To the Mall!

In the mere thought of my parents seeing me leaving the house with a boy, I felt shivers down my spine. I approached him but he was so distracted by his thoughts and everything that happened around him that I was worried he would make a scene if I tried to call out to him. I was sure that if he knew the reason I was trying to keep him hidden, he would make it his life’s mission to meet my parents and create the worst impression possible.

So I did the only natural thing I could. I grabbed him by the back of his collar and dragged him inside the house, making sure to close the door behind us before he could shout out in surprise and draw unwanted attention.

He blinked a couple of times before realizing what had just happened and then his expression changed into a naughty one. I could sense the words that were going to escape his mouth before he even thought of them. It was like a creeping feeling on my skin.

“I didn’t know you were so daring” He started with his usual expression on his face. He crossed his arms under his chest with a disappointed look and added. “And with your parents right outside! I can’t believe-”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m so improper! I wonder how you put up with me.” I brushed him off with a flat voice and a passive expression before forcefully taking his hand in mine. “Now, will you follow me before my parents catch us here together?”

Let’s just say that it was in the form of a question out of sheer politeness. I didn’t wait for his approval before starting to walk towards the back door, making him follow me as our fingers were interlaced. I did my best not to pay any attention to the tingly feeling his skin left on mine. His palms were large in comparison to mine and his fingers were long and skinny. At the same time it felt like he was strong, it also felt like if I put too much pressure on him, he would break. My hands started getting sweaty and I couldn’t discern if the heartbeat I was feeling was mine or his. My body was overwhelmed by all of these new experiences and senses so I was moving on autopilot as I opened the door and got out.

“You know, you look different in normal clothes.” Thanks for giving me another thing to think about! I had completely forgotten that since it was my day-off, I had selected a different set of clothes than what he usually saw me in. My face started warming up as I wondered if that difference was good or not and what his honest opinion was. He had seen many beautiful girls and most of them had given themselves to him. I definitely looked like nothing special compared to them with my light jeans and my simple t-shirt. I turned around to ask him what he thought of me to see him having a ponderous look as he looked me up and down. “Not so uptight. Almost like a decent human being.”

He murmured loudly enough to make it seem like he was talking to himself but he in fact wanted me to hear him. I narrowed my eyes and instantly let go of his hand ignoring the whining of my own skin as it parted from his.

“You know, sometimes I wonder how you manage to make all these girls want you.” I replied with bile and then looked away. I was aware of his joking and teasing and how irritating it could be but it felt a little over the line when it was about my appearance. I had never made fun of his outside, only the inside. It wasn’t like I would have many things to complain about his figure anyway, he was handsome and we both knew that.

“With my unbeatable charms, my devastatingly good looks, my sweet words…” He started counting on his fingers with a smug expression.

“Your irritating personality, your punchable face, your always showing up in the wrong place…” I continued counting on my fingers as well.

“Hey, that last one is more you than me!” He said in an almost offended way.

“It’s only a matter of perspective.” I replied, looking at him with an intelligent look and moving my fingers in the air as if I was painting the last word.

“Yeah, yours!”

“Now that I think about it, why are you wearing your school uniform?” I hadn’t paid much attention to it before because he looked exactly as I was used to seeing him. But we weren’t at school and he still wasn’t wearing any normal clothes. “Don’t tell me, your taste sucks so much that you didn’t have anything better to wear?” I asked, bringing my hand in front of my deviously grinning face.

“Haha, you’re so funny.” He began but seemed to hesitate to continue and answer my question. “It’s…not my day-off too…?” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. I looked at him with wide eyes trying to understand what he said.

“What?”

“I said…I may or may not be supposed to be at school right now…” I felt like I was struck by lightning.

“There’s no way you’re going to miss school so that I can buy some stupid things I may not even need! Who’s to say that I will even go on the field trip?!”

“I’m to say and so is Matsuda. I told you to believe in us.” His disappointment this time was more tangible. It wasn’t like accusing me of bringing a boy in my house, this was real. He even looked a bit offended. He passed by me and continued walking forward. He was mere steps in front of me but the way his profile had looked when it rushed through my eyes, it felt like I was being left behind. His whole body and expression were telling me that if I didn’t move quickly, I wouldn’t be able to keep up. Panic started flooding my system and I took some hasty breaths. I didn’t know why I felt that way or how someone could affect me like this with a simple change of tone or expression.

“Wait…” My voice quivered and went out like a weak flame in a candle so close to the window that it couldn’t stay aflame.

“And don’t give so much credit to yourself. Nobody said that I wanted to be there, only that I was supposed to.” His voice seemed lighter but as he brought his arms behind his head and joined his fingers, I saw how stiff his shoulders still were.

“But what about your-...” parents? I would have asked but didn’t dare to. His fingers twitched before I could even finish my question and his footsteps came to a sudden halt. Even if we were officially friends now, there were things that I shouldn’t ask about and I understood that. When someone says that it’s fine, sometimes it’s better to take it at face value rather than pushing it any further. “So where are we going? I haven’t done this before. What do I even need that I don’t already have?” I tried to change the subject. He turned back to me and for a second I was afraid that he wouldn’t be in the mood anymore. Thankfully, his playfulness was back on.

“Oh, I know exactly the place. Trust me.” If it was any other time, I wouldn’t even think of trusting those gleamy eyes and shady smile but at the moment, there was still some awkwardness floating in the air between us and I wanted to get rid of that. So I did trust him and followed him blindly…unfortunately.

“There’s no way I’m going to trust you ever again!” Thankfully, I had realized what was going on, a moment before we had entered the store. If I had passed the automatic doors, I wouldn’t want to offend the employees or the merchandise and I may even have been convinced to try something out only out of proper etiquette. Maybe that was what he was hoping for since the beginning.

I wanted to punch him but I simply stormed off trying to create as much distance between myself and the erotic underwear store as possible. My fists were clenched into balls by my sides and my nostrils were flaring by the deep and long breaths I was taking. I didn’t care where I was going as long as it was far away from that place and that big idiot. It was my fault that I had felt bad for him in the first place and wanted to please him! I was never going to listen or believe any word that exited his mouth ever again.

“Hey there, cutie-” I didn’t even remember raising my fist and punching that duffus that tried to hit on me because I looked like I was ‘in a fragile state and needed help’. Not him, nor the ones that followed. Is there some type of book for desperate males that instructs you to approach a girl when she is sentimentally unstable? Because if there was, someone was simply playing them. There was no worse time than that.

“Hey-” My arm twitched, ready to hit another one. My fist was burning and hurting but I didn’t care at the time. I was only going to regret it later. “Don’t shoot! It’s me.” My clouded senses cleared away and I recognized the voice. I turned around with a murderous look that made him yelp.

“You do know that this is the worst possible time for you being you, right?” I started feeling my aura only get darker and darker. I took some steps towards him and he took some back. “The only reason I hit the others was because you weren’t there, do you really think that you’re safe because you are you?” Okay, I was bluffing. My expression managed to convince him otherwise and I really did feel like I wanted to punch him but I knew that I wasn’t going to. People are not animals. Just because we have an urge, it doesn’t mean we are going to satisfy it. But he didn’t need to know that. I just wanted to make sure that he wasn’t going to try anything like his previous antics ever again, not with me at least.

“Meow”

“Meow?” I asked impulsively and leaned my head to the side.

“That wasn’t me. I did hope that it was going to help you forget what happened earlier though” He said timidly and opened his moving jacket, only to reveal the cutest black cat I had ever seen. Her eyes were so green that it looked like they emitted their own light in contrast with the dark colour of her rich fur. My expression melted right away and I reached for it before even processing it.

“Where did you find it?” I asked in a gentler tone as I took it into my arms trying not to startle it or else it would jump right out of my embrace. It was warm and I could feel its frantic heartbeat on my fingertips.

“It was strolling around in the hallway outside one of the mall’s restaurants.” He paused for a second but I didn’t notice it because I was too preoccupied caressing the cat and enjoying the purring sound it made. If I had looked up, I would have caught him watching me and my interactions with the cat with interest and curiosity. “Something told me you would like it.”

“It certainly is way more likable than a certain someone…”

“Okay, then. The certain someone can take back the cat he brought and leave your sight.” He reached for the cat. It was probably a feint, I didn’t know and I didn’t care. I immediately looked up at him with hostility. I may or may not have hissed as well. I’m not entirely sure.

“Take one more step closer and I’ll bite you” I said with a dead serious expression. He looked at me for a moment without blinking and then burst out laughing.

“You do know that you can’t keep it forever though, right? We can’t enter shops with it and even if we did, there’s no way your parents will let you take it inside the house.” He said after he calmed down. I opened my mouth ready to object to his logic but didn’t find any good arguments. He was right and my expression fell as I realized that. I looked at the cat cradled in my arms and looked back at me meowing in a way that made me believe that it understood what was going on and wasn’t entirely happy about it. Apparently, it was just my stupid imagination because when I bought something for it to eat as a parting gift, it snatched it with its mouth and started running away without even looking back. It had gotten what it wanted, there was no reason for it to stay there longer.

“Do you think it’s bad?” He asked suddenly too close by my side. His breath brushed the air near my ear. It needed everything in me to ignore it and not shiver in reaction.

“It’s a cat” I knew that wasn’t what he meant.

“Do you think it’s bad when someone gets what they wanted from the beginning and then leaves like nothing happened?” His voice was heavy. It made my heart ache for some reason.

“Why? Do you plan on exploiting my friendship and then-?” I tried to joke so that I could lighten his mood but when I turned around, all the words left my mouth and my brain. He was too close. So close that I could feel his breath on my forehead and I could see the emotions clearly in his eyes. I didn’t know someone could hold that much sadness before this moment. He kept on looking at me trying to find the answer he hoped for. I didn't know which one it was. I wanted to comfort him but I didn’t know how.

My eyes drifted to his thin lips and my throat suddenly felt dry. Swallowing became really hard and the more times I looked back into his eyes and then his lips again, it grew more and more difficult to do so. My eyes were anchored on his lips. I hadn’t felt anything like this before.

“So? Which one is it?”

I got a little irritated. I was about to grab him and kiss him out of spite. I was there so close and obviously looked like I wanted to touch his lips with mine, even if I hadn’t thought of something similar before. Why was it so easy to do it to other girls but when it was me, all he thought about was some stupid question?! Was it that important?!

I moved an inch closer to him and then jolted away. This wasn’t me. It wasn’t me at all. If he insisted so much on it, of course it was important. It was tormenting him. I was his friend. If I wasn’t going to help him, then who would? I looked back up at him.

“I think it is bad, objectively.” His expression started to shift. It didn’t have enough time to be clear if it was in a bad or a good way. “But I think that people are too complicated for there to be an answer as simple as black or white. It might be gray”

“...” He opened his mouth but I could see that whatever he was struggling with was going to be worse if he said what he was about to say. He wasn’t ready yet. I didn’t care about the details, I only wanted him to be alright.

“I don’t think there are many things I need for the field trip. I have appropriate clothes at home and a flashlight or anything of the sort. We can just go back”

“But-”
“If I need to do all this to convince my parents for something as simple as this, then what’s the point? It’s not true freedom and trust in me, I’ll find another way.”

“That wasn’t-”

“We are going to come back together. Just another time. At a different occasion.” I promised with a sweet smile.

“Okay…”

“Are you hungry?”

“What?”

“Nobody said anything about not having food right?”

He looked a bit lost but smiled anyway.

“Yes, I’m starving!”

“There’s this place I know…”