At The End of it All

It’s been nearly seven years since I’ve been back in my hometown. This is where it all began.My childhood.

Introduction to the unpleasant events of this world.

People are lost in their addictions.

Family ties.

This was where he spent the first twelve years of his life, and it was also a callback to how far his father managed to come.

From living in a one-bedroom apartment to having his very home and being more successful despite them doubting him and thinking he was a lost cause.

Another reason the old guy is the way he is.

This was the place where I wasn’t even alive. I was still in an egg waiting for the moment to hatch and live amongst these people.

Looking back at this town, I can see why I was always so down as a child. The city of angels is nothing but a fantasy.

Behind it lies a homeless problem.

Gang problems.

A terrible culture.

The land of the snakes that wait for you to be at your lowest to strike.

Poverty.

Pursuing the college route was one of my biggest mistakes. I ever made in my life. It did more harm than good.

All I was left with were these textbooks I had no use for and a label that would never escape from me being classified.

“College dropout”.

All these people I was once around and family struggling with their issues.

It gives me a glimpse that warns me that I could end up this way like them.

I wish that. I pursued my dreams instead of taking the route I assumed to be the best and the safest.

Always scared to take risks because there won’t be a high reward awaiting me.

Now I’m surrounded by such amazing people I wonder if I deserve them. I look up to them without them even knowing. Their mentality and way of thinking have changed me.

It makes me feel bad when I have my episodes where I leave them in the dark worrying for me, without telling them what’s wrong.

I’m so selfish.

I don’t feel terrible about having such great people around me. The best I can do is show them my unconditional love and support them behind the scenes. Perhaps I should give them a call.

Once I took a path that wasn’t for me because I was so close-minded and followed the pack without thinking if this was really for me.

Once, I found myself having the poor mentality that “I’m better than you.” but college would show me the reality. When facing the consequences of my lack of commitment. I fell into a rage and guilt-tripping myself.

Being back home, I’ve decided to pursue what I want and no longer take the “safe” route because that’s what everyone does.

You cannot build a future without taking risks.

High school was a time of my mental health not being in the right frame of thought.

School made me feel pressured to attend college even though I had no major in mind. All I knew in my life was school. I had no experience working a part-time job.

The only thing I knew what to be was a student.

Always the one learning and never the one teaching. Can’t be teaching either if you don’t have no knowledge.

Most of my classmates already had their lives planned out after high school. Some already had that vision before their junior and senior years.

This made me feel so much pressure.

Eventually, I started viewing college as the only way to be successful. The way to happiness. Recognition from my father and elder brother.

I felt like I had something to prove.

I started taking random classes on career paths to see what I wanted, and there was one that caught my eye.

Crime Scene Investigation.

The teacher there taught me a lot about life, and him always wanting the best from his students. Reminding us that whatever we’re doing now won’t work in college. Such as cheating and poor study habits that I would soon learn the hard way.

He got me into Criminology, and I became fascinated with crime and law. It managed to awaken my passion of once wanting to be a police officer in my early days.

At one point, I wanted to become part of the military, navy, or marines. You can say this was me rushing to find a path quickly with little time before graduation.

Two years later, I no longer follow what worked for others anymore. Instead, I follow my intuition and always have my heart on my sleeve.

My mission as a person is to follow my heart and spread love to others.

People who care about luxuries. People that only care about personal gain. Where people I wanted nothing from

They will never value what they have.

I like those who have the right mindset and have a vision that not even the sky is the limit for it.

“You can take the book and read it. But you won’t always understand.”

People can always take what other all-time greats did and use it, but they’ll never be able to understand and dream bigger. Leave the game better than you found it.

I was once a man whose existence didn’t feel real. A human who never valued himself and put others over himself.

Education is beneficial and continuing it is okay. Perhaps you might learn something from the culture colleges and universities has.

Never follow a path without knowing what lies in the other. That you neglected to enter. It’s a two-way road that you can enter.

I wasted my life in college without even liking what I was doing.

Being caught up in countless things without being able to focus on one thing.

Making those who cared for me worried, and distancing myself from them all because I couldn’t speak up and tell what I was feeling.

I thought I was doing the right thing, but all I accomplished was leaving them in the dark. Thinking less of them too.

Damn, I really don’t deserve them, huh?

Each bridge can lead to another destination.

It’s not a one-way road with no return.

Be more mindful and stick to what everybody else does because they are not you, and you are not them.

I can’t afford to fall back into bad habits and surround myself with people who can’t understand me.

Because.

At the end of it all, this is my life.