First Day - Morning

My eyes opened at 5:43 A.M. Like how a dog somehow senses an earthquake seconds before it happens, I awoke well before my alarm was set to go off. Brushing away the normal morning thoughts of lamenting how tired I felt, my brain instantly reminded me that today was the first day of high school. 

Ever since the end of eighth grade--actually well before then--a fixation had taken place in my mind about the mythical "high school." Reinforced by my surrounding culture, firsthand anecdotes, and some truth, the high school experience had taken on another level in my imagination which would ultimately lead to me becoming (and everyone realizing that I am) the coolest fucking person in the world. Friends, parties, sports success, and girls were all waiting for me and this was obvious as it is what I had watched on TV, talked about with my friends, and was pressed upon me by previous generations of American public school attendees. 

The weight of this vision had carried me into an undeniably childish state of rabid excitement and anxious anxiety. I showered and styled my hair as someone who is destined for being popular would do and nonchalantly ate a French toast breakfast prepared by my mom.

My older brother and I sat in a meditative silence illuminated by the light of a television playing recorded cartoons as I looked past the screen and towards my day. 

"OK, are you guys ready?" asked my mom to my brother and I.

I ran to the bathroom in answer, taking a short but deep look into the mirror to reinforce the idea that I was ready. But the mirror looked back at me. It showed me an overweight, braces wearing boy who was way too nervous and unattractive to be popular. 

"That's right" I thought, "how could I forget?" 

I met my own eyes in the mirror and decided to not allow myself to stand there for long.

Moments later I slammed the car door and we jolted into action as my mom backed out of the garage, allowing for a September sunrise to filter into everything that would allow it's touch. My thoughts raced as my mom listened to a morning radio program which insulted my ears with scripted laughter and jokes about celebrities. I glanced at my seated brother, Zach, for some kind of relief to my nervous suffering as he had been in my shoes before. And there sat Zach, earbuds in and a finger up his nose in response to my worrisome queries, departing me with wisdom like Moses found on Mt. Sinai and Buddha under the Bo tree. 

Before I had enough time to reflect on this wisdom, my mom pulled up to the curb where across from it stood South Lake High School. Between the "Good luck!" from my mom and the hurried grunt from my brother I departed with a suave "later" and positioned myself for a charge into school.

I had much to consider for this 100 foot long trek as my path matched that of the streaming student body who were exiting their buses and parked cars; that meant my walk had to project everything I want to be seen as because I would certainly be examined by all those who entered the school. 

I thought deeply as I began my walk, adjusting my body in accordance. 

"Slide the strap down, Lucas. Okay, now don't fucking run here, you're too cool to have anywhere to go. Not bad. Now you just have to look slightly down to show everyone you're the cool kind of depressed. There we go." 

My confidence skyrocketed as I could swear that I heard voices discussing how fucking cool I looked and how I probably was going to be the student body president and how I was absolutely going to date the hottest girl. 

The stride which had taken form was framed by the American flag which had been raised high in the air on a rusted, erect flag pole and the collective noise emitted from the fast moving stream of students who were walking to their first class, releasing a summer's worth of stories and feelings.

In the chaos of this scene I walked through one of six doors into the large building and began my first day.