Momento Paranoia

There was this atmosphere that blanketed the whole academy; the student body showed the most evident effecEveryone eyed each other suspiciously and in suspicion, gauging their ability and propensity based on their everyday actions. All were watching all; no one could act naturally under the watch of everyone’s eyes. It weighed heavily

The tense atmosphere remained until the conclusion of the official investigation which determined Takeuchi’s death as suicide. Gradually, the students and faculty had relieved themselves of worry and acted more freely than before, sympathizing with and speculating about his death.

But not all were in favor and believed the investigation.

Takeuchi’s parents couldn’t and wouldn’t accept the outcome because “Kazuya was a happy man! He had everything he wanted!” among the claims of the normalcy of his actions before his alleged suicide.

Though it was true that Takeuchi showed no emotions that would lead to suicide, I made all the physical factors seem that he was alone on the rooftop. I was careful to leave no evidence of my presence.

After the re-interview launched by a private investigation group, they concluded that the lack of footage and the failing elevators were great coincidences that restricted any leads or witnesses of his death.

The only hearsays and information gathered were the usual pedestrians who heard a distorted scream that seemed to descend from the sky and abruptly silenced with a thud. When they looked up, they couldn’t see anyone who fell from the sky because the body has passed. But one had reported a head peeking from the rooftop, but he wasn’t confident because he needed glasses to see clearly.

But another lead came close to my downfall. That was the fact that Ryuu’s group gathered at the gym and Takeuchi’s group had plans to meet with one certain person, me.

With that as their only lead, they intimidated and interrogated me if I had any involvement in his death. I claimed that I was locked in my room, which was confirmed by the others who were also locked in their room during this ‘security maintenance lockdown,’ courtesy of Principal Miyu.

They couldn’t use any tools like lie detectors on me because I had my rights as a minor, and such a method required a guardian, like my mother, to be present.

After all the tiring, repeating questions, they scanned and conservatively searched my room for anything that might relate to Takeuchi.

Unfortunately for them, I already burned Takeuchi’s vest in the shower, preventing the smoke from being detected by the fire alarm. It was a shame though; the vest was finely-made and I’d rather keep it.

Then, one of their lead detectives had their eyes attracted. He called my attention and looked at the shoe shelves in the doorway. “You have a nice sense of fashion,” he pertained to the shoes.

“Yes, but to be honest, I picked them because many wore them.”

“Really? It’s actually quite common, huh?” He kneeled and peered close to the trendy shoes. “The tip of your shoe here seems to have been rubbed pretty hard. Some of the rubber here is peeling. Have you been using these shoes for long?” He faced me, carefully observing my reactions.

But I stayed neutral, “No, I’ve only just bought them, but PE is quite harsh on shoes.”

He nodded and stood up, looking to leave, “Well, that’s it. Thanks for your time, young mister.” He beckoned comrades to follow suit and leave. The door closed with a gentle click.

And I sighed in relief. I wasn’t so sure, but I thought I was in the clear for now.

Momentarily, I have won. Rest in peace, until next time, Kazuya Takeuchi.

Though the overall atmosphere has lightened, mine hasn’t so much, but at least I could breathe a little more.

Eyes remained fixated on me; in that length of time, I started considering my conscience: Perhaps Takeuchi haunted me, waiting for his moment of vengeance——I didn’t believe in the supernatural, but this feeling was inexplicable. It had to be my conscience.

I wondered what everyone around me thought; I feared their decision to accusal befall me. After all, I was a scholar; I could be the invader who had coldly killed Takeuchi. But none of that sort had occurred.

But I couldn’t help but think——I was going in circles.

And Miyazono wasn’t helping with her constant chiding of, “Did Takeuchi really kill himself?” “Takeuchi didn’t kill himself!” “There was a second person—” she stared at me with mocking eyes. “Could it be you?”

I sighed. I had no idea if I should be irritated or scared, but I was paranoid. “Miyazono, please.”

“You killed Takeuchi,” she leaned close to me, “didn’t you?”

Ah, Miyazono’s epic ender, ‘Didn’t you?’ “Miyazono, I’m going to ‘didn’t you’—’didn’t you.’” I’ve realized that I should be pissed. “This has been the fiftieth time—congratulations by the way.”

She exhaled sharply, “You kept track?”

“It’s an interesting pastime, but I’m getting bored.”

“Since you have kept track, I’ll reward you with my cessation.”

But not the benefit of the doubt——I’d rather have that.

“Since you’re bored of that,” she opened her deuced mouth, “how’re things going with Chinatsu?”

It seemed like I wasn’t the only one going in circles, though, like me, I wanted her to keep those thoughts to herself—were all females like this? I might have to reimpress women from men.

“I’m not feeling so well,” I stood up from the table, caressing my forehead. We were in a restaurant that weekend, having rescheduled our postponed lunch weeks ago. “I’m feeling quite dizzy,” I moved with lousy steps. It was a feign, but it became real; my head ached.

“Are you—” she changed her tone, “oh, please. You’re not feeling sick, are you?”

I glared at her, “If so, I couldn’t enjoy my food anyway.” I left and headed somewhere. Then, I heard her call out.

“Who’s paying?” But, I ignored her.

I contemplated ditching her so she would pay it all, but I felt slightly guilty. In the first place, I invited her and postponed her. And she wasn’t Chinatsu who was overly generous—or over-obsessed on me.

I went to the counter and discreetly paid the bill; it wasn’t expensive, surprisingly. I expected her to abuse my rare generosity, but maybe her pride didn’t allow her to accept all that I offered.

    “CHI—NA—KO!” she shouted as I exited.

‘CHINAKO,’ ‘ChinaKo,’ those words repeated in my brain hopelessly. It was the tagline of the ‘love duo,’ Chinatsu and I. Usually, my friends would use this as social weaponry against me when I win some kind of argument——something to break the ice or to distract me——“ChinaKo, go go go!” I wished I could erase the thought of us being in a romantic relationship from existence. It was simply annoying, but complexly confusing——it was annoying that it was complicated; those were my feelings.

Feelings are mere feelings—was what I thought. Before I knew it, that was all I could think about. I wouldn’t want to admit I was thinking about her, but I would admit that I did think of her sometimes——something I tended to avoid because those feelings overflowed.

I couldn’t identify if it was mere admiration, infatuation, or simply adoration…

…

…I was wrong, wasn’t I?

“Hello!” that bright, appealing voice was impossible to resist. A voice that forces you to pay all attention. And that owner’s voice was—

“Oh, it’s you.” I planned to walk and ignore her, but it was too late.

—Chinatsu has already asserted her presence.

“Oh, don’t be disappointed! You should be happy that I’m here.”

If I think about it, conjuring multiple simulations in my brain, there was one reason that brought her here: me; that’s why I was disappointed.

I sighed, as I probably sighed before. “What do you want?”

She frowned for a split second but returned to her usual smile. “I want to tell you something. I’ll—”

“Can’t you tell it now?” I tapped my foot once, crossing my arms and looking another way.

“Don’t you know how to create tension?”

I looked at her, “That’s exactly what I don’t like.”

“Geez.”

A pause, then I broke it, “If that’s all, please excuse me.”

I passed her; I was certain she let me pass so that she could—

“Wait!” grabbed me by the arm and pulled me close.

But, I dared not to look. I could feel the static between our faces. My hair rose; my face froze; my body stiffened, and my heart quickened——something I couldn’t grasp. How did she do this? It didn’t make sense. Was she using a technique on me? No, I shouldn’t think about that, because my focus should be on…

“Monday, after school, would you please come to the rooftop?”

It should be—Monday? What was special about that—no, focus.

My head trembled; wavering if I were to look or not. The temptation was too strong. If I can just turn my head, I would meet her eyes, and our lips might touch—what!?

“I—I would—could you please let go?” I gently tried to push her hand away, but she wouldn’t concede. I tried again with a bit more strength, but it didn’t seem enough. It was like all strength was taken from me. What was this kind of psychological reaction?

“You’ll come,” Her breath tickled my ear, and I heard her lips move and her tongue curl. “Right?” The result was strangely seductive.

I must refocus; I’ve deviated many times. Taking a deep breath, my mind achieved peace, but my mind was racing for all reasons to two possible answers; it hadn't reached a solid decision when my mouth blurted out, “I—I’ll come,” with an unusual shiver.

She pulled away and celebrated, “Yay! I’ll be expecting you!”

Thinking that since danger retreated, I looked at her. At that exact moment, she gave me a galvanic wink.

I gritted my teeth; I knew why: I was trying to fight this feeling, whatever it was.

At that moment, I realized what I should deduce, but there were two contradicting answers; one of which was fleeting.

‘Why me?’                    ᑘᕼᗩᕴ'ᖇᕼᘿᕴᒪᘉᕴᓰᑘᘿ?