Giving my other self the perfect ideal youth, As the perfect childhood friend next door that had never exited in my past life.
" AaHAHaha, I JUST WANT TO GO BACK! "
"I know, I know "
" to fix all my stupid mistakes, AAAA how could I have been so dumb. you know I didn't even confess to angela, the girl that I loved. I just turned down this cute shy girl who loved me with all of her heart in the worst possible way and then I didn't even confess to the girl I
turned her down for. "
"Why do you always have to rant about this when you get drunk "¨
" AM NOT DRUNK! just a bit tipsy I haven't drunken enough for that "
" you have had like ten beers already "
" Just want to go back, I just wasted it all man, all of those years, all of those sweet wonderful years of youth, I just wasted them ."
*sigh* " I know "
" instead wasted them on being a loser loner. I could have been the most popular guy in my year. I was already one of the top players in the football club but if I had put more effort in or started earlier I could have become the ace. you know I was handsome, smart, athletic; I had all of the ingredients to be at the top"
" But you weren't "
"no, I wasn't, because I was stupid. you know there were a lot of girls eyeing me at the time if I hadn't been so standoffish and prone to avoid conversations with them then I probably would have had a lot of girls confess to me"
"wouldn't you just have rejected them just like you did with that poor girl ann "
" not if could go back in time, at least not as bad as I did with her. you know I even had a thing going with angela. if just hadn't been a stupid looner at the time, I could probably have gone all the way with her. *hic* I JUST WANT TO GO BACK! "
"you really are pathetic you know that "
"I know "
"complaining about a failed love and how you rejected a girl in a really shit way, both that happened in middle school more than ten years ago. your so-called failed youth didn't even happen in high school "
" well my high school years were worse but I don't have a lot to say about them because I was a true loner then I had no friends and I never joined a club there. during the school day, I avoid everybody and after school, I went directly home and often to play a shitty MMO that close down the same year I graduated. all the time had spent there grinding and leveling up had been for nothing. you know even my relationship with my cute little mia had worsened during that time she who had before been so clingy and so sweet had started to avoid me just because she had gotten boyfriend "
"I think that she might have had more reason to avoid you than that. I really don't want you to get into another rant right now so let's just stop here with that. but let me ask you something? "
" have you tell your parents "
" that, tha- ....... no"
" you really are pathetic aren't you, you are 25 years old, next year you're supposed to graduate, yet you still haven't told your parents that you have dropped out of college yet. it has been more than three years already "
" They will find out sooner or later you know that. it's better for you to tell them than for them to find it out on their own. just like it would have been better if you had told that poor girl ann that you already liked someone. but at least this is something that you can change "
"you know you gotta stop thinking about what you could have had and start thinking about what you can have "
"I know "
" but you arent are you "
"look, am just trying to help you "
"I know and am thankful for that"
" well at least you're thankful. it feels like you are still stuck in high school always talking about that ideal youth that you didn't have. but you never talk about what you can have here and now or in the future for that matter, it's just all about what you couldn't have. about how you messed up this or that thing or how you didn't do that and how wish you could go back and do it. you let opportunities that come up here and now just fly by because just stuck looking at what you could have had and not what you can have here and now"
" look am just trying to say that you gotta stop being stuck in past, it's holding you back, back from moving forwards "
" I know "
" I mean you're still smart you know, well maybe not as smart as me but well not many are. plus you are still good looking maybe not as good as you were before but you're not bad looking at least"
" am a still good looking or just not bad looking "
" that's not important right now"
" it kinda is to me "
"look what am trying to say is that you still have talents and a lot of good things about you.
you still can turn things around, you are still just 25. you might have wasted you're so-called youth but you still have the rest of your life in front of you. just because you couldn't get the girl you loved in high school "
" it was in middle school "
"I don't care, plus that just makes it more pathetic"
"oh okay "
" well just because you couldn't get a girlfriend then doesn't mean you can get one now. well, you might have to fix and do some things first, like starting to go to the gym, start showering regularly, buying new clothes because you really need that, shaving more often, going to the barber to cut that greasy and messy hair of yours, and maybe should to try to get a new hairstyle while you're there, you should also go to the -- "
" look I know, I know that I have to change and try to stop letting the past hold me back but it just feels like I have gone down the worst path that I could have like I have made all the wrong decisions and now am stuck here. stuck with living with the consequences of my stupid decisions. just like when you go down the wrong path in a game and that the only thing waiting ahead is the bad ending. in a game, you change that you can load up an old save file or just replay it from the beginning. I just wish I could do that "
" But you can't "
" no, I can't but I wish"
" you know wishes don't often come true"
" I know but some do "
" but this won't "
" I know, it's unreasonable but "
" but, but what ?"
" nothing "
" look Adrian we are not living in a fairytale. you can go on and on wishing and wishing, hoping and praying but this is the real world this is real-life wishes don't come true here especially not one as unreasonable and unfeasible as that "
" yeah I know but...... hm yeah I know "
I took out my phone to check what time it was.
"oh I was just about to check myself, so what time is it "
"it's 23.20, am sorry but I really think I have to go. so that I don't miss the last train "
" oh you don't have to worry about that, you can sleep over at my place tonight "
" well my shift starts at 4 am so --"
"THEN WHY THE HECK ARE YOU STILL HERE?!"
" tha..that's beca--- "
" look just go, go get some sleep before your shift "
" so what about the food? I am a bit short on cash right now but "
" it's fine I'll pay for your order, let's just say it's an early Christmas gift, "
" thank you, I really don't have a lot to spare right now, so I really appreciate it "
" if you don't have a lot to spare, then maybe shouldn't have ordered so much "
" sorry "
"I already know that you expected me to pay for it so it's fine. but I want you to promise one thing if you want me to pay for it "
" what? "
" that you just tell your parents already"
" that, tha- "
"oh, so you want to pay for all of this food and beer you order? "
"well then remember to tell your parents, And if you haven't told by the next time we next meet you will pay it all back with a twenty percent interest rate "
"a twenty percent interest ?"
" a day"
" Isn't that a bit much!? "
" wow, you really seem very eager to pay for your food today "
" I understand "
"well, I also will be going on that trip overseas next week. so we will probably not see each other for at least two months so you have plenty of time to tell them while am away, "
"hmph" "fine I'll tell them"
" well then you should probably be on your merry way then so you don't miss that train of yours "
"yeah I will go now, thanks for the talk and the food " I stood up from my seat and started to make my way to the door of the restaurant
" oh and be careful on your way. I heard that there are doing some maintenance on some of the street lights near the station so it will probably be pretty dark there so tread carefully and you're still a bit drunk so don't walk too fast"
" am not drunk, just a bit tipsy is all "
" Yeah, yeah just walk carefully ok, and don't fall "
" I won't, well then bye see next time "
" bye and remember the promise you made if you don't want to be broke and in debt to me, that is "
"I know, I know I'll tell them "
As I open the door the cool and cold December air hit my whole face all at once. even though it had a cold throughout the whole month not a drop of snow had yet come. well, it was still a bit of time until Christmas so it probably wouldn't be a problem for those people who wanted their white Christmas. as for me, I didn't have any plans for this Christmas, I had thought that I would just spend this Christmas alone again, but maybe I should go home this year. it had been a while. the last time I was home was almost five years ago. I hadn't really been home since I entered college. I always told them I was busy even though I never was. but now I had promised him that I would tell them, so maybe now was the right time to do both of those things. I think many would try to avoid telling the truth to my parent's faces if there were in my place. but for me, it was the best option as would rather do that than give them a shameful phone call telling them the truth. of course, I would rather do none of those two. But that guy was a guy who took his promises seriously so I know that I would pay in one way or another if I didn't tell them. I would either be put in debt to him or he would tell them himself both of those options were worse than just telling them outright.
I wish I could escape. go back in time, go back to my youth.
yeah, he was right I know he was, well I didn't try to deny it either.
well because I had always known that, yes knew that I was stuck, stuck in the past, stuck in what could have been. but what he didn't know was that I knew, I knew that I could move forward but I didn't want to. No, I didn't want to because for me it didn't matter, I didn't care about the future, just about the past and the years that I wasted. I was stuck but I wanted to be that.
when I was not working I usually spent my time reading romcom light novels or watching anime about that time. it was easy to find and there was plenty of it so never was short on content. it was through that media that I could experience the joys of youth the joys that I had wasted.
But even though I could experience a slice of that joy, never would I experience it fully, never would experience it through my eyes, never would I have the chance to form those memories those sweet memories of youth. But I could have done that, and that was the worst part. That I could have formed those memories, felt those emotions, experienced that joy the joy that you only felt once in your life, yet I had chosen not to. and that was the worst.
I could only wish to experience that again.
I continued on my walk to the station
but before I reached the station I decided to stop. because just a bit before you reached the station laid a fountain, and in the fountain laid a bunch of coins. this was a wishing well and today it was going to answer my wish. I took a coin out of my pocket and held it in my hand. I had thrown many coins in this fountain but never had it ever heard my plea but this time it was going to be different. I knew it was going to be different. as with this coin, this coin in my hand, as coin this would be the hundredth coin that I would throw into this fountain. I knew everything had led up to this moment. all of those coins, all of those unanswered wishes had led up to this exact moment in time. but not only that, but it was also the best moment for my wish to be fulfilled as it was right before Christmas, well two weeks before Christmas, and It was also at the right time so that I could escape the responsibility and consequences of the promise I had made. as the anxiety and the feeling of dread from that promise were really starting to catch up to me. so now it really was the best time for the world to finally answer my wish and prayers.
so I flipped the coin, and through the air, it went until it reach the waterline of the fountain.
said the coin as reached the waterline and fell bottom of the fountain joining his other 99 brethren that I had previously thrown in. but now it was time to finally wish. I put my two hands together in a praying motion and closed my eyes and then I wished, wished for the wish that I always wished for.
" Please bring my soul back in time so that I can experience the perfect ideal youth that I never got to experience"
as I held my hand together and my eyes closed I knew that my wish was being fulfilled right at this moment. as when I open my eyes I would no longer be in front of that fountain as would have been transported more than ten years back. yes as when open my eyes I would be in my childhood room just before the start of my middle school entrance ceremony. and this time I was going to waste my precious youth, I was going to become the ace of my school's football club, be the most popular guy in my year, give ann the proper rejection that she deserved, and most importantly confess, confess to the angel herself an make her fall in love with me. this time I was not going to let my chance go.
because this time
I was going to get it
i was finally going to get
"MY PERFECT YOUTH!"
And then I opened my eyes.
And there I was.
beside the fountain where I had thrown my coin in previously.
Once again I had been betrayed by the world. As it had ignored my plea once more.
Yeah, I guess it was time to go . to leave my delusions here and go home. , I was going to miss my train if I didn't.
Alan was right, it was kind of dark here. the street lamps that usually illuminated the street seemed to be turned off. as you really could not see anything more than what was In your really near vicinity. shouldn't they have already been fixed? you are supposed to fix them during the day and let them work at night. but it seems that they had just let them be turned off tonight. maybe it just seemed darker to me thanks to the drinks. but it was really dark I could almost not see anything.
"weren't they suppose to be some stairs around here "
"I should probably turn on my phone light so I don't fa--"
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