Chapter 1:

the beginning of all

the person who gave me feelings

It was an ordinary day of July, it’s cold, it rains, just like an ordinary summer day.

No one’s outside, no wonder, that’s how it should be in a such day, the uncomfortable silence was interrupted by a crying baby, the situation just converted from uncomfortable to terrifying.

A woman carrying a baby, running across the street, and looking back from time to time, seems to be chased by someone, or something.

Suddenly, she breaks, maybe she just accepted her fate, she didn’t think of saving herself after all, all what she tried to do is saving her son.

“If all what you need to live is a sacrifice of me, I’ll do it gladly”. She thinks, she’s not sure that her death will keep her son alive, but if there is something she knows, it might be that her death will absolutely hurt her son.

She looks at him, and smiles like she never did.

“So, you’re the son of me and your father”, she says while crying, “Sorry I have to go before even giving you a name, you know? You have a very cool Daddy, he died protecting his son, so I will”.

The silence’s back.

This time there’s only one nameless sleeping baby, the rain’s falling on him, and giving him, instead of his dead mother, the first shower of his life.

The rain stops, or not, the water is just not falling on him anymore; someone is here, someone who's trying to carry him

and give him the same feeling that he had a moment ago, unfortunately that wasn't something he's able to do.

The kid has grown up, but didn't blame someone except himself, in fact; it was all his fault.

The person who found him on the road, noticed odd accidents that happens to the kid, a strange shadow approaching to him when he's crying, and a beautiful flour growing when he's happy, he couldn't give him a name, he decided to let him choose that one, he told him at first that he is an uncle of him and told him the next story:

“The first thing we learn to do in our life is controlling our feelings, which makes the only moment that we let our feelings out is our birth”. After realizing that he killed he's parents he called himself


Imagine a child whose feelings are able to take a physical form, some of people may think that he's happiness will be a blessing, but for a such person, happiness is no more than a dream.

If he's rare good feelings are a blessing, he's bad ones might be a curse.

This is the story of the kid whose feelings are taking form in our world.

The uncle was worried about he’s family’s safety, even if it’s just a human kid, he’s a monster.

However, “saiga” was a smart calm kid, after realizing he’s curse, he made a decision to protect all the precious things to him.

“My feelings are dangerous; I don’t have the right to feel anymore”

Saiga, as he said, decides to definitely stop feeling.

“It shouldn’t be that difficult to not feel, especially for an 8 years old kid, right?”

He knows it will be tiring, but if he needs to defend everyone from himself, he needs to stop feeling.

That’s the only way.

From today he became a marionette without thoughts or feelings.

An 8 years later

It’s the first day of Saiga’s second year of high school, nearly every student is in the school’s main hall listening to the director’s boring speech, not lending him a particle of attention, laughing on him sometimes, but generally talking to each other about the past year’s funny moments, this year’s expectations, which one is the hottest girl in the class, and other random things.

But something is missing, the most valued girl in the school, is missed.

Saiga, like these 5 past years, is sitting on his chair in the classroom, the last chair near the window, watching a blue butterfly, flying liberally in the sky, not caring about these human’s troubles, they made these troubles after all.

His thinking moment was interrupted by a noise he thinks he knows.

Someone’s getting in without knocking the door, she says carelessly:

“Sigh, I really hate the director’s speech”.

She opens her eyes to see a new face.

“Sorry am I irritating you?” and asks: “are you a new student? I didn’t see you here before”.

Saiga turns his face to the window’s side and says: “that’s my second year in this class, we’re classmates Nijime”.

Surprised and a bit unhappy she says “I didn’t notice your presence this whole year!” she adds: “I, I am really…” he interrupts her saying: “don’t mind, I prefer to be unseen”, and keeps saying “oh! The class will start at any moment, I think you should take your chair”.

The class started, and passed without difficulties.

The only bizarre thing is that Nijime the school’s idol, is looking at Saiga, the boring. that will absolutely attract attention of the students, however, Nijime fixed that by telling them to stay away from him.

If it’s a normal case, some rumors will spread about a relationship between both of them, but it didn’t, no wonder, to think that this girl will fancy that one, you might be senseless.

The class ended, Saiga is taking the most extended way to the uncle’s home, meanwhile Nijime just remembered that she didn’t ask Saiga about his name.

For a girl, following a boy to his house is very difficult, but asking someone who knows her for a year about his name, is unacceptable, she picks the first choice without thinking a second time.

He headed to a public park and set on a chair and started looking at the people passing by, she disappeared behind a tree and watched him quietly.

After about a half an hour, he moved, so she did.

He knocked the door, a cute little girl, that don’t speak fluently yet, opens the door, and happily says: “welcome back big brother”. Saiga gets in and climbs the stairs, going to his room. but the door is knocked again, the same girl opens the door. But what she sees now is a girl wearing the uniform of her big brother’s high school, Nijime asks her with a polite accent: “can you please call you father”

She answers: “okay, should I call my big brother too”

- “no, no need to call him”.

The girl with a fast footstep, relatively to her age, got close, and whispered to her father that a girl wearing like Saiga asks for him.

He moved from his seat near the tv, he wore one of his slippers because he lost the other, “that’s all Saiga’s fault” the uncle says “I told him to find the other one”.

He gets close to Nijime, close enough so he could see her, then he asks her to get in.

He’s wife announces: “oh! A friend of Saiga’s, please set down I’ll make some tea”

Nijime declares thankfully: “I’ll appreciate it”, she thinks while blushing “so, he’s name is Saiga”.

The ancle: “so, what brings a young girl as beautiful as you are to an old man’s house like mine”, his wife looks at him angrily, he apologizes and says that it’s no more than a joke.

Nijime answers: “I actually came to ask about Saiga’s name, but I already heard his mother pronouncing it”

The old uncle: “aren’t you friends ?!”,

Nijime: “no but I’m trying to help him, he’s always lonely at school and I…, can you please tell me more about him”

The old uncle: “sigh, little girl we aren’t his parents”

The uncle told everything he knows about him, how cursed his life is, at the end the ancle started begging her to help him, no one wished for this kid to live his whole life alone and unfeeling.

Someone is coming from the upstairs, while descending Saiga sees Nijime hiding her face so he can’t see her, and excusing to leave, even if she’s trying to hide it desperately, it’s clear that she’s been crying.

The next day

Saiga’s going to school, like every day pretending that nothing happened, he was able to live peacefully all his life following the same lifestyle.

But this time is different, as he sets on the same chair, a voice he hears a lot these days is calling him, she says while holding her left hand using her right one: “hey, about yesterday…” he interrupts again: “don’t tell anyone, and forget about it”

She angrily refuses: I’m not telling anyone, but you can’t get rid of me that easily”.

Carelessly he announces: “do whatever you want to do, just stay away”

- Your uncle told me that you keep your precious things away to protect them

- Don’t you understand? he announces furiously

He’s nightmare, the thing that he needed to carry and hide his entire life is appearing again.

The same shadow that appears when he’s angry, the same shadow that killed he’s parents, is now trying to steal from him the first person who tried to understand him.

But he’s powerless against he’s own power.