Frustration

" ... and, you know, after all his talk of not being scared, Jack was the first one among us who cried for his mother to save him! How hilarious!” Fynn reminisced about the time we went to the amusement park with the others when I still had my memories.

While the sun was going dawn coloring the sky in an orange and pink tone, Fynn and I walked home together.

He had to laugh at Jack, who was not even present, when he told an embarrassing story involving Jack. Even though I was not able to recall that event, I smiled. But that smile did not reach my eyes.

Maybe noticing my facial expression, he slowly stopped laughing.

“Still nothing?” Fynn asked me.

“No...” I replied dejected as my gaze shifted to the ground.

My palms hurt. I felt my fingernails trying to pierce my palms as I was clenching my fists with a great amount of strength. But I did not care if they hurt. I was just too fed up with myself.

My friends do everything they can to help me remember but I can not recollect anything yet. I am so pathetic for wasting their efforts! It is so frustrating!

So frustrating!

So damn frustrating!

“Geez, relax. You can't force yourself to remember things you don't remember.” Fynn told me trying to cheer me up.

“But you all are trying so hard to help me! Isn't it annoying if I don't show results?!” I slightly raised my voice while my head was still hanging low.

In that moment, Fynn reached out his arm to grab my collar.

“What? The only thing that annoys me is you, you know? We're helping you because we want to. Of course, it would be nice if you could recall anything but we don't want to pressure you. So stop with that way of thinking.” he clarified with a slightly angry tone.

“Now raise your head.” he ordered me after he let me go.

Silence occurred.

“Sorry...” I apologized.

“Did I no-”

“I can't promise you that I can immediately stop with my way of thinking. However, I'll try my best to be careful about that.” I announced determined with my head raised up again.

“Heh. That's how it should be.” Fynn snickered.

The mood between us brightened up.

“Not being able to force oneself to remember things one can't even remember, was it?” I muttered.

“Yeah, what about it?” Fynn asked me back with a clueless face.

I returned a smirk at him.

“I understand what you mean but did you realize how stupid it sounds?”

A giggle was let out from my mouth after thinking about his speech.

Fynn's face reddened and his eyebrows were twitching. He raised his fist which he clenched as tight as his teeth due to his embarrassment and rage.

“Y-you little...”

“You want to get your ass kicked? Maybe then you'll remember something!” he added furiously.

“Oh, no.” I said monotonously.

With a smile I was chased by Fynn.

From an outsider's perspective it seems like two boys enjoying their youth. I wonder how many of such moments the old me experienced and what kind of moments they were.

I can not recall them but I am sure to treasure this moment and the ones following. After all, I, too, want something like a fun memory with my friends.

A while later, the two of us were gasping for air due to exhaustion.

“I have to turn right here.” Fynn declared with one hand on his knee and the other one pointing at the direction he had to head to.

“I see. Then I'll see you next week in school.” I said while leaning with one hand on a street lamp.

Thus, Fynn waved his hand and turned to the other direction.

“Ah, wait!” I added in panic.

“Hm?” he turned to me.

“Thanks for the talk today. I'm so happy to have you as my friend!” I told him with a wide smile.

“...”

It seems like Fynn was so surprised that he turned speechless despite his mouth being slightly open. Even his eyes widened.

Looking at his state, I realized how embarrassing my words were.

My face got warmer so I decided to escape this situation by going home.

Sorry, Fynn but I think I will die out of embarrassment if I stayed a second longer.

Thus, not caring about the other people's stares, I ran home.

“I'm back, mom!” I announced loud and clear while taking my shoes off at the entrance.

Based on the shoes at the entrance, I suppose that my father had to work today.

Then, my mother came out of the living room.

She is a woman in her forties with an average build. Under her brown eyes were minor visible eye bags. Her long black hair, which was tied, rested on her left shoulder.

“Welcome back!” she greeted me back kindly.

“Dinner will be ready in a while. How about taking a shower before eating?” she suggested.

“I guess I'll do exactly that. What are we eating today?”

In response to my question, my mother gave me a big smile while showing her teeth.

“That's a secret!” she replied childishly.

“O-okay...” I said weakly taken aback by my mother's behavior.

After putting my things away and quickly taking a shower, I entered the living room and took a seat at the table where the food was already placed.

My eyes widened by the sight of the spring rolls on the table.

“This looks delicious!” I commented impressed.

“And it'll taste delicious!” mom added confidently as she stood beside me with arms crossed.

Her confident smile remained firm.

It was the first time she was beaming full of confidence in the past few days regarding the food. Was today a special day or something?

She took the seat opposite from mine. With her elbows on the table her head rested on her hands.

Was she waiting for something?

I admit that I got a little bit nervous as I got pressured by her watching me.

Not comprehending what was going on, I decided to eat.

“T-thanks for the food...” I stuttered due to the pressure.

After I took a bite from a spring roll, I looked at mom in disbelief.

“Thi-this is delicious!” I proclaimed astonished.

“I'm happy to hear that! After all, this is your favorite dish.” she said proudly.

I see... So this is my favorite dish.

Aside from a simple 'delicious' nothing came to my mind.

And again, I unconsciously lowered my head a little.

“Are you okay?” my mother asked worriedly as she put her hand under my chin and raised my head.

Seeing her face, one could immediately tell how scared and worried she was.

“Ah, oh, it's nothing! Let's eat!” I desperately tried to change topics.

“If you say so...” she agreed even though it was clear that she still had her doubts.

Sorry, mom. And also sorry, Fynn, for falling in the same train of thoughts again although you even criticized me today.

Old habits truly die hard.

Wait. Can I even call it an old habit? I mean, I lost my memories...

Ugh. Whatever. I didn't intend to waste my time thinking about it.

After dinner, I helped my mother washing the plates and to clean up the table.

“Do you have any plans for the weekend, Leon?” mom asked me casually while washing the plates.

“Well, maybe I'll ask my friends to hang out in the mall or something like that.” I replied after thinking about my response as I carried the plates on the table to the sink.

“Friends?” she looked at me doubtfully with her head tilted to the side.

“Y-yes...” I responded somewhat unsure.

It was a weird situation where only the sound of water gushing out of the water tap was audible.

Did I step on a landmine?

After pondering a while, mom finally was about to utter some words after the silence.

“Really? I was sure that you had no friends...” she said pensively.