied that she could not hope to rent that room at this hour to anyone and promptly ran away.

While running I realized the meager amount of alcohol in my bloodstreams was already gone. I never had a strong poison resistance to ethyl alcohol, but this was way too fast. On the upside I was once again ready for a busy night. Honestly ever since my transmigration I was working waaaay more. Was it because I was now running my own ‘company’?

If I were to give myself an advice it would be to learn delegating tasks to others. Alas I had no one I could delegate them to. Normally I would be stressed out to the max by this situation, but I only felt a slight discomfort about it. Was my broken mind finally maturing?

I licked my filthy teeth. Tonight I will make the teeth cleaning sap. It was disturbing to not be able to take care of dental hygiene for so long. I took out my little alchemist’s lab equipment, but every table in our damned room was quite fancy and meticulously carved. Where would I get an ordinary workbench this late into the night?

I would have to steal one from somewhere, obviously.