Chapter 23: Sighs

Sam took a sip from her water bottle and scanned the passage again. She’d been up since the crack of dawn with her nose in her Health textbook, and with any luck, she could finish getting through the required chapters by the end of the day.

“Haaaaaaaaaannh…”

…Of course it couldn’t be that easy.

Mary had curled up in bed moping all day. She’d declined working out, skipped breakfast, and basically felt like doing nothing but be an annoying distraction. Most days, if Mary was being a bother Sam could just go to the library instead. But midterms were right around the corner, so the place was packed, ironically making it a terrible place to concentrate.

“Haaaaaaaaaannh…”

Okay. That was it. She’d put up with four hours of exaggerated sighing and enough was enough.

“Mary,” Sam said, trying very hard to remain calm. “Can you please stop sighing?” Her smile was so forced her mouth hurt.

“What? Oh, um, sorry, I didn’t know I was doing that,” Mary quickly apologized.

“Okay, well, could you stop? I have a test on Tuesday and I really need to study. So could you zip it, please? Thank you. That’d be great.” She tried to sound friendly about it, she really did.

Mary nodded glumly and flopped back down in bed, zipping her lip.

Great. Sam could get back to studying now that she finally had some good peace and-

“Haaaaaaaaaannh…”

Okay. So it looked like they were talking about this. With a sigh of her own, Sam turned in her chair to Mary.

“Okay, Mary, what’s the matter? Why are you so down?”

Startled, the curly blonde sat up in bed. Her face was bright red. “Oh, um… it-it’s nothing.”

“You’ve been sighing for four hours straight without a single glass of water. I’m pretty sure that’s not nothing.”

“It’s just, um…” Mary fidgeted, unable to meet Sam’s eyes.

“I, uh… maybe have a crush…” She whispered, kicking her legs against her mattress and squealing a little.

…Oh, lovely. This was going to be fun.

“So if you have a crush, why are you sighing so much?”

“B-Because I’m worried he doesn’t like me!” She wailed. “I’m just, I mean…”

She gestured to her body like her point was obvious.

“Yeah, I’m not the best judge of that stuff. So what, you think he won’t like you because you’re not super hot? There are a lot more issues than that I’d imagine.”

“Not helping!”

Sam sighed. “Okay, look, who is this guy? I know you have trouble talking to guys, but-“

“It’s Daniel…” She mumbled. “From club…”

It took a second for that to sink in.

“Daniel? The big guy? The guy who ran you over? That’s who you like?” Sam stared at Mary like she’d just confessed to being in love with a martian. Mary had a crush on him of all people?

Nope. Sam definitely had no idea how this romance thing worked.

“He’s a nice guy!” Mary cried. “He talks to me! Even though I’m awkward and clumsy!”

“That’s… a reason, I guess…”

“And… And…!”

She blushed and buried her face in her pillow. She peeked out from behind it a few seconds later.

“Heh shffed beh.”

“Okay, I don’t speak pillow, can we try English please?”

Mary flumped the pillow down. “He saved me,” she repeated. “Remember last night? When Carly was attacking me with that giant scythe?”

“…Yeah…”

“Daniel jumped in front of the scythe and blocked it, all to save me,” she sighed wistfully. “He was so heroic… like a noble knight from a fairy tale, or a hero from an anime…”

There were actual stars in her eyes. Sam felt like throwing up.

“This dude saves you once, and you get a crush on him?”

“No, it’s not that! You… You just wouldn’t understand!” Mary pouted. “I told you before, remember? I-I want a heart-throbbing romance in college! And Daniel, he’s… oh, he’s so dreamy…”

She was actually starting to drool. Gross.

“I remember you telling me you wanted a demented love triangle between a bad boy and a nice guy.”

“Well, I changed my mind, now I want Daniel.”

“Okay, so ask him out on a date.”

Mary let out a scandalized gasp, like Sam had just told her to go streaking across campus. “I can’t do that! Asking… asking out a boy?! On a date?!”

“Yeah? That’s what people do, right? When they like somebody? Ask them out?”

“Well… no, see, if I ask him out, then that would mean that I like him!”

Okay, Sam was totally lost.

“But… you do like him.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want him to know that! Geez, don’t you know anything about romance?!”

“No! No, I don’t, we’ve been over this!”

Mary crossed her arms in front of her chest with a huff. “If I ask him out, on a date, then that would mean that I like him. So if he turns me down, then it would get really awkward between us!”

Right because THAT would be new…

“Okay, but what if he says yes?”

Mary brightened. “Well obviously I want to go out with him if he’s going to say yes! But I don’t know that!”

Sam pushed her glasses up and pinched between her eyes. “Okay, let me get this straight. You’re willing to ask him out, but only if he says yes. And if he won’t say yes, then you don’t want to ask him out?”

“Yes.”

With a sigh, Sam glanced out the window and absentmindedly wondered if Mary would survive if she tossed her out.

Mary sighed again. “Sam, you just don’t get it. I’m not like you, okay?”

“Yeah, no kidding. If you were like me you wouldn’t even be thinking about that guy.”

She shook her head. “No, I mean… I’m not pretty. I’m not confident, or cool, or smart, I’m not even funny. I’m just… well, I’m just me. So when I think about asking out a boy… I just can’t do it. I’m afraid, because… because I can’t think of any reason he’d say yes!”

She looked like she was about to cry. Ugh, what a mess.

“Look, cheer up, okay?” Sam said, trying her best to be encouraging. “You’ve got a whole bunch of time ahead of you, right? And Daniel’s not going anywhere. You just have to… I don’t know, get close to him, maybe? And then maybe he’ll like you. I don’t know. You two seem to get along pretty great already.”

Mary brightened up a little. “You really think so?”

“Uh… sure?” She’d seen them talk a few times, at least. Most of what she was saying was parroted from Carly actually. It wasn’t like Sam had any flipping idea.

Well, whatever it was, it seemed to have worked, because Mary’s mood had improved. “Okay, so I’m gonna work out really hard and get in good shape!” She decided. “Then he’s definitely gonna be the one to ask me out!”

“…Yeah, you do that.” Sam didn’t think that actually solved the critical problem of Mary’s cowardice, but if it would help her feel better she didn’t really care.

Mary beamed at her. “Thanks, Sam, you really helped.”

Sam sighed. “Yeah, no problem. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to get back to studying.”

She turned back around and returned to her book. Now that all that was settled, she could finally-

“Haaaaaaaaaannh…”

Sam’s eye twitched.

…

Ten minutes later she was storming across campus with an unpleasant look on her face. The cafeteria had just opened for lunch, and that meant…

Perfect.

Daniel was eating lunch with Carly, Nick, and Mac from the club. She skipped the lunch lines and went right to their table.

“Oh, hey!” Carly grinned. “Pull up a seat, and-“

“Not right now. I need to talk with Daniel.”

Daniel flinched. Sam’s glare wasn’t something to mess with.

“M-Me?”

“Yes. You. I have a question for you.”

He gulped.

“…Yeah?”

“Do you like Mary?”

“Mary? Yeah, sure I like her.” He looked more confused than scared now.

“Do you want to go out with her?”

Carly choked on her meatball while the other boys just looked on with bemused grins. Daniel looked like he’d been shot.

“G-Go out? Like…”

“Like on a date. That kind of go out. Boyfriend-girlfriend crap.”

“Well, that’s… I mean… it’s not like…” He was turning redder and redder by the second as he fumbled for something to say. Sam didn’t have time for this.

She slapped the table so hard the plates shook. “Yes or no?”

“Yes!” He exclaimed. “Yes, I want to go out with her! She’s really cute and she’s really nice, and I like how hard she tries, I think it’s adorable!”

Nick and Mac were practically doubled over with laughter. Carly had the biggest shit-eating grin in the world, eating this up with a big spoon.

Sam smiled. “Great! She wants to go out with you, too. She’s just too shy to say it.”

Daniel blinked. “She… She what?”

“You. Date. Together. Do I need to write it down? Geez, why is it so difficult for you romance people to figure this shit out?” She groaned. “Look. It’s simple. Mary would like to go out with you. On a date. So ask her out already!”

“R-Right now?!”

“…No, in five years after you both graduate and go your separate ways, YES RIGHT NOW!”

“Alright, alright!” Daniel fumbled for his phone, rushing out of the cafeteria to make a call.

Carly looked at Sam with sparkly eyes.

“Awwww…”

Sam raised her eyebrow. “What?”

“I think that’s adorable, you hooking Daniel and Mary up together like that,” she giggled. “There’s a heart in there after all!”

“…No, I just made an annoying noise shut up so I could study in peace, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh. Whatever you saaaay~” she sang.

Sam was confused, but her work was done here. She grabbed lunch in a to-go box and headed back. There was quite a fury waiting back for her in the room.

“Sam!” Mary screeched. “Sam, what do I do?! What do I do?! Daniel just asked me out! ME! OUT! ON A DATE! TO A MOVIE! In half an hour!”

She was hyperventilating, and the look in her eyes was crazed. Sam feigned interest.

“Hey, way to go, that’s great. Have fun.”

“Nonono, this is… I don’t know anything about dating! What do I do?! What should I wear?! What if he doesn’t have fun?! I-I-I-“

“Mary, Mary, breathe,” Sam said, placing her hands on the girl’s shoulders. “There we go. That’s a good girl.”

Mary took a few deep breaths and calmed down a little. Then about two seconds later she started freaking out again.

“My clothes are so… ugh! And my hair? I’m a total mess! I’ve just been in bed all day! I don’t… what should I do?!”

“Mary, Mary, Mary, do you want to go out with a guy who expects you to look hot? Or a guy who doesn’t care what you look like, and just wants you to be yourself?” Sam smiled, patting her on the shoulder.

“…Uh…”

“Exactly. You’ll be fine!”

Before Mary could process what Sam was saying, she had already been shoved out the door. The lock clicked.

Sam took a deep breath and exhaled, smiling.

Peace and quiet at last.