5-2-2017

"I won't die. I'll be the greatest."

Not a line said by me. This line is spoken, by a close friend, of mine who I know I can trust and rely on.

Adding more fuel to my fire to be the best I can be.

Thinking about it, I realized the flaws of my old friends and the path they decided to take.

They never accepted my other side. Finding myself surrounded by those who accept my company and all my flaws.

Our meeting took back in late 2017. We were aware of who each of us was but never associated ourselves.

They allowed me to see the true meaning of being around friends I could count on and letting me enter another path.

Throughout the hard times, we always held together.

"Pass that."

A sentence that I was far more familiar with than I should've been. Being around such individuals had me going through a smoking phase.

From vaping, cigars, and marijuana. That was my introduction, to smoking which began in my final year of middle school.

All these individuals brought me were problems and bad habits. Smoking wouldn't be the only thing.

It would bring me back to stealing, being around gang members, and eventually being an aggressive person to fit in with the mob.

These actions would catch up to me that same year and nearly got me arrested for a felony.

Losing my grandmother was one of my biggest losses, and it would be the first of many.

The passing of my grander was like losing a parental figure. That woman was like another mother to me.

I did try staying strong and holding it down when the entire family was out of it with her passing. I recalled seeing my father for the first time breaking apart but trying to stay strong, not showing his weak side to us, his sons. Brother, on the other hand, was miserable, and you could see it with his body language.

My mother, who loved the women, also was in her feelings but being a wife and a partner, she had to be the one to comfort her partner. Women will always be the glue that keeps a man from falling apart.

That tough act wouldn't last for long, and I would have a breakdown.

Hearing my father talk over the phone with my grandfather was the final straw, to finally making me collapse. It was the first time I heard two of my most significant role models as a man talk in such a depressing tone. This would lead me to fall into fall, a severe depression that lasted for three years unknowingly.

My teenage years were dangerous and painful-looking at it. The only way I coped with it was through these "friends" by becoming one of them.

By having that, the mindset of being strong and never having any weaknesses. Soon to find out that they were as vulnerable as I was as the years passed.

They would instill all their knowledge in me, and I would adopt that aggressive attitude and join them in their reckless actions. My "friends" could care less what happened to me.

I would be introduced, to our town's gang knowledge. A hatred towards police, whom they called "pigs". Even alcohol and smoking.

These experiences would teach lessons and realize the true meaning of a friend.

Finally, learning to say "no" and learning when to draw the line.

A friend is somebody who accepts you with your flaws and doesn't try to put you in a position for failure.

I found my escape, and that was with anime. These people I met loved it as much as I did, and even though at the time it was something you would be scared to share, I didn't care.

I found my people.

They were the reasons I dropped smoking and those reckless actions. All it took was one line.

"I love to breathe air. I want to live."

I recall it like it was yesterday, and I realized the value of life. These were friends who wanted my interaction.

These times allowed me to see how I dodged a bullet, and witnessing the conclusion of my "old friends" was like seeing a reflection.

A high school dropout.

Problems with the law.

None of those whose conclusion, I witnessed was, what I was destined for, and they allowed me to see that.

Ironically these new friends I made that year would help me unknowingly not commit suicide on December 18, 2018. Running into them at chance would be one of the best things to happen to me. It would let me escape that three-year depression for a while.