Chapter 3:

Chapter 3: What's a Little Extortion Between Friends?

Of Friends and Foam Cores


In Sam's dreams, she still had friends.

They were gathered talking and laughing together again. And for the first time in forever, she felt like she fit in.

“My mom’s buying me a new [XXX] for my birthday!”

Wait, what was that?

“Sam! Are you coming to [XXXXXXXX]?” Another girl asked her. Again, she couldn’t hear all the words.

Suddenly, they were so far away from her. Walking ahead while her own legs were rooted to the ground. 

She called, but no words left her lips. Seized by terror she reached after them, and shooting pain shot up her arm. It forced her awake and she caught her breath, her sheets drenched with sweat.

Frantic, she sprung up and grabbed her right shoulder. She caressed it and sighed in relief. The pain had just been a dream. 

It's fine. There's nothing wrong.

She put on her glasses and looked out the window, sun streaming in. She put the past aside and prepared for Saturday.

Ah, Saturdays.

Like most students, it was her favorite day of the week.

She didn’t have to worry about classes. No professors droning on and on, no frantic dash to copy down page after page of notes in case some obscure fact in the third paragraph on slide 42 would be on the test.

No, Sam was free to relax and take it easy today!

She greeted the blaring alarm clock with a smile. Nothing like waking up at 5:15. Everyone else was asleep, the sun was barely starting to rise, and she felt like she was the only person in the world.

After stopping by the cafeteria for a big hearty omelet, Sam went for her morning jog. By the time she got back to her room it was almost 7, where had the time gone?

Sam glanced over at roommate’s side of the room. Mary was snoring away without a care in the world. Sam actually felt bad for her, letting such a lovely day go to waste.

She walked over to her desk and took out her Health textbook.

Time to get to studying!

The subfield of anatomy concerning the study of the human body’s organ systems is known as?

a) Regional Anatomy

b) Systemic Anatomy

c) Microscopic Anatomy

d) Surface Anatomy

Well that one’s easy. What kind of moron writes a multiple choice question that gives you the answer IN the question? Sam thought, rolling her eyes and circling “b”. She was acing this practice test!

“Sam?”

Sam felt a hand on her right shoulder and she froze, pulling away so fast she nearly fell out of her chair.

“HEY! Don’t touch me!” She shouted at Mary, panting, her heart pounding in her chest. She jumped from her seat and gingerly caressed the tingling skin. When she realized it didn’t hurt, she let herself relax.

As Sam calmed down, she realized that Mary had fallen over, and was now staring at her with most shocked look she’d ever seen. She began to feel a little guilty about exploding like that.

“Um… sorry. I didn’t mean to shout, just… please don’t touch me,” she mumbled, stretching her arm a few times just to be sure.

“I, uh… baaaaaahh…” Mary burst out crying and Sam winced.

“Hey, hey, um, hey, uh…” Fuck. She was the absolute worst at comforting people. “Look, I’m sorry, don’t cry, I swear, I’m not mad, I just… you startled me, that’s all.”

Damn it. How did someone that skinny have so much air in her lungs!? It was like a bullhorn blaring in her ears, there was no way she’d get any studying done like this.

Sam crouched next to Mary and patted her shoulder. It felt so uncomfortable. Mary’s body was so bony and gaunt it felt like the girl would break if she used any more force.

“It’s okay…” She said half-heartedly, and after about a minute of awkwardly consoling her Mary finally stopped crying.

“I’m- *hic* sowwy, I didn’t mean to-“

“I’m not mad. Don’t worry about it,” Sam said. She tried her best to smile. It had been a while, but maybe she could manage a lopsided half-grin?

Mary glanced at her face and burst out laughing. Sam took her hand back.

“Okay, are you done?” Sam asked.

“Mhm…” Mary nodded.

“Good. Now as I was saying, I’m sorry for snapping like that. I just… please don’t touch me like that again, okay?”

“…M’kay…”

“Great. Thanks.” Sam got up and returned to her seat, picking her textbook back up off the floor.

“Wait, Sam!”

Sam groaned. “What is it now?”

“I, uh… I wanted to ask you something…” Mary said, pulling back a little. She was too timid to even look Sam in the eye.

“Later. I’m studying.”

“But you’ve been studying for, like, four hours!” Mary protested. The first thing she’d seen when she woke up was Sam hunched over her desk like a gargoyle, and the blonde hadn’t moved once.

“Five,” Sam corrected her.

“Five?! What, do you have a huge test on Monday?” Mary gasped.

Sam raised her eyebrow. “…No? Isn’t this just the normal amount?”

“No! Nobody studies that much on a Saturday!” Mary’s jaw hit the floor. You’d think after two weeks she would have gotten used to the fact that Sam’s two hobbies were “work out” and “study” but apparently it still hadn’t sunk in.

Sam had already wasted enough of her precious weekend on her hysteric roommate. She went back to her practice test.

“Um, Sam, can I ask a big favor…?” Mary tried again, a little more desperately.

“No. Studying.”

“…O-Oh… even though you pushed me over, a-and made me cry… I see…”

Sam’s eye twitched. She set down her pencil and slowly turned back to Mary.

“…So it’s like that, huh.”

“W-Well, I mean… I was really scared, and I just… the RA is always saying it’s important for roommates to get along, right?” Mary asked, her wet eyes shining hopefully. “I mean, I’d like if we can be better friends, and friends do favors for each other, right? And the RA says-“

“If I do this favor for you, will you leave me alone for the rest of the weekend and let me study in peace?”

“…Yes.”

“If I say no, are you gonna bug the RA until she drags me to another meeting about ‘building a positive dorm community’?”

“…W-Well…”

“Fine, what’s your favor?”

Mary rifled through the jumbled pile of books and crumpled papers littering her desk for a minute before returning with a flyer.

CLUB DAY! Saturday September 3rd, from 1:00 to 6:00 on the quad!

Sam had no idea what she was looking at. She stared up at Mary and waited for an explanation.

“It’s, um, club day today,” she explained. “All the clubs are setting up stands to attract freshmen like us, and I wanted to go check them out…”

“Okay, so do it. What do you need me for?”

Mary smiled sheepishly. “Um… I’m a little nervous… talking to all those upperclassmen by myself sounds really scary, and I was hoping you could maybe come with me? Please?”

Sam shook her head in disbelief.

“…You’re kidding.”

She wasn’t kidding. Sam trudged through the quad with Mary trailing meekly behind her like a lost little lamb, glancing warily at the rows of tables set up on either side of them.

It was bad enough that her roommate was wasting perfectly good studying time on something this ridiculous. But did she really have to stop at EVERY display and sign up?

“’Underwater Basket Weaving’? Seriously? What even is that?” Sam shook her head incredulously.

“I don’t know…”

“Then why did you sign up?!”

“B-Because if I’m a member of all the clubs, then I’ll be able to make a bunch of friends, right?” Mary explained. Her eyes were bright and shiny with dreams of popularity.

…Yeah. This girl was definitely going to end up joining a cult someday.

Sam took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. “This school has way too many clubs. They have a ‘Music Club’ and an ‘International Traditional Instrument Club’ what’s even the point?!”

“Well…”

“And isn’t ‘Anime Club’ and ‘Manga Club’ basically the same thing anyway? Do we really need two clubs for that?”

Mary recoiled in horror. “Are you insane?! They’re totally different! Manga are books with pictures in them, and anime is animated! Do you even have a brain?”

“Uh…” Sam shut her mouth and just watched Mary pant with frustration. When she finally calmed down and realized everyone was looking at her, she shielded her face with her hands.

Sam groaned. This was going to be torture.

“Hey! You there! Miss Tall, Blonde, and Scary! Yes, you! With the glasses!”

Sam looked around. Was someone-

“Over here! Red shirt!”

Sam’s eyes landed on a curly-haired brunette a few tables up, dressed in red and waving her hands frantically to get her attention.

“…Hey! Why are you looking away?! I know you saw me!”

Just ignore her. Just ignore her. No good can come from someone like-

“Hey there! My name’s Carly! Nice to meetcha!”

Fuck.

The girl identifying herself as Carly had hopped over to cut off Sam’s path of escape. She was practically rubbing her hands together with glee as her green eyes ran over Sam’s body.

“…Yes, yes, you’ll do quite nicely,” she purred.

“Nope. Not interested.” Sam tried to walk around her, but the girl was more persistent than most, repositioning herself to cut off Sam’s escape a second time.

“Come on, you haven’t even checked it out yet!” Carly protested. Her eyes glanced off Sam and then landed on Mary, and her face lit up with a look Sam knew immediately.

The wolf had found the lamb, and was ready to pounce.

“What about you?!” She asked, grabbing Mary by the wrist. “You look like a girl who wants to have fun! Yeah! Of course you do! Come over and check out the Boffer Club!”

“Um, well I-“ Mary couldn’t even fumble out a response before the cackling Carly dragged her away.

Sam buried her face in her hand and trudged after her.

“Welcome to the Boffer Club!” Carly proclaimed, standing proudly next to her table. A large poster hung in front of it with drawings of foam swords and spears, and but what really caught the eye were the actual foam weapons surrounding the sign-up sheet.

Neither girl really understood what they were looking at.

“What, um… what kind of club is this?” Mary asked timidly. She wasn’t good at dealing with such aggressive people.

“It’s the Boffer Club, silly!” Carly laughed, as if that explained anything at all.

Sam and Mary glanced at the poster.

Join the Westbridge University Boffer Club!

Have Fun Fighting With Foam Swords and Friends Every Friday from 6 PM to 9 PM on the Soccer Field!

Absolutely Safe and Harmless!

“Absolutely safe… and harmless?” Mary said, brightening.

A shadow crossed over Carly’s face. “Ignore that,” she grumbled, a complete departure from the sunny attitude she’d displayed earlier.

“B-But it says-“

“That poster is a fraud! It is not representative of this club!” Carly growled, burning furiously. “Who does that Michael think he is, censoring my masterpiece like that? He might as well have painted over the Mona Lisa! Why I oughta…”

Sam checked her phone. They couldn’t actually make the students stay past 6, right?

“So, um… can we…”

“What’s the Boffer Club, you asked?” Carly’s smile returned in a flash the second Mary moved to leave. “Well, it’s very simple! We have fun with foam weapons! We play games, stage mock fights, and just generally have a blast with our friends!”

Mary’s face lit up. “Friends?”

“You both should join!” Carly nodded. “It’ll be an absolute blast. We’re holding our first meeting next Friday! You guys should totally come!”

“This isn’t some sports team, is it? Because I don’t ‘do’ sports teams,” Sam said.

Carly shook her head. “Nope. Absolutely not a sports team.”

Sam looked at the big foam swords. Then she looked at the big foam spears.

Then she looked at the big shit-eating grin spread across Carly’s freckled face.

“…Yeah, I’m leaving.”

“Hey, come on, don’t be like that!” Carly wailed, circling in front of Sam again. “It’s FUN! I swear! Come on, how many other clubs are out there where you get to hit people with foam weapons and the school says it’s okay? None, I bet! It’s a great way to work off some of that Friday night stress!”

Mary looked a little green. “Um, hitting each other with foam swords, that’s a little…”

“Don’t worry! It’s totally safe, I swear! All the weapons are specially quality-checked to make sure they don’t hurt! See?” She picked up one of the foam swords and swung it against her arm. It bounced off without even leaving a red mark.

“…O-Oh, well, in that case…”

“You definitely won’t get murdered! Promise!” Carly winked, giving her a thumbs’ up.

Mary turned white. Her mouth flopped open and shut but no sound came out.

“I’m just kidding!” Carly laughed. “Come on, just write down your name and email address, and we’ll add you to our mailing list! At least come to the first day, I promise, you’re gonna have a blast!” She practically broke Mary’s fingers shoving the pen into her hand.

Mary was absolutely incapable of dealing with someone as forceful as Carly. Overwhelmed and shaking like a leaf, she signed up for the Boffer Club.

Without missing a beat, Carly snatched up the pen and rounded on Sam, her eyes shining with malevolence.

“And you’re gonna sign up too, right?”

“No. Not interested.”

“Come on! I see you working out in the gym all the time!” Carly whined. “You’re cut! At least think about it! Just sign up, and you can decide if you want to come later! It’s a lot of fun, I swear!”

Sam narrowed her eyes. “Are you just incapable of taking no for an answer or something?” She demanded.

Carly’s smile dimmed momentarily, and it seemed like she finally realized she’d pushed too hard. She shrugged her shoulders.

“Hey, sorry. If you don’t wanna join, it’s cool. But remember, every Friday at 6! On the soccer field!” She tapped the poster with her foam sword and flashed a toothy grin. “If you ever change your mind, stop on by!”

“…Yeah, I’ll do that,” Sam muttered, rolling her eyes. Like she was going to waste three precious hours of her Friday night on something that stupid.