Episode Four

What the hell happened last night?

When I woke up, it was 1023 in the morning - my phone let me know that I had missed not just my alarm, but texts from Chloe. Thankfully, they were just texts about more packages that were supposed to come today. She did mention that she was planning to go out with her friends that night and not to wait up for her. I couldn’t focus on that right away. Instead, my brain focused on the body pillow next to me.

I woke up with it in my arms like I would a boyfriend or even a wife. I don’t understand why or even how this happened. I tossed the body pillow out of my bed and even though I threw it pretty hard, I could hear it softly hit the wall and fall to the ground. My heart started to slam against my chest at how soft it landed, how soft it the wall. Something about this...something about this…!!

I back up until I hit the wall of the other side and I stare at it intensely. Would it move? Would I hear Risa-chan’s voice again? Was last night a special case? My head then pounded and seared with a lot of pain. But the body pillow just laid there - menacingly, I bet. Whatever this thing actually was, I don’t know if it actually intends to hurt me or Chloe - but if it wanted Chloe, it’s going to have to go through me!

And yet, it remained in place.

My heart took its time to stop beating so hard but eventually, I found myself going through the dungeon I failed last night again on my phone, with the charger attached.

I see my favorite character, Risa, jump up and down as she was scripted to. Her voice actor enthusiastically called for the best of my self-insert character. The characters cheered along by her side and the story continued. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. It was a strange dream last night, wasn’t it?

I was only pretending to hear her voice, wasn’t I? I’ve become so desperate that she came but … but I swear I heard her voice before, clear as day, clear as night. I don’t understand… My hands moved on its own as it finally completed the event dungeon and I got the super rare loot I wanted. But now, I’m not sure if it was even worth it. Did I hallucinate it? Is my mind degraded enough that I’m hearing voices?

After I completed the event, I went back to bed. I felt exhausted and I placed an arm on my head. The headache had long since disappeared; it disappeared as soon as I started playing my game. I could feel my stomach growl. I know I missed breakfast and I’m probably missing lunch but I just… couldn’t. It was a bad day. After such a strange and weird night last night, I don’t know what to do. If I left the body pillow alone, would it start moving on its own? Would it start talking to me again - using Risa-chan’s voice? It scared me. I shuddered. I didn’t want to move but as soon as I heard the familiar knocking on the front door, I sigh as I get up.

Before I opened the door to my room, I glance back at the body pillow once more. It just lied there silently and I glared at it. It was mocking me. When people are around, it didn’t talk but Chloe was a whole wall away. I wanted to check my other text messages to see if she had asked about a strange voice but the knocks at the front door became more and more frantic. Probably the delivery man was becoming irritated because I wasn’t answering.

I’m coming, I’m coming.

.x.

This package was actually fairly small compared to the other packages she had received before. But I placed it by her door as usual and left it alone. I ended up forcing myself to eat even though I had no interest in eating and I spent the rest of the day playing another game on my phone.

I didn’t bother to pick up the body pillow. It scared me too much. Anytime I moved passed by it, I always got a cold chill down my spine. Anytime I looked at it, I got the feeling that I made things worse when I threw it against the wall like that. Did I, though? It’s a strange creature - because it clearly talked last night, there had to be some sort of life attached to it - and I didn’t know how to react to it.

When I sent a reply to Chloe that I got her package for the day, she thanked me and that was that. She was free to the world while I stayed in this block of walls. These four walls kept me safe and I was safe from the outside world but every so often, I remember about the body pillow. The body pillow scared and terrified me and I was too scared to go near it. I’m too scared to even think about it too much. There’s just no way I could just throw it out without worrying about a weird curse… but it’s cursed enough for me to keep it in the apartment, much less my room.

I didn’t want to curse Chloe with me. So for that, I must suffer alone.

Even though I woke up fairly late, the day went by very slowly. I felt weirdly relieved as I actually, eventually, put down my game and wanted to get a sketch done in an abandoned sketchbook I somehow kept around.

However, I cringed at my own drawings as I looked for an empty page. A lot of the drawings were drawings for an original series I wanted to do - a comic to put online about something or other about dragons. But these… were just concept ideas. No one would like these drawings. If the creator didn’t like these drawings, who would find joy in these?

My usual feelings came up and I stopped. There may have been some empty pages but anything that I looked at… I felt ashamed.

Any goodwill I had towards these drawings, I threw my sketchbook down and tried to rip it apart, but I was too weak to do so. I didn’t realize that I was crying but I hated looking at my own art. I hated it. I despised it. I wasted my time practicing this when I could’ve been useful and work for a company instead. That’s what everyone is supposed to dream, right? Happiness equates to money. My parents give me enough to live on and more, Chloe even gives me money, but what good is that if I can’t even make my own money? The money that sits in my bank account doesn’t truly belong to me.

But I’m useless. I learned a useless skill. Drawings… there are enough artists in the world. I’m not nearly as good as a lot of these other artists. But I want to be an artist. I want to be an animator but isn’t it a bit late for me? I’m not worth it. No one likes my art and no one takes the time to even bother with it.

I put my head on my knees when I brought it close to me as the usual thoughts went in and out of my head. I felt the familiar stings of my tears come out and I stare at a corner of my abused sketchbook. This always happens, doesn’t it? Anytime I want to do something, I stop myself. But there has to be a reason, right? There has to be a reason…

Frustration, anger, sadness, desperation, and other emotions I can’t parse overfilled my heart and I cried. Oh, I cried as I always did and it frustrated me. I hate it. I hate these emotions. I can’t do it. I’m not good enough. I can’t. I can’t. Stop trying to make me do things I don’t want to do. I don’t want to face my art again. I can get better all I want but it’s not going to matter when another, better, artist comes along. They’re going to be so great and I’m just going to be ignored. But… it’s something I deserve after all.

“No, no, don’t feel that way.”

Please, stop. I really don’t need this again. I just… want to see Chloe. She doesn’t know any of these feelings but seeing her face… heals my heart in a way that she can’t ever fathom.

“No, you need me. She can’t provide for you the way I can. Trust Risa-chan.”

Risa-chan… you don’t understand. You’re just a body pillow. Chloe is human. She’s human with a heart, soul, and a warm pair of arms. She probably doesn’t feel a thing I feel for her but… but she is my joy. And whenever she finds her one, I’ll be off to the side, cheering for her.

“See, see? She will leave you. I won’t. Risa-chan is here with you, my precious, precious friend! Stay away from her! She’s very mean to you! I won’t leave you. I won’t ever leave you. I’ve been here from the beginning… I’ve always been in your heart longer than she has!”

I shook my head. I grabbed my head even though it only hurt from crying so much so suddenly. I looked up and even with my hazy gaze, the body pillow remained in its spot. Nothing was on it. It was broad daylight this time and nothing was on it and it stayed there. It had to be my mind. It absolutely had to be in my mind.

But something compelled me to crawl towards it.

“See, see? I’m your only friend. If you were to draw me, I can come alive! See, see, you’re reaching towards me. I want you to love me like… well, don’t make Risa-chan say it!” She sounded so embarrassed… it was almost cute.

I forced myself to stop. What am I doing?! She’s just a voice! She’s a game character! I shook my head again to try to get myself together. Why is it every time I start to feel this way since this thing entered my life - she talks? She… is it fair to call her she? Oh, but she feels so warm as I get closer to her.

“Ah, ah! You’re coming closer, ever so closer!” She started to use the tics even the game character uses. My mind is way too powerful that I could imagine such a cute game character on such a plain body pillow. No, no, that’s rude.

I can’t control myself anymore.

Very soon, I’m close enough to pick up the body pillow and, my body wasn’t mine anymore, I picked it up. I picked her up. I cradled her and I kissed her.

“I’m sorry, Risa-chan,” I said out loud. She could very clearly read my mind. But it’s more genuine for her to hear me say it. Oh, I was mean to throw her against the wall, wasn’t I? I cuddled with her and I could vaguely see her form on the body pillow itself. Oh. This body pillow is magical, isn’t it? Magic was real all along, wasn’t it? “I can almost see you… i-is that okay? Is it okay for someone as cruel as me to see you?”

“Of course, of course! I want you to see me… You see, I love you so much that I came here just to be with you.”

“But you don’t know me.”

“I don’t have to know you. I just know I love you so dearly. Your creative mind is so powerful that I finally became alive to meet you. And I’m so glad I did. Oh, my darling, oh, my darling! I love you so much!”

I paused suddenly when I was surprised to feel the body pillow move against me. T-this is actually happening? Is Risa-chan right? Is my creativity so powerful that she’s coming alive? But… wouldn’t it be an original character I should project onto instead of a game character? Oh, this feels so wrong. I-I must apologize to the original creator!!

“No, no! Stay with me… yes, stay with me. Stay only with me.”

“Oh, I will. I promise I will.” I kissed the body pillow. I start to lose myself in Risa-chan’s arms. Did she have arms? Probably. I could feel some kind of warmth wrap around me.

“Ah, ah! Your kisses tickle!”

“Let me give you more then!” I gleefully said as I kiss the adorable girl whose face finally showed up for me. She had blonde hair with a pink hat which had frills all over the place. Her haircut was as short as a bob-cut and I couldn’t see anything past below that. It was almost as though a holographic image was projected on the body pillow from afar.

I could see her change to her usual game expressions as though the body pillow had its own animation on it. I tried to peek below her neck, under my arms from where I was hugging her.

“Hey! Don’t be naughty! Don’t look below Risa-chan’s neck!”

“Ah, ah, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please forgive me!” I closed my eyes and glanced at her shining green eyes. It was full of mischief and teasing but there was also a threatening glint underneath it all. It was strange - it felt both natural and unnatural that this occurrence was happening and I didn’t realize how scary this must’ve for her. Oh, but it’s Risa-chan. She can’t … she wouldn’t betray me and she wouldn’t hurt me.

It’s not in her character.

However, her expression then changed to sultry, in a way I’ve only seen in doujinshi. It almost scared me and I almost let go but a force kept me there. As I stayed with her, I could feel my eyes become heavier and heavier. Oh, I could feel Risa-chan graze my hair with her ‘fingers’. Strange, very strange, but oh, it’s so comforting.

“Let Risa-chan be selfish and keep you all to myself. You belong to me.”

.x.

It was late at night when I finally regained consciousness again. Once again, I held Risa-chan against my body and my clothes were off. The only reason why I even woke up was that I heard a slam on the front door.

I tried to get my clothes on but found that I had great difficulty doing so. I then realized I was holding Risa-chan still. Instead of putting her down roughly, like how I originally wanted to do, I found myself gently putting her back in bed and tucking her in. I even stared at her for a little bit to see anything but she, no, it - it’s a freaking body pillow - had nothing on it again.

Did I imagine all that yesterday? Was that all just a hallucination? There’s just no way that a game character like that appeared on a body pillow if anything. She, no, no, it just so happened that I was feeling so desperate about my art and I know I felt so lonely that I must’ve projected that. There’s just no way was that real… but it sure felt real.

Another slam occurred outside and it scared me. It’s very rare for Chloe to be in a bad mood and something told me that I needed to leave my room right away with clothes on. I tried to rack my brain on what I forgot to do. I got her package as expected. The apartment is relatively clean and then an idea popped into my head! Maybe something happened in her outing with her friends! That has to be it! Or something particularly nasty happened at work - that was also another possibility.

When I finally reemerged from my room, I realize it’s late afternoon - not late at night. I saw Chloe moving some boxes from the front porch to her room and she had just slammed the door to her room.

It made me flinch. How long was I out? I didn’t mean to fall asleep…

However, I didn’t see her emerge back from her room and just heard the sound boxes moving. Fairly soon, she opened the door and threw it out. She didn’t seem to notice me and slammed the door again.

I flinch once more and then I skitter back to my room. I hold my head as I tried to understand what happened - did I miss more emails? - until I looked at my phone saw the number of e-mails from her - from the night she was going out to her friends and asking me what I wanted to eat to her gently saying goodnight and to her checking on me. When I didn’t respond, she sent worried messages and even seemed to call me… to really angry messages about missing her packages.

How long was I asleep? But I looked at the times and realize how long - I’ve been asleep for two whole days.

To Be Continued…