Canto XII: Diem Perdidi

It was 11PM, and Fetail stared at the moon, standing in the abbey's square: Her search that day had yielded no results. Thus, her friends had rented an apartment in the apartment block next to the café, and were sleeping soundly. "What a pain, I'm the one doing all the work here: I'm supposed to be the lazy comic relief character! Oh well, not like they'd be able to do much in my situation… But Olivia-Hadrinyan, look at yourself: I have overshadowed you. You will never become a great maid like this. You must overcome yourself and rise above your supervisor."

She took a brush out of her pocket and straightened her twintails out with it.

"The gears of the world have started to move again, but most things still are a deadly swamp, as always. Anyways, today was a bust. I have to leave by tomorrow, so I expect to find something before that…" The stress got to her, and little flames sprouted out of her hair, and her left leg got turned into jelly.

That, combined with the moon above her, gave her an idea: What about relying on the entity which took over her in the rare occasions where her stress was immeasurable? Just like it had happened in Carcabuey, during her first day. Every time she exploded into flames, she could feel the entity tugging at her, but it was usually laughably weak.

"This is quite literally making a deal with a devil, isn’t it? Where did my life go wrong to end up like this? It was that trip to Tokyo, wasn't it? Yes, that must be it. Haaah. We all know how this is going to go." She closed her eyes and focused on the tugging. It was faint and weak. But this time, she wasn't going to ignore it. She was to hold a hand out to it.

The fox-girl sat down and focused all her attention into making contact with the entity, which she had nicknamed Stresstail. Incidentally, her naming sense wasn't the best: Fetail was a misspelling of Fatalie, her intended Magical Girl name. A shiver ran throughout her body as contact was established. The tugging wavered for a moment, and everything stopped. Fetail sighed. "Haaaah. What's up theeeeeere? I suuure am not expecting something wacky up there." She looked at the sky and saw the Sun… At night.

A small sun, blazing away and shining down on everyone. And it descended upon the square, stopping a few metres above Fetail. It felt warm…

And then the sun melted away into a pool of gooey, orange jelly. "Who made my Magic? Were they on drugs?" Fetail had nothing else to say.

The pool of jelly then rippled and twitched, rising and falling, twisting and turning until it adopted a familiar humanoid form: It was an exact copy of Fetail in her bikini, but made out of orange slime. For some reason, there was no trace of blue slime anywhere on the slime girl’s body. Was it perhaps not connected to the entity? She didn’t know. "I am going to find whoever made my power, and I am going to strangle them.’’ The slime girl stuck her hand out, as if waiting for a handshake. But she didn’t speak, just waited with her hand held out. Fetail had no option but to shake her warm hand…

And then, the girl spoke in a slow and gurgling voice: ‘’Immortality? Do you want it, yes or no? I will grant it to you. But you will have to do something for me.’’

Fetail was surprised by her voice, but took a deep breath and nodded. This was what she had been waiting for, what she had been labouring for: She wasn’t about to get cold feet at such a crucial event in her life. But just in case… ‘’I will do it, if you tell me what you want me to do.’’

The slime girl let go of her hand, not caring at all about the crowd which had formed around them: A sun in the middle of the night sky was obviously going to wake up a ton of people. Fetail could feel the presence of her comrades at the forefront of the crowd: It was fine, this was for their sake too. Stresstail then spoke again: ‘’You must become a hero and banish darkness from this world. To put in your terms… You must become someone akin to Jesus or Jean D’Arc. If you accept, you will eventually become one… So, to accomplish my wish, you just have to accept immortality. The rest will come naturally… So, please. Become someone future generations will look up to. That is what I, Stresstail, wish for.’’

Fetail had expected something evil, but the words that came out of the girl’s slimy mouth were pure and wholesome. ‘’I accept. I will do it.’’ Thus, Fetail’s life reached a new high… Or a new low, depending on how you looked at it. She had just demolished her own chances of being able to slack off and of living a peaceful everyday life with her loved ones… Which was one of the reasons why she had wanted to become immortal. But Fetail being Fetail, was sure to find a way around it. She would find a way. And it didn’t exist, she’d make it!

Stresstail sighed and pointed her hands at Fetail. ‘’Very well. Zoya Pasternak, Clockwise Fetail. By the power which the Ancient Magick hath bestowed upon me, I grant thee the curse and gift of Eternal Life. Neither of your forms shall ever age or die, in any way, shape or form. And now, it is time for me to return to my original flamebound state. I do not know if we'll meet again in this state… So thank you: You were the only one to reach out to me. If you meet Slimetail, tell her I said hello. Farewell.’’ With a sad smile, Stresstail phased into Fetail, turned into a pillar of orange flames which faded away after a moment.

And what was Fetail’s reaction to having become immortal? The fox-girl patted the flames which remained in her hair to make them go away, and she made her way to her stunned friends. The fox-girl then poked Imperator in the face. ‘’I did it, Margy. Heh heh, look at your face! You’re gaping like a fish, dumb rabbit-scorpion. Since I did it, I won our little bet. You owe me five euros.’’ There wasn’t much of a reaction, she was simply happy to be able to slack off forever. The fox-girl yawned and patted her bunny-eared friend on the back. ‘’I’d explain now, but I’m mentally exhausted. Haaaaah, I need to sleep a bit…’’ She clicked her fingers and made her gas mask respirator vanish. "Beddy-bye." Fetail dragged herself over to Hadrinyan and then fell asleep on her.

"How shameless of you, Miss Supervisor.: Show some dignity!" She gave a thumbs-up to her comrades and picked the sleeping girl up.

"Alright, girls: Let's go back!" Hadrinyan clapped twice and led her group through the crowd. They made their way back to their apartment, where Hadrinyan detransformed into Olivia. They waited for Godofreda to take a bath, and then they all fell asleep after changing into the pyjamas they'd bought from a little store in the area… Except for Fetail, who was already asleep.

10 hours later…

Oliva woke up at 8:45 AM, and hopped off the right side of the bed. Fetail, wide awake, was being treated like a human-sized teddy bear by Godofreda and Voytek. "Haaaaah. You're up, Olivia. Help me out a bit, won't you? Imperator decided to make breakfast early, so she left me like this to laugh at me. What a pain these two are, they've picked up a nasty habit." Olivia grabbed her own phone from the table which was in front of their bed, and let loose a veritable barrage of photos from different angles.

"It's your fault for being so fluffy, Fetail. Let them enjoy themselves a bit more, will you? They were awfully worried about you yesterday. I wasn't, because I knew you'd be fine. And Imperator… Well, she was surprised at first, but she accepted it very easily, since Fetail is Fetail."

Satisfied with the dozens of photos she'd taken, she left her phone on the table. At that moment, along with a whiff of bacon which made the sleeping girls stir, Imperator poked her head into the bedroom. "Breakfast is ready, gobi! Olivia, would you please call Hadrinyan to wake them up, gobi? I don't want our breakfast to go cold, gobi…"

"No more enjoying Flufftail, then. Alright..."

Olivia stretched her legs a bit and switched to Hadrinyan, preparing an arrow of dust. She let it loose over their heads and turned it into a mighty burst of light. It woke up the two sleepyheads, made Imperator cover her eyes with her rabbit ears, and burned itself into Hadrinyan's eyes. Fetail had closed her eyes, so she was not affected. Then, taking advantage of how stunned and groggy Godofreda and Voytek were, she broke free and distanced herself from them. She really did not enjoy being treated like a plushie.

Hadrinyan grabbed the groggy pair by their hands and dragged them over to the apartment's living room, which also doubled as a kitchen.

Meanwhile, Imperator made her way over to Fetail and gave her a tight hug. "You did it, bestie, gobi! I knew you'd be able to do it: You're as stubborn as a mule, but you get things done, gobi. To celebrate your victory over death, I made bacon with eggs, gobi!" Fetail patted her friend's tail. "Haaaah. I was miffed because you left me trapped between those two, but I can’t be mad at you anymore if you're like this… What a pain that is to live in a society." Fetail slipped out of her friend’s embrace and marched towards the kitchen/living room, where she found Godofreda, Olivia and Voytek seated waiting for her and for Imperator. Their meals were on the table, they just had to sit down to eat. Sitting next between Olivia and Imperator, she left Voytek to sit next to Godofreda, in front of her.

‘’Let’s eat! Yay for good food! Yay for my dear Clocky!’’ Godofreda cheered and started eating, looking very animated and lively, as was expected.

Olivia took a bite from her bacon, making sure its temperature was correct. ‘’No poison here… Gladstone, have you detected anything?’’

‘’No, Princess: Your friends are not trying to poison you, it is safe.’’

She was satisfied with that. ‘’Good, let’s continue… Imperator, you’re very good at this.’’ After that comment, she silently dug into her plate at a steady pace. Every once in a while, Hadrinyan would take over to eat too.

Voytek was engaging in a mealtime prayer to bless their food. It sounded like she was praying in Old Castilian. She finished her prayers and took a bite out of her steaming hot eggs: ‘’We have not tasted an egg this good since we captured that Sarracen fortress. Imperator, would you consider becoming our personal chef?’’

Unluckily for her, Imperator was too busy to listen: She was gorging down plate after plate of food , and she had already blown through five plates in mere instants. Finally, Fetail watched their mealtime routines and ate slowly and deliberately: She was more concentrated on watching them than on eating. She wanted to burn sights like these into her mind for future use.

After all, somebody had to carry the memories and legacies of this group into the future, and nobody was more suited for that role than an immortal like her. Voytek raised her hand to speak, and Oliva nodded: "You don't need to ask for permission to speak, so go ahead."

Thus, Voytek spoke: "We have observed something most strange in our group, and we merely wish to ascertain its origin." She turned to face Godofreda. "Professor, had you ever entertained the idea of same-sex romance before joining our group?" Imperator finished wolfing down her 20th plate, and stopped to listen to her answer: She wanted to learn more about the one trying to get her bestie to fall for her.

Godofreda shook her head: "Nope! It is weird, now that I think about it: I had never been interested in romance at all before meeting Olivia-Hadrinyan and my beloved Fetail!" Godofreda got up and tried to hug Fetail, who had grown used to her antics. So she dodged out of the way and went back to observing them while eating slowly. Godofreda tried it again, but Fetail didn't try to dodge again: She had decided to just let her, since evading her over and over would be a pain. Olivia switched to Hadrinyan, tired of dealing with them.

Voytek stopped to think, and saw Godofreda was the only one in her group displaying any kind of romantic affection. The rest were other types of relationships: Comrades, Supervisor-Supervisor, best friends… And as for herself, she didn’t feel any romantic affection either: She wished to pamper the cute fox-girl, but that was it. And as for her relationship with Olivia, it was simply a good ol' friendly rivalry. As for those weirdos in the Briareo-Ascalón-Weathersby household… Well, she wasn't sure what to think, but she believed they'd always been like that.

She had a theory about the situation, but the sample size was too small. So she turned to Hadrinyan, who was busy polishing her scythe. "We have two things to ask you, Dust Princess Hadrinyan. Firstly, how common are same-sex Magical Girl relationships, with other Magical Girls and without? And secondly … Would it be out of the question for an outside force to weaponize those relationships for their own gain?"

Hadrinyan leaned her face against her cat gloves: "You ask the weirdest things, Tincrown. Same-sex Magical Girl relationships, both intra-Magical and extra-Magical, are actually the overwhelming majority… By Yuggoth's rivers, you might be onto something!"

The alarmed cat-maid turned to Gladstone: "They would do that, would they?"

"They absolutely would, Your Royal Highness. You truly have wonderfully intelligent comrades, Your Royal Highness. As expected from our pride and joy: You have managed to see through another Mi-Go plot! Long live اŮÞ¥¿Þ¥¿óÞ¢áñاŮ£!" He said a word which sounded like locusts getting together and making noise.

Hadrinyan was clearly not pleased with that, so she swatted at Gladstone with her gloves. "How boorish of you, my mentor and Mascot! I, Dust Princess Hadrinyan, forbid you from using that word unless I give you permission to do so: Only those of our kind may hear it!"

"We are deeply sorry, Your Royal Highness! It shall not happen again!"

She was very embarrassed: It was a cute nickname some Mi-Go had given her, and it had stuck. Incidentally, it had no direct translation to any earthly language: A transcription would simply yield Harruskan.

Godofreda, however, was quite angry at hearing that her love was merely the result of an alien plot. "That can't be! My feelings are as genuine as they can be! My beloved is now immortal, so I am sure she will change her feelings towards me!" She was still clinging to Fetail, who winced at her sudden loud voice. "Haaaah. Dumb doggy, don't yell: It hurts my ears." As a fellow animal-eared maiden, Godofreda felt immensely guilty: They were very sensitive to loud noises.

So she buried her face in Godofreda's fox ears. "Haaaah. Feelings this, emotions that. You're too driven by them, Goddy. Perhaps using reason a bit more would make things easier for you!"

Godofreda protested at her words: "But I don't want to! I want to feel things, I want to feel them with you!"

"And there you have it, that's a very Goddy-like response. What a pain that is to be immortal: Forever annoyed by someone or by something." It hadn't been a day, but she was already complaining: As expected from her.

While Godofreda continued her one-sided lovers' quarrel, Imperator finished off what the others hadn't eaten. Hadrinyan led them all to the bathroom, where they washed their teeth.. Well, they tried: Hadrinyan was struggling with her gloves so she switched to Olivia after giving up. Olivia made sure to clean her teeth properly, and then switched back to her Magical Girl form.

Meanwhile, Imperator was about to break her toothbrush, and Godofreda was trying to brush Fetail’s teeth for her, and Voytek was diligently brushing her teeth.

They made their way back to the living room, where everyone except Imperator sat down on the couch to have a good chat with Fetail about the previous night’s events.

While they chatted, Imperator carried all the plates back to the kitchen area by herself: She balanced them on her head, ears and tail too, without dropping a single one. "Qui menja bé, menja bé, gobi~" She made a comment about how eating well meant eating well, and got to work.

One by one, she gently dumped them into the dishwasher. "Barcelona és un bon lloc, però la meva Andorra La Vella és el millor de tots, gobi. Ai, la meva Andorra, com t'enyoro, gobi!" She praised Barcelona but commented on how her Andorra La Vella was the best, and followed it up with a declaration of homesickness.

When all the plates were gone from her tail, she gently tapped it against the ground, following the rhythm of the Andorran anthem. Imperator then tried to switch the dishwasher on, but got confused on how to do it.

"Coi, quina merda d'andròmina és aquesta, gobi? Ah, ja ho veig: És tecnologia feta pels pixapins aquests, que només valen per a fotre's de nosaltres, els de les terres altes, gobi. A pastar fang: Barcelona és un lloc bonic, però està ple de pixapins, gobi. Santa merda, fumeja, el monigot aquest, gobi! Hadri, ajuda'm, l'aparell pixapins s'ha mort, gobi!"

Imperator complained about the machine, and blamed it all on the fact that it was made in Barcelona, whose inhabitants were sometimes called pixapins, or pine-pissers. She said that the only thing they were good at was laughing at those who lived at higher altitudes, and told them to go screw themselves. The rabbit girl also complained that BCN was a pretty place, but that it was full of pine-pissers. When smoke started coming out of the dishwasher, she called for Hadrinyan's help, and told her that the machine, made by pine-pissers, had stopped working.

Hadrinyan rushed to the scene and delivered a light kick to the dishwasher, denting it a bit… But it stopped smoking. "Thanks, Hadri: You're a lifesaver, gobi!"

"Hmph! Don't mention it, it was merely a thing anyone in my station would have done.’’ The pair went back to the living room, and found nobody there. They found them changing their clothes in the bedroom and packing their things, so they joined them. For their own sake, Fetail changed inside the room’s closet, and Voytek changed in the bathroom.

Soon, they were all busy packing their things back in their bedroom, as they had to leave soon.. Luckily, they’d bought some suitcases nearby, so they stored all their souvenirs there.

For example, Godofreda had bought a few replicas of Babylonian tablets at the souvenir shop in a nearby museum. And Imperator herself had even bought a cookbook on mediaeval recipes!

The rabbit-scorpion girl looked out of the window and at the square outside. ‘’It was a fun field trip, gobi. But it’s time to go home, gobi. Farwell, Montserrat: We’ll come back one day, gobi. So don’t think you’re safe yet, gobi!’’

Hadrinyan made sure to double and triple check they had packed everything up, and proceeded to leave the room spotless after making the bed and making sure it looked nice and orderly. ‘’A maid must never allow a single speck of dust to disturb her! Begone!’’ The last remnants of dust were obliterated by the maid’s vigorous punching and kicking. ‘’I have won the battle against dust! But the war is not over yet: There is much dust out there to be annihilated!’’

Fetail pulled on her supervisee’s sleeve: ‘’Hadrinyan, we’re going to be late. Haaaah, it is good that you show enthusiasm for your job, but don’t let it get in the way of efficiency. A good maid must be efficient, and a Magical Girl, even more.’’

Hadrinyan covered her face in her hands, embarrassed, and Fetail patted her back. ‘’It happens to the best of us. Lead us, Hadrinyan! Haaaah, what a pain that is to have such oddballs in the family. But at least it’s not boring, heh.’’

Godofreda ran over to Fetail and gave her a hug: ‘’Family!’’ Fetail would have liked to dodge, but she had been caught off-guard. ‘’If you let go, I’ll piggyback you to the station. Deal?’’ Sometimes one had to make sacrifices.

‘’Deal!’’ And so, they left the hotel at 9:45 AM with their suitcases in tow, and Fetail with a stowaway on her back, which made for a rather odd sight. At 12:15AM , they were at the Barcelona-Sants railway station, waiting for the high-speed train to come along to pick them up: They’d briefly stopped by some shops in the station, which had caught their attention, but it was finally time to leave Barcelona. ‘’We enjoyed this field trip, we did. This world is still unfamiliar to us, and we wish to learn more about- EEEEP!’’ She squealed and jumped into the air when the train suddenly stopped next to them.

‘’Miss Tincrown is a scaredy cat, how cute. But my Fetail is cuter!’’ Godofreda declared that, still on Fetail’s back. ‘’Heavy.’’ That was what the beleaguered fox-girl replied with. Led by Hadrinyan, their little group boarded the train and settled down in a cosy, quiet corner… But they were five, and there were only four seats: Somebody else would have to go alone elsewhere. What a conundrum!

In the end, Voytek volunteered to sit alone, and the train started moving. The four girls behind her were chatting away about trivial topics, with Fetail acting as the only sane person there. The trip was going to take a while, so Voytek decided to go down memory lane a bit.

A prosperous and mighty kingdom, a court full of good friends… And Zarambria by her side. Where did things go wrong?, she asked herself. As she tried to remember it all, the rocking of the train made her drowsy, and she was gradually pulled into the world of dreams. We will fight for our future, but we shall not forsake our past. She idly thought that before finally falling asleep. Sweet dreams, mighty ruler: Perhaps this day was lost, or maybe not.

                                                                       ☆☆☆