Canto XIII: Fiat Lux

The morning after her group arrived back home, Hadrinyan and Voytek got up early to prepare the village for the approaching festivities: They'd make sure everything was perfect for Holy Week and Easter. Godofreda and Gladstone wouldn't be joining them, as they'd be busy accompanying the Briareo-Ascalón-Weathersby household on a little archaeological survey of the village's surroundings, and looking into the strange structures Godofreda had found.

Fetail had left the house to go look at some interesting birds in the hills… But that was probably an excuse not to be left alone with Imperator, who was trying out some pretty bizarre recipes made with ingredients she had hunted and gathered herself…

They had all their plans, but not everything went to plan: As the maid pair were cleaning near the town hall, a blonde girl with blue eyes and long hair approached Hadrinyan: It was Triana, the mayor's daughter. It was rare to see her outside, as she spent most of her time working as a freelance translator… And being a vicious troll online.

"It's rare to see you here, Triana. Is something wrong?" Hadrinyan was concerned with the situation.

The girl nodded and pointed at the town hall: "Father has been forced to take a break for a few days, due to severe work-related stress. Mother has been taking care of him, but the village needs someone to take his place until he recovers… Could you do it?"

"Hmph! Very well, I can and will do it. Marvel and kneel at my mercy and grace, for I am Dust Princess Hadrinyan, the pride of Yuggoth! Such a task is no feat for me, but a bit of practice does harm to nobody."

Voytek correctly assumed she had to keep cleaning by her lonesome, and so she did. Meanwhile, Triana filled Hadrinyan in on the specifics and waved goodbye at her: "I expect great things from you, Funny Cat-Maid!" The vicious Internet troll vanished into a side street, and Hadrinyan was left alone. It was a gloomy, cloudy and slightly foggy morning, but it didn't look like it was going to rain.

Hadrinyan strolled into the town hall, passing past a small waiting room, and into a room with cubicles where morose-looking civil servants were dealing with paperwork, dealing with the protests and requests of citizens, and the like.

How could Olivia consider this to be enjoyable, enviable and desirable? Perhaps she'd been dropped on her head as a child. Yes, that must have been it.

Hadrinyan noticed they'd all to look at her: "Very well! Miss Triana sent me here as a replacement for Mr Miguel. Hmph, this should be good practice. Come at me, paperwork!" She'd regret those words: Minutes after, the table she was sitting at was filled with papers: The village was quiet, peaceful and didn't have many inhabitants. So why? The answer was Magical Girls.

Hadrinyan was stamping documents at high speed and assessing the damages caused by Magical Girls in the area: A pothole here, a shortage of hamburgers over there, and even torpedo blasts near the village… It seemed as if most of the damage had been caused by Imperator, as 30% of the papers on the table involved her. Just how many potholes had she caused? In all of the Imperator-related papers, Hadrinyan wrote: "She shall pay and fix the damages herself." She couldn't understand why the mayor had decided to take a break.

Suddenly, a letter was added to the pile by one of the civil servants. Hadrinyan opened and read it once, then twice. "He's quitting and retiring?! Not only that, but he's planning on making Triana the new mayor, and the transfer is immediate … That slippery old man found a way to circumvent elections, the clever bastard!"

The sudden rush of information was followed by a cheer of joy from the civil servants, and by Hadrinyan banging her head against her desk. "Paperwork sucks, I quit!" Thus ended her brief stint in administration, in which she'd demolished a significant amount of paperwork and quit due how stifling she found it to be. Olivia would have been delighted to partake in it, but with her superhuman abilities, Hadrinyan was more suited to it.

She then exited the building and looked at the sky: "What do I do now? Everyone is busy or unavailable… Except for Fetail, she was just pretending to be busy. So she'd pay a visit to the fox-girl, she probably needed the company of her supervisee. But where could she be? She wasn't sure, but she could guess: Either Calvario or the castle. ‘’Where should I go? Hm… Let’s try Calvario first.

And so, she went back to the fountain near her house, and took Perez Muñoz Street. Hadrinyan turned when she got to the street which led to Calvario, and there she was: Fetail sat, on top of the eponymous hill, not far from the path which led to the village. Hadrinyan noted that she'd have to clean this area up too: There was a chapel on the hill too, and it was an important part of the village's Holy Week processions. The cat-maid then turned her attention to her friend once again.

Fetail had a book in her hands, which she had probably borrowed from the village's library: It was a book on local avian wildlife. Hadrinyan jumped forward and soared through the air before gracefully landing next to her friend. "Haaaah. Would you look at that? A cat showed up. You should work on your stealth, I could hear you from the other side of the village."

Hadrinyan ignored her comment and peeked at what Fetail was reading. "How surprising: You are actually bird-watching. I believed it was an excuse for you to slack off and avoid being alone with Imperator. Hmph, how foolish of me! I have much to learn about my Supervisor."

She sat down next to Fetail, who then spoke: "This village will probably be abandoned and forgotten one day. If that happens, I shall keep this place's memory alive. Haaaah, what a pain this is. But I'm the only one who can do this."

Hadrinyan grinned and poked her friend's face. "How the tables have turned: Our lazy fox-girl is turning into a hero! Hmph, as expected from my Supervisor: Only the best may lead the best!" Fetail grabbed her friend's shoulder and pointed at a dot in the sky: " It's my own brand of heroism. Now look at that, you dumb cat: It's a short-toed eagle. They feed exclusively on snakes, so you won't see many of these birds around." Fetail took her phone out of her pocket and quickly took a few of photos of the eagle before it dove into the trees below and vanished.

"Praiseworthy! You appear to know a fair bit about birds, Philosopher-Fox."

"Haaaaaah… Perhaps we'll see a polymath Fetail one day: I can do all things if I want to… But I usually don't want to. What a pain that is trying to become a Volpe Universale." Fetail was aiming to become a polymath. With immortality added into the mix, it was not an impossible for her to become the greatest scholar in human history … If she wanted to. Once again, Fetail had another dream to reach. And this time, she had a few billion years to see it through.

"The pursuit of knowledge is indeed a noble thing, Fetail! Go forth and learn!" Hadrinyan then laid down on the grass: "Hmph! Lazy fox, I might one day understand how you think. It is truly vexing that I still cannot fully comprehend you!"

"Haaaah. Too bad, cat: You are smart, but I am smarter, which in turn makes you dumb. Now, observe." She held out her phone to Hadrinyan, and then 2 messages arrived: Fetail’s sisters had cancelled their visits to her, alleging that they didn't feel well.

"See, Hadrinyan? They found out, and now they're turning back, because those two are going to celebrate it with my parents back home. It's all over the news, but my parents are usually out working as bird-watchers, so they won't hear anything unless told. Haaaah." The fox-girl now had another thing to do. So Fetail put away her phone and her book in her pockets and squinted at four dots in the distance. Her eyesight was pretty bad in terms of Magical Girl eyesight, but it was still many times above what a normal human would consider average. Godofreda's senses were better than hers, but Fetail's couldn't be downplayed.

"There they are. They sure look like they're having fun… Haaaah. Here it comes." Fetail observed a small dot emerge from the direction she'd been looking in, and watched it grow bigger until it was mere metres away from her face: It was a spinning red and white torpedo. Fetail looked unconcerned and let it crash into her. It bounced off her forehead and fell to the ground, where she picked it up and tossed it in the direction it came from.

"Eat this, you normies. Haaaah." Fetail watched three of the dots flee from the scene, while remained, unconcerned. "That one has guts. If I were to use the term payback, I'd say this is payback for attempting to knock me down with a snowball. But revenge and payback are a pain and a waste of time." The torpedo she'd thrown back made impact with the one who'd originally thrown it, and knocked her over.

"If you want to get rid of someone who is watching you from a distance, be aware that homemade torpedoes are often a dud. Haaaaah, the Briareo-Ascalón-Weathersby household is a pain to deal with… Oh look, a red-legged partridge. Hello there." Unconcerned, the bird had appeared out of nowhere and stopped on her head. "Birds are great, aren't they?" Fetail looked very pleased by the sudden appearance of the partridge, which was pecking away at Fetail's knitted hat. After a few minutes of silence, the partridge hopped off her head and ran away into the grass.

Hadrinyan got up from the grass and stretched a bit. "It is not every day that I get to see this side of you, Fetail. A good maid must have hidden depths; A Magical Girl, even more so!" The fox-girl replied with "Perhaps you'd get to see it more if you gave me a chance." She crossed her arms and let them rest on the back of her neck. "We're going home now, Hadrinyan. That's the plan, is it?"

"Of course it is: I am mentally exhausted!"

"Do you want the scenic route or the fast route, then?" Fetail looked proud of herself.

Hadrinyan had a bad feeling about it, but still went along and said: "The fast route is the one befitting a maid with obligations at home, like me!" Fetail turned around and knelt. "Haaaaah. Get on and hold on tight, alright?" Hadrinyan climbed onto her friend's back and held on tight.

Before she could ask anything, Fetail announced: "Welcome to Clockwise Transports S.L. You have committed a terrible mistake in choosing to use our services. Die." Fetail's tails elongated until they lifted her off the ground… And like some sort of fox-spider, they started moving at a blazing speed which almost made the cat-maid fall off. As of Fetail had grown extra limbs, they raced down the streets, leaving them clean and shiny due to the goo her tails emitted.

In seconds, they were at the fountain… But Fetail found it impossible to turn enough to avoid it, so she shortened her tails and came to a halt. That launched them both above the fountain, and the pair ended up tangled up.

As expected, Fetail ended up under Hadrinyan. "Dumb cat, you better not make any dumb comments.’’ Fetail sighed and tried to free herself.

‘’How intriguing, Fetail! I didn’t know you were a bottom- Ouch!’’ Fetail whipped the annoying woman's rear with her tails and managed to get away, jogging back home, followed by a limping Hadrinyan. ‘’Hmph! You’re strong and mean, Fetail. But you cannot best me yet: Work to surpass me!" Hadrinyan felt that she had been wronged, but felt no need for it to be righted this time.

Fetai, glanced at her without much interest, and a fair bit of dissatisfaction. "Haaaaah. Your words are not connected to reality, they are mere noise to me. Be thankful I dragged you along, you annoying cat-maid. I will report your delusions to my superiors and get your brain checked." The lazy fox-girl could see some fresh potholes around, so there was probably nobody at home at the moment: Knowing Imperator, she'd probably considered there was not enough food at home, and she'd left to gather more.

Fetail took the key out of her pocket and fumbled with the keyhole until it opened. "Home sweet home. Haaaaah, I'm going to get changed now." She hopped up the stairs, followed by Olivia, who had been brought back by Hadrinyan because it was her time to shine. Olivia stopped, closed the door and then continued on, up the stairs.

"Fetail's in a good mood today, eh? Well, she's slacking off, so of course she is." Olivia finished climbing the stairs and passed through the door which led to the first floor. She stopped at the end of the corridor which led to the bathrooms, the studio and their bedroom, where Fetail was trying to figure out what to change into. Olivia thought for a bit and decided that getting changed into something comfy would be great. So she walked in. ‘’Hello, Fetail. I’m here to get changed too, what a coincidence.’’

The now maskless Fetail looked at her, relieved. ‘’There you are, Oli. I’m having some trouble choosing what to put on. Haaaaah… Any ideas, 2nd Most Sane Person?’’

Olivia peeked inside the closet and pointed at a white, tight-fitting sports shirt which would pair nicely with a pair of blue gym shorts. Fetail put them on and added a pair of long white socks to her outfit, apart from willing her tails and cherry blossom accessory out of existence. "Haaaah. Much better now." Fetail twirled around a bit, and Olivia patted the fox-girl's head. "You almost look normal like this. Very cute and very wholesome, but you still have that Work entails death aura about you!"

As for herself, she first chose a brown sweater. She removed her accessories, like her hat, her eyepatch and her monocle, and then put on a pair of black tights. Finally, she chose a short blue skirt.

"How does it look on me, Fetail?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know the slightest bit about fashion, but I'd say it suits you very well. Haaaah… Just don't let Almudena see you like this.

"Don't worry, I won't… I know exactly how she'd react." She shivered in horror and pointed at the door. "Let's go."

Olivia, followed by Fetail, exited the room and went to the right, entering a room which was barely used: It was a windowless room which contained an armchair… And the walls were all lined with bookshelves full of books, of all kinds and in many languages.

"Haaaah. I assume I'm going to have to memorise everything here and beyond. What a pain that is to have unreasonable expectations foisted upon oneself. Those who will foist troublesome things upon me should consider swimming in cement." Fetail walked up to a shelf and grabbed a book titled On the things that are and the things that are not, handwritten by Aristhenes. The amount of books written by her was vast, but most of them were quite vapid and harder to read than Kant's works.

Still, Fetail enjoyed reading her books: She could gleam the author's true intentions behind such vapid and abstract texts, and she could see why she was writing them by hand: She was doing it on purpose, so that her message would only reach a select few… Whatever that message was.

The fox-girl sat down on the armchair and waited for Olivia to pick up a book. In the end, she chose The Canterbury Tales.

Olivia sat down next to Fetail, as the armchair was quite large, and after declaring: ""Let's have a good read!"", they both got to reading.

Of course, their peace wouldn't last long. After just 20 minutes, they heard the jingling of a key, and Fetail went to check on the door downstairs… Only to get immediately shoulder-thrown. "Sorry for that, Fetail. You smelt like my Prince Charming, so I couldn't help myself. So you're immortal now, eh? But you're no saint, how unholy~" Fetail grabbed Regina and threw her outside. "No. Get out."

But that let another unwanted guest in, and this one wouldn't leave as easily: "Praise be to the Kingdom Of The Heavens. An eye for an eye is sinful, but the Lord never said anything about a kitchen for a torpedo. Praise be to human understanding, and thank you for your patronage." Thunderchild bolted up the stairs and went to raid their kitchen. It wasn't that she was hungry, but she simply wanted to bother Fetail a bit. Fetail shook her head and went back up the stairs, only to find Olivia admiring Thunderchild's tail in the kitchen. Fetail looked disturbed by the scene, but Thunderchild simply stared at the fox-girl, a signature look of superiority on her face.

"Fox girl, I have not properly introduced myself to you yet. I am Elspeth Weathersby, but you may refer to me as Thundering Thunderchild. It is an absolute displeasure to meet you. My ability is making torpedoes and not dying to them, as it should be. I put Bibles in the fiction section, teach kids how to make homemade torpedoes, and study theology even though I am a cultured atheist. Praise be to the Lord, for he is great and mighty. Praise be to the art of making homemade torpedoes, the glorious hobby of trainspotting, and praise acting like a warlord in the kitchens of others."

She had tweaked her introduction a bit, but its essence was the same. "The Lord commands you to introduce yourself. Prove to the universe that you are worthy of the blessing conferred upon you. Thank you for your patronage."

Fetail swiftly replied to that: "One has to pay dearly for immortality; one has to die several times while one is still alive. Haaaah, very well…"

Fetail did a handstand and introduced herself: She too had tweaked her introduction. "The immortal moocher from the future, Clockwise Fetail, limps onto the lousy stage that is the world. Yaaaay. Now lead me, follow me or drop dead, since I won't. I'd rather not deal with you, but if you oppose me… I won't do anything, really. I believe in the all-pervading Logos, after all: But if words won't work, time will do the trick. Haaaah, what a pain that is to be immortal." Fetail got back on her feet and waited for the girl's reaction.

Thunderchild nodded and clapped at her introduction, while Olivia watched them in amusement: "Very well. I approve of it: Praise be to the Lord and to Logos, I believe we shall get along well." Having put their differences aside, they shook hands, much to Olivia’s approval… Or to be more accurate, Thunderchild violently shook Fetail's hand without letting her resist.

"Haaaaaah. What a pain that is to live near with and around so many strange people."

"It's better than being dead, isn’t it?" Thunderchild looked like she was recalling a distant and rather unpleasant event. "The bottom of the Medway was cold. But the hands of my friends and the hands of the audience were warm, so I got up again after a while. On my pride as a Torpedo Ram, I will ram sink that demon of a battleship if it ever shows up again. Please leave it to me, Miss Elizabeth: Nobody shall threaten your reign of the skies and seas again. Thank you for your patronage."

"Well, aren't you full of resolve?" Olivia commented.

With a burning will in her eyes, she finished her cookie jar and declared: "I forgot why I even came here… OK, I just remembered." She split open one of her torpedoes and took a letter out of it, handing it to Fetail. "Somebody sent me this letter and told me to give it to you. In addition, your dog-friend is on her way back. Praise the Lord for allowing such a good girl to be around us, praise the natural order. Thank you for your patronage." And she exited the house by leaping out of the living room's window.

Fetail was relieved at the departure of the nuisance, but she had a really bad feeling about this letter: It was oozing bad vibes! Olivia calmly pointed at the letter's seal, which was deep blue and had a drawing of the Parthenon on it. In addition, it had the words Fiat Lux written on it.

"It sure looks like trouble: That seal is exclusively used by Aristhenes. I know because I've been doing some research on her for my Compendium… She's a weirdo, even by Magical Girl standards. But she's one of your fellow Philosopher Magical Girls, so you could learn a lot if you don't ignore her. She sends letters when she wants to introduce herself to someone to befriend them. If you don't reply to her, she'll come in person. And we don't want that, do we?"

Olivia grabbed a broom from a closet outside the kitchen, and swept the floor clean of crumbs, dumping them into a plastic trash can.

"Haaaah. That sounds like a pain to deal with: There are already enough weirdos here, we don't need more." Fetail opened the envelope and saw that the letter was handwritten, but there was a problem! "Why is it covered in snow and grass?" Fetail had to clean it off, and she turned to Olivia for answers: She wanted to know why, before reading the letter.

"That's because she's the freeloading mascot of a hotel in the village of Grotli, in north-western Norway. Grotli is in the middle of nowhere and was abandoned a while ago, but there's a few cabins and a hotel. So she was probably writing outside." Olivia looked amused by the strange philosopher's antics. Suddenly, someone rang the doorbell, probably Godofreda. So Olivia went over to open the door: Godofreda had a pair of keys herself, but she preferred to let others open the door for her.

Fetail made her way to the living room, closed the open window and plopped herself down on the couch, sinking into it. She attempted to read the letter… But she was interrupted by a very familiar pattering from behind her. ‘’Here she comes. Haaaaah.’’ It looked like reading the letter would have to wait just a little bit.

Fetail got up and waited for the inevitable tackle-hug from Godofreda. And it came, in full strength. ‘’Yay! I’m back, Clocky! I had a lot of fun today, and I learned a lot from the structures in the area: I might be able to cook up a theory soon! But I missed you a lot…’’ The dog-girl then noticed that her friend’s outfit was different.

‘’Ooooooh, you look so cute in that, Clocky! It’s not fair, you can’t be this cute!’’ Godofreda her face against Fetail’s for a good while, and then noticed the letter.’’ Oh, a letter? Show me, show me!’’

‘’Haaaaah. I just can’t catch a break.’’ Fetail patted her friend’s head to calm her down a bit. Everyone’s favourite lazy fox started reading the letter, and her reaction was: ‘’What the hell is this?’’

‘’Clocky, I can’t understand a thing: It’s encoded in the Caesar Cipher! Goddamn

Romans!’’ It seemed Godofreda could not handle the Aristhenes style.

Olivia, who had come back up the stairs, silently took a photo of the pair, a satisfied expression on her face, and then watched them from a distance.

Meanwhile, the pair had to engage in a bit of codebreaking before finally deciphering the letter. ‘’Wow, that was easy! Let’s see… Aww, this is pretty wholesome!’’

‘’I was expecting something else. Haaah… I hope this does not signal more trouble.’’

The letter read thus:

  Good day, fellow Philosopher Magical Girl... Clockwise Fetail, was it? I hope this letter finds you well. I, Aristhenes, have written this letter in a clear and concise manner for ease of understanding, and I have encrypted it for security reasons.

In short, this is a declaration of intentions: I would like to establish a friendly relationship with you. You are an immortal, so I hope waiting for my letters won't be a problem for you: I do not own a mobile phone, nor do I want one, so letters will have to do.

You may write to me about any subject you please: As a fellow philosopher, I believe every word you may write in response to me will be invaluable. I, Aristhenes, wish you luck on your endeavors and your eternal life. Perhaps one day we shall meet face to face. But for now, I shall write from here, without company, in this quiet Grotli of mine.

                                                                   Fiat Lux!

                                          From   Artisthenes  The   Freeloader.

                                                                       ☆☆☆