All-Out Assassin

Fordiyurta Academy. A high school that was just like any other high school you see in Japanese media (and by media, I mean every single school life anime). 9 years ago, from Lia’s attendance, the academy was shut down due to lack of new attendants. However, just three years after closure, a new director was appointed, and a new school constitution was written. The number of students applying jumped twice the amount, and the school was re-opened, and renovated.

With new renovations, new amenities were created. The school dormitories were built for students to live on. Yeah, you knew this was coming. You can’t have a perfect school life without having students be 2 seconds away from each other after class. There is social media and messaging to do the exact same thing online, but still, these dormitories were created on purpose to go along with the assassination game. The assassination game goes on 24/7, so going after anyone during any time of day is fair game.

Zoning restrictions exist however. The other important renovation is the large fence surrounding the campus. The gates have guards posted, where students need to present identification, and have temporal confiscation of assassin equipment if leaving, and bag checks when entering. I think the reason for this should be really obvious, unless you’ve never visited an airport. Suffice to say, the assassination game is not permitted off campus. I could’ve just said that, but I want you to have a better mental picture so things don’t get confusing later.

The interior of the school is mostly normal. Lockers, hallways, classrooms, you should know what this looks like already, I’m not going to explain it in detail. However, with enough merits, students have access to study rooms so fanciful and luxurious, it really makes you question if people are even studying there. Additionally, there are separate libraries, cafeterias, and computer rooms that can only be accessed based on the student’s merits. And of course, bathrooms have this same treatment. Sick of getting naked in a communal bathroom with shitty toilets that somehow get piss on their seats every single time? You better start racking up those merits.

The last unique feature of the school is the assassination department. Students will need to scan in their ID to enter. Once a student is inside, they have complete immunity from assassination. By that, I mean this is where security is tight, and you get tackled by a bunch of buff guards if you attempt to shoot people here. Students will report on victims they shot. This can be proven by cameras from every corner of the school which can detect your paintball color, scanning entrances around the school, or having the victim report to the department directly. This system also allows convenience so students don’t have to report every single time if they already know the next target. Perjury will immediately treat the student as out of the game for the assassination period.

Now that you’ve got your infodump that could’ve been explained with a simple picture of a map with labels, let’s see how our lovable protagonist Lia is doing right outside the aforementioned department.

“Wow, this fucking sucks. How do I beat these losers at my own game?” questioned the lovable Lia.

“Hey, are you Lia Haruwada?”

“Oh shit!” Yelled Lia as she nut-kicked the very first student to talk to her.

“I gotta get the fuck out of here. These people are going for the classic scam!”

Lia shoved students left and right until she made it to a quiet corner.

“Alright, my own assassin was spotted. So I just gotta watch out for, um… Damn it, I forget what he looks like already. I can’t even wait out until he gets shot.”

Lia paced around while scrambling her victim card. The silence in the hall turned into slightly audible evil laughter out of earshot.

“Who cares about him. I already have a plan. Just locate and get everyone at their most inconvenient times.”

All morning, that’s what Lia did. During classes, while the teachers we lecturing.

“So we’re not having a lecture today, but going over the-”

“KNOCK KNOCK!”, went the sound of the door obstructing Lia.

“Hey, I’m sorry for being late. Let me in.”

“I don’t recognize you on my attendance sheet.”

“I know, but little Mito does.”

“Bang!” goes the Lia’s paintball gun squared at Mito’s groin.

“How the fuck did you know my size?” asked an anguished Mito, before setting into extreme genitalia impact.

Speaking of which Lia of course goes after those involuntarily interrupted in confined spaces.

“I know my target Miyuki is in the stall next to me. I’ll catch her by surprised once she steps out and be like ‘time to wash your, um…’ I’ll probably think of something clever when she’s out.”

Five minutes later.

“Fuck it. SURPRISE!” Lia yelled as she hopped and leaned over the toilet stall peripheral, shooting a defecating Miyuki.

“Aw, you fucker, MY PHONE FELL IN THE TOILET!”

“How about do it some place where you aren’t occupying someone’s time for pooping,” says Lia, leaving the only handicapped stall.

This strategy was so perfect, Lia continued up until lunch time.

“Got ya, Hiroshi!” Yelled Lia, shooting yet another paintball at an unsuspecting victim.

“Agh! Already!?” responded the sobbing crybaby Hiroshi.

“Yeah, suck it up and give me your victim card. I didn’t need to ask my previous victims, so gimme gimme.”

“S-Sorry! H-Here, miss!”

“That would be Miss Lia.”

“I didn’t even know your name, sorry. *Sob*”

“You better remember it, because I’ll be the number one assassin in this school.”

“Hey, hey! You can’t say that!”

“You’re lucky I didn’t tell you to quit pissing yourself, so you don’t have the god damn right to tell me not what to say.”

“Well can I quit pissing my pants now? A-anyway, you can’t declare yourself the best. You clearly don’t know The Tower.”

“We only give nicknames to weirdos that I want to bully. Bring me to them so I can kick their ass.”

Lia followed the timid boy, who for some reason, knew exactly where to go. Lia will soon learn there is a dreadful reason from this fateful visit.

Sitting by the window in a hallway, there sat a girl who was clearly ready to cause mischief. She had two braided pigtails that are a bit rough around the ends. Her face leered at the two of us, but showed no contortion in her expression. Hiroshi enters “The Tower” for me.

“Tower, s-someone wants to meet you.”

“What the fuck is the Tower?” snapped the girl.

“Th-that’s your nickname, you told me to call you that.”

“I make up shit all the time, don’t pelt it back at me. So, you, get over here, ‘cause you’re not worth my time getting up for.”

“Is it because you’re a lazy piece of shit who can’t fight, or are you actually a tower of shit trying to maintain composure?” Lia cleverly responded.

“Lia, you can’t say that to the Tower! She is, no doubt, the greatest assassin the in the entire school.” Hiroshi turned to the Tower. “I am so sorry Tower. Should I escort her away?”

The braided girl slowly put her hand to her face and groaned.

“Forget the whole Tower bullshit, and quit the maid service. My name is Yaka. And, what does this girl even want?”

“Lia wants to meet the best assassin in this whole school,” Hiroshi responded. “She said she wants to be the best assassin in the school, b-but of course I know only you can hold that position,” continued Hiroshi, as he literally made out with the shoes of Yaka.

“Get the FUCK off of me, I’m not a God damn Goddess” Yaka turned to Lia. “Well, get a good look at the one and only Yaka.”

Yaka got up and did a twirl, and did a few embarrassing poses to the two of them. “Are we done now?”

“Now I know who is the annoying popular girl at this school. You’re not going to harass us any more, because that will be my job once I’m the greatest assassin here!”

Yaka stared disappointingly at Lia, at Hiroshi, and back at Lia all throughout that threat.

“So, let me guess what you did before you attended. You watched a bunch of videos of how to be an expert paintball gun fighter, and some parkour shit. You even tried to practice those actions in real life. You even ditched some of your homework, believing being an ‘assassin’ was going to be more important that education at this school.”

“Um, well you should know that-”

“And today, YOU decided from the beginning that you would skip the first day of classes to go after as many students as possible, knowing they would be very vulnerable to your surprises. On top of that, once you got your victims, you spent no time wasting going to the assassination center, and threatened their victim cards from their bodies.”

“Ummm, duh, today is like ‘Sylly week’, or whatever they call it at-“

“And THEN you decided it would be a great idea to do this ordeal solo, and abandon any chances of making a single friend throughout your high school life by being a complete asshole to everyone as your first impression, and be so narrow minded on getting paragon status at this school.”

Lia stood there with no words to say, and pretended this did not reflect her exact actions.

“Look at me Lia. I am you from the future. My proof is here. I don’t have any friends. It’s been four god damn years since I first attended, and I’m still considered a first year. I have done everything you have done. No, what EVERYONE has already done. You will continue to do everything I did in your future. You’re going to be a complete loser who is an expert assassin for this stupid ass school game.”

“Alright me from the future. If you’re so smart, what am I going to do now?”

“You are going to get attacked by your assassin later today, fall into rock bottom because of your own incompetence.”

“Wow, can you do like, my lotto numbers for me? Pssh, I’m going to be the greatest assassin. With that accomplished, I’ll be able to get everything at this school, and make all my classes a breeze.”

Yaka sat back down.

“What’s the point in telling you this? I go through this with so many people. EVERY GOD DAMN YEAR!”

“I don’t know why I wanted to hear your rambling either. Why don’t I see some action from you?”

“I’ve done the same shit for years. I can easily get anybody, anytime, anywhere.”

“Okay Mary Sue, how about fucking shoot me if you’re so-”

Yaka suddenly drew her paintball gun to Lia’s head.

“Whoa, uh, maybe some other time. I’d do the same to you, but I don’t have any paintballs, so I gotta run. Bad bye Yaka, and good bye irrelevant crybaby.”

Lia ignored Yaka’s disappointment, and paced to the assassin department. She looked around all corners, before making her way to the security gate.

“Where’s my god damn student ID?”

Lia checked her clothes, her bag. Nothing. She practically dumped everything on the ground. Lia’s heart raced and immediately went into a violent tantrum. Lia pounded her head on the wall. She was already pretty stupid, but this is just a sad new low. But suddenly, she had a sudden spark of intelligence. She knew where her answer was.

“Earlier today, there was someone that knew my name without even knowing me… OH SON OF A BITCH, THAT GUY I KICKED IN THE BALLS HAS MY ID CARD!”