It was about time

I was so glad that I had thought of taking my keys before practically running away from home with Kajiura. I would rather die than ring the doorbell and confront my parents. The whole purpose of the day was to improve their image of me and convince them to change their minds about the school trip but my actions weren’t really helping in that department. Even if I had decided that there weren’t items I needed to buy for my field trip and had promised Kajiura that we would go to the mall together at another time, the day had slipped by before I had even the chance to realize it. I had never been out at this time. I had never been out in general but that’s not the point right now!

The sun had worn its evening garment long ago and had departed to rest letting the moon take the reins and shine through. I did my utmost best to slide the key in the lock and turn it without making too much of a noise but my hand was sweaty from nervousness and every little sound it produced made me jumpy. The door gave away and I let out a silent breath after wiping my forehead. This was nerve-racking. Matsuda had pucked up her courage and talked to my parents even without having met them before or knowing me for a long time. I didn’t want to ruin her effort with my stupid and careless actions.

I pushed the door open and shut my eyes tightly as the rusty hinges screeched lightly. I clutched the fabric of my t-shirt that was covering my heart and tried to calm it down. I wasn’t going to make it to my room if I kept on going like that. My racing heart was going to give away sooner or later and with it thumping in my chest, I could hardly listen to anything else. My whole body was vibrating, echoing its voice as it tried to be heard. I wanted to shush it so that I could discern the sounds in the living room. Were my parents there? Was it safe to pass by or should I wait a bit longer?

I closed the door behind me as gently as I could and moved onto undoing my shoelaces. There was no way I was going to walk inside with my dirty shoes on, especially when they were going to squeak at every step as they came in contact with the wooden floor. I took both of them in one hand, still holding my keys on the other and took the first step with as much caution as possible. There was no rush. Now that I was already in, everything else should be a piece of cake. I took another step carefully touching my toes on the ground and then my heels. I looked up and waited to see if I was caught before taking another and another. I almost let myself get excited and believe that I had actually managed to get away. They were really sly, I could give them that. They waited for me to reach the door of my room and try to contain my celebratory dance before clearing their throats with threatening implications. I didn’t even need them to say something, I already knew what that meant.

I regretfully let go of my room’s handle and sighed looking up trying to find out which entity hated me so much that gave me out like this. I had only ever snuck out once and returned late! Everybody else at least had a few more times of fun first and were then caught red-handed.

I set my shoes on the ground and gripped the handle of my bag before taking a deep breath and accepting that there was no way around this. I didn’t know what expression to wear so I looked down- the safest option- and walked to the living room ready to hear the lecture of a lifetime. My socks were a bit slippery but I didn’t have to care about the sound they made anymore.

I entered the living room briefly looking up to see that my father was seated on one couch and my mother on the other that was facing exactly opposite of me before looking back down.

“Look who found their way back home” My father was the one to start sarcastically. I didn’t like his tone or the implication it made about me but I knew that I should bear with it. I didn’t intend to say something back. I only wanted to get this over with and lock myself in my room. My previous good mood was slowly fading like a pleasant memory that I wasn’t going to experience ever again.

“Where were you?” My mother cut straight to the chase. Her voice was a little worried. I preferred it when they imposed their decisions on me because I didn’t have to speak when there were no questions asked and then we didn’t have to fight. They believed I was an obedient daughter and I had my peace and quiet.

“I was out with a friend” I replied vaguely but truthfully. “We were looking for the necessary things for…a field trip” I tried to make it more specific so that they wouldn’t get suspicious and assume I was lying. This wasn’t how I had pictured things. I would have returned in time for dinner and we would calmly talk about it while eating. Now, it was more of an interrogation and Kajiura’s smart idea about buying the things before I even knew the answer, seemed more of an audacious thing to do. As if I was giving them no other choice rather than letting me go. They surely wouldn’t like that.

“You have more than one friend?” Well, that wasn’t the question I was expecting but way to say it, mom! Thanks for your consideration! I wasn’t sure if the words were the ones that hurt more or the surprise in her voice. I couldn’t exactly decide.

“What your mother meant to say is…” My dad sensed the awkwardness that grew in the room and tried to change the subject. “We met another one of your friends today. She was a very sweet and polite girl” He smiled as if he thought that he was being any better. The words “friends” in his mouth when referring to something that had to do with me sounded like a joke, like he still couldn’t believe it. Of course Matsuda was sweet and polite! She was amazing! Was I not supposed to have good friends? If any people ever gave me the time of day, they would only be weirdos?

Actually, scratch that. One of them definitely was. My anger burst into bubbles when I remembered his smile today and how much fun it had been passing time with him, so much that I had completely lost track of it. I wanted to appear frustrated to my parents but a gentle smile couldn’t help but make its way to my lips. I looked even further down to hide it.

“Yes, right.” My mom continued where my dad left off. “She said something about your school’s field trip and you wanting to go. If that was the case, why didn’t you say so earlier?”

The smile vanished. I clutched the handle of my bag. I needed to keep my cool. If there was any chance I could go on the field trip, it was going to be ruined by an outburst. There wasn’t any reason or need to fight. We were civilized people.

“I talk but do you ever listen?!” Well that didn’t go as planned. I looked up and pierced them with my eyes. My face was broken and I wasn’t sure if my eyes were wet or full of fire. I wanted to scream and I wanted to cry. Every bottled up feeling suddenly found its way out.

“Now, be careful how you speak-”

“You’re my parents! Not my teachers, not the authorities! I’m supposed to be able to talk freely to you so don’t give me the ‘Remember you are talking to your parents’ shit!” They both backed away. They were obviously irritated but didn’t dare interrupt me until I finished with what I wanted to say. Some things could only be resolved by fighting and shouting our feelings at each other. We couldn’t follow good manners and rules even in our arguments. “You never let me talk! You don’t give me the chance to express myself and assume that I have nothing to say! And when I take the courage to actually say something, you don’t pay attention! I told you I wanted to go so many times and you said that I was going to be alone anyway! Who the hell says that to a kid, to their kid? The only time you considered something I said was when some stranger came and talked to you about it. So don’t ask me why I haven’t been talking because all this time, you haven’t been listening.”

They opened their mouths but no sound came out. They seemed to be at a loss of words. I didn’t want any of their speeches anyway. I simply needed to let this all out. I wasn’t aware of it before that day but I really did need that. I turned my back on them.

“And I’m going on that field trip!” I announced with the last ounce of determination I found in me before it went out and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything of the short again. I ran to my room and locked myself inside. I wanted to cry but I didn’t feel sad. I felt liberated. I wanted to laugh out loud to my heart’s content. My body was trembling and I didn't know what to do with myself. I paced around the room not able to calm down and actually, not wanting to.

A notification sound broke me out of my shocked state and I pulled my phone out of my bag to see a message from a really weird contact I didn’t remember adding.

You up? How did it go?

I rolled my eyes.

How did you get my number and how did I get yours? And who the fuck is TheAwesomestBestFriendYouWillEverHave?

I did it when you went to the toilet and do I really need to explain the last one?

No, don’t worry. Just changed it to CreepyStalker.

Noooo, why would you do that?

Well, the other one was a mouthful and this one seems more fitting.

ANYWAY, will you go on the field trip or not?

I looked towards the door in only a moment of hesitation before replying.

Of course I will. What type of question is that?