Chapter 4: The Boffer Club (Part 1)

By the time Friday night had rolled around, Sam had completely forgotten about Carly and the Boffer Club. She had more important things to deal with, namely her studies.

“Um, excuse me…” Mary was taking care to keep her distance after what happened the last time she interrupted her roommate.

“What is it?” Sam asked, not looking up from her textbook.

“I…could you, um, do me a huge favor?”

“No.”

“Please?!”

“I’m studying, leave me alone.”

“B-But… but it’s Friday night, and I wanted… I wanted to go to the Boffer Club, and…”

“I don’t care. Go yourself.”

“But there’s going to be so many people there!” Mary wailed. “And they’re going to be like that girl Carly, and I… I’m too nervous to go on my own! Please, can you come with me?! Just for today! You just have to come one day!”

“I said no. I have zero interest in a club like that,” She replied, flipping to the next page. “I’m busy studying, so-“

“OH YEAH! YES! YES!”

The sound of a bed thumping cut Sam off. Her pencil slipped from her fingers and she stared incredulously at the wall.

“Please, oh, more… oh, right there, right there!”

Mary’s face turned as red as a tomato and she clamped her eyes shut and covered her ears. Sam was just stunned.

“What the hell do they think they’re doing?” She growled, rising from her seat. “Having sex right here in the dormitory?!” She smashed her fist against the wall. “Keep it down! Some of us are trying to study!”

As if in defiance of her demands, the sounds of sex just got louder and more intense. Sam fumed. There was no way she’d be able to get any studying done like this.

“Um, so…”

Sam groaned and turned to look at her roommate. Mary’s face was still red with embarrassment but her eyes were glistening hopefully.

Great. Just great…

…

And that was how Sam found herself walking to the soccer field as the sun set behind her, casting a dim light over her exasperated face.

Mary, on the other hand, was practically shaking with nervousness. She wasn’t exactly a “sports” kind of girl. The only reason she had even come was because Carly said that she might be able to make some friends.

Sam was surprised by the size of the crowd that had gathered on the soccer field. Twenty students… no, this number was closer to thirty. This many people were interested in that dumb-sounding club?

She groaned and rubbed her temples. Maybe she’d take her chances with the people having sex.

“Ugh… yeah, I’m out.”

“What?! No, you can’t go, come on, pleeeeaaaaase?!” Mary begged.

“Hey! It’s you two!”

Oh no. There went Sam’s hopes of escape. A chill ran down her spine.

Carly ran up to them. She was wearing a dark hoodie and sweatpants, and would have been almost invisible if not for the field’s lights. And her smile was clear as day. “I thought I recognized you! Mary and… what was your name again?”

“This is Sam,” Mary introduced her.

“Great! Nice to see you again, Sam! So, you changed your mind and decided to check us out after all, huh?”

“…Yeah. Something like that.”

“Great! That’s just great! Let me get you guys some waivers, and in the meantime you can go around and introduce yourselves!” Carly said, already running toward the bleachers. She froze and whirled around. “Oh, right! No touching the weapons until you’ve signed, got it? Club rules!”

Sam’s eyes swept over the field. A bunch of students were sitting in the grass filling out forms, while a few others were already swinging foam weapons at one another. Were they practicing? Or had they already started playing a game? She couldn’t even tell.

Carly returned about a minute later with two clipboards and a pair of pens. Sam’s eyes scanned over the waiver. It seemed pretty standard, she’d seen ones like this before.

“Uh-um… ‘in case of injury student relinquishes the right to pursue the school or any related parties for damages as a result of club activities’… what does that mean, exactly?” Mary asked, her face filled with worry.

“That? Oh, that’s nothing,” Carly laughed, waving her hand dismissively. “Just standard liability stuff, so you can’t sue us or the university if you get hurt.”

“But, um… I thought you said this was safe?” Mary squeaked.

“Oh, it is! Totally safe!” Carly assured her. “But, you know, accidents happen!”

Mary’s face went white and she gulped. Sam couldn’t blame her. With a body like that, she’d be in serious trouble if somebody ran into her or fell on top of her or some other horrible accident that could no-doubt occur.

Better to just pack it in now. She just wasn’t suited for sports activities.

But to Sam’s surprise, Mary still signed the form. Her face may have been filled with anxiety but she was trying to look brave.

“Thanks a bunch you two!” Carly chirped, snatching the waivers. “Go check with Nick over there and he’ll help sort you out with some weapons.”

“Nick?” Sam squinted in the direction she was pointing.

“He’s our Forgemaster,” Carly grinned. “He makes most of the weapons and stuff! He even does orders if you’re interested… but it costs quite a bit…” She snickered and a wicked look crossed her face for a moment, unnerving Sam. She didn’t want to ask.

The two of them walked over to where the other students were gathered. A bunch of golf bags were laid out in the grass, stuffed with weapons.

Even Sam found it kind of impressive. There were swords of varying sizes and big battle axes, a couple of spears and a pile of shields, and a bunch of weapons of various shapes that she was pretty sure weren’t inspired off of anything.

“So you girls see anything you like?”

A tall boy with curly black hair came up to them, startling Mary. She quickly shielded her face.

“Uh, hi there, sorry to surprise you, but I’m Nick,” the boy apologized. “I’m the equipment manager, and I just… I’m sorry, is everything okay?”

“…She’s fine. She’s just a little shy. Now you were talking about weapons?”

“Uh, yeah,” he said, still a little unnerved by Mary. “We’ve got all sorts of stuff. Is there anything that looks interesting to you?”

Sam took another look. Several of the weapons were pretty large, she doubted she could use those. But the swords were manageable. She took a decently-sized one out of the bag and held it up to the light. The body was covered with red duct tape, and a strip of gold ran up and around the edge. It was lighter than she’d expected, she’d carried a lot heavier stuff in the past.

“Oh, Golden Rose,” Nick brightened. “That’s a good one for beginners! It’s a little heavy though, it’s made for two hands.”

She gave it a few practice swings. It was alright. “No, I’m with using it like this.”

“Oh, okay then,” Nick said, a little surprised. “Are you left handed?”

“…Something like that,” Sam muttered. “Anyway, I-“

“If you’d like a shield, then we can-“

“I’m fine. Go help her. Find something that she can hold without tipping over.”

Leaving Mary for Nick to deal with, she walked out onto the grass. She was surprised, but she almost felt… excited for tonight. She hadn’t wanted to come here, but maybe she could make the best of it. And then she’d never have to come back.

It’s just three hours, she reminded herself. Just be careful and don’t get hurt. Three hours isn’t going to kill you.

The others were playing with each other, but Sam wasn’t up for socializing. She swung her sword off to the side for a while, trying to get the feel of it. She figured someone would probably tell her if she was doing something wrong.

A shrill whistle pierced through the night.

“Everybody!” Carly called from the other side of the field, blowing her whistle again. “Over here!”

The students gathered around her, Sam included. As she rejoined the others she noted that Mary had managed to find a weapon herself, two purple and black swords that were short and stumpy like she was.

Carly waited for everyone to settle down before talking. “Okay, I can see you guys are all really excited about getting the chance to fight each other. But before we can get started, I need to go over the safety regulations and stuff.”

A few people groaned, and she scowled at them.

“…Anyway, this was all covered in the waivers. But I’d bet a few of you guys didn’t actually READ the waivers, so we’re going to go over it again anyway.”

“Not everyone’s like you,” a tall boy called from the front row. She shot him a dirty look.

“Thank you, Michael, for volunteering to be my assistant,” she said, grabbing him and pulling him up from with her. “This is Mike, our other president. He’ll be helping me show you how to properly use a boffer weapon!”

She held up her sword. It was thinner than Sam’s, and colored black and silver. “This is a boffer sword. There are three parts to any boffer weapon. The handle, the body, and the edge. Now the handle, that’s the only part you should be holding. I don’t want to see anybody grabbing the edge, whether it’s your own sword or somebody else’s. The more pressure you put on it, the more you wear out the foam core. And if you wear out the foam, then it won’t be safe anymore. You’ll basically just be bashing someone with PVC.”

Sam glanced at her sword. So it was made out of PVC, no wonder it was so light.

“The next parts are the edge, and the body. We color these two different colors with tape, so you know which is which,” Carly explained. “See my silver tape here? That’s the edge. That means this part is safe to hit people with. See?”

She swung her sword at Mike, hitting him in the chest. “Now, I could do this all day, and he’d be fine. Because the edge is made to be boffer safe. But the body isn’t. I don’t want to see anybody hitting anybody with the body of their weapon, because it’s not safe.”

One of the students raised his hand. “My spear is one color, though.”

“Ah, yes. If you only have one color of tape, that means the whole thing is an edge, and you can his somebody anywhere with it!” She assured him. “So do we all know what parts of the weapons are safe? Good. Now let’s talk about where we can hit somebody.”

Carly raised her sword and stopped it right under Mike’s neck. “Anything from the neck down is fair game. Our weapons are safe, but even boffer safe weapons can still do damage if you hit someone in the throat, or the face, or upside the head. So don’t do it. We don’t count any hits above the head.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “But accidents happen. Sometimes you’re swinging at someone’s chest, and they duck and you catch ‘em in the jaw. It happens. Just apologize and give ‘em a minute or two to get their bearings, and then you can get right back to it, okay? Just don’t TRY to aim for the head. Because it won’t count. Other than that, everything’s fair game, alright? Arms, legs, torso, wherever. And one other thing. This is how you hit somebody.”

She pulled her sword back and swung it into Mike’s chest.

“You see? I didn’t but that much force into it. Just enough to connect. Yes, these weapons are safe. But even the safest boffer weapon…” She pulled her sword back again, and then swung right into his stomach.

SMACK

It echoed across the soccer field and Mike let out a groan, doubling over in pain. Sam winced. That had to hurt.

“…Still can really hurt if you put your full force into it, see?” She turned back to the crowd with a big smile like she hadn’t just knocked the air out of her co-president. “We’re not playing baseball here. Just hard enough so they can feel it connect, alright?”

Mike glared up at her. “Why… did you have… to actually hit me…?” He wheezed.

“Don’t change my poster next time.”

He stood back up, panting, and she smiled like nothing was wrong. “Next, I’ll explain what it means to hit different parts of your body. Mike, if you please?”

Still glowering at her, he held his arms out to the sides anyway.

“So in games of boffer, there are certain parts of the body that you can hit,” Carly explained. “If someone hits you in the torso, then you’re dead. That’s chest, stomach, back, you get the idea. And that includes genitals.” She prepared another swing.

“Carly…” He shot her a warning look.

She scowled and lowered the sword.

“…Moving on. If someone hits anywhere from your shoulder down, then you’ve lost your arm. You’ve gotta hold it behind your back, or let it dangle to the side, or whatever. But you can’t use that arm anymore. You can shift you weapon to your other hand, though, that’s still fine. But if you lose both arms, well, then you’re dead. Because somebody thought it was a good idea to start bodychecking people out of bounds after he lost both of his arms,” she said, glaring pointedly at Mike.

He glanced away.

“Then there are your legs. If you get hit in the leg, you lose the leg. And if you’re missing a leg, you can’t run with it or walk with it. You can hop on one foot if you like, or drag it like a zombie, whatever, but I don’t want to see you putting weight on it, because it’s missing. And if you lose both legs? You’re sitting down,” she said, tapping Mike’s legs with her sword. He dropped down into a kneeling position.

“Unlike with arms, though, you can still keep going with two legs. You can crawl, or just sit there and swing your sword or whatever, but it doesn’t mean you’re dead. I’ve seen some people win games with no legs, and it’s a riot,” she laughed. “Okay, are there any other questions about where we can and can’t be hit?”

Mike turned to look at her. “Hand guard?”

“Oh! That’s right! I almost forgot!” Carly groaned. “Yeah, everything from the wrist down is also safe. The idea is that your sword or spear or whatever would probably have a guard. So if you get hit in the hand, then you’re fine, you don’t lose your hand or anything. And if there are any other questions, if you’re not sure if you hit someone in the arm or torso, come get one of us, and we’ll help sort it out, okay?”

Everyone nodded. Sam just wanted to get on with it.

“Great! Then let’s get to the first game of the night!”