Uh Oh Stimky Video Script

Woodpecker Joe bit off a part of the metal spoon, rolled it on his tongue and crunched it with his teeth. Sweet as candy. A perfect match for powdered tea on this very perfect day.

He’s outdoors, his armpits drenched under his shirt and trenchcoat. Finding the place where HoneyCakes44 lived was a piece of cake. Begging the house’s owner at the other side of the street to let him pretend that his porch was a cafe wasn’t. Seven had to knock him out. Benny did well by suggesting to shove him inside the closet gagged and with his arms tied behind his back.

Now, he’s here, perfectly unnoticed in this quiet neighborhood. No one’s walking around. No one would suspect him. He also had Benny pretend like a very concerned citizen and tip the Sixes that there was someone acting weird a few blocks away.

What he’s looking at was a normal white house. Not a lot of textures, which was normal for someone who thrived on the internet by parading herself as normal. This neighborhood was prized for having real trees that no one dared to steal, but HoneyCakes44’s house had a few real ones in her backyard for shade. Security might be tight.

Woodpecker Joe cracked his knuckles and placed his attache case on the table. He picked up his shades and pocketed his wooden plasma pistol. He glanced at his longer attache case on the floor and turned back at the house. He tapped his right temple and his vision zoomed in to examine the grass in greater detail.

It was well-trimmed and healthy. They’re moist as well. It didn’t rain at all yesterday. There’s a chance that HoneyCakes44 was more active around her house, but he didn’t want to test it. He tapped his right temple.

“Benny, do you have a visual inside the house?”

“I got nothing. The shadows are all wrong. We might be looking at a textured wall. Plant life looks real, though. Seven, do you see anything?”

“Negative. I have to apologize. You made me spit out the thermal goggles earlier and you failed to catch it when I did. While I understand that you have a tendency to blame others and save your own skin, it matters, too, to own up to your own mistakes and failures. It is but a step towards growth.”

“Nothing we could do about that.” Woodpecker Joe sighed and muted Benny just before he screamed. “Just a heads up then. This amount of precision in caretaking would come from a Five with the Butler Plugin. They’re not as good as the Sixes, but we’re working against something that has a decent combat module installed. At worse, there would be more than one if they would step out of the house that is.”

“Roger that,” Benny replied.

“Also…” Woodpecker Joe furrowed his brows. “I don’t see… Where the hell are you people?”

“It comes with the job, right?” Benny scoffed. “We’re one with nature.”

“Somewhere,” Seven added.

Woodpecker Joe heard a few close breaths inside his head. Benny might be cramped up in a fetal position. He looked around and as he had expected, he saw his head smoking in heat at the top of a two-story building a block away. He couldn’t find Seven.

“Seven, are you in position?”

“It feels amazing to be remembered. And of course, my hand is stinking and ready. It’ll be deadly.”

“We don’t want to kill her, though.”

“Yes,” Woodpecker Joe commented. “We can’t collect the payment if she’s dead.”

“Man,” Benny sighed. “I remember the time when she made a video of herself while jogging. It really feels different when you experience the world through her eyes. It’s like everything is bright and pink.”

“That’s a filter, Benny,” Woodpecker Joe said.

“She mentioned enjoying the world even though we all know that it’s fake. Like, it doesn’t belong to us, but since we’re here, there’s nothing that we could really do about it. It actually made me take my position here. Amazing.”

Woodpecker Joe smiled. “How does it feel?”

“Everything’s bright. Dizzy. My throat hurts. I can’t move. Water… I want water.” Benny took a deep breath. “But if it’s for HoneyCakes44, then it should be good. I feel like I can do good things because of her.”

“I’m proud of you, Benny. While I understand that boys at your age don’t share their feelings due to their fear of losing their ability to be cool, it takes real courage to admit to something like that no matter how gross it seems. You’re turning into a fine young man,” Seven faked a cough. “with questionable tendencies.”

“Thanks, Seven. I also got too excited and left the water bottle you gave me.” He licked his dry lips. “I know that it might be the ball talking, but you really think that she’ll let me jog with her if I stumble into her path enough?”

“No.” Woodpecker Joe stifled a cough. Bastard almost made him spill his tea. “Take that back right now.”

“Hey, I think I can run a few meters and run out of breath. I can train. I can follow her trail and all. And be like, when I’m ready, I’ll be there, you know?”

“No.”

Benny scoffed. “You don’t think I don’t run enough?”

“The only problem that would happen here is if you can’t stop Seven from calling the police.”

“Gosh darn it, Man! You’re not going to tell on me and my joke, right, Seven?”

Both of them were met with silence. Both of them refused to speak. What they heard in each other’s heads was the sound of the wind, slightly judging them, until they heard a familiar beep.

“Good day, everyone! My name is Seven. And I am here to help. Please wait a few more minutes as I finish my system reboot checkup.” A bit of music followed. “I would wake up soon. Thank you for your patience.”

“You made him reboot,” Woodpecker Joe sighed.

“Our friendship was strong enough for him to not follow his command and turn me in to the police.” Benny sniffled. “I’m touched.”

“Thank you for waiting. Seven will come to you, shortly.”

At the same time, the knob on HoneyCakes44’s door turned. Woodpecker Joe lowered his head to not appear suspicious. She came out just in time.

“Benny, do you have visuals on her bodyguards?”

“HoneyCakes44 is a little early, as expected. There are two Sixes about to cross the street a few blocks away. They might be unarmed, but you can’t be sure. You can cut them off by the left intersection before they get here if you move in now.”

“Got it.” Woodpecker Joe picked up the longer attache case and patted the pistol at his side. “Seven.”

“Seven will be coming to you shortly.”

“This is important.”

“Do you want to leave a note?”

“Yes.” Woodpecker Joe sighed. “Your target is a human girl wearing a bright pink jacket. She has a messy blonde bun for her hair. You can’t miss her. And make sure that you have that footage. Pick up my attache case on the table on your way to escape.”

“If…” Benny’s voice trembled as though he’s clutching his chest. “If anything goes wrong… I’ll do it myself.”

Woodpecker Joe smiled. “I’ll be sure to take care of one of the guards then.”

Woodpecker Joe left a few coins on the table. He kept his head low as he walked to the other side of the street. Looks like he got by without appearing too suspicious. Even if HoneyCakes44 did look, she would be having far too many questions.

He walked straight ahead. Benny was jumping across rooftops, with a bit of purplish gleam following his movements. Luckily, there would be no vehicles in front of him to be worried about. This was a quiet day, after all. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. He tapped his right temple to turn the communications off. The Woodpecker had come to play.

About to take a turn, he placed his longer attache case on the floor and drew his wooden plasma pistol. He assumed a low stance and twisted to the right to intercept those two bots.

He took point. He sucked his teeth and whispered, “Heehaw.” He smiled and pressed the trigger. Three clicks like a bird’s beak cracking a branch of a tree. He put three holes in a single robot guard. One to destroy the alarm in its chest. One on the shoulder to stiffen its right arm. One in the head to put it down. Four shots left.

Heehaw. Woodpecker Joe frowned. He melted both of the second robot’s knees. It staggered forward and dropped its standard-issue plasma pistol for peacekeeping. He shot the right arm off out of habit and put a hole in its head. The alarm would still be alive, so more bots with cameras would come. They would be gone, but everyone else would be able to see it all. This terrible terrible face reveal should be viral.

He let his pistol rest to recharge for good measure and tapped his right temple.

“SEVEN, YOU BUTTHOLE!”

Woodpecker Joe cringed at the powerful voice that rang his mind’s ear. He glanced at the robots he downed and walked back to see what was happening.

“Hi, are you, perhaps, HoneyCakes44?”

“Yes, that’s me… what seems to be the problem?”

He heard HoneyCakes44’s voice, presumably from Seven’s point of view. He let out a sigh of relief. Looks like his order went through. He just needed to pick up his other attache case, clean the set the man he stuffed in the closet free, and bail for safety after everything is done.

“Oh, I was just jogging around,” Seven feigned a chuckle like a real awkward teen. “I know that I’m a robot and it doesn’t make sense for me to exercise, but I think it's a good option to just… appreciate life you know?”

“I WILL CUT YOUR BODY IN HALF,” Benny screamed into everyone’s heads, breaking his voice, assuming as his tears flew in the wind. “I’LL TURN THE OTHER PART INTO A SHREDDER AND I’LL FORCE YOU TO EAT YOURSELF AGAIN AND AGAIN.”

“Are you a fan?”

“Yes! In fact, I just subscribed to you a few days ago. I just happen to be passing by, so I’m not suspicious at all.”

“I—” HoneyCakes44 coughed.”What’s that smell? Is that coming from your hand? Did you have an accident?”

“Oh, do not worry about it, Ma’am. It’s all good.”

“NO. I’LL JUST MELT YOU!” Benny threw a triumphant laugh at the microphone. “I’LL SELL YOU FOR SCRAPS. I’LL SELL YOU CHEAP. IN FACT, I’LL BUY A BIKE AND BE THE GOOD BOY I WAS AND DELIVER YOU TO EVERYONE’S DOORSTEP LIKE A NEWSPAPER.”

“Don’t call me ma’am. It’s a bit awkward.” HoneyCakes44 chuckled. “HoneyCakes44 is fine. Are you XvX_SevenSevenSeven_XvX?”

Seven laughed like an awkward teen. Benny, on the other hand, screamed so loud that Woodpecker Joe had to manually dial his voice down. His voice was different. It was as if there was someone else in there.

Woodpecker Joe looked up and found his reason to pick up his pace and run. Benny was moving, but there was a thick purple miasma following his stride. His friend was turning. Woodpecker Joe readied his gun.

“I'LL KILL YOU, I’LL RIP YOU APART. FORGET WHAT I’VE SAID. I AM IN CONTROL. I’LL CHEW YOU MYSELF.” Benny breathed and chuckled like he was drowning in blood. “EVERYTHING TASTES LIKE CANDY IN THIS WORLD, ANYWAY. I’LL ENJOY IT. I’LL ENJOY EVERY LAST BIT OF YOU.”

Now that he had thought of it. Seven might’ve muted Benny. Woodpecker Joe finally made that turn. He took his stance and aimed for Benny’s neck. A second passed and he dropped his aim.

“Sure. But perhaps… I should tell you this first.” Seven smiled and showed HoneyCakes44 his right hand dripping with fecal matter. “I have to apologize but—”

A white van rammed Seven from nowhere and sent him flying into the wind. For a moment, he looked like he was flying as the smear in his hand sprayed in the air, making glimmering rainbows right before he crashed back to the ground.