Mistakes of Matrimonial Magnitude

When David woke up again, he saw what he thought was a black hole consuming a star, surrounded by a void and staring down at him. Then he noticed there were two of them. Immediately, he attempted to leap out of bed only to hit the ground face first. He was back up in a flash of movement and began backing away with panic filling his dead eyes.

“W-Wait wait wait wait…” He blubbered nervously as he backed up step by step. “You… Me… Devil… Married… What?!?”

Morgan advanced with a large smile, displaying rows of sharpened teeth. It was like gazing at the mouth of a predator. But rather than leaping in for the kill, she leaned in with a squeak of excitement. “I know, isn’t it an honor~?” She declared as she tossed her hair to the side. “A mere mortal getting the chance to marry the beautiful Morgain Morningstar, forever bound to rule Hell as husband and wife!!”

David sunk down and hit the floor. His mind was overflowing with questions. Hell was real? The Devil was real?? The Devil was a woman??? HE MARRIED HER??? He raced through every idea he could in order to try and rationalize everything. In the end, he could only come to one conclusion that made sense to him. In a desperate effort to prove it correct, he began to pinch himself all over his arms. When nothing changed, he began to slap himself frantically.

Morgan let out a shocked gasp and moved closer towards him. “Oh no! Dear husband, are the imps controlling you?!? I shall purge them!!”

Her hands became ablaze with a purple flame that nearly set the bed on fire. As soon as David saw this, he stopped his slaps and held his hands out. “No no no! I’m just… Ch-Checking to make sure I’m awake.”

“Ah. I see.” Her hands extinguished themselves as she chuckled and reached out to caress his cheek. “I suppose it makes sense. After all, not many can quite stack up to the majesty that is myself!”

She laughed to herself, and David could only flinch as she gently rubbed his face. Her hands were like silk across his skin and still reeked of lingering brimstone. Something in his chest tightened, and he didn’t know what. All he did know was that he wanted to run away, and fast. He calculated every path he could as an escape. He even considered leaping off the balcony in hopes of landing on a person to break his fall.

Before he could execute his escape, Morgan quickly threw his shirt at him and walked to the door. “Now, come. We must prepare for our wedding!”

“W-Well, hey! Wait!” David held out his hand, a quivering smile across his face. “H-How do you know that I was the one who… You know… Proposed? I-I mean, if you proposed to me, I couldn’t be…”

His words died in his mouth as he saw her looming gaze and immediately closed his mouth, expecting to be sent right to hell. He shut his eyes tight and braced for an impact that never came. Rather than being torn apart by her sharp, black nails, she slowly pressed one of them on his forehead. It felt like a needle pressing against the skin slightly. Suddenly, a flash of red light filled his eyes as he remembered exactly what happened…

~~~

“L-Lookit me!! All this work an’ fer what?? Just drinkin’ til I die!!” David hiccuped, rubbing his face as tears welled up in his eyes. “They… They pushed me… Shooo much… Didn’t even get to…” His expression became blank as he stared down the street. “I didn’t even get to have a serious relationship…” Tears slowly ran down his face as he remembered everything that had happened. How he ignored his ex, yelled at his best friend, pushed everyone away, and the fight. The fight that broke him. It all came rushing at him, and all he could do was cover his face and cry as the pain struck him in the chest. In this state, even the Devil couldn’t help but get teary-eyed. She reached out and gently pulled him into a warm embrace, firm yet reassuring.

“Do not cry, David. You have that which every human could desire. Wealth. Is that not something to admire?” She slowly looked back and stared deep into his shimmering emerald eyes.

“Nod without… Shomeone to share with…” He slowly moved his head away from her stare. His voice was quiet and shaky, mixing with his drunken slurring. He gently rubbed his tears away from his face, staining his sleeve with beer-scented saliva. “All this shid… And I’m alone…”

“I… I suppose I understand…” Morgan muttered, looking down at her own feet as she sighed. “I was one of seven who could have taken my father’s place… I worked day and night for so long, and when I claimed it… And in the end I am left with heartache and solitude…”

David nodded solemnly, his body escaping her embrace and landing against the window of a shop whose lights shone down on him. “I guezz… We’re the shame…”

She chuckled and took a step toward the drunken programmer. “I suppose you are correct, in some sense. Although, I truly wish you could know my true self.”

“W-Well, wha’z stoppin’ ya…?” He slowly looked up at her while resting his head against the glass.

Morgan nervously looked away, fidgeting in place while gripping her fingers. “Well… I know that if you saw what I truly was… You’ll flee…”

David’s hands reached out, grabbing her hands and holding them. They were soft and gentle, the hands of a maiden despite her height. As his fingers locked with hers, his eyes focused momentarily as he moved closer. “L-Listen… I-I shwear wit’ all my heart, I won’t -hic!- a-abandon you… U-Us workhorshesh gotta shtick togethah, yeah…?”

For the first time in a long time, Morgan was stunned. The bold affection of this mortal filled her heart. Her pale turned a bright pink as her hands trembled. W-What is… What is going on?!? She thought to herself. I-I’m the Queen of Hell! T-This shouldn’t… Shouldn’t… Her thoughts were silenced by a soft, tender kiss that felt like an eternity. Although the kiss tasted of cheap beer, her heart raced, her mind became a whirlwind of emotion, and her arms wrapped around his waist, picking him up to savor the kiss.

When their kiss finally broke, David was slowly set down. Damn lights, he thought, shielding his eyes with his arm. So annoying. He turned to see what was causing his headache and found a neon sign reading 24-7 Pawn. Suddenly, his mind swimming with booze gave him an idea.

He took slow, staggering steps towards the door, trying his best to reach it on his own. When Morgan tried following him, arms outstretched to catch him, he turned and motioned with a hand extended. “W-Waid here,” he muttered, turning and stepping into the shop. He was in there for what seemed like forever, Morgan watching the door with intense curiosity as the warm, night air made her hair fly like a flag. When David finally returned, he was clutching some kind of box in his hand. He took careful step after step, making sure to hide the object. When he was at arm's length, he stopped and spoke.

“M-Morgan… I think yer sho special… A-And I don’ wan’ ya tuh go on-hic!- a-alone… I wanna… Wanna shpend all time wit’ ya… G-Geddin’ tah know ya… Sho…” He slowly pulled out the box, opening it to reveal a ring of gold and silver, with a diamond shining in the middle. “W-Will you marry me?”

Morgan gasped and covered her mouth. In all her life, nothing like this ever happened to her. No one, mortal or demon ever had the boldness to even attempt such an act. Her heart practically shot out of her chest as the whirlwind of emotion made her head spin. Instead of fainting, she grabbed David’s wrist and pulled him into a tight hug. “Yes! Yes yes yes, a million times yes! Oh, you’ve made me so happy!”

The programmer gave a slight, drunken smile, staring at the buildings lit up across the street as he slowly passed out.

~~~

Back in reality, David’s eye twitched ever so slightly. He felt like the biggest idiot in the world but kept quiet the whole time. “Oh… Right. Yeah, I uhh… Think that solves it. I proposed!”

“Indeed! And this means that we must start preparing right away, so get changed, husband!” Morgan spoke, a cheerful tone mixed into her elegant voice.

“H-Hold on!” David raised his voice, looking at his shirt. “I just… I need to wash my shirt.” He held out his work shirt, a white button-up shirt with wrinkles spread across every inch along with beer and spit stains.

“Aha! Not an issue!” Swiping the shirt, the queen of Hell laid it out on the bed nice and straight and pointed her finger down at it with her index finger. Taking a breath, she turned her head towards her new husband. “Cover your ears, my beloved.” Once David complied, she turned back to the shirt and began to speak in a dialect that David could only describe as incomprehensible. Even with his ears covered, David could catch sounds of it. A purple ring formed and hovered over the shirt, filling with symbols and imagery of animals. Finally, in a flash of light, the incantation was completed.

David slowly stood up and looked at his shirt. It had been completely cleaned of all the stains and grime and was completely devoid of wrinkles. It even had a warm feel on it, as it had just come off the ironing board. He looked up at her as he held it. “Wow… All that showmanship for a… Shirt cleaning spell?”

Morgan let out a laugh, smacking David’s back hard enough to leave a red handprint on it. “Oh please. That’s just a little trick the maids taught me. Now your shirt will never be dirty again! Although,” she smiled coyly. “If you wanna see a real trick, I could send forth a meteor to smash your horrid workplace!”

“No! No no no no!” David waved his arms rapidly. “That is not necessary! L-Let’s go instead! Go shopping for wedding things, yeah!”

“Oh yes! I couldn’t agree with you more! This will be SO exciting!!” She walked out with a spring in her step, David’s body feeling more tired than ever as he passed by hotel goers and staff babbling helplessly on the floor.

~~~

Walking through the busy city streets with a woman as tall and as beautiful as Morgan (at least, in her human disguise) definitely made David stand out more. He was not a fan of it, having preferred his anonymity through plain features. Being noticed wasn’t the main focus of his concerns though. He quietly made his way up the streets of his home city of Sandy Bay, a cool ocean breeze softly hitting them and filling the air with a pleasant, oceanic scent. It did little to calm his nerves, so he decided to break the ice.

“So, you just rule Hell, huh? Is that… Interesting?” His tone was awkward, wishing he put more thought into what he said.

“It is not simply ruling Hell, my husband. We also have a very large number of investments across the world to keep track of, along with ensuring that enough sin is produced.”

David nodded, gripping the lining in his pocket. “You can call me David, Morgan. That is my name.”

She nodded, looking down at him. “Very well, David. I shall call you by such, just as you may call me Morgan rather than Morgain. I simply wish that my love for you be present.”

David smiled awkwardly. “Oh, believe me. I know.” He continued to walk with her until they reached a street different from the rest. Lining the sides were a number of shops ranging from tech stands, toy stores, appliance shops, and the reason he took her there, clothing boutiques. Topping it all was a sign hanging from an arch reading Welcome to Sandy Bay Shopping District!

“Hus-” She caught herself, taking a breath. “David, why are we in such a place?”

“W-Well, I checked the money I received from my bonus, and aside from the money I spent on… You know…" He motioned to the ring. "I realize that I have some money left over. So, I thought about perhaps getting you a new wardrobe. My treat.”

The giantess gasped and held her face with both hands, her eyes practically alight with a fuschia glow. “Oh, my sweet, loving husband! Throwing wealth away just for the sake of me! You are truly a loving man~”

As she picked him up like a rag doll and pulled him into a kiss, all David could think about was how he was sacrificing his hush money until he could come up with a plan to escape. She held his hand tightly, walking from shop to shop as they looked at all sorts of dresses, shirts, and anything they could find. Somehow, whenever they found something she wanted, they would always have a size for her. The employees were baffled, but the magic lingering on Morgan’s finger clued him in on what had happened. In every store, he tried to find an exit and escape, but none provided him the opportunity. Then, he staggered backward as Morgan froze in place. Her eyes focused on a store by the name of The Devil’s Den that David always walked passed, her eyes filled with a mix of frustration and excitement.

“This… This is blasphemy…” She mumbled, shaking and staring at the leather clothing, Wiccan books, and an assortment of very goth piercings. “I LOVE IT!!”

David’s eyes sharpened, quickly composing himself with a smile. “Oh yeah? Here.” She handed a large wad of money, grabbing a few of the dollars. “Here. Go enjoy yourself in there. I’m going to go look for churros. I know there’s an old stand around here somewhere.”

“Are you sure, my love? I don’t wish to abandon you.”

“Morgan, trust me. Nothing bad is going to happen. I’ve been around her a lot growing up.”

She nodded and turned around, letting out the squeal of a girl finding a toy she loved and running in. As soon as she turned her back, David bolted away, moving his body as fast as he could. He tried to find a place to hide, a place to be safe. Okay okay, he thought as he looked around. I could hide at home, but she might be able to find me. I could go back to work, but what if she knows because of last night?? Wait! A church! I’ll just hide in a church forever and work there until I di-FUCK!!

Before he could even finish the thought, he felt a hand grab at his throat, dragging him into an alley and pinning him against a brick wall. He struggled, clawing at the hand only to find a golden sword surrounded by a bright orange flame pointed right at his face. This stopped any escape attempt and instead, he focused on who was squeezing his larynx into paste. What he found were two women, both in what could only be described as white suits belonging to government agents. The one crushing his windpipe had hard dark brown hair and rage-filled eyes, scars lining her face, whereas the one tugging on the sword-wielding angel’s arm had short, blonde wavy hair and kinder, gentler eyes.

“Do not move, mortal! Try any of those cheap fighting techniques and I’ll ensure you are cast down!”

“Bethany! You promised!”

“He was going to escape! We cannot let him!”

“Bethany, release him this instant!” The blonde said, stomping her foot.

Bethany glared at her partner and complied, releasing David but keeping her sword focused on him. “Attempt escape and be cut down, mortal. I shan’t hesitate.”

David could only sit on the hard street, clutching his neck as he leaned against the brick wall. It took him a few minutes to catch his breath. “W-What the FUCK!!”

The blonde sighed, kneeling down. “Apologies, human. You were about to make a grave error, and we had to stop you.” She reached out to him, taking his hand and helping him up. “I am Gabriela, and this is my partner Bethany. We are angels sent from heaven.”

“Oh, okay…” David said, rubbing his throat and coughing. “Question. Whatever happened to ‘Be not afraid’?? You damn near choked me to death!”

“Once again, we are sorry. But we have come to tell you that what you are doing is a mistake.”

“Mistake? Oh… You mean…” David sighed, hunching over. “L-Look, don’t worry. I’m going to find a church, somewhere she can’t get to.” There won’t be any trouble, so please, don’t have God send me to Hell-”

“Oh, we didn’t mean marrying her was the mistake.”

“... What?”

Bethany rolled her eyes, pointing her sword closer. “We are here to ensure you both DO get married!”

David’s face expressed nothing but pure shock, his heart feeling like it was about to explode. Seeing his inner turmoil, Gabriela spoke. “Allow me to explain. During your conversation with her, we overheard how she was planning on starting Armageddon soon.”

“Wait, she didn’t say anything like-” That was when David stopped himself, staring forward. His memory was a tad spotty of the bar, but he recalled one line during their drinking contest.

My father simply has me at the head so that I can go to war with HIS father. At this point, I have little choice BUT to do that…

“... Shit.”

“Shit indeed,” Gabriela sighed. “That isn’t the worst part. The truth is…” She hesitated and looked away. “While it seems like we are always prepared, the truth-”

“We aren’t even close,” Bethany said bluntly, causing Gabriela to bury her face in her hands. “Our forces are too small and we would be too reliant on God.”

“Ohhh my god…” David muttered, sitting there as he stared forward, recalling the numerous bible studies he had to go to proclaiming that God’s forces would slay the demon horde. “My childhood was full of lies.”

Gabriela looked down upon David, keeping her composure through it all. “That is why you must continue with the marriage. Delay it for as long as you can, and give us time to build up our forces. If you can stop it altogether, that would be a greater result.”

David looked down at his hands. He had no out in this. If he tried to escape, not only would he be hunted down by the Devil, but he could invariably start the end of the world. It felt like the weight he previously had just become ten times as heavy, slumping forward.

“Be not afraid, mortal,” Gabriela spoke in a hopeful, ethereal voice. “For we shall be watching over, ready to protect you at a moment’s notice.”

“Yeah, a bit too late for that line…” David muttered, his head slamming against the wall. He winced in pain and rubbed it, grumbling to himself.

All Gabriela could do was sigh. “Well, I tried. We must go now, and we will be watching.” They turned to leave, but the blonde stopped for a moment, turning to David as she pulled something from her coat.

“Oh, and David?”

“What-??” He was silenced as he saw a golden pistol aimed right at his head, the kind eyes and smile of the angel becoming hollow and cruel.

“If you fail at this task, and Armageddon occurs, you will not need to worry about being dragged to Hell…” She opened her eyes a bit more, focused on David’s. “Because we’ll send you to oblivion…”

All David could do was whimper and shake in place as she slipped the pistol back in her coat and followed Bethany into the crowd, where they both vanished. He fell to his knees as a marionette with cut strings would. He wasn’t sure whether to faint, vomit, or scream. All he could do from there was pick himself up and walk back to The Devil’s Den.

When he returned, he saw Morgan strutting out in high heel boots with straps along the top, pierced ears, a black tank top and skirt, and shopping bags full of clothes. Spotting David, she walked over with a big smile on her face. “Such an afront to Hell… It was marvelous~” She giggled and looked at her husband, who had a mile-long stare. “David, dear, where are these… Churros you spoke of?”

“Huh?” He looked up, blinking slowly. “Oh uhhh… I couldn’t find it. Sorry.”

“Oh, is that it?” She pointed to a nearby stand with CHURROS painted on it, one that had the delightful smell of cinnamon and sugar wafting from it. “You are so lucky to have someone as perceptive as I~”

“Yeah… Lucky…” He muttered, taking her heavy bags as they walked to the stand. David had felt dead before thanks to his job. Now, the weight of Armaggedon and marriage to Lucifer’s daughter created a new sensation of death.