Sketch and Scenery

I wonder if I used to be like Satoro back then. He has something to strive for—his art and the need to draw. Probably wakes up every morning with a goal set in mind and being able to push himself forward towards being an artist. Meanwhile, I’m just here. I’m just waking up to wake up every morning. Even I wanted to do something before, didn’t I?

It’s the day after meeting Satoro. Yume and I are about to leave for lunch as usual when we stop by Satoro’s desk.

“Hey, wanna go eat lunch together?” I ask Satoro. It would be a good opportunity to learn more about him.

A couple of girls heading out of the classroom stopped, then one of them says to her friends, “Gross, they’re asking the nerd to eat with them.” They laugh as they walk off.

“Huh, I wonder what they find so funny,” says Yume. “Anyways, let’s go eat, Satoro! I’m starving, so let’s hurry!”

Satoro sighs, and then he turns away from his phone to look at us and says, “There is…no need to spend your lunch with me. I wish to not sour your meals with my presence.”

Looks like all of the things that the other students said have really dampened his own self image. That’s not fair, especially since they don’t even know him or what he can do. He’s probably afraid of eating with us so other people won’t talk about us in the same way as well.

“But Satoro, it’s not like you being there is going to make the food worse. Food is yummy, and that’s that,” says Yume.

Satoro sighs again, looks back at his phone, and responds, “Miss Yume, you are very kind, but I worry about what the others may say if you and Sir Yuma associate yourselves with someone as repulsive such as myself. Please, as a request, enjoy your lunch without me.”

As I thought, he really wants to shoulder all of the gossips and snide remarks by himself. I don’t really care about what other people will say, and those remarks will just bounce off of Yume like raindrops on an umbrella, but for Satoro, he really does take into consideration what other people think about him and those close to him. That’s probably why he’s so worried about perfecting Yume’s portrait. In that case…

“Well, you heard him, Yume. We’ll go have lunch…” I say. I pull up a chair around his desk and sit down. “…right here.”

Yume gasps and then grabs a chair to do the same. We sit around Satoro’s desk, getting ready to open our lunch boxes.

“Alright, let’s eat then!” exclaims Yume. She pops her lunch box open and starts eating right away.

“Y-You two…may I ask what you two are doing?” asks Satoro.

“Having lunch,” I answer.

“B-But I requested that you two eat lunch without me.”

“Well, it’s not that you’re having lunch with us, but rather, we’re having lunch with you, right, Yume?” I ask.

“Yesfh!” answers Yume, with a mouthful of rice.

“…such a rebellious pair,” says Satoro, before he takes out his own lunch box.

There’s nothing wrong with this, right? It’s better than eating alone and not being able to enjoy lunch with anyone else. I know that feeling of sitting alone, away from everyone else gathering and enjoying their meals. Once you’re eating alone, you’re stuck. There is no way to pull yourself out of that pit, but it’s very easy for other people to join you and eventually form your own group. Yeah, I was like that for years until this girl chased me to the rooftop. I look over at Yume as she happily chews on some cooked shrimp. As she looks up, she smiles with the shrimp between her teeth.

“Eat like a normal person at least,” I say.

“Wha—I’m eating like how I want to eat. Not my fault you think it’s strange,” responds Yume, before swiftly gulping down the shrimp.

Satoro looks at us both, then he starts eating as well. He was probably stuck like me. Either way, hopefully this helps me get a better picture of who he is. It’ll be one step close to getting rid of Yume and returning to my normal life.

“…you two…” mutters Satoro before returning to his meal.

After a moment of silence, Yume says, “So Satoro, what else have you drawn?”

“Ah…nothing of importance. They are merely everyday sketches of objects and people that I see. They are not complete nor do they deserve a spotlight,” answers Satoro.

“Can I see? I wanna see!” says Yume as she bounces up and down in her chair.

“But…Miss Yume…”

“Aww, it can’t be that bad.”

Satoro looks at me as if asking for my approval. What do you even want me to say? I don’t control her.

“Sir Yuma, would you…also care to take a look?” asks Satoro.

“Oh…uh…sure,” I answer. Right, I’m also eating lunch here. Of course he’d think I might want to see them as well.

He grabs his phone on his desk and brings up a bunch of different files. He presses on one of them and brings up a drawn picture of one of the large maple trees in the school yard, stretching high above.

“Whoa! That’s the tree from outside, isn’t it? The one we always see when we walk into school!” exclaims Yume.

Satoro nods and brings up another image—a drawing of students walking in the hallway right outside of this classroom. This sketch is less detailed than the last one with missing faces and detailed features. I would imagine it being difficult to draw so many people all moving at once. Still, for a sketch, it’s incredible how he captures each distinct person with differing hairstyles and handbags.

“Ah! There’s me and Yuma walking to the rooftop!” says Yume as she points at a boy and girl on the screen.

Then, Satoro brings up more and more drawings—the road winding downhill from the school, the school viewed from the front gates, sketches of different boys and girls sitting around in the classroom, and a drawing of a sleeping student sprawled over his desk. Oh, that’s me.

“I look so tired…” I say.

“Correct, Sir Yuma. I have noticed that you seem to be without energy every day we have attended class,” responds Satoro.

My dreams and restlessness contribute a lot to that. Seeing myself like this is a bit jarring though. I have bags under my eyes and my hair is a mess. When was the last time I didn’t look like that?

“Aww, you look cute, Yuma,” says Yume.

“W-What?” Her words catch me off guard. I wasn’t ready for her to say anything like that.

“What? You do though. Your sleeping face is so calm, unlike when you’re awake and have that constant look of ‘I’m done with everything’ on your face.” She pokes my cheek.

“Knock it off…”

She giggles, then continues saying, “I can’t wait to see how you’ll draw me though. These are all so good that I’m excited.”

“I-I will do my best, Miss Yume,” says Satoro as he readjusts his glasses. “However, the question remains: where shall we go for the moon?”

I’m hesitant to say it since it’s a place that I want to keep for myself. I thought for sure we could go there, but I haven’t been there in a long time. “…there’s a place I have in mind,” I say. It might not even be the same anymore.

“Oh? Where? Where?!” asks Yume as she leans close into my face again.

“Personal space please…” I say. She backs up after what happened last time. Then, I answer, “It’s a spot on the east side of town. It’s the beach facing the ocean. I…used to go there at night when I was younger.”

“Oh! The beach! Satoro, you hear that? Sounds like fun!” exclaims Yume.

“Ah, I have heard of this beach. It sounds like a lovely place,” says Satoro.

“Yeah…it does…” I mutter.

The last time I was there was a couple of years ago. I went there every night on my own, even when Mom and Dad scolded me for sneaking out late. I’m not sure how much I want to return there. Maybe this is a mistake.

“Let’s go after school then,” suggests Yume.

Wait, maybe we can wait a couple of days. You know, until the moon becomes full. We don’t have to go there today, right? I’m…not ready.

“Unfortunately, I have matters to attend to later this evening. I am afraid I will have to decline,” says Satoro.

“Aww, okay then. Then, we can go, right Yuma?” asks Yume.

“Uh…maybe…”

We shouldn’t go. I’m not sure about this anymore. Forget it. I’ll just find someone else to help rather than do this.

“Yuma?”

Hearing Yume call my name causes me to look at her. Seeing her smile with such innocence kind of hurts. She doesn’t know anything about me so it’s unfair. We should go. It’ll be easier to go immediately and get this over with. We shouldn’t go. I told myself I wouldn’t go back there anymore. There’s nothing. Nobody.

“Maybe…not tonight. I’m pretty tired,” I say as I try to force a smile.

“Oh…okay then.” Yume’s smile fades for just a second, then she smiles again. “We can go whenever you’re ready then, Yuma.”

Damn it. Why can’t I just suck it up and go? It’s not like it’s forbidden or anything. It’s not being blocked or kept a secret. It’s just a place in town. It’s just a beach. It’s just…hopeless. The lunch bell rings.

“Ah, I guess that’s it. We can talk more after school before we have to go home,” says Yume.

“I appreciate your company, Miss Yume and Sir Yuma,” says Satoro, who finally smiles for the first time since I’ve met him.

“Ah, yeah…” I manage to say.

As Yume and I put the chairs back, a picture of the beach still remains in my mind—the sand, the water, and the night sky.

When I sit back at my desk, a couple of girls return to the classroom while in conversation, with one of the girls saying “Easiest money of my life. Shouldn’t be too hard to be friends with her if she keeps paying like this.”

Another responds, “Kind of sad, but oh well. Oooh, we could use the money for teriyaki later!”

Their discussion gets quieter as the teacher enters the room. At least they aren’t talking about Satoro anymore. Still, what are they even talking about?

                                                                        ***

Yume, Satoro, and I walk out of the front school gates. As soon as we walk out, an older lady, with long black hair reaching halfway down her back and blue eyes, waves at us.

The lady yells, “Satoro! What are you doing? Hurry up!”

“Oh, my apologies. This is where we part ways,” says Satoro.

“Then, see you tomorrow!” says Yume.

“Later then,” I say.

He bows and quickly shuffles his feet to join the woman in entering a brown, beat up car. I guess that’s his mom. I also guess that’s also why Yume and I didn’t see him yesterday after school. Here and gone immediately.

“You sure you don’t want to go to that beach you talked about” asks Yume.

“I’m…yeah, not tonight,” I answer. Not yet, at least.

She shrugs her shoulders and says, “Alright then.”

We walk down the path heading away from the school, under the rustling trees, then through the street that my house sits on, under the lamps. Our conversation consists of today’s lunch, Satoro’s drawings, and whether tomatoes are fruits or vegetables. Definitely a vegetable, but Yume keeps insisting it’s a fruit. Our conversation ends when we enter my house for the evening.

“Let’s eat!” says Yume, as we start eating dinner.

Mom and Yume are really the only ones who talk during dinner time. Dad’s never home until really late so we eat without him all the time. I don’t really have much to say whenever we eat together at home. Even when they ask me stuff, I respond with single word answers or nothing at all. Yume’s only been here for a couple of days, but she’s more engaged with my family than me at this point. Then again, when was the last time I felt like a part of this family?

After dinner ends, we each go to our rooms for the night. As much as I try not to think about it, that beach still haunts my mind. Maybe…just tonight then. Just tonight and on the full moon then. I’m curious how it looks like after all this time.

“Here we go…” I whisper to myself.

I get out of my bed and slowly crack my door open. The lights are already off, meaning Dad came home and already went to his and Mom’s bedroom. I open the door just enough to get my body out. Then, I carefully tiptoe across the floor to my front door and putting on my sneakers. I grab the key and slowly open and close my door. I wait for about a minute just in case any of them heard me. That way, if they see me outside, I could just say that I wanted some fresh air. After seeing nobody else getting up, I start walking away. I made it out of my house at night again. Just like old times.

I walk under the dim lights of the lamps on the street. I turn onto the road heading out towards the ocean, passing by closed shops consisting of a clothing store, a ramen restaurant, a drug store, and many others. No cars drive by as I continue walking. My heart beats faster from anticipation and anxiety the moment the ocean come into view. I shiver a bit as the chilly air blows past my body—a single shirt and jeans weren’t the best idea to go walking at night. I step forward, placing my foot down on the sand for the first time in three years.

“It’s still here…”

The beach hasn’t changed—soft sand that makes it comfortable to sit on, its soothing waves that gently bathe the shore, and its night sky decorated in stars, only to be outshone by the moon. I walk forward until I’m on the edge of where the soft sand meets the flatter, tougher wet sand. I sit down and just stare out into the vast ocean before looking up at the night sky—a place where there are no lights to pollute the scene of the stars and moon. Now that I’m here, it’s weird. Tonight, I’m here just to see if this place still exists. Is that really it? No, maybe deep down, I still…

“Hiroto…”

This beach is where I last saw him before he flew off. We came here as often as we could to just look at the sky. Even when Mom and Dad yelled at us each time we went out, he still took me here because I loved it. The stars and moon haven’t changed since the last time we came here. It’s the fact that they have remained the same that I thought maybe he would show back up here one day.

“Don’t be so dumb…”

After he left, I came here every night waiting for him to come back home. Every night, I would come out here and just sit like this. The first few times, my parents would yell at me every time for sneaking out. Eventually, they stopped. Not because they know I would keep going, but because of what happened to him. Even then, I still came out here every night—breathing in the salty air, listening to the waves, and looking up at the stars. Every night, I would wait for him to come back to the beach, and every night, I would return home tired, disappointed, and alone. He went beyond this great ocean to become an astronaut, and I wanted him to come back from the other side.

“But he won’t.”

I know. I was waiting in vain. He’s not coming back no matter how many times I come out here. It’s why I stopped coming here. I needed to forget this place. I hate it here.

“Damn it.”

And yet, here I am. I still found my way back here. I’m still here and he isn’t. No matter how hard I want to forget this place, I can’t. For three years I stopped thinking about this place, but now I’m actually here again. Why though? These memories are now coming back to me ever since—

“Yuma?” asks a familiar girl.

Yume? I turn around and see Yume standing a few feet from behind me. Her look of concern turns into her usual soft smile when we see each other.

“Mind if I sit with you?” asks Yume.

I nod, and she takes her seat next to me, cuddling her knees as we stare out into the starry sky. It’s the first time in four years since someone else stepped onto the beach with me.

It’s a little warmer now.