soft wind

One bright morning in the middle of tokyo, a small average family’s life changed forever. It was an average day in the Tanaka household, father was off to work with just mother, kai and me Yami at home. Mom was sleeping on the couch, I was so hungry but i didn’t want to wake her. I turned on the stove and began to cook something random, I cant even remember now what it was. What i didn’t know then was i was making the biggest mistake of my life, I never turned that stove off. Kai was upstairs in his room probably playing video games like he always was. I went outside to eat, that old house was just too damn stuffy. I was eating my food when the sudden smell of smoke filled my nose. I thought nothing of it, someone must be burning leave or something I thought. I had finished my food and turned to go back inside, but when I looked into that glass sliding door and all I saw was smoke a type of fear I had never knew existed filled my body. Most of this is a blur, pure adrenaline took over. What I do remember was waking up mom she ran with me outside. She looked me in the eyes and asked if i was okay. The sudden flow of tears rushed out of my eyes. Why would she ask me if i was okay? This was all my fault. I couldn’t speak, all I could think about is what I had done. She kept asking me over and over if I was okay. All i could think about now was Kai, he wasn’t with us. I frantically began looking around seeing if he was outside somewhere. I began screaming his name, and headed for that same glass door. Mom stopped me. “You’re not going back in there” she said in a voice i had never heard her use before. It was stern and scary, but also very caring and afraid. She opened the door and told me she would be right back. She never came back. I waited and waited, but nothing. No Kai. No mom. All I could do was cry and tremble in fear, as I waited for some type of sign. I began to hear running and screaming. I peeked up and ran to the door. Screaming “MOM, KAI?”, over and over. No answer. Again i would repeat myself. When finally I heard “Yami….help me..”. It was Kai I called out to him again, “KAI, WHERE ARE YOU”.  My heart beating fast than it ever had before. Kai kept saying my name. Sometimes now when my head is empty, those soft and shaky “yami..”’s eco in my head. I kept calling out to him for what felt like an eternity. Kai finally came limping out of the doorway. He was alone and hurt. Covered in ash and smoke, in a high raspy voice he said, “where is mom..?” while falling to the ground. Where was mom? I could hear sirens close in the distance. My heart sunk deep into my chest that day and never rose back up. I yelled for mom until my voice gave out. The firemen and police arrived, with paramedics coming shortly after. I was frozen. Kai’s leg had been broken from a fall down the stairs, and mom was still missing. But me?, I was perfectly fine. Why? Why was I okay? These questions of mine would never be answered. After what felt like years, they were able to put the fire out. Our cute 2 story house, was completely destroyed. From the ambulance under the warmth of a blanket I could hear a firemen shout. “WE FOUND HER”. Instantly I began to sob, along with Kai. Dad still hadn’t shown up. More and more firemen rushed into the house, but when they exited the energy I felt instantly told me what happened. Mom was dead. Rolling her body out in that black bag, on that shiny silver stretcher, will be a vivid memory for the rest of my life. I had no more tears left in my body. Why mom? Why did she have to stop me? I could have saved Kai. That should be me not her. All these thoughts coursing through my head, while watching them take her out of the house crushed the little amount of my soul I had left. It was all my fault. Dad finally arrived in his black business suit, along with his signature stripped tie. He was screaming at the police officers, demanding to know what happened. When he saw Kai and me, but no mom the look of anger on his face instantly changed. The kind and loving father I had know all my life, suddenly looked like a completely different person. His face looked confused and sad, but also had a distinct look of loneliness and reminded me of a lost child. He turned his head from me and kai and saw the stretcher where mom was. He began to cry and ran over to the firemen that were pulling her away. That was the first time I had ever seen my dad cry. The police took me and dad to the station for questioning. I told them everything, when my brother and father found out they never looked at me the same. Kai was in the hospital for a couple days for his leg, he refused to talk to me or even let me in her room. Dad tried to act like he was fine, but i could feel his resentment for me. There was nothing left in the house, everything was burnt to the ground. All our family pictures, and treasured memories, gone in and instant. We had moms funeral shortly after kai got out of the hospital. Seeing how many people were influenced by her death hurt me even more.  And just when I thought I had felt everything, the sadness just pilled on. If it was me, not nearly as many people would be this sad. Tokyo was expensive, we couldn’t afford to buy another house there. My grandmother lived in takayama, we had to move in with her until we bought our own place. Saying goodbye to the little friends I had in tokyo was easy, but saying goodbye to the city mom cherished so dearly was the hard part. It was still summer break so I was completely alone when we got to grandmas. Dad got settled into his new job at a small office ferm, and kai was always out with the neighborhood kids. I stayed in my room most of the time, when i wasn’t there i was talking to grandma and helping her around the house. It wasn’t easy shifting from my old life to this new one. I kept to myself and barely ever saw dad and kai. I knew they blamed me for what happened, seeing their faces just reminded me of all the pain and fear i felt that day. Maybe them seeing mine made them feel the same way. All I wanted to do was draw. I found a sort of comfort in it that i couldn’t get from anything else. I always thought of mom when I began to draw. I thought of the smile it would put on her face if she was here to see it. I would think of the excitement she would get from knowing her only daughter found something she loved. Anytime i drew i would have my window open. I believed if i did that mom would always be with me through the wind. The nice summer breezy was moms way of telling me she was there with me. Time and time went on and summer was coming to an end. Soon I would have to start school at Itten high. My first year at school without my mom there by my side. I was overwhelmingly nervous. But I tried to think of that nice summer breeze, so mom was always in my mind. Weren’t you mom?