Chapter 1:

I Am Dead

I Am the Greatest


I am dead.Bookmark here

There's no doubt about it. For all intents and purposes I am currently dead. Deceased. Departed. Expired. Gone.Bookmark here

I am no longer among the living.Bookmark here

But there is one thing that you've gotten wrong. While I am dead, I have not ceased to exist. I will not cease and desist.Bookmark here

No.Bookmark here

This is all just a part of my elaborate plan that I am sure will work. How do I know?Bookmark here

Simple.Bookmark here

I'm Mikado fuckin' Ryuuko. It's in the name.Bookmark here

For real though, I'm just your average Japanese girl in her last year of high school. Was it an exciting experience? Was it a fulfilling time?Bookmark here

Hell no. Fuck those limp dick assholes who kept trying to tell people that high school and university were the brightest times of their lives. Fuck all those rose-tinted pricks.Bookmark here

Real life is for people who were blessed with good looks, good luck, and a good upbringing.Bookmark here

Me?Bookmark here

I was the nerdy girl who came from an impoverished and broken home. My father never came home until it was way past midnight and my mother was an alcoholic who worked four jobs. I call them jobs, but that's honestly a too-nice way to put it.Bookmark here

She was a drug dealer, a prostitute, a swindler, and a cashier.Bookmark here

The only pleasure I had in life was binge watching anime, reading manga, and playing tabletop role-playing games. I would've liked to play an MMO, but my computer was way too shitty to run anything.Bookmark here

Oh well. That's life for you. You win some, you lose some.Bookmark here

I suppose I enjoyed working out too. Well, "enjoyed" is too strong of a word. It was more like my life depended on it.Bookmark here

You see, my father liked getting violent, and if I didn't give him the old one-two from time to time, he'd forget that I wasn't someone that he should fuck with.Bookmark here

Anyway, the point is that life isn't that simple. The world isn't kind. It's a cruel, cruel world.Bookmark here

Motivational speakers can go fuck themselves. People who talk about dragging themselves out of poverty through hard work are liars. No matter how hard you try, the world's just going to come crashing down around you.Bookmark here

Sorry, bub. It's time to toss your delusional dreams down the chute labeled "waste disposal." That's where they belong.Bookmark here

But that's not what people want to hear, is it? They want to hear that they'll be able to live a fulfilling life. They want to hear that one day, maybe they'll find love. That one day, maybe they'll be successful.Bookmark here

That they'll be happy.Bookmark here

So they live vicariously through the 24/7 internet spew of celebrity bullshit, vloggers, and social media "influencers." Fuck that word.Bookmark here

Influencers.Bookmark here

The only thing that they influence is their own fucking ego. I hate them. They do nothing for this world, but they get a free pass for everything they do.Bookmark here

Whenever they have the slightest problem, all it takes is a simple tap and they have all the support in the world. Everything that they ever wanted or needed is right there at their fingertips.Bookmark here

And what did they do?Bookmark here

Jack shit. That's what. A few booty pics thrice a week, and they're swimming in dough all because they won the genetic lottery.Bookmark here

It's bullshit, is what it is. Fuck this world, man.Bookmark here

Fuck all the wage slaves who work themselves to the bone, fuck all the politicians who actually try to advocate for some positive change in the world, fuck all the people who suffer alone, fuck all the children who go to sleep with an empty stomach.Bookmark here

They don't matter. They aren't beautiful, rich, or talented. They're out of sight and out of mind.Bookmark here

Just like me. Fuck me.Bookmark here

That's how this world operates. It's just a steaming pile of shit that grows larger every passing day. So fuck this world too.Bookmark here

If it's going to be a carpenter that wants to play plumber by plunging my anus with a log so hard that I'm shitting splinters every day, then what's the goddamn point?Bookmark here

Trick question! There isn't one!Bookmark here

That's why I jumped.Bookmark here

I'll go out on my own terms, thank you very much.Bookmark here

And that's how I ended up here.Bookmark here

Floating in this vast expanse of blackness.Bookmark here

Honestly, it's not too bad. There isn't a single speck of light here, and I can't feel a thing. But even so, I'd rather feel nothing at all than the endless grief and suffering back there. The overwhelming despair was just too much to bear.Bookmark here

Huh. That rhymed.Bookmark here

In fact, I don't even feel cold. The only thing that I could "feel", in a manner of speaking, was that I was drifting.Bookmark here

I don't know for long how I'd been drifting, but its been a good while. It's a comforting feeling, really. Surrounded by nothing, wanted by nothing, loved by nothing.Bookmark here

Hated by nothing.Bookmark here

I'd smile if I still had a body.Bookmark here

But now that I think back on it, maybe the world wasn't as bad as I thought.Bookmark here

Sure, it was filled with darkness, but there were still a few specks of light here and there.Bookmark here

Shitty as my computer might've been, I was still able to talk to and connect with people from all across the world. There, I was able to find true friends. There were those who suffered as I did and there were those who were just trying to make it through life.Bookmark here

But regardless, we all shared in the same sentiment that sometimes, we just needed a big break from the cesspool of shit that was society.Bookmark here

Even at the gym there were a few bright moments here and there. The exultation that I felt when I managed a new personal record. The adrenaline that coursed through my body as I sparred in the ring.Bookmark here

Hell, even clocking my dad a good one was pretty funny. I still remember that time when my mother finally scrounged up enough to buy me a brand new school uniform after mine was soaked in sewage water.Bookmark here

I don't know why it was so amusing for them to pour piss all over me, but I damn well gave them a good six months to think about it in the hospital.Bookmark here

...Yeah, that's right. It might've been a dark place, but it wasn't so bad. After all, light shines brightest in the darkness.Bookmark here

I felt a sharp pang in my nonexistent heart.Bookmark here

Is this... regret?Bookmark here

Of course not... Why would I regret leaving such a dismal world...?Bookmark here

"Am I...?" I touched a hand to my cheek. It was wet, but I couldn't understand why.Bookmark here

Bookmarked
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