Chapter 24:

No Sappy Lines Allowed!

My Childhood Best Friend is a VTuber! (OsananaV)

“What do you mean a date?”

I think Sakura might be forgetting who I’ve been trying to get to this entire time!

All I can feel is my heart wanting to exit my chest; in the past few minutes I’ve been sent curveball after curveball – no matter how much I keep swinging, I can’t hit any of these.

“I mean when a girl and a boy go out and do things together.”

When she puts it like that, it starts to sound a little more innocent. My heart rate starts to lower a little.

It’s not that I don’t like Sakura, it’s just that I don’t really think of her that way. She’s Koi’s little sister that used to play with us as kids.

If anything, after our childhood and our banter together, I think of her more like a little sister than anything.

That’s not a trope that I’m into!

Thanks for asking.

“That kind of date, huh?”

Despite seeming more innocent than my initial impression, for some reason, I still think this is worse than the outcome where I become a slave for a day.

Don’t ask me how that logic works!

“I mean, it can be with a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl. I don’t discriminate. It’s just in this case, it will be with a boy and a girl.”

Am I getting lessons from an idiot?

“Thanks for clearing that up…”

Does she really think that I don’t see her as a girl? Or is this one of those situations where she’s wondering if I see her as a woman or not?

“Anyways, I was thinking tomorrow? How does that work?”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Sakura wastes absolutely no time with anything! She is as straightforward and blunt as it gets.

“You could at least butter me up first…”

Have a little courtesy!

“You’re not toast, you’re hardly even bread – I don’t see why I’d need to butter you up for anything.”

What a rare insult…

Does that even constitute as an insult?

“I can’t do tomorrow – I’m working all day.”

She just so happened to pick the one day that I’ve got work at the convenience store. It’s boring and monotonous work, but it’s just around the corner from my place and it pays money.

Money that I need for the new Mayu mini figurine that’s going on preorder this month!

It’s the first time that this company has decided to make figures for vtubers and their choosing Mayu is a massive step for the Doki Doki Demons.

“What time do you get off work?”

It’s as if Sakura’s voice grabs me out of the magical realm of thinking about the Queen and back into this terrifying conversation.

Let me have my peace, even if just for a moment!

Also, why does she want to know when I finish work? Mayu is in the very final moments of her subathon, let me have this time.

To be honest, I spent so much time on all this crap, I probably don’t have much of it left. Who knows if it will even still be on then?

“I finish work at five.”

“Sweet, we can make it a dinner date then! Get there at six, I’ll text you the details!”

Get there at six?

I’ve never been asked out on a date before, but I’d at least hoped that if it was ever going to happen that it would feel a little more magical. Maybe some smooth lines would be exchanged, some flirtatious dialogue – not someone three years my junior bossing me around and telling me where to go.

Where is my say in this?

I swear to god, every route in this story seems to revolve around me being a masochist or something. Where are the normal girls?

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The dial-tone shocks me out of my ongoing revelations.

She really hung up? After just that?

Part of me is annoyed, and honestly, a little part of me feels kind of violated.

It is only at this time that I become fully aware that I am still on the floor with a sore head and backside.

Sakura isn’t good for much, but at least she’s good at distracting people from the absolute pain they’re in.

Even if it is because the pain her existence inflicts is that much greater.

I hoist myself up using the top of the desk and my chair as leverage points.

As I weakly stand there for a moment, trying to forget about the geriatric-level pain surging throughout my body, I look at the screen.

The timer has only a few minutes left, it seems that all of Mayu’s friends have left the stream for the very final bout and it is just her addressing her fans with final messages.

“Thank you so much, honestly. I know this kind of talk from me is a little strange, but I just wanted to make sure you all know that I appreciate you for being with me all this time! I was having a bit of a rough time before this stream and you guys really helped me out.”

There are audible sobs coming from Mayu as she delivers her heartfelt message, even if her vtuber model isn’t equipped with a crying animation.

This is the most wholesome she’s been in a long time, maybe even ever.

“It seems like even if you guys are trash, you’re still my treasure.”

I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel about that last part there, Mayu. It’s both so sweet and utterly defamatory at the same time.

Reaching for my monitor, I turn the volume up as high as it can go and then walk over to my bed and collapse.

My bed is so comfy, it feels like it’s been years since I just laid here for a bit in complete bliss and lazed about for a while.

Even though it really hasn’t been very long at all!

Burying my head into my pillow, I keep one ear out so I can still hear Mayu giving off her closing remarks.

This is the life, it’s nice to be able to live the life of a shut-in in peace, even if it’s just for a little while.

What happened to my laid-back lifestyle?

When did everything stop being about Mayu and Mayu alone?

Not that I mind, of course. I feel like I’ve met some great people recently, even if they are all suspicious weirdos who do things that I can’t possibly have any sort of explanation to.

I guess it’s like Mayu said, even in spite of all those things – they’re my treasure.

Oh god.

No sappy lines allowed!

Dave Mania
Liber Mercury