The Holy Grail of Entertainment

Following the shopping trip with Emma, I developed a rather unfortunate reputation for being ‘helpful’. Not only did she make me carry the shopping to the car but she made me carry it from the car too. And then she forced me to help put it all away in the kitchen.

Only now, at 6 pm, nearly twelve hours after I left my room am I back in it. And the worst part of it all? The really nasty thing?

**knock knock**

I’m not even done. You do one thing for one person, and suddenly people think you’ll bend over and let them fuck you any way they like.

**knock knock**

Pulling my pants back up, I drag my heavy bones to the door.

“What?”

“Someone sounds unhappy.”

It’s Lexi. The half-grin on her face eats about twice as much shit as most full ones.

“Because you’re about to make me unhappy.”

“I need you to do me a favour.”

“No.”

I try slamming the door like I had on Emma last night but a single palm from Lexi makes it inert. Try as I might, the door won’t budge. The hinges must need oiling.

“Come on, don’t play favourites, you helped Emma earlier didn’t you?”

“Not like I wanted to.”

“Then why did you? She offer you something in exchange?” Lexi makes an obscene gesture with her free hand and mouth. “She’s not even that good you know.”

“What do you want, Lexi?”

“If that’s what you want, I can do it bett-”

“What do you want?”

“Your loss… Think you can do something about this?”

She lifts her right foot slightly off the ground, revealing a silent Reina, eyes clutched shut, clutching onto it like a limpet. I hadn’t noticed her because I'd been focused on Lexi, who isn't that much shorter than me that I can look down on her.

“Seems like a job for someone else.”

“You managed to keep her away from us on Monday, I think she likes you.”

“I think you’re making shit up.”

“Reina look, it’s the boy!”

This provocation gets Reina to open her eyes.

“Hyah!” Looking up and seeing me, she leaps from Lexi’s right leg to my left and latches on. After stealing my evening, Lexi’s grin grew three sizes.

“Thanks, Aidan!” She says while patting me on the head. “I’ll owe you one.”

“I suppose you wouldn’t let me cash that I.O.U. right now would you?”

“Nope!”

With that, she puts her hands in her pockets and strides off down the hall. She has no intention of getting me back I’m sure, but I’ll make her. One way or another.

“So,” I say, turning my attention to Reina, “what’s your problem?”

“I’m bored!”

“I’m gonna need more than that.”

“If Reina gets bored for too long she might die!”

“Where’d you hear that?”

“Lexi.”

That girl seems to be all sorts of trouble.

“Do you think you could get off my leg?”

“Only if you find something more fun.”

I try shaking her off but she’s got some grip.

“Weeeeee! Wooooooo! Yayyyyyyy!”

At any rate, she seems to be enjoying this, as if it’s some sort of game.

“Fine, let's go find you something.”

I head towards the common area, eliciting a giggle from Reina every time I drag my left foot across the floor.

***

The common room is much more interesting than I gave it credit for. Right now, at Reina’s behest, I am digging through what she referred to as ‘the pile’. It’s a random assortment of things that have been plundered from somewhere or another that’s been shoved off into the corner. Clothes, books, DVDs, a concerning amount of phallic objects, it has a bit of everything.

I’ve started sorting things into piles for the sake of efficiency. Reina is very particular about what she wants to do. She was very emphatic in stating she would not read a book, and that books were evil, so I was piling them as far away from us as possible. A DVD would suffice if I can find one she hasn’t watched yet. I have two stacks of things she’s already watched that are threatening to topple over and crush me. The clothes that are left here don’t fit anyone, that’s why they’re still here apparently. That’s why I’m searching for something special beyond the fabric.

“Oh my god…”

“Did you find something?” Reina asks excitedly.

I don’t answer her though, as I peel back the layers of shirts and skirts, it comes further into view. Hidden deep beneath ‘the pile’, wrapped in those light grey wires, is the unmistakable visage of a Nintendo Wii.

Surely it’s just the console. Wherever it was found, there’s no way the controllers were still there. The Wii required many things to operate; controllers, a sensor bar, a constant power source and people to use it. It had always been my theory that the main console itself would outlive the rest of these components by millennia.

“There’s no way…”

I need to stop doubting the Nintendo Wii because it has never doubted me. As I lift it out from its resting place, I find two pristine controllers just underneath. No game boxes though, Maybe there’s a game in it?

“No way! Do you know how to use that thing?”

Reina looks up at me with hope in her eyes.

“Never have I known something better…”

“I’ve always wanted to play it but none of us could figure out how to use it…”

“If you get off me, I can try setting it up.”

“OK!”

Reina jumps off me and dashes towards her spot on the bunk bed. Just in time too, I had lost feeling in my foot a while ago.

“There might not even be a game in this just so you know…” I warn her as I begin untangling all the wires.

“I don’t care.”

There’s always the character creation channel if nothing else.

Half an hour later and all the wires have been straightened, connected to their respective ports and pugged into the nearest wall socket. When I press the 'on' button, the Wii responds.

“Alright, cross your fingers,” I say as I hand Reina the second controller.

My anticipation is at an all-time high. No sooner than the health warning has popped up on screen than have I clicked through it. The main menu loads up, and the disc channel comes into view.

“You son of a bitch…”

If you’ve ever had a recurring nightmare where you’ve been running from something, you might understand what I’m feeling. No, a nightmare makes it sound bad, this is much more like a persistent wet dream than anything else. After all, everywhere I go, I am chased by the spectre of Wii Sports.

“Woah!” Reina very quickly finds that she controls one of the hand-shaped cursors on the screen by moving the remote around. “This is so much fun!!!!!”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Before she gets distracted by the other channels on the main menu, I started up Wii Sports and started a game of bowling.

“What’s this?”

“It’s Wii Bowling.”

“What’s it like?”

“Just like real bowling.”

“I’ve never been bowling.”

“It’s OK it’s easy. You hold down the B button to pick up the ball and throw underhand whilst releasing it to bowl.” I give her a quick demonstration with my own remote. “Just give it a go. You’ll pick it up quickly.

“Alright!” Reina inspects the controller in her hands, flipping it over until she identifies the B button. “OK, here I go!”

She stands up off the bunk bed. Does a little run-up and then charges towards the TV. I grab her by the wrist before she escapes my reach.

“Calm down. You don’t need to actually do a run-up.”

“You said it was just like real bowling…”

“Have you never heard of hyperbole?”

“No.”

“Oh, well hyperbole is-”

“Hyah!”

Ignoring my impending definition, Reina tries to bowl again but ends up throwing the remote at the TV, nearly knocking it over.

“Don’t throw the fucking remote!”

“I didn’t throw it, I bowled it!”

“You’re not meant to do that either!”

“But you said it was just like real bowling!”

After calming Reina down and explaining to her exactly where the line between reality and Wii Bowling was, she managed to get practice without putting herself or anyone else in danger. The first dozen times, she released the ball too early and threw it backwards at the NPC spectators to a signature “Wowwwwwwww!”

On her thirteenth attempt though, she manages to release it on time, knocking down a single pin.

“Yesssss! Go Reina! Reina is the best!”

While I’m using all of my remaining willpower to prevent myself from telling her how knocking down only 1 pin is bad, actually, she points her remote in my face.

“I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“This game is two-player, right? I’m ready to beat you at bowling.”

“Hahahaha!”

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, sorry.”

“Fight me in bowling please.”

“Are you sure you want to play me? I’m pretty good.”

“I’m better,” Reina states confidently.

“Alright…”

I start the game over, this time adding myself in as player two. Reina goes first, picking up 3 pins on her first bowl and another two on her second. She beams at me as if to say try beating that.

“OK Reina, I want you to pay close attention.” I clean off my hands with a towel I’d prepared in advance before picking up my remote. Moving my characters two clicks to the right, I take my stance.

I rip my attempt right down the middle with so much force that it elicits a tennis grunt inadvertently. Bingo bango, that’s what we call a strike in Winnersville!

“Your go,” I inform Reina calmly.

“What about your second shot?”

“Uh, I was so good I didn’t need one.”

An enraged Reina tries to take her rage out on the virtual pins but rolls two consecutive gutter balls. I proceed to dish out 9 more strikes to bowl another perfect game. At the end, our scores flash up onscreen and Reina asks me a question.

“So, did I win?”

“Uh, no.”

“Was I close?”

“Not really.”

“How many points did I get?”

“19.”

“That seems like a lot though!”

“I got 300.”

The realization that she had lost by 281 points seems to get to Reina, as I see tears starting to well up in her eyes. I feel just the slightest bit evil, I shouldn’t have agreed to play her.

“Don’t cry, I’m s-”

“Best two out of three!” She shouts.

“Wha-”

“We’re playing again and I’m going to win!”

“But-”

“No buts. Only bowls.”

There are tears threatening to spill out of her eyes but all they do is threaten. She is absolutely determined to beat me.

“OK, but if I win again, we’re playing something else.”