Canto XVI: Vive Ut Vivas

After that isolated incident related to the book, peace returned to the village: The mysterious entity was sealed away in the book once again thanks to everyone’s combined efforts, and Fetail took the opportunity to entrust it to Almudena, who would make sure it never escaped from its shadowy prison. Godofreda was very sad at having to let such a legendary book go, but she had to do it. But once again, it all ended too easily, and it was too anticlimactic. This time around, however, everyone involved suspected something was afoot. All was fine in Arcadia, once again, but for how long? They went along with their lives with that thought in their minds, and they found themselves at the tail end of March, less than a week away from April.

They enjoyed their peaceful days to the fullest, and they all made headway in their relationships and goals. However, something else had settled in: Boredom. Even Magical Girls and their associates got bored! Thus, they each began to come up with ideas to soothe their boredom. For example, Imperator signed in for a few events in the area, like cycling competitions, archery contests and even a gastronomic tour of the village. Or Regina, for example, had had a great idea: She’d managed to open a store which centred around a herbal store, and that was helping stave her boredom away.

But amongst everybody’s plans not to die of boredom, one stood out: It was a plan which seeked to emulate Don Quixote’s adventures in a modern-day setting. Who came up with such a bizarre idea? Well, it was a joint plan between Godofreda, who wanted to see her beloved Fetail dressed like a knight, and Voytek, who had recently started reading the book… In addition to Imperator, who had tried to emulate the knight’s adventures before during her travels, but that plan had met a sandy doom. But now, it would all come together, and it would most definitely not fall apart! What was Fetail’s opinion on it? It was Haaaah. I have nothing else to do, and if I refuse, things will only get worse. So let’s get this over with. What a pain!

First, they had to give Fetail a suit of armour which suited her! Godofreda was in charge of that, of course. After looking far and wide for such a suit of armour, and having to ask some villagers for help, she came across a suitable suit of armour and a hat… Which was made out of plastic, since it was part of a Carnival costume. Godofreda, of course, lost it after seeing Fetail in such an attire, identical to Don Quixote’s. As for weapons… She'd fight with her bare fists.

Next up was finding a steed for her! Imperator suggested a boar, which was rejected due to safety concerns. So Imperator then tried to rent a horse, but Fetail rejected it too, stating If I am to make a clown of myself, I shall do it in an original way. In the end, her steed ended up being a rickety bike which Olivia had found in the garage’s storage room. Fetail could have used her Magic to make a vehicle for herself, but she’d be opening herself up to being trolled by it, so she decided against it. Then, it was time to give the bike a name which would be remembered forever. Olivia decided to have some fun and chimed in with a name which was very positively received by everyone in the Carcabuey Protection Squadron, excluding Fetail: Matalón.

‘’Haaaah. Matalón, you might have a strange name, but let’s get along: We’re going to be dragged through the mud, figuratively and literally. What a pain…’’ And she said nothing else about the name.

With her steed christened, it was time to give herself a stately name, fit for a knight.

‘’Clocky The Wacky!’’ That was Godofreda’s suggestion.

‘’That won’t do, gobi! It has to sound strong and proud, not wacky and goofy: How about Darkspear the Lionheart, gobi!?’’ Such was Imperator’s input.

‘’We have an idea: Tartambria Of Arcadia! Oh…’’ Voytek seemed rather enthusiastic about naming a knight, but she realised that the name was too close to that of her loyal knight. ‘’We take our suggestion back. Perhaps somebody else can do better than us. We have much to learn…’’ And Voytek started daydreaming and reminiscing days long past, once again.

So far, their little naming game was not going anywhere. So Olivia would help them out! Thus, she chimed in. ‘’Look at Fetail, she’s embarrassed by your ideas. So let me try’’ As Olivia had pointed out, Fetail looked terribly embarrassed: She was wearing a plastic suit of armour and a barber’s basin on her head, standing on a rickety bike inside the garage, while her friends surrounded her and pelted her with the worst ideas they could come up with. Olivia continued speaking after stopping for a moment: ‘’Well then, how about Pasternau de Carcabuey? How about it, Fetail?’’ Olivia patted her friend’s helmet, dusting it off a bit.

The fox-girl ruminated on the appropriateness of the name… And eventually acquiesced. ‘’I cannot come up with anything better than that. Haaaah, alright: You win. Pasternau De Carcabuey it is. I will never forget this embarrassment…’’ She swore never to forget it… And she then burst into flames, and her legs turned into gooey jelly. It took her a good while to get up from that!

Fetail removed her sooty armour and helmet: She needed a break. They then went upstairs and ate lunch: They all ate a pile of fried breadcrumbs with an egg on it. As expected, Fetail’s was cooked slightly differently, much to her liking. Godofreda, who was sitting next to her, waited expectantly for her verdict after finishing.

‘’Hm… It’s very good: The bread is exactly how I like it, and the egg yolk is runny, just how I like it. There’s still room for improvement, but it’s still an 8/10. Well done, Godofreda.’’ She couldn’t stay annoyed at Godofreda for having put her in such a bizarre situation: Her good friend was clearly trying her best for her sake, and she wasn’t resentful enough to deny the incoming hug. ‘’Yaaaay! Thank you, Clocky: You’re the sweetest, and so I’m glad you’re the one I love!’’

Fetail was slightly embarrassed by the looks everyone was giving her, which seemed to say Come on, just confess to her already!

‘’Haaaah. If I didn’t have to deal with my immortality, if I hadn’t pursued this dream of mine perhaps things would have been different. Perhaps I would have reacted differently to your advances. But I wouldn’t be me if I rejected my dreams, would I? And I would not be the same if the cold hand of death was a permanent concern for me, or if I accepted being somebody else’s possession. Anyways, I will not practise vive ut vivas: I have to think carefully about the consequences of my actions. Will I regret rejecting your advances? Probably. But I would rather live with regret than with the grief of watching my significant other go. And no, peer pressure will not work on me, so stop trying.’’ She glanced at the expectant faces of her friends and kept speaking.

‘’There are walls that cannot be scaled, and this is one of them. Godofreda, I encourage you to keep trying, but do know that you will never reach your goal, no matter how close you get to it. But perhaps an unreachable goal is not a bad thing: They are a path to the stars. Haaaaaah, death and old age are such troublesome things… Anyways, well done, dumb doggy: You’ve made great progress, but the road you walk is eternal. But perhaps we’ll all meet again, even after everything and everyone has gone silent, if the universe remakes itself. If it happens, good! If it does not happen, then such is the life of the one who embodies the future. What a pain that is to be immortal!’’

Godofreda, who had stepped back a bit, banged her fists against the table, nodding furiously: ‘’Very well, Fetail! My love transcends dimensions, reality and logic! So prepare yourself: I will never give up on you, my beloved. You will fall for me, no matter how much you try to deny it: I will show you the power of love and friendship, which cannot and will not be defeated: You are my beloved, but also my friend. So submit to me and become mine!’’

‘’Haaaah. I accept your challenge, child of humanity: Break through the tall wall in your way and reach where nobody has reached before: From the Earth to the stars, to the darkest corners of the universe, let your will resound. But fear the one with a stronger will, fear the will of the one who says I will never become anyone’s possession, but you’re welcome to try!’’ Thus replied Fetail.

The rest of their friends watched in astonishment, except for Voytek who whispered to herself: ‘’We really have some odd friends, don’t we? May their love blossom in time, if it ever does fully blossom. May things end up in laughter and not in tears, this time around. ‘’

With that strange conversation out of the way, they finished their lunch, and they descended to the garage, once again. This time, however, Godofreda wouldn’t let go of Fetail, and only released her under the repeated threat of gooey age-restriction.

Fetail was forced to put on her armour, helmet, and to ride the bike once again. ‘’Every wandering knight needs a lady to devote themselves to, to inspire them on their travels and fill them with love! So who will it be, Clocky? I’m sure you will choose correctly!’’ Godofreda’s tail was wagging intensely, very much like a dog’s. Her expression read Pick me, pick me! ‘’You really want me to choose you, eh, Goddy? Haaaah. I’ve made up my mind. If there is a maiden I must devote myself to, for the sake of this dumb game… It’s…’’

Godofreda was practically sparkling. She knew it was going to be her, it couldn’t be anyone else! They waited for her to finish, and…

‘’I, Pasternau de Carcabuey, rider of the brave steed named Matalón, have chosen the goddess Libertas as my lady. Haaaaaaah, what a pain.’’ Fetail adjusted her armour and her hat and jumped off the bike, just in time to avoid a kick by Godofreda, who looked livid. Her beloved had chosen another woman to profess her love to, and a fictional one at that!

‘’Cloooockyyyy, you Roman, what have you done?! By Hammurabi’s beard, you weren’t supposed to do that, you weren’t supposed to do that! Idiot, idiot, idioooooot!’’ Fetail kept dodging her punches and kicks without breaking a sweat. ‘’You were supposed to choose me, you dumb fox! Why won’t you choose me? Why won’t you let me wash your back!?’’ Godofreda looked like she was about to cry: No matter how much courage she mustered to break through the tall wall in her path, having her loved one do such a thing still sent her over the edge.

The onlookers were shooting dirty looks at Fetail for having done such a thing. Now she’s being needlessly mean to poor ol’ Godofreda!, they thought. They were about to protest when Fetail spoke.

"Haaaah. Look at me, I have backed myself into a corner: I could retract my statement and say that you're my maiden, which is what everyone present would like me to do… But I would be submitting to you, and I know you wouldn't accept a superficial submission. Or I can continue down this path, which will paint me as a villain who bullies the one who loves her. You'd expect poor ol' me to continue down the first path, right?"

Fetail jumped on top of Godofreda's head, much to her surprise. But she didn't complain at all, no. It meant that her beloved was closer to her, and that was as beautiful to her as taking a good long bath. "Hah! Never. I'll make my own path: Freedom, Godofreda, is one of the most precious gifts that heaven has bestowed upon men; no treasures that the earth holds buried or the sea conceals can compare with it; for freedom, as for honour, life may and should be ventured; and on the other hand, captivity is the greatest evil that can fall to the lot of man. And by that, I mean that I will continue down my own path, the second one, the path of liberty. When you try to clip a bird's wings and attempt to keep it in a cage, don't you expect it to fight back? So look upon yourselves, and see who's the bully here: The one who is trying to cage the bird, or the bird which is attempting to flee? Perhaps the bully here is actually the audience, the spectators in their own home, who expect things to go the way they want and disapprove of anything they do not think is correct. But the bird cares not about what the audience thinks. Haaaaah." Fetail jumped from her head to stand on Voytek, making the poor girl almost fall over.

Godofreda looked rather confused by the unexpected monologue, but she felt like she'd partially understood what her beloved had to say. "I think I kinda get it! You're saying that love is a cage, and that I am being overly selfish by attempting to clip your wings and lock you in it, right? I hadn't looked at it that way before. I've been trying to force my love upon you, without thinking about what you had to say. What do I do now?" Fetail left her to decide the correct course of action, and went to check on the reactions of the audience. As she said, she didn't care about their reactions, but she still wanted to know.

She wanted to see their reactions to the power of Logos, which had turned the scenario from Fetail being mean to Godofreda! into You're all bullying me, just look at yourselves. And to start off her questioning, Fetail jumped off again, landing next to Olivia and Gladstone.

"I went with the flow a bit too much. Sorry about that, Fetail." Olivia laughed a bit and patted her friend's back. "You turned the situation around with a few words: Never change, lazy fox girl: You're stranger than an alien."

"The Princess couldn't ask for better friends: Well done, Zoya Pasternak!" Gladstone commented.

Fetail, satisfied with their reaction, turned to Imperator while Olivia sneakily went to pat Godofreda's head and tail, followed by Gladstone.

Imperator rubbed Fetail's tails and spoke: "Sorry, gobi. I wanted to see my best friend get a cute girlfriend, and I overdid it a bit, gobi. As expected from Little Zoya, you're the world's strongest, gobi!" Fetail had to endure a crushing hug from her. Imperator looked very proud of her, which made Fetail a bit embarrassed. "Now fight me: You've fired me up, gobi!" But it was too late, as Fetail had already fled to Voytek's side. So Imperator went to wrestle Olivia and Godofreda, causing much chaos in the background.

With that as a backdrop, Fetail stood next to Voytek, who was spacing out. "Haaaah. Daydreaming again, Voytek?" She asked.

Voytek jumped a bit, spooked. "Oh dear, you scared us! Please do not do that again, we are sensitive to those types of things… Anyways, we were very impressed by your rhetoric. We sincerely wish you'd make yourself clearer, but we agree with your arguments. We also apologise for following the will of the flock too much: We are weak to peer pressure. We have much to learn…"

She stuck her hand under Fetail's helmet and stroked her ears a bit, making the fox-girl flinch. "Fluffy Fetail, we hereby grant you knighthood, so that you may go about unimpeded in your task. Now that you are ready, please tell us: Where do you wish to start your adventures in?"

Fetail didn't have to think twice: "Haaaah. I, Pasternau de Carcabuey, have decided to aid the people of Peñíscola: If I am to be humiliated, at least let me choose where. What a pain…"

"Aw yeah, Peñíscola time! Let's gooooo! Wait, where is that?!" Godofreda yelled while being furiously patted by Imperator and Olivia.

"You choose the strangest places, gobi! But I don't mind going there, gobi!"

"Well, isn't that rather fitting? It's a good place too, and not too expensive, plus we have Imperator to print money for us. We can get there by car, which is ideal. And no chances of being poisoned, too… At least, not nowadays. I like it."

"We cannot make any comments, as we lack knowledge on the place. We have so much to learn… Yes, we believe a trip is a must!"

And so, after everyone agreed, it was decided: They were going on a trip to Peñíscola, under the pretence of knightly activities… But they were going there to sightsee. Maybe they'd help some people out while doing that. But it was mostly tourism.

Olivia swapped to Hadrinyan and opened the garage door: "Hmph! Somebody has to clean while we're gone. I'll ask Almudena to do it. I'll be right back… It's not like I'm excited to sightsee or anything! Also! I declare myself as your squire, Fetail!" Followed by Gladstone, who was making comments on the liveliness of today's youth, she vanished into the street.

They waited for her to come back, and then they all dispersed to carry out their afternoon activities: Hadrinyan decided that she'd thoroughly clean the house, and let Olivia work on her books and alien-hunting afterwards.

The other girls would partake in activities outside: Voytek had settled on visiting the castle on the hill! She had heard of the miracles caused by the Virgin Mary which the castle's shrine housed, and she wanted to check it out. Meanwhile, Imperator thought it was her duty to patrol the hills and mountains in the area to annihilate any invasive or unwanted species she came across, and finally, Fetail decided that taking a walk around on a bright day would not be a waste. Perhaps she'd find a cosy place to read in! The fox-girl wouldn't be alone, though: She'd be joined by Godofreda, who wanted to take a walk with her. Even Fetail wouldn't turn down such a wholesome request from her adorable friend!

And so, their activities began… They were mostly wholesome and peaceful. Mostly.

Because Imperator found herself chasing after a brown goat! "You can't escape, Arruí, gobi!" It was an invasive species from Morocco, which would soon be removed from the list of invasive species. The main group of the species lived further east, but a few had somehow ended up near the village, and they were a threat to the area's invaluable agricultural produce.

"I haven't tried cooking any of them yet, gobi. There's a first for everything, gobi." She idly chatted with herself while chasing down her prey, making sure to survey the area to scout for any prey she could come back to get later. When she arrived at a suitable spot, leading it away from the olive plantations… And she leapt onto the goat, tumbled around a bit and finally put the poor animal into a chokehold. "Checkmate, gobi." Imperator stuck her tail’s stinger into its flank, knocking the animal out with the tranquilliser contained within. "I'm sorry for this, gobi." And she hit the creature's head with her frying pan, which immediately made it pass away. She attached the frying pan to the soup pot on her back.

Imperator then briefly prayed for the creature’s soul, which she did when the thrill of the hunt didn’t overcome her, and stuffed the creature into her soup pot. ‘’At least it was painless, wasn’t it, gobi?’’ Imperator ducked down and closed her eyes, taking in the scents around her.

‘’There’s a wildcat around here, but of course, I’m not going to hurt it, gobi. A badger is around, too, and I’m not going to go after it either, gobi. I can feel a rabbit and a fox running around here too,but the recovery period of their population has not ended yet, gobi… I smell a boar, gobi!’’ Her eyes snapped open, and she went into full hunting mode: The boar was as good as dead. She got up and prepared to track it down, but stopped after realising something: ‘’Oh my, I have reached the quota which the town hall told me to reach, gobi! I mustn’t drive them to extinction, only cull their numbers, gobi."

Imperator looked at the sky, which had quickly clouded over, and received a bucket load of water to the face: A sudden storm had come around, and it was raining heavily. "This could be trouble, gobi. If lightning strikes the trees, it could cause a forest fire, gobi! Atavistic Sand Emperor, heed my call, gobi!"

From her palms emerged a large ball of floating, whirling sand. She concentrated on it and elongated it, until it became a spear to pierce the heavens! "Now, gobi!" The long spear was pierced by two torrents of sand from her hands… And as if it had been stabbed, a large amount of sand gushed out from its wounds, falling into neat piles around her. She increased the volume of sand being circulated, and the spear quickly turned from sand to copper. "And it's done, gobi."

She had filtered out of the copper from the sand and made a huge lighting rod, which towered above the trees. Imperator added the finishing touches: She gathered most of the sand around her, and gathered it around the base of the floating copper rod. "Ngghh, gooobiii!" Imperator made a strange noise and violently slammed her fist into the sand. "That worked, gobi." The impact had turned the sand into a heavy and impure mass of glass, which had fused with the copper. "Like this, it won't fall over, gobi." She placed it on the ground and looked at her creation. "Hmmmm, gobi…"

Imperator grabbed her broom and frying pan, and proceeded to sweep the remaining sand into the pan. It wasn’t a lot, but it was still enough to fill it. "Go, gobi!" She yelled. A crushing pressure and searing heat enveloped her Magical Frying Pan, which she had ordered from a Toledan blacksmith who also happened to be a Magical Girl, and who specialised in making products for fellow Magical Girls. That blacksmith had also made her soup pot, and pointed her in the direction of a good Magical Broom maker.

The sand had turned into a misty white disk of glass. "I'll give this to Rosita as a gift, gobi." She put her broom and her frying pan back in her place, and tucked the disk under her left arm. Imperator yawned and stretched a bit before jogging down the mountain she was in, opposite of Calvario: The village was in the middle of the Subbetica Mountain Range, and it was a sight to behold, even more so when it rained.

Imperator jogged down the western side of the mountain for a few uneventful minutes, enjoying the rain. She followed a road which led to the village, jogging along for 20 metres or so, where the road split eastwards and led to a relatively large house. "Here, we are, gobi." It was where Rosita, the village's only glassmaker, lived and worked. She was a workaholic and rarely showed up in the village, so many people forgot she existed. However, she was a master at what she did, so she was always busy with orders placed from all corners of Spain, but most of her customers were from Andalusia, for one very specific reason…

"If only she didn't make her customers come over to pick up their orders, she would have more of them, gobi! What a misanthrope, gobi!" Imperator knocked on the door and waited for Rosita to open it. Imperator heard some fumbling from inside, and the door opened to reveal a freckled girl with long orange hair, wearing leather overalls, a brown shirt and brown trousers. She was also wearing metal goggles which looked vaguely like steampunk gear.

"Die horribly and suffer, normies… Oh, it's just you, stupid bnorpion! Come in, exhibitionist musclehead. I assume you've brought me a gift, right? I know I'm right, so hand it over, bnorpion." For some reason, she preferred to address her only friend as bnorpion; In other words, bunny scorpion.

Rosita looked like an innocent, shy maiden, but that couldn't be further from the truth: She was a dyed-in-the-wool misanthrope who only got along with Imperator because her misanthropic antics didn't bother Imperator at all, and she enjoyed being able to hurl abuse at such a ridiculous character. Insulting others had turned into a habit for her, and she did it almost unconsciously: While Imperator said gobi, Rosita hurled abuse and death threats with the same frequency. Whether she meant them or not was a mystery.

Imperator stepped inside and leaned against a wall of the living room. "Of course, gobi! Here you go, Rosita, gobi! How is it, gobi?" Imperator handed her the glass disk with a proud look on her face. Rosita grabbed it and turned it in her hands, looking at it from a bunch of different angles. Her verdict?

"Well done, you dingus of a bnorpion: You finally brought me something that is not unusable garbage… It's usable garbage!" Rosita thought it was decent enough for her to keep: She'd melt it down and use it.

"If you don't mind, I'll get going now, before the area floods, gobi!" Rosita watched her friend go and sighed to herself: "Idiotic bnorpion, you could stayed for a while. Well, back to murdering glass…"

Imperator would have stayed longer, but with the rain that was falling, she'd rather be at home. And so, she went on her way. But after a minute of walking, she figured that she could use her Magic to return home faster.

"Atavistic Sand Emperor, gobi!" Once again, she called forth her sand biplane, stuck her broom in front of it as a propeller, and soared through the dark sky, making sure to replace any part of the plane that got too wet with drier sand, and barely avoiding a few lightning strikes. "The castle hill should be a decent spot to land in, gobi. Full speed, gobi!"

She slowed down as the hill grew larger and larger, and she removed the propellor after designating her landing spot: The north-western part of the hill, not far from the church. "Gooobiii!" She yelled that as she made a rough landing… In other words, she crashed into the mountainside.

Imperator ran down the hill, creating potholes as she moved. But since the town hall had begged her to stop pockmarking the streets, she slowed down her run when she reached the church street. It was working: She was only cracking the ground beneath her, and not any making potholes anywhere

"Let's go home, gobi!" Imperator made her way down the street which led from the church square to the village square. She walked the empty streets of the village, noting how everyone had already gone home. She passed by her restaurant, which had closed due to heavy rains. "I'm such a liberal boss, I let my employees decide when to open and when to close, gobi!"

Imperator happen down the street until she made home it to her front door. "There they are, gobi. Heeey, Little Zoya, Godster: I'm here, goooobiii!" She could see Fetail piggybacking a sleeping Godofreda and rushing back home, from the direction of Calvario. They were both soaked by the rain. "Benvolgudes a casa, noies, gobi!" Imperator welcomed them home in Catalan, and opened the door with a key she'd been hiding in her soup pot, alongside the dead mountain goat.

Fetail climbed up the stairs, followed by Imperator. "Haaaah. This girl wanted me to tell her all about my Philosophy Of Energy Conservation, but she got bored quickly and fell asleep. So I had to piggyback her all the way from Calvario to here, and we got rained on. What a pain that is to have such unstable weather! What were you doing, Margarida?" Fetail asked, opening the door to the living room: It was empty, but they could hear Voytek humming from the studio, and a Spanish guitar playing along, probably played by Olivia. "I was hunting, and I delivered some glass to Rosita the glassmaker, gobi!"

Imperator and Fetail sat down on the sofa, clearly needing a break. Fetail detached her Godofreda from her back and placed her between her and Imperator. But in her sleep, she latched onto Fetail's arm and wouldn't let go. "Haaaah. This girl… I'd say what a pain, but looking at her sleeping face, I can't say anything bad about her. Good grief, what a pain that is to have such a cute friend…"

Imperator nodded a bit. "I see what you mean, gobi! But you should also pay some attention to me, your best friend, gobi. Little Zoya, it's alright to pay attention to your girlfriend, but you shouldn’t abandon your bestie, gobi!" Fetail moved to swat the girl’s ears for making such a comment, but she was restrained by Godofreda, who’d just woken up: ‘’Pay attention to me, not to her! See, Clocky? You’re making me be selfish! I just can’t help it!’’ And Imperator decided to strike back by swat Fetail’s ears while she was distracted.

While she was being harassed by her two friends, the rest of the Squadron joined in by patting Fetail’s ears and tail. Olivia spoke while enjoying the fluff: ‘’Godofreda, you might like this: I just heard something very interesting on the radio. It's related to an ancient tomb found in Greenland. There, they found…’’

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