I Lied To You (And Here's Why)

I lied to you again. And I shouldn’t lie to you, it could really damage the trust we’ve built up. We all have our reasons, right? I wouldn’t hold it against you if you lied to me, provided you had a good reason.

What was the lie? I’m getting to that. Have some faith in me, brother. I want to get my explanation out of the way first so that my lie will be more understandable. After that we can get to my exploits with Hachitama, I assure you it will be worth the wait.

Shortly after we first met, I told you that I wanted a ‘moon first’. At the time, I didn’t elaborate on it because I was saving it for now. I want to be remembered. Since the time I conceived my first thought, I knew I was special. My first word was ‘Melo’ and my first steps were backward. ‘Inevitable’ is my middle name.

My being special does not, however, necessitate my being remembered. Recall the greatest meal you’ve ever eaten. Do you remember the name of the chef? Did you even see their face? I’m willing to bet you didn’t even ask who they were. And the chef is lucky in the grand scheme, at least people are eating their food. Every single day, another great artist dies without a single person knowing their name. People won’t recognize greatness unless it’s sold with a compelling narrative.

This is where we get to my lie. Up until now, I’ve given you the impression I was telling you a story leading up to the present, and that we would continue when we reached it. This isn’t entirely false, but it is nowhere near entirely true. I am much further along in my journey than I have previously led you to believe.

I am shouting this story at you from its end. The lie of the previous scene in the club room was sold to you because I thought it was more compelling to be told that way. Perhaps I have cost myself in the long run by betraying your trust, but an unread story is worth less than a poorly told one.

With this new usual understanding that almost all of the events in this story have already transpired, that the present moment we are building up to is still yet to come, we can continue.

Clarity ***’s

So I had given myself a week to fulfil the dream of Mahou Hachitama. I hadn’t given great consideration to how I would go about it but I figured it couldn’t be too hard. After all, she was a woman like any other with dreams like any other woman. That’s what I thought anyway.

I’ve always been a fan of the direct approach anyway, so when I saw her taking out her bento during lunch break, I made my move.

“Hey,” I said, as I pulled a loose chair up to her desk, “I’m Melo, the guy from yesterday who’s going to fulfil your dreams.”

“Yes.”

I waited for a second for her to say something else, but she didn’t. This was a problem. The best way to obtain info on a target, in my experience, is to let them speak. If there’s one thing women love doing, it’s speaking until you want to rip your ears off.

“And you’re okay with me doing that? Helping you with your dream I mean.”

“Yes - Definitely.”

“Good. Great. Fantastic. Then it’d be a good idea to get to know each other, do some proper introductions.”

“Without a doubt.”

Again, I waited for her to elaborate but she once again refused. I’ve seen her type before, timid, shy. Even when you expressed interest in them, they found it hard to open up. It was almost as if a part of them could sense that I was wearing a mask. That’s what made shy girls so much fun, the challenge was in convincing them that you meant no harm. When the prey is at the height of relaxation, it too is at the height of tenderness.

“Well, I think we could both do with knowing the other’s name. You already know mine, and I’m sure yours sounds just as beautiful.”

“Very doubtful.”

“Girls as pretty as you shouldn’t have such low self-esteem, haha.”

The only response I received was a vacant stare. At that moment I became cognizant of the fact she had not once blinked during the entire conversation to that stage. She was trying to unnerve me. The gall. I decided to go for a more direct approach.

“Why won’t you tell me your name, did I do something wrong?”

“Better not tell you now.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Concentrate and ask again.”

“Listen here you little slut-” I managed to catch myself before I flew off into a full tirade but all of my new classmates were already staring at me in anticipation. Thankfully, I had gotten so caught up in the moment, I had inadvertently insulted her in English. I knew I had to keep my cool if I wanted to achieve my goals, so I instituted some expert damage control.

“Don’t worry guys, we were just engaging in a spot of traditional western banter. Go back to eating your raw fish or whatever it is you do.”

Everyone turned away after that one. I’ve always been great at deescalating tense situations, and it seemed that skill had crossed the language barrier.

“OK, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I would like to know your name, please.” I say through gritted teeth.

Hachitama stared into my eyes so long that she must’ve peered briefly into the mind of God, but eventually she gave me a response. Of sorts. Reaching into her desk she pulled out a name tag and handed it to me.

八玉 魔法 (Hachitama Mahou). I was thankful for the furigana that sounded out her name. Not that I couldn’t read the kanji, I could. It was just that the Japanese textbook I had read once on the plane ride over didn’t have an extensive section on kanji, so I wasn’t as comfortable with them as the rest of the language.

“Thank you for telling me your name, Hachitama-san. It’s every bit as beautiful as I expected it to be.”

This was a monumental win. I hadn’t had to flex my expertise to this extent in quite a while, but I had proved to myself that Melo Moonwalker still had the moves. I know now that Japanese girls provide their own unique challenges and win conditions, but before this conversation, I had naively assumed that they were no different from your garden variety white girls.

With my confidence doubled and my libido soaring, I moved on to my second question.

“So, Hachitama-san, what exactly is your dream?”

“Reply hazy, try again.”

“Alright, I didn’t come to Japan to listen to some blonde-haired bit-”

That day, I was forcibly removed from class by the faculty.