Episode Six

“What’s wrong? What’s going on? Why did we leave our apartment so quickly?”

I can’t tell her. I tried to run with her as far away from our apartment building as possible but I couldn’t tell her. I could feel my body already tire out from even the light jog and I eventually stopped to take a breath. If I didn’t have to wait for Chloe, then I would’ve tried to keep going. However, I could hear her steps behind me even while I still tried to keep my breath steady.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Her voice completely covered with worry as she tried to catch up with her breath as well. She definitely worked out more than me but the sudden jog would probably surprise anything. I turned to her and she’s nothing but worried. Worried, worried, worried, worried for someone like me and it’s my fault she cried and have that face now. It’s my fault, as usual, but instead of breaking down, like usual, I can’t let her see my tears. If I’m strong in anything, I could do that much.

After I finally managed to catch my breath, I laugh and gave her a half-smile. My trademark half-smile - I could never do a full smile. I can’t do a full smile so this is good enough. “I just felt like running.”

Oh, that’s probably the biggest lie I ever told. And even she couldn’t take me seriously with the way she stopped in her tracks and started giggling to herself to an all outburst of laughter. I couldn’t help but chuckle but it was so dry that I may as well not have laughed at all. But, even for a moment, it made Chloe happy and it made me feel a little better. I don’t want her involved with whatever Sakura is. That’s my problem and my problem alone. If it means she’s shut out of my life further and I have to go down alone, then it’s fine.

I don’t want her to worry about a thing when she has so much going on - whatever is going on.

Eventually, she stops laughing and we laugh about me, being active, and we ended up talking about what we’re going to get some food. Maybe not ramen so much - we decided to get some karaage instead. She knew of a new place that recently popped up while I was ‘sick’ when she went out with her friends.

It sounded different, but it sounded mostly good.

.x.

I want to go home. But I also can’t believe I’m out here with Chloe again. I don’t know how many times we’ve gone out together like this lately - and even better, that guy didn’t call her this time - but I really want to go home. But every time I think about going back home, I just think about Sakura waiting for me. She’s just waiting for me to be alone in my room to try and overtake me. I don’t know why she wants me there so much - why should I be with her when I have a 3D creature, er, rather, a beautiful woman - like Chloe?

Every time I think of that incident that just happened in my room, I shudder and sweat. I shake and tremble. That’s not a normal body pillow. If it was a normal body pillow, it would’ve just let me go. It wouldn’t demand me to stay there. But Sakura did and I don’t understand what she wanted from me.

After we ate, after our laughs and our stories as though we were friends, I realize I don’t actually have my phone. I must’ve left it at home. Chloe had hers though and before I could start thinking about cutting our night short, she asks me about the event in the mobage. It had long since finished but apparently the company decided to release the prizes as gacha prizes - as ultra rare versions of course - and she wanted me to use my ‘gacha luck’ to get her one of her favorite male characters - a very buff man with purple hair who really should learn how to wear shirts, especially in the danger that he and everyone gets in.

But it’s what she wants. I’m the weirdo who wants Sakura-cha--.

I find myself unable to even look at my favorite character anymore. The game character is popular for a reason and even I fell for her. She, unfortunately, is everywhere in the game’s marketing and even in gachas not relevant to her. Seeing the monstrosity in my room made it really hard for me to look at the gacha event because there she was - parading around the event as usual like it’s hers to own. She doesn’t know the horrors she gave me earlier.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“N-nothing… Sorry. I got caught up in the moment.”

Whatever that ‘moment’ was to Chloe, she should never know. She would never know.

I press the button to roll and Chloe automatically took her phone back and watched in anticipation to see who she got. I just got a huge feeling in the bottom of my stomach that no matter how long I put off going home, and especially since I really want to go back to the comfort of my room, I feel angry that I would have to confront them. I would have to face whatever that thing in my room eventually.

I don’t look forward to it and frankly, I don’t think I’m strong enough for it. I watch Chloe get excited as her favorite character’s new UR comes up and covers her screen with confetti. I look on to her with my half smile and it’s then I realize my bangs are a little longer.

I play with my hair as she dances and celebrates her, or rather my, gacha luck. But I’m okay with it because she’s happy. By now, we’re sitting at a bench in our local park. It’s night so of course, there’s no one else around except maybe drunk salarymen trying to make their way home, falsifying their sobriety. Her phone glowed as brightly as she did and nothing could make me happier. I look around and I think back to when she cried in my arms. I could still feel her tears on my body and it still felt warm where she hugged me - rather, clung to me.

But that couldn’t have been the reason why she was truly crying, was it? I looked to her and she seemed really excited - as though her tears never existed in the first place. This got me worried about her so I took in a deep breath and let it out as a soft sigh. I was scared for many reasons. If I said something directly, would she get mad?

Should I even confront her? But her tears… they weren’t for me. They didn’t feel like they were for me. Then again, I have such a low opinion of myself – so, do I have a right to really question any form of affection towards myself? It’s something I’ve wrestled since I managed to escape Sakura’s clutches in my room. I-I want to know.

I let out another sigh. I’m just going to be direct… I want to know.

“Hey, Chloe? Did… you really miss me that much? I know you sent me messages but…” I feel lightheaded. My chest feels empty. I don’t know what she’ll say to me so I mentally brace myself for an onslaught of accusations of prying into her business. “Did anything happen at that meetup?”

She gave me her full attention and once the question was asked, she placed her phone down on the bench. She locked it and the bright screen went away. The only sources of lights we had were either from the lights from the poles or the city lights. Even with all this lighting, the mood between had only slightly darkened between us. Once I asked the question, she was silent. She was still silent as she looked up to the black sky and a light wind passed through us. She might be considering her answer carefully.

“Shimizu-san confessed to me,” she finally started. “Apparently, he had feelings for me for quite some time and… I told him I had to think about it.”

What was there to think about? I wanted to ask her that but it would’ve been rude. I stayed silent. Usually, when she paused, that means she was thinking of what to say next. I wasn’t wrong.

“I… don’t know how I feel about him. He’s nice, good-looking, and has a decent career. But I don’t want to get with anyone right now. And when you slept for those two days, I was scared because I thought that,” she paused once more to laugh, “and even though I thought this was silly but… I thought he put a curse on you. I thought it was a sign that he was trying to force an answer out of me. He did tell me that he’s willing to wait for me for as long as it took, but I don’t know if he’s right for me.”

But… what did I have to do with anything with it? You should go with him, Chloe. He’s good for you, isn’t he? However, I knew this would happen eventually. She would get confessed to and she might go with that person and leave me alone. And I wouldn’t fight it. I don’t want her to stop her life just for me. I didn’t feel like I had hoped but I also didn’t feel the crushing of my heart either. The feeling was complicated to describe.

“I… never told you my dream for coming here to Japan, did I?” she suddenly said. She still looked up at the sky. Her eyes seemed to be fixated on something. “It’s really silly now that I think about it but… you understand, don’t you?”

I didn’t say anything. She brought her legs up and hugged him together as she continued on.

“I wanted to be a manga artist. Crazy, right? I wanted to come here, across the world to find a dream that I could just do online, right?” She laughed at herself as she looked down at the ground. “But… my thoughts were that if I could become an assistant artist to someone, that could boost my chances, right? But… lately, I’ve started to realize that I could never become that. Maybe it was a bad idea coming to Japan. I have a decent career but it’s hard.”

“I hate my job. I...don't want to say I hate it here, but it’s very difficult living here. This probably doesn’t make sense to you b-but being who I am and how I look, it’s very difficult.” I could see tears coming from her eyes. I let her continue. “Sometimes, I question every day why I keep doing this job. I come home and I barely have any energy to draw.” She paused to laugh a little. “I bet you’re wondering what I’m ordering a lot, huh? I guess I may as well tell you… I’m trying to build a PC. It’s supposed to be optimized enough to help power this really expensive tablet I got since the laptop I brought with me can barely handle it.”

She sighed. “So much for that. I wanted it to be a surprise when I finally get it done but… with his confession, it makes me wonder about my value. Am I just here to be a housewife? Am I just here to serve tea to old men who look down on me because I’m a foreigner? I know I’m really lucky to get that kind of job and I should probably just grin and bear it… but sometimes I get so frustrated.

“Am I just a woman to be looked at? That’s why I was crying earlier. I was worried you also felt the same way towards me…. But I was also really worried.” She looked at me and gave me a soft smile. She looked even more radiant under the park’s light even as moths flew around us.

But for the fact I even saw her in her light only makes me feel bad. She’s not just someone to look at. She’s not someone to just serve tea to pompous old men. She’s not just a foreigner.

I don’t know what to say so I just reached my hand out and she slowly touched it. I don’t know if my non-answer was the wrong answer in her eyes because I don’t believe that. I never saw her drawings but she already is a world-class artist in my eyes. It might’ve been foolish to come all the way to this end of the earth to be treated in such a way but if things were so bad before she left, then it must be worth it. It must be. It must be worth being in a country knowing no one but a useless NEET like me.

I fight my own tears. Chloe has always been stronger than me. She gave up her life back in her home country to make it as one of the most difficult things as a foreigner. However, that doesn’t diminish my own suffering, does it? She still chose to fight these battles and trying to make it on her own. But she doesn’t have to be alone anymore.

But… neither can I.

“Chloe…” I breathed out finally. I held onto hers a little bit tight. She looked confused. “I…” Am I really going to tell her? Am I really gonna tell her about the monstrosity in my room?

But if I don’t, Sakura could very well hurt her. I don’t want to hurt her. That’s one thing I don’t want to do. If there’s one thing I must prevent, it’s Chloe getting hurt. I want to go to the bookstore and pick up a manga. While I don’t know anything about my own career, m--

“Oh. I know you’re an artist too.” Chloe suddenly said. She gave me a reassuring smile. “I see some of the doodles you do around the apartment and I really like them. Hey, let’s go home and let me look at your art and I’ll show you mine!”

“H-huh??” I certainly didn’t expect that turn of events. I instantly feel how clammy my hands become but Chloe doesn’t let go. She smiles, even through her own melancholy that she just shared with me, as she tries to get up from the bench in a rush to get home.

I shake my head and do my best to pull her back. “N-no! That’s not I wanted to tell you! L-let’s stay here!”

Chloe’s smile only slightly faltered as she tried to keep herself steady on the bench but she let me continue. She gave me a confused and worried look.

This is a big moment. I let go of another heavy sigh as I prepare to tell her something completely unbelievable.

“Someone, or something, sent me a possessed body pillow!”

To be continued...