Chapter 17: Dreams

Lunch was banal as always, but Moira made it better. He glanced across the table at her and their eyes met. They shared a smile.

“That was a really exciting lesson today,” Jason found himself saying. He knew that talking about Adult Education classes in public was against the rules, but he couldn’t help himself. No one seemed to hear him but Moira.

“Yeah, I know,” she laughed. “Kissing practice. Wow. That’s really something, huh? Too bad Andrew wasn’t here today. I guess I’ll just have to practice by myself.”

Without even thinking, Jason’s eyes skipped over to her lips. Had they always looked so soft?

“What about Skye?” She asked. “How was it? Kissing her?”

Kissing Skye… wait, had he kissed her? He had to have, right? They’d just learned about it in class. But for the life of him he couldn’t remember actually doing the deed. He turned to ask Skye if she remembered, only to see that for some reason his Partner wasn’t here.

Nobody was. The cafeteria was empty except for him and Moira.

“I guess… we’re alone…” Moira murmured, staring deeply into his eyes.

“Y-Yeah,” Jason mumbled. “Just the two of us.” He couldn’t believe how pretty her green eyes were.

“You know… I really need help practicing my kissing,” she whispered, leaning in closer. Jason hardly even noticed that their food was gone, or that the table was so thin.

“I don’t… want to fail…”

“That… That would be awful,” he agreed. His heart was pounding. She couldn’t mean…

“It felt so nice, holding hands with you,” Moira admitted. Her breath was right against his cheek. I kinda wish I could do it again… but that’s against the rules.”

“Is helping you practice against the rules?” Jason whispered back.

“I think it’s perfectly fine to practice, don’t you?” She asked.

The two shared a heated look of understanding, and suddenly he felt her lips pressing against him. She was so soft in his arms as he hugged her close, feeling the wonderful embrace of her kiss. His hands caressed her, neither caring about the forbiddenness of their touch. He needed more, more of her, more of this heat, more of this burning pleasure-

“Good morning, Jason! The sun is out, and it’s looking like another gorgeous day!”

Jason sprung awake, panting. His hands reached out desperately for… for…

As he remembered his dream, he felt himself burning with shame. There was something else he felt, too. He glanced down and gasped. There was something damp and sticky covering his pants, and it had sunk into his sheets. He felt his face heat up even more. Had he wet the bed?! At this age?

He quickly changed his clothes and stumbled down the stairs. He explained what had happened to his parents, how he’d woken up to a wet bed all of a sudden, and waited for them to get upset like they did back when he was little.

But they were surprisingly understanding.

“It’s alright, Jason,” his mother assured him. “It happens all the time.”

“B-But… I haven’t peed the bed since…”

“That’s not what’s going on here,” his dad said, though he refused to clarify further. “But it’s okay. I went through this myself when I was your age.”

Jason looked at his parents. What weren’t they telling him?

“Sit down,” his mother said, patting the empty seat. “Let’s talk about what happened, okay?”

He nodded. Maybe… Maybe talking about it would help.

“I don’t know what happened,” he swore again. “One moment I was fast asleep, and then when I woke up, my bed was just…”

“What were you dreaming about?” His father interrupted him.

Jason was surprised by the question. Why did that matter? His dream was… it was…

Just thinking about it made him feel embarrassed all over again.

“I-I just… I was…” He couldn’t lie. But he didn’t have to tell the full truth, either. He didn’t know why, but something about his dream felt wrong and unnatural, and he didn’t want his parents to get upset with him.

“…I was practicing kissing.”

He waited for the lecture from his parents, telling him how wrong it was to be having such an inappropriate dream. But their understanding smiles never left.

“It’s alright,” his mother whispered again. “Dreaming about kissing is natural for a boy your age. Especially when you have such a lovely Partner.”

“Is it really?” Good. Let them think it was Skye he was talking about, and not... her.

“We’ve all had dreams about kissing our Partners before, son. I had them when I was your age, and someday your kids will have those dreams themselves. It’s all a natural part of growing up.”

“We were actually starting to get a little worried that you hadn’t been having any dreams like that,” his mother admitted. “But it appears you’re just a late bloomer.”

“So does that mean everyone in my class is having these kinds of dreams?” Jason asked.

“Most of them, probably, yes.”

Jason sighed with relief. That made him feel a little better, knowing that there wasn’t something wrong with him. But he couldn’t help but wonder, what about Moira? Did she have dreams like that? Dreams about kissing?

Did she dream about kissing him?

“Do you feel better now?” His mother asked, smiling hopefully at him. He wished he could say he did. But he still felt uneasy. Dreaming about kissing Skye was one thing, she was his Partner. In the future, they would do a lot of kissing, and other things, too. But kissing Moira…

Jason’s father stroked his chin, looking thoughtfully at him. “You know, today is the weekend. You were going to be spending your recreation time with Skye, right?”

“Yeah, at the library.”

“Well, I’ll contact her folks and tell her there’s been a change of plans,” he decided. “I think if this is really bothering you so much, it might be best to get some help.”

“H-Help? Why?” Oh no. There really WAS something wrong with him! Dreaming about Moira instead of Skye, that strange liquid, it had to be a sign of some mental problem, it had to be!

“Don’t worry, Jason,” his mother said, trying to comfort him. “It’s nothing to worry about. You’re just in a very vulnerable place right now, and there are people you can talk to who will help you.”

Jason swallowed. People like who?

…

“Good morning, Jason. So good to see you!”

His father had taken him to see Doctor Sylvia. The strange woman who called herself a ‘Sexual Intimacy Counselor’. He’d been sitting in the waiting room of her office dying with embarrassment before she finally came out to receive him.

“Good morning, Doctor Sylvia,” he greeted her.

“I explained everything to you over the telescreen, doctor,” his father said. “Thank you for agreeing to see him on such short notice!”

“Well, my schedule is usually pretty full,” the doctor admitted. She flashed Jason a smile. “But I believe it’s important to help people who are confused like Jason here.”

“Glad to hear it. Good luck, Jason!” And with that, his father departed, leaving him alone with the doctor.

“Come in, come in,” Doctor Sylvia purred, leading him into her office. Jason was surprised. He didn’t know what he expected to see in a Sexual Intimacy Counselor’s office. Inappropriate pictures hanging from the walls, maybe? Anatomy diagrams?

No, the room was actually very nice. The floors were carpeted and there were comfy chairs, and even a wide couch. It may have been small, but it felt very cozy. The walls were covered with landscape paintings of lakes and forests and mountains, and even a body of water so big it had to be the ocean!

“Please, have a seat.” She gestured to one of the comfy armchairs. Jason was surprised at how comfortable it felt. The doctor sat across from him. On the table between them was a pot of tea. She poured him a cup, but he was too nervous to drink it.

“You don’t need to be anxious,” she said kindly. “Please, relax. And tell me what’s wrong.”

Jason swallowed, taking a sip. It helped him calm down.

“I-I had a dream,” he mumbled, too embarrassed to look her in the eye. “I was kissing a girl… and then I just… I woke up, and…”

“And your sheets were covered in semen, yes, I know.”

“…Semen?”

“It’s the white substance produced by boys going through puberty,” the doctor explained. “It’s what you release when you… relieve yourself.”

“Like going to the bathroom?”

She chuckled a little. He didn’t get what was so funny.

“Let’s not worry about that right now, shall we? I want to talk about this dream. Have you ever had dreams like that before last night?”

Jason shook his head. “No, never. Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something bad?”

“Oh, sweetheart, no, not at all,” Doctor Sylvia assured him. “I’m sure your parents told you that those dreams are perfectly natural, right?”

“It didn’t feel natural. It felt gross and wrong.”

Her lips curled up into a smile, and suddenly her eyes didn’t look so kind.

“Now Jason, don’t lie to me, okay?” She gently chided him. “I can’t help you if you won’t be honest.”

“I’m not lying, I promise!”

“Okay. Then tell me. Did it really feel gross and wrong? Or did it feel… good?”

Jason gulped.

The doctor leaned in, taking a sip from her cup. “You see, Jason, that was something called a ‘wet dream’. When a boy your age begins to develop sexually, their body produces hormones. And sometimes, when you’re sleeping, you might dream about something… exciting. Something to do with sex. Handholding, kissing, all sorts of things, and when that happens, well… your sheets spoke for themselves.”

Jason didn’t understand. “But why is this happening now?”

“Because this is the period in your life that Ai decided it was acceptable for you to have sexual interest,” she explained. “Jason, do you remember getting a shot every month when you entered Secondary Education?”

Jason rubbed his arm, just remembering the pain made him wince. “Yeah?”

“Those injections were a special hormone suppressor. It allowed your body to go through puberty naturally, developing testosterone and all other sorts of chemicals, but it inhibited your sexual attraction and ability to get aroused. Do you understand what I mean?”

He didn’t have a clue. She was using a lot of words he was familiar with from Health Class, but not in a way he’d ever heard them used before.

Her voice softened. “What I’m trying to say is that, before now, you weren’t feeling any attraction to anyone, were you? You didn’t have any strange thoughts about girls, right?”

“No.”

“And what about now? Now that you’re in Adult Education, have you started… noticing girls? Thinking about them a little differently? Imagined… doing things with them, that might be against the rules?”

Jason couldn’t stop from blushing, so he nodded in resignation. “Yeah, I… I have been noticing girls,” he admitted. “…Skye, I mean! My Partner, Skye, I’ve been… noticing her.”

Shit. Did she catch that? Doctor Sylvia said nothing, but her eyes were twinkling knowingly.

“Yes, Skye. I’m sure… let me ask you something else, Jason, this dream of yours, the girl you were kissing, who was it?”

Jason felt like he was going to be sick. He wanted to say it was Skye, but the words just wouldn’t come out.

“Before you answer, I need to make two things clear. The first is that I can’t help you unless you tell me everything, do you understand?” Doctor Sylvia said sternly. “I don’t want you to lie. That won’t do any of us any good, okay?”

“O-Okay,” he nodded.

“Good. And the second thing, I need you to know that anything you tell me never leaves this room, okay? I won’t tell your parents. I won’t tell your teachers. I won’t even tell Ai, or the Chancellor. It will just be between you and me, understand?”

“...Yeah. I understand.”

“Good. Now tell me, this girl you were dreaming of… was it Skye? Or was it… someone else?”

Jason wished it had been Skye at that moment. Oh, if only that had been the case. But it wasn’t. With a long sigh, he finally put words to the truth he’d been hiding.

“Moira. I was kissing Moira.”

The doctor smiled.