Canto XIV: Creatio Ex Nihilo

April was fast approaching, and it was the first day of spring… It was also a special day for some Magical Girls: It was Lousy Magic And Design Awareness Day, a day to remind Magical Girls that a significant portion of them had Magic and designs which were, well, lousy. It was, of course, a very important day for Andromeda Hirsch, better known as Aristhenes The Freeloader. Both her magic and design were lousy, so she celebrated the day.

The Freeloader was sitting on her bed with a phone in her hands, covered in blankets. The cabin she was in was chilly! The hotel staff had recently had enough of her antics and had booted her out of the room she’d been squatting in: She’d still be able to use the rest of the hotel’s facilities, but not the rooms. In exchange, and to stop her from leaving, they’d built a basic wooden cabin behind the hotel, next a square-shaped concrete structure which she knew was a storage facility.

Of course, she wasn't happy at all: Her cabin didn’t even have a toilet, how inconvenient! She had a bed, a wardrobe, a desk with drawers, and a few shelves with books. There was also a shovel and a grate under her bed, which led to a tunnel. But that was it! To complain, she had pickpocketed one of the hotel’s staff and made off with their unlocked phone. How they hadn’t noticed her was a complete mystery, but she couldn’t stop to think about it: She was busy giving bad reviews to the hotel on travel sites. When Aris finished, she opened one of the cabin’s windows and took in the lush greenery and the mountains in the distance, all from her bed. She then tossed the phone in the direction of the mountains, and closed the window . Aris had chosen to stay at that place during a trip to Norway, to gather inspiration for her university’s thesis. When she was about to leave, she became a Magical Girl… And decided that going home to continue studying zoology was not worth it.

So she became a mascot (More accurately, a freeloader) for the hotel. In some ways, she was similar to Fetail, but at least Fetail had the dignity of continuing her studies and not going ‘’Whoops, I don’t feel like going back to Athens. You’ll never see me again☆’’ And they never did: It would take them months for anyone to find out what she’d done. Her family, fellow students and her teachers all collectively thought We give up on this mess of a person. Thus, she became a taboo subject in her family and academic circle, and she was promptly forgotten about.

Free to indulge in her true passion, philosophy, she abandoned all technological possessions and got to mass-producing vapid and hard to read philosophy books. They were a mix of original thought and veiled criticism of society, and also occasionally parodied some philosophers. Of course, she wrote it all in the most mind-numbingly dull way possible.

‘’It’s 18:06, so the sun will set in 30 minutes or so. Early sunset, I say… Wait, why does it smell weird? Odd, isn’t it?’’ Aris attempted to step outside, but her deer-like antlers made her get stuck in the doorframe. ‘’Awfully inconvenient, isn’t it?’’ She had to duck to exit her cabin, and the moment she stepped outside, she bolted for the hotel… Only to find traces of people having left in a hurry, and a smouldering wreck where the hotel used to be: It had been completely obliterated by what appeared to be a satellite the size of a truck. She bolted back inside, barely avoiding a motorcycle and a car, which had been flung at her at terrifying speeds.

‘’I did pay a visit to the kitchen a while ago, didn’t I? I must have attracted that thing when I stepped outside without using the tunnel, and I somehow missed it crashing. My Magic sucks, doesn't it?’’ Aris sat down on her bed and reflected on the situation.

Her Magic, Überhirsch, AKA Superdeer, had caused that to happen. It was a terrible and lousy power: It made it so that, if she fully exited an enclosed space, she’d immediately be attacked by nearby vehicles which would be flung at her… But nearby was perhaps not the best word to use, seeing that the hotel had been obliterated by what was technically a vehicle, from outer space.

‘’I should check out the sunset, shouldn’t I?’’

With the sun going away for the day, she peeked at it from one of her cabin’s windows… And saw a dot in the sky which gradually got larger and larger. ‘’Is it a bird, I wonder? It can’t be, can it? It’s too big, isn’t it?’’ The dot grew enough to be recognised: It was a battleship, which was violently flung into the mountains in the distance, getting stuck in them. ‘’It was not a bird. A battleship, it was! Unexpected, isn’t it?’’ She was acting like it was no big deal.

Aris believed it was no big deal, so she dove into her bed and under her blankets, where she had a sharpener, a pencil and an open blank book. ‘’My readers might ask themselves how I look, so I shall draw myself, to exemplify a lousy design. It’s a good idea, isn’t it?’’

Thus, she drew herself! A well-developed woman, around 170 cm tall. Her short, blonde hair was styled into two pigtails, and her bangs were straight and swept up. Her sideburns were thick and long. On her freckled face, behind her large glasses, she had orange eyes with white butterfly-shaped pupils. On her head was a huge lock of hair which hung in front of her face. On top of that, she had a black halo on her head, and two dark yellow deer antlers. Her outfit was a vanilla-colored kimono with a black band of cloth to hold it together. It went down to her ankles, where she had grey socks and blue slippers decorated with a cute white ribbon. She also had a pair of grey angel wings and a brown deer’s tail.

"That's good enough, isn't it?"

Once she was satisfied, she moved her pencil to the next page, and continued writing about the nature and duties of Magical Girls, in her very particular way.

"Oh no. The hotel is gone, and the staff has fled, so who will deliver my books to my readers now? The postal service will still drop by, right? This is troublesome, isn’t it" She shrugged it off and continued writing, occasionally sharpening her pencil.

But after a few pages, she was forced to stop by a pair of knocks on the door. "Who might it be? It's strange to have visitors here, isn’t it?" Aristhenes begrudgingly left her bed and opened the door, only to find a blindfolded girl with a halo of light behind her head, and a girl in a wedding dress armed with a cutlass and a flintlock gun.

"I am Habelas-Hainas, the All-loving Witch-Saint, and I seek not praises, I do not. I seek the greater good, I do! It is surprising to find somebody here, it is! Good neighbour, might you help us, might you?" Said the blindfolded girl.

"‘’The Battleship’s fate depends on the result of this battle, let every man do his utmost duty. I, Broadside Betsy. humbly request your help: Our vehicle has decided to launch itself into the mountains, and we do not know where we are. Would you help us, for the sake of the Battleship Era?" Thus spoke the wedding dress girl.

Aristhenes mulled it over for a second, and then gave her reply: "Pool's closed."

Aris then closed the door and tried to get back to writing, but a strange prayer-like muttering from outside and the suspicious movement of the distant battleship's guns forced the Philosopher Magical Girl to take action.

She opened the door, stepped outside, shoved the pair back and then stepped back inside. "I, Aristhenes The Freeloader, do not approve of uninvited guests. Dealing with them is a pain, isn’t it?" She frequently read about showing kindness to uninvited guests, but her thoughts on the matter could be summed up with this: I shall have no uninvited guests.

Aris could hear the sound of what was probably a freight train approaching at high speeds, and kept her eyes on the battleship, which had been dislodged from the mountains. But as the freight train approached the pair and threatened to blow them away, the blindfolded girl took off her blindfold and spoke.

‘’My prayer has been heard. The barrier's coordinates have been fixed, variation is negligible. Commencing physical separation of Point A from Point B… Achieved. We are the world’s strongest! Now come forth, Cross-Staff Of Santiago!’’

A pale blue barrier surged forth from the girl's staff and enveloped the cabin and the paid outside. With a titanic crash, the freight train then smashed into the barrier but could not penetrate it, bouncing off and vanishing into the now dark sky. It was followed by the satellite and the motorbike, which bounced off into the sky too.

"Impressive, Aldara: Your magic is almost as marvellous as battleships!"

"Your praise is wasted on me, it is. I am merely a vessel for Santiago's miracles, I am."

Aristhenes saw that her Magic would not work on these two… So she'd give them a chance. "You forgot to say the magic word, didn't you? Say it and I'll let you stay. It's a good idea, isn't it?"

"The magic word… It's battleship, isn't it?!" Exclaimed Betsy.

"No, it is not, it isn't. The magic word must surely be please, it must be. Please let us stay, please do. We will discuss what to do… Tomorrow, we will." Aris couldn't meet Aldara's gaze: With the way she was looking at her, she felt bad for having tried to drive them away. "Even Aristhenes The Freeloader can feel guilt. Go ahead, then: It's dark and cold outside. Terrible, isn't it?" Habelas put her blindfold on again, and the newcomers stepped inside and sat down on the bed, quickly diving under the blankets.

"There is nothing more comfortable than being by your side, Lekka, there is not."

"Aldara dearest, you depend too much on me. I cannot deny that it is quite charming, but perhaps you should seek to remove that weakness."

"But I don't want to, I do not!" The smaller girl protested.

Aristhenes felt the need to make a comment while those two flirted: "Love is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?’’ She sketched the two as an example of a romantic relationship between Magical Girls.

‘’It is, it is! There is nothing more lovely than Lekka, there is not!’’ Leaning against her friend, Habelas proudly declared that!

‘’Aldara dearest, I am not ready for such a relationship yet!’’ Betsy replied to her friend, looking quite flustered. She turned to look at Aris for help, but found her blankly staring at nowhere in particular.

"Miss Aristhenes, might I inquire about your well-being?" Betsy was worried!

"She's asking if you're OK, she is!" Habelas chimed in.

"I was close to seeing it, wasn't I? Oh well, it's strange, isn’t it?" Aristhenes blinked twice and waved at the two girls. "This is normal for me, it's just how my Magical Girl Form is. Don't worry about it. Now, it's time to go to sleep. It's been an exhausting day, hasn't it?" Aris sat down on the bed alongside them, assumed a meditating position, and quickly fell asleep. Betsy and Habelas then decided that the day was over for them, and they too fell into the embrace of Somnus.

A great deal of hours later…

Betsy woke up at 6:13 AM, just when the sunrise started. She found that Habelas was asleep and clinging to her arm, making an adorable sleeping face. Aldara is a blessing, those two should learn from her, she thought. She then noticed that Aristhenes was not where she'd fallen asleep the previous day. No, she was sitting in front of her desk, furiously scribbling away at her book.

Aristhens turned to look at Betsy but would not meet her gaze, an embarrassed look on her face. "Whoops. I woke up a few hours ago, had a flash of inspiration and forgot to sleep again. It's already sunrise, isn't it?" As if the sunlight coming in through the cabin's windows didn't make it obvious enough. Incidentally, she'd gone for something different this time, and made a short comic on kindness between Magical Girls. The dialogue was vapid, but the art was top-notch.

Habelas-Hainas was woken up by their conversation. "Hm… Good morning, good morning. I slept like a log, I did. And it's all thanks to your presence, Betsy, it is! Ah, good morning to you too, Aristhenes, good morning to you too." Habelas rubbed her eyes and yawned. She'd just woken up, and she was already flirting with her friend, so much so that she'd almost forgotten who had let them in.

"Surely that cannot be true, Aldara dearest. I say, you slept soundly because of how soft this bed is, and because Kougou is watching over us." Betsy's argument was, of course, battleships.

The pair's stares were turned to their host.

""What's for breakfast?"" That's what they both asked.

"The hell's this, they're asking for breakfast. The hotel’s gone, so you'll have to hunt it yourself. Society is mostly gone here, thus, you'll have to provide for yourself. Logical, isn’t it?"

"I won't let my Lekka go hungry, no way, I won't!" Once again, she leaned against her staff and started praying fervently in Galician-Portuguese. When she finished, she removed her blindfold. "My prayer has been heard. Coordinates have been fixed, variation is minimal. Commencing meal preparation, Breakfast Type… Achieved. We are the world’s strongest and hungriest! Now come forth, Cross-Staff Of Santiago!"

Three plates of small chocolate croissants and three glasses of milk dropped onto Aristhenes's desk.

"I could solve world hunger like this, I could!" Looking proud of herself, Habelas proclaimed that. "I would humbly request for you to think about the consequences of attempting such a thing: You'd work yourself to death, Aldara dearest. And we can't have that." Replied her friend.

Aris put her pencil down after starting a new chapter on the resourcefulness of Magical Girls. She stared blankly at the plates. "I just witnessed Creatio Ex Nihilo, didn't I? You created something out of nothing, didn't you?" Aristhenes grabbed Aldara's shoulders, clearly shaken.

"Woah, Aristhenes. You looked quite pale now. Once again, I am worried about your well-being." Truly, Aristhenes was odd.

"You shouldn't use that too much, you're messing with the universe's basic laws: You might destroy the universe if you're not careful, don't you know? Terrifying, isn't it?" She had a good reason to worry.

"I will make sure not to destroy the universe, I will…" Habelas couldn't understand, so Aristhenes started ranting about the law of conservation of mass.

Betsy then noticed the shovel under the bed. "Would it be acceptable for me to make an inquiry on the usage of this shovel?"

Aristhenes briefly stopped her rant to speak: "I am going to dig a hole into Earth’s core with it. If it breaks, I will use my fists. Also, I am going to prove that Magical Girls can become effective mass drivers by shovelling rocks from the Earth to the moon. Why? Because I want to study humanity’s reaction to the former… And the latter would simply be amusing to see. It's good to have a goal in life, isn't it?" And she went back to her rant, which she finished in about 5 minutes. Of course, Habelas understood nothing of it. With nothing else to do, the group began eating their breakfast at a leisurely pace, while Betsy and Habelas chatted away about their plans for the immediate future: They were considering ways of taking their battleship back to the sea, after their little trip in the North Sea was interrupted, just when they wanted to go back to their hotel.

‘’It will be tough, won’t it, Aldara dearest?’’ Commented Betsy.

‘’It will be, it will be… If only somebody could help us, if only they could!’’ Lamented Habelas, glancing at Aris, counting on her suspicious knowledge and interest in strange and destructive science, which fit neither her philosophy passion nor her background in zoology… She probably learned all of that out of boredom, somehow, or perhaps it was revealed to her in a dream.

Aris might have been strange, but not oblivious: She knew that they needed her help. ‘’Very well, you can count on me. Heartening, isn’t it?’’ And so, they began to concoct a plan to get the pair back to the sea. They offered to take her along, but she refused, saying that she had a duty to stay behind.

‘’We’ll meet again, we will!’’ Thus spoke Habelas.

‘’May you be in good health, good Aristhenes. There is nothing a sufficiently determined Magical Girl cannot do.’’ With that statement, Betsy was ready to go.

‘’It was only a short amount of time we were together, but it was fun. Fate is a funny thing, isn’t it?’’ That's how Aristhenes said farewell.

After saying their goodbyes, Betsy and Habelas left the cabin and eventually made it to their ship: It was the first step of their rather simple plan.

Aristhenes waited inside until she saw a flare fly into the sky, having emerged near the ship’s bow: It was their signal, which meant they were ready. Now, Aristhenes had to do her part.

‘’Come on, Superdeer. You won’t let me down, will you?’ She stepped outside and bounded across the landscape, in the direction of the coast. After advancing 200 metres or so, she stopped, and she was immediately hit by all sorts of vehicles at high speeds. But she wouldn’t budge: Those two were counting on her!

‘’The power of friendship, isn’t it nice?’’ She made that idle comment as she watched the battleship approach her. It was time for the final part of the plan! Once the ship was close enough to be properly locked onto her, she started running again, letting it pick up speed… And then she threw herself to the ground, letting it pass over her. Finally, she sent it flying in the direction of the coast with a mighty punch.

Aristhenes hurried over to her cabin again, to stop the battleship from returning.

The plan had worked… But what now? she asked herself. She grabbed her shovel and sighed. ‘’It’s time to start digging a bit. I wonder if Fetail will ever come visit me. It would be nice, wouldn’t it? Surely, if I accomplish my goals, she is bound to look up to me and visit me, right? That sounds nice, doesn't it?’’ Once she reached the bottom of the tunnel, next to the collapsed tunnel which once led to the hotel, she started digging. What the future would hold for her, she didn’t know, which was vexing. But surely, it would involve a lot of digging.

                                                                  ☆☆☆