Like a Hyacinth flower...(2)

I remember as a kid I wasn't the type to have many friends. In fact, I only had one and only best friend.

From a young age, and this in the first days of school, we are placed in a "pyramid". And this "pyramid" is who decides how and with whom you go floor, so if you are outgoing, funny and can make friends easily, congratulations you are at the top of the pyramid.

When you're at the top of the pyramid, having lots of friends, being popular with the girls, and all everyday being more fun each will be extremely normal for you.

Now...everything changes when you are at the "base" of the pyramid. No matter what stage of life, whether adolescence or adulthood, we live in a constant hierarchy. Those at the top despise those below, and those at the bottom envy those above.

In this constant scale of the hierarchy in which we live, our decisions, lifestyles, clothes, hobbies, friends, appearance, among other things, can make our position change in this pyramid.

So if you like something or agree with something that the "majority" doesn't agree with, your result will be the bottom of the hierarchy. And as a result of this we have: few (or none) friends, bullying, anxiety, depression, self-depreciation, and it can someone lead to a... tragic end.

So if you want to climb to the top of the pyramid, get ready to change your tastes and lifestyle just to please others who don't even care how you are... hahahaha this is ridiculous.

As stated earlier, I was (and still am) the type that doesn't have many friends, and actually, believe me, I don't really care about that. Even because quantity does not mean quality and this is something that everyone knows. Well, going back to the starting point, because I'm quiet, I can already have an idea of ​​where I'm located in the "pyramid", right?

Since early on, I realized the difference between being popular or not being able to avoid any kind of argument, fight or something like that with people at the top of the pyramid. Even because, let's be honest, it would be like entering a match with my defeat declared. But he also avoided showing himself to be extremely quiet or shy, because he knew that this was the type of person preferred by the "popular" to pour out their hate.

I think I managed to hide it for a while, but it didn't last to start, even if gradually, the looks of disgust and contempt when passing by a popular group, when answering a question that someone from the hierarchy above didn't know, or even, when I didn't want to share my notes.

My ordinary appearance, my distinguished personality, and my not fawning over the popular group made me soon become one of the targets of their scorn.

Despite that, at that moment, the situation didn't escalate to bullying or anything like that. But I even instinctively started to be more and more silent. Maybe at that time I had one or another colleague, but I didn't have anyone close to call "friend".

Until, at some point, a boy started watching me. As it was always me who watched others, I tried my best to pretend not to notice. But what was just a look, became increasingly strange, with words of "good morning" increasingly common, requests to the teacher to do activities in pairs with me and even attempts (usually failed) to talk to me.

At first I saw it all with just one more annoyance that I had to deal with. But... little by little, I started to care about him and I don't know when, but, I started to treat him as my friend. Normally, like every lower-ranking person, I started to get used to looking only up, looking at those who despised me every day with envy and hatred.

Before him, I only saw looking up or down as the only option in my life. But the closer I got to him, the more I was amused by his idiocy, and I worried about whether he stay well or bad, I started to stop worrying about those who despised me from above or those who envied me from below, because I started to look to the side, who really cared about me.

Like me, he didn't seem to care what others thought or didn't think about us. And even with all the provocations we suffered day after day, our friendship only grew stronger and stronger.

Until one day, something very important to him disappeared and with that our friendship too.

That day, I lost my friend, my only true friend that I've had until today and it's all my fault...

...all because I'm not a good person.