Chapter 16: Holding Hands

Jason wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. He’d sat beside Skye for as long as he could remember, and she always worked with him on projects for class. Was it because he’d never touched her like this before? Teacher Elyse said they had to practice handholding for thirty minutes. Would that be enough time to get good enough to meet the standards?

He glanced at Skye. She didn’t seem nervous at all.

“Now, please turn to face your Partners,” Teacher Elyse instructed. “Girls, hold out one of your hands.”

Skye turned towards him, extending her hand. It looked so soft and delicate. How much music had she made with those slender fingers of hers? And he was actually going to touch them?

“It’s okay to be nervous for your first time,” Doctor Sylvia assured them. “Holding hands is a very intimate activity, after all. Normally it’s performed in private, but it’s important that you have a chance to observe your classmates’ techniques to help learn, right Teacher Elyse?”

“That’s correct,” the teacher nodded. “Don’t worry about everyone watching, just focus on the techniques I taught you, and you’ll be fine! Now boys, you may begin.”

Jason swallowed, reaching out and gently touching Skye’s hand. It was even softer than he imagined. Cold, too. He wrapped his fingers around hers and began stroking, feeling every wrinkle of her knuckles.

“Is that okay?” He whispered. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

She shook her head. “It’s fine. It’s just… strange. I’ve never had someone touch my hand before. Not since my parents or the doctors.”

That was a relief. Jason was feeling pretty weird himself. He wasn’t uncomfortable anymore, but now he was confused. Was this what holding hands was about? Sweaty palms and frigid skin? The fear of being too rough? Teacher Elyse said it was supposed to feel good, right? But this was just awkward. It was the same kind of uncomfortable he felt when his parents told him to eat something he didn’t like.

“Is anything wrong? You’re not moving.”

“O-Oh, sorry… there, how’s this?” He shifted his grip, reaching in to stroke the palm of her hand with two fingers. It was supposed to make her feel good, but he couldn’t tell from her calm face.

“Let me try something,” Skye suggested, pulling back slightly. She interlocked their fingers together so their palms were touching. “How’s that?”

Jason wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. He didn’t really feel any different.

“Yow!”

A cry from beside them caught Jason’s attention. Andrew yanked his hand back, frowning.

“Moira, that hurt!”

“Sorry, sorry!” She laughed. “But I couldn’t help it! Your hand just felt so good to squeeze!”

Jason frowned. Even Moira was enjoying herself. So why wasn’t he? Why was he the only one feeling this way?

“Are you upset?” Skye whispered. Jason blinked, startled.

“Wh-What do you mean?”

“You look like you did in Primary School when Vikram took your favorite toy and started playing with it. I was wondering if you were upset.” She glanced down, her face darkening. “Am I… not doing well?”

“N-No, that’s not it,” Jason quickly said. “It’s just…”

…Why was he so upset? Because Moira was having fun holding hands with Andrew? He should be happy she was doing so well in class for once, not angry about it! Seeing her smile should have been the highlight of her day, so why did it make him want to cry?

It must be because I’m not doing that well myself, he realized. I don’t want to be the only one in class who can’t hold hands properly.

He regained his resolve, and began holding Skye’s hand as best as he could. He didn’t know how Doctor Sylvia would be grading them, but he couldn’t fail, he couldn’t!

…

“Jason and Skye, you pass.”

“R-Really? We passed?” Was he hearing that right?

“Absolutely. Your performance was exceptional, the way your fingers danced together was exactly the sort of technique we want to see from our students.” The doctor was smiling, but to Jason it looked like a strange kind of smile. It was polite but not cheerful, like an obligation. There wasn’t any happiness in her eyes.

“Next Partners?” Doctor Sylvia dismissed them back to their seats and called the next pair up. Everyone was doing surprisingly well. Maybe he’d been worried for nothing! After all, he and Skye had passed, even though he still didn’t understand what felt so good about handholding.

The other Partners seemed to be having fun. Most were smiling bashfully at one another, and few seemed red. They all maintained eye contact. Jason and Skye had done that too, although he remembered Skye looking rather bored. Nobody else seemed bored.

Then it was Moira and Andrew’s turn. Jason felt his heart ache. He must have been worried about the two of them passing, it was the only explanation he could think of.

Andrew in particular looked tense as he sat across from Moira as she offered her hand. He reached out with his own, and Jason saw it looked red and kind of swollen. She grabbed him roughly in a tight shake, her calloused fingers trembling.

“OW!” Andrew finally yanked his hand back. There were tears in her eyes. “Moira! That really hurts, don’t squeeze so tightly!”

“Woo!” Moira cheered, throwing her hands up in victory. “I won! Wooo!”

Did… did she think this was a game or something?

Teacher Elyse sighed and massaged her temples.

“I’m afraid not, Moira,” Doctor Sylvia said, maintaining her polite smile. “In fact, you failed.”

Moira’s jaw dropped.

“B-But, we held hands! And did the tight-grip-thingy, and everything!”

“It won’t do to injure your Partner during foreplay. I’m sorry, but I can’t permit you to hold hands without supervision at this time.”

“Can… Can we try again?” Moira begged. “I’ll do better next time, I promise.”

Teacher Elyse glanced at the clock and cleared her throat. “I’m afraid not. We’re out of time for today’s class.”

Moira’s face fell, and Jason winced. As much as he didn’t like the idea of Moira and Andrew holding hands, seeing her sad made him feel even worse. It was so confusing, what was his heart telling him?

“It’s alright,” the doctor assured her with a smile. “You and Andrew can remain behind and get some more practice in under my supervision. If you’re able to pass by the end of recreation time, that will be that. Sound fair?”

Moira lit up with glee. “Yeah! Awesome, perfect! That’s great, right Andrew?”

Andrew looked less certain.

The rest of the class was excused, so Jason followed Skye to the door. But he didn’t leave. He looked back at the pair, feeling… what was he feeling? He didn’t want to stay and watch them hold hands, but the thought of leaving them alone together…

What’s the matter with you? You’ve been feeling weird all day! He rebuked himself.

“Is anything the matter?” Skye asked, frowning. She whispered so no one else could hear, “are you worried that Moira and Andrew might fail?”

It seemed she shared his concerns.

“Excuse me, you two?”

Startled, Jason nearly fell over. He hadn’t expected Doctor Sylvia to call out like that! Was she talking to them? He looked quickly around the room, and realized everyone else had already left.

“U-Us?” He asked awkwardly.

“Jason and Skye, right? I was wondering if you could… lend me a hand?” Her voice took on a strange velvety purr that made Jason uncomfortable. He glanced at Skye, and she nodded.

“Of course, we’d be happy to help,” Skye agreed, always looking for an opportunity to go above and beyond expectations. They walked to the front of the classroom with Jason and Andrew.

Doctor Sylvia cleared her throat. “Now, this might be a bit unusual, but as you noticed, your classmates here failed their evaluation.”

Moira glanced down, her face red with shame.

“Now, I was hoping to give them some more time to practice, but…” Doctor Sylvia glanced at Andrew’s hand. It looked even worse up close. “I am somewhat concerned about the state of Andrew’s hand. I don’t know if practicing more would be good for him.”

“I-I promise I won’t squeeze so hard anymore!” Moira pleaded. “Just give me another chance, okay?”

“Would you like us to retrieve some ice for him?” Skye asked. “We would be happy to.”

The doctor smiled. “No, but thank you! No, my request is a little more… unconventional.” She turned to Jason. “You see, Moira needs to practice more before she’s ready to pass. But her Partner is in no shape to continue, so I was wondering… would you substitute as her practicing Partner? Just for today, of course.”

It took a second for that to sink in. Doctor Sylvia wanted Jason to hold Moira’s hand? Even though his Partner was Skye? That didn’t make any sense.

“Absolutely not!” Skye swiftly rejected the proposal. “Jason’s fingers are valuable for his future as an artist. What if Moira crushed them?”

“I won’t!” Moira said. “I’ll be really gentle, I promise!”

“Is this allowed?” Jason asked. “After all, Teacher Elyse said that holding hands with anyone who isn’t your Partner feels very uncomfortable and painful, and is a grievous violation of their privacy!” He didn’t want to do anything to hurt Moira, and he wasn’t a fan of pain himself.

“You don’t need to worry about that,” Doctor Sylvia assured him. “As a Sexual Intimacy Counselor, I have unilateral authority when it comes to overseeing lessons in sexuality and intimate contact. You have my full permission.”

Moira and Jason glanced at each other. Neither was fully convinced.

“I-I don’t know, it still feels wrong…” So why did a part of him want to do it so badly?

“Do you not want to hold Moira’s hand?” The doctor asked, raising her eyebrow.

“It… It’s not that, I just…” He turned to Skye. If there was anyone he could count on to think clearly in this situation, it was her. “What do you think?”

“I don’t think it’s safe,” she admitted. “But if the doctor says it’s okay, then you should listen to her. It’s important to follow the rules.”

“…Okay then,” he said, nodding. He swallowed his anxiety. If Skye approved, then it had to be okay, right?

Jason sat down across from Moira, staring deeply into those bright green eyes. She gave him a shy smile, her freckled cheeks turning scarlet. He felt his own face heating up in response.

He braced for pain as he took her hand, but no pain came. It felt… warm. She didn’t crush him in her grip. Her fingers were so soft and gentle, so like Skye’s, and yet different in a way he just couldn’t explain. Every touch was electricity down his spine, from the way she gingerly stroked the inside of his palm with her littlest finger to the roughness of her callouses as their digits interlaced each other. They hands wrapped around each other without even trying, it just seemed so natural. The heat in her gaze was like a whisper telling him she felt the same; this was right, this was good, and in that moment any thoughts of practice or Partners was forgotten.

He pulled her palm closer, squeezing her just a little tighter. It was like his body wanted more, sweat be damned, he needed as much of her as he could get, as close to him as physically possible. She squeezed him back and he could feel her pulse; their hearts were beating together, racing towards a climax he couldn’t imagine but still needed so desperately. A tiny sigh escaped her lips. It was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. Where was this before? Why did holding Moira’s hand feel so much better than holding Skye’s? Why was his heart racing, his hands shaking, his body aching, all in ways he’d never felt for his Partner before?

They shared a look that told him she was asking herself the same questions. Neither one of them knew the answer. But what Jason knew was that he never wanted this moment to end. And he could feel that Moira felt the same.