Chapter 17:

Hated Ally

A Place between There and Now

“You are the furthest thing from human. The furthest thing from human, a title I never tried to get but had I really earned it? What had I done? was I so inhuman? No, it was just her perception, she doesn't know me, she has only seen this side of me. The murderous side, how wonderful! a murderous side was also not something I ever wanted to get but that wasn't really my fault either, that was the hangman's or the teacher's fault depending on what you want to call him and the shadows' fault. Ok, in that sense it was my fault, but that doesn't count, I couldn't have known.”

“Hello, are you still there?”

I looked up, she was staring at me with a mixture of disgust and hatred but there was something else, something else that was far from clear. Was it fear? No, it was rather grief for her father. Should I leave her alone?


I should not try to argue with her, you will never get someone on your side by telling them what is from their perspective just a bunch of lies. Especially not when it concerns a person of whom this person has a very strong and imprinted image, because you can't change this, or at least it will take ages and is more like brainwashing and less like a "change of mind". Why should she listen to me, I am probably the person she would least listen to, what was I to her but the murderer of her father after all?

“Why don't you say anything, I thought this would really upset you, but you don't say anything, why don't you say anything?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking a bit”

I pulled my arm back, she let go of the knife and stepped back, puzzled. I clenched my teeth and pulled the knife clean out of my hand. I was left with a clean hole to look through, almost as if I were in a cartoon. I threw the knife over to her.

“Here you can keep it if you want, just think about when you want to backstab me, it might not be a very smart idea depending on when you kill me, I’m just telling you, I’m not your biggest enemy here.”

depending on how you wanted to look at it, this was a clear lie, as it appeared I was and wouls be her only and biggest enemy here. Who was here but me, no one besides the teacher and he did not seem to be hostile to her and even if I did not believe it, one could still hope that he was actually dead. She looked at the floor in confusion and picked up the knife. When she had regained her composure she pulled a handkerchief from her jacket pocket and tried to wipe the blood off the blade as best she could, but it didn't seem to work as easily as in any blockbuster movie. After realizing this she quickly gave up and wrapped the knife in the handkerchief which she then put back in her pocket.

“It's amazing how you don’t realize how much I want to kill you”

“It’s not that I don’t realize or understand that you want to kill me, it’s just that I don’t care. Why should I care after all? What would you killing me change? Like I said I got kind of used to death, one could even say that it has become the status quo. If you want to kill me go ahead, you can’t defeat me that way, you will achieve nothing while I just move on or even profit In a way.

"Then what does it mean that you gave me a knife? It only shows that you wanted to convince me that you trust me, but what does that mean if the trust you put in me has no meaning. What does it mean for you to give me the opportunity to decide over your life and death when you are literally immortal. You gave me a detonator without a bomb, it was meaningless."

“It was never about showing you that I trust you, it was about giving you a sense of security by disarming myself.” That was a lie

“I separated the bomb from the detonator. I just want you to understand that it was never in my interest to hurt you. I'm sorry for what happened to your father, what I did to him.” That was a lie

“I won't try to apologise because I can't begin to make you understand how I feel when I see you, it's a horrible feeling to see the daughter of the person I murdered.” That was a lie

“That was a lie. All you ever said was that you were sorry to see me like this, but not once did you say anything about what it meant to you to kill my father, you liked it, you even enjoyed it. Don't pretend to sympathise, I know you don't. Just to be clear, I hate you but I believe you on one thing. I don't believe you intend to harm me, hurt or even kill me. If you wanted to do that, you could have done so already.”

I stood there, silent. All that went through my head was that I could probably forget everything that concerned her and me. should I just leave her here? even if I would take her with me, which she probably won't let me do with her, she would only cause problems.

“Anyways, what do you want to do now. Shouldn’t we just leave the classroom and go somewhere else?”


“We can’t stay here forever after all. By the way, I checked the windows and they aren’t real, this isn’t a real classroom so there is no reason to stay. There aren’t any other students too.”

“Yeah, I already noticed that but why are you acting like this now”

“I don’t see a way I profit from just staying here with you forever”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Didn’t you say you hate me? Why do you talk like this now.”

“As I said, there is no way I profit from you hating me.”

“You didn’t say that”

“I still hate you but I don’t have to make you an enemy. At least in my eyes that would be an extremely bad move. There are like a billion better things I can do than make a psychopathic murderer one of my enemies.”

“So now you just want to pretend we are friends?”

“Hell no, I would rather kill myself than say I like you but I will try to get along with you as good as I can.”

“But why, why don't you just try to find your own way, why do you need me.”

“Because I looked out of the classroom.”