The Realization

Dawn had been shaking Eliza’s hand for too long. She knew that. But, in her defense, Eliza’s hand was small and soft and all Dawn wanted to do was cradle it in her own hand. But that would be creepy. Far creepier than shaking Eliza’s hand for however long she had been. And yet she was still shaking her hand. Dawn had to fight the urge to close her eyes. Eliza’s hand was so warm. She just wanted to enjoy the feel of it for a bit longer. But she couldn’t. But she was. Because she was still shaking Eliza’s hand. As casually as possible, which wasn’t very casual at all, Dawn dropped Eliza’s hand and shoved her own hand in her pocket.

“Nice to meet you,” Dawn said, forcing her voice to hopefully sound casual.

“Nice to meet you too,” Eliza said quietly.

Dawn breathed a sigh of relief. Eliza didn’t sound creeped out or offended. If anything, she sounded wary. Dawn silently admitted that it was probably warranted. Dawn hoped it was a wariness that stemmed from starting a new school as opposed to something she had done. Not that she wouldn’t deserve it. But Dawn wanted to be friends with Eliza. Or, failing that, to not be enemies. She figured her chances would be better with a good first impression. Not that she’d made much of one so far.

Dawn cleared her throat and spoke again. “So… we’re gonna be living together?” she asked as if she didn’t already know the answer.

“I think so,” Eliza answered softly.

“Right,” Dawn said, nodding far too much. “How do you wanna do this?”

“Do… this?” Eliza repeated slowly.

“Yeah! If we’re gonna live together, we should probably figure some things out. Like…” Dawn looked around for an example. Her eyes landed on one of the empty beds. “Which bed do you want?”

Eliza looked past Dawn and at the room properly. “Either one is fine,” she said.

Dawn blinked. “Oh. O-okay.” She stepped to the side and sat on the bed on the left side of the room. “I’ll take this one, then.”

“Fine,” Eliza said. She pulled her backpack off her shoulder and settled on her bed.

Dawn couldn’t be sure how or why the thought occurred to her, but she knew that this moment would be important to her. That years in the future she’d look back and declare this to be one of the most important days of her life. Or perhaps that was just wishful thinking. Either way, Dawn wanted it to be like that. She wanted this day to be important. All she needed to do was make it so. She just wasn’t sure how.

“I was just about to go down to dinner,” Dawn began. She wasn’t really sure where the words were coming from. She’d already eaten before arriving. “Would you like to join me?” There it was. She was just using that as an excuse to do something with Eliza.

“I’m not hungry,” Eliza said quietly. “I’ll just stay here.”

“Oh,” Dawn said. She couldn’t stay in the room, she knew that. She’d already declared her intent to leave. She had to follow through. She stood up and reluctantly started walking to the door. “If you change your mind…” she trailed off. If Eliza changed her mind what? She didn’t know where she was going with that sentence. So she just ended it there, hoping that wasn’t too weird.

Eliza hummed in response.

Dawn walked out of the room, shaking her head at herself. She’d completely ruined things, she was sure. She just hoped Eliza didn’t hate her too much.

897

Eliza let out a sigh of relief when Dawn closed the door behind her. That was the first verbal conversation she’d had with anyone in weeks. She hoped she hadn’t been too awkward. But she had. Eliza knew that.

It’s not that Eliza wanted to alienate Dawn. She’d like it if they could get along. It would make things much easier in the long run. Not that Eliza only wanted it to be easy. She wanted it to be… fun? Enjoyable? Good? Memorable? Any of those. All of those. Eliza would very much like to enjoy living with Dawn. Step one of that process was to get along with her. The only problem? She didn’t know how. But she wanted to learn. She was determined to learn.

Pic: How do you get along with people?

Eliza busied herself with unpacking while waiting for Word to reply. She quickly learned that it was a futile effort. Given the small size of the room, she and Dawn would be sharing a dresser. While Eliza could technically unpack on her own, doing so would declare which space was hers and which was Dawn’s. She didn’t want to be so controlling. Better to do such things with or after Dawn.

Although, the more Eliza thought about it, the weirder that seemed. Why would two people who’d only just met unpack together? Surely it’d be better for Eliza to just go ahead and unpack on her own. Besides, she and Dawn would likely just split the dresser in half. But she shouldn’t just assume that’s what Dawn wanted.

The more Eliza thought about what to do, the more she agonized over the decision. She just didn’t know what to do. And all because of the unforeseen variable that was Dawn. Not that she blamed Dawn! It was just… Eliza didn’t know her. But she hoped that that would soon change. But until it did, Eliza didn’t know what to do.

Eliza was saved from her indecision by her phone buzzing in her pocket.

Word: I wish I knew

Eliza read the words, a slight frown of worry on her face. That was uncharacteristically glum of Word. Eliza didn’t know what had her friend so down, but whatever it was she didn’t like it. Despite not knowing what upset Word, Eliza knew one thing. She would be the one to cheer her up. She even had an idea how! She just had to subtly steer the conversation in that direction.

Pic: Well, how do you get along with me?

Word: I haven’t ruled out divine intervention

Pic: Am I that hard to get along with?

Word: No! You’re perfect! I’m the one that has the issue!

Eliza meant that as a joke. She knew she meant it as a joke. She thought Word would know she meant it as a joke. Clearly not. Although, Eliza couldn’t say she completely hated the outcome. Her finger gently traced the word perfect. She’d never been called perfect before, but she’d always assumed that she wouldn’t like it. Everyone had their own expectations of what a perfect Eliza would be like, and none of them matched up with who Eliza actually was. But, when Word called her perfect, she liked it. Because she knew that Word wasn’t talking about some ideal version of Eliza that only existed in her head, but the real Eliza. The one that already existed. Word thought she was perfect just the way she was.

Eliza squealed happily and rolled over in bed. She absently pulled the blanket up to cover her body completely. It’s not that she was cold, but Eliza liked the feeling of something around her body. Something holding her close.

As much as Eliza would love to just sit there and squeal like a girl with a crush, an analogy that grew more and more accurate every day, she couldn’t do that. Word was worried. That made Eliza worried. She didn’t like worrying about Word. Word wasn’t someone who should need to be worried about. She should be happy and bright and should never do anything but smile and the universe should bend over backwards just to make her smile and Eliza needed to cheer her up right now!

Pic: Trust me, you don’t have any issues.

Word: I really do

Pic: Word. You are perfect.

Word didn’t respond immediately. Eliza understood completely. When Word had called her perfect, she had taken a minute to take it in. She understood that Word needed to do the same.

Eliza didn’t do anything while waiting for Word to respond. She just patiently sat there. All thoughts of unpacking were driven from her head. All thoughts of Dawn were replaced with thoughts of Word. In that moment, as with every other moment when Eliza was talking to Word, her entire world revolved around Word.

Word: Thank you

Pic: Anytime.

Word: It just kinda happened

Before Eliza could respond, she heard the door open again. On instinct, Eliza froze up under her blankets. The lack of any noise told her that Dawn was just standing in the doorway. Eliza gulped and stayed still. The window in which she could have revealed she was awake had passed. She’d just have to pretend to be asleep.

After a few more moments of silence, there was the soft sound of footsteps gently padding across the room. Eliza kept her breathing quiet as she listened to Dawn climb into her own bed. After a few moments of shuffling, Dawn quieted down. Eliza gave it another minute to be sure and then unlocked her phone again. She turned the brightness down as far as she could and made sure the rest of the light was covered by her blanket. Dawn was less than ten feet away, so it wouldn’t take much for Eliza to disturb her. When she was sure she wouldn’t be disturbing Dawn, she finally responded.

Pic: What did?

Word: Getting along with you. I didn’t come up with any grand plans or try any complex strategies. I just spoke to you and it all worked out

Pic: It’s really that simple?

Word: I guess it is

897

Dawn looked up from her notebook and subtly looked across the classroom. Eliza was diligently taking notes on whatever the teacher was saying. Dawn blushed and looked down at her own blank page. She had never been the most studious person, but she’d never been this bad. It has been nearly a week, and she couldn’t think of one thing any of her teachers had taught about. It had been a week since she and Eliza had met, and Dawn still couldn’t stop thinking of her.

Eliza was a very quiet person. Not just in how little she spoke, which, Dawn acknowledges, was very little, but even when she did speak. When Eliza spoke she was very quiet. Her voice was nearly inaudible. At times, Dawn had to strain her ears to hear Eliza. And she always did. Always.

At first, Dawn had assumed that Eliza was quiet because she was shy, however it had quickly become apparent that this was not the case. Eliza was not shy in any way. She was just a quiet person. And a bit of a loner. Most of the time both. Not that Dawn hadn’t tried to reach out. Dawn had taken her own advice and just spoke to Eliza. It hadn’t exactly failed, but Dawn wouldn’t say it worked either. Eliza would always respond, but nothing more.

But Dawn wasn’t going to stop trying.

She wasn’t ready to give up.

~θ~

Monday morning:

“What’s your favorite color?”

Eliza jumped up comically high when Dawn spoke. She stared up at her like a deer in headlights for a moment before answering. “Pink.” Eliza kept her eyes trained on Dawn for a few more moments. When Dawn didn’t say anything more, she looked back down at her phone.

“That’s a good color,” Dawn said hopefully.

“Yeah,” Eliza agreed, not looking up at Dawn.

Dawn nodded, not that Eliza could see, and left to go to class.

~θ~

Monday evening:

“What’s your favorite class?”

Eliza’s jump, while no less startled, was a little less pronounced. Eliza looked up from her assignment and hummed to herself. “I enjoy my art class,” she declared. She turned her attention back to her assignment, very pointedly ending the conversation.

Dawn sighed and started to get ready for bed.

~θ~

Tuesday morning:

“Do you have any hobbies?”

Eliza didn’t respond right away. Dawn was quickly learning that that was par for the course when talking to Eliza. “None that come to mind,” Eliza admitted.

“Okay then,” Dawn said in complete and utter bafflement. She silently left to get breakfast and then go to class.

~θ~

Tuesday evening:

“What’s your favorite genre?”

“Romance,” Eliza said without missing a beat. She opened her mouth to say more, but then closed it again. She said no more.

Dawn had mixed feelings. On the one hand, she and Eliza shared favorite genres. On the other, Eliza clearly didn’t want to talk anymore. Suppressing a sigh, Dawn started to get ready for bed.

~θ~

Wednesday morning:

“So, after school, I was gonna go take a walk. You know, see some of the sights and what else is around here. Would you like to join me?”

As Dawn had grown to expect, Eliza didn’t answer immediately. She took her time, slowly mulling over her options. Dawn took this to be a good thing. Eliza only ever answered immediately when her answer was so deeply ingrained into her mind that to even consider anything else would be laughable. The fact that she didn’t do that meant she was at least considering going with Dawn.

Dawn knew that Eliza considering wasn’t Eliza agreeing, so she tried not to get her hopes up too high. She failed miserably.

“I…” Eliza trailed off and took a deep, disappointed breath. “I think I’m just gonna stay here.”

“Oh,” Dawn said, trying to keep the disappointment from her voice. “Okay.”

“Have fun.”

“You too.”

Dawn turned and left for breakfast then class. She didn’t want to go exploring. Not on her own. Of course, she didn’t exactly have a choice, did she?

~θ~

Wednesday evening:

Dawn walked back into her and Eliza’s room and suppressed a yawn. She thought she saw Eliza open her mouth out of the corner of her eye, but when Eliza didn’t say anything Dawn chalked it up to a trick of the light. “I’m back,” she said unnecessarily.

“H-have fun?” Eliza asked.

Dawn stilled with one arm still in her jacket. Eliza had asked her a question. That was new. That had never happened before. That was progress.

“I did,” Dawn said warmly, moving to sit at her desk. She rotated her chair to face Eliza. “I came across this nice little bookstore.” Dawn didn’t miss the way Eliza perked up at her last word. “It’s one of those smaller, privately owned stores. So you know it’s a good one.”

“I’ve never actually been to a store like that,” Eliza admitted.

Dawn was taken aback by Eliza’s. More than that, she was doubly taken aback. Eliza was, by all definitions of the word, a bookworm. Dawn had been living with Eliza for less than two weeks and she knew that. Eliza’s time was split between school, sleeping, and reading. Even with the occasional conversations with Dawn thrown into the mix, Eliza was very much a bookworm. And yet she’d never been to a store like Dawn had just described? The kind that exists in every bookworm’s dreams? That was… odd.

“We can go together sometime,” Dawn offered.

Eliza smiled. Actually smiled! For a brief moment, Dawn was struck dumb by that smile. A small corner of her mind realized that she’d never actually seen Eliza smile. Another, much smaller, corner tried to get Dawn to focus on the conversation. The majority of Dawn’s mind was completely and utterly distracted by just how pretty Eliza was. Then Eliza spoke, bringing Dawn back to just enough awareness to actually comprehend Eliza’s words.

“I’d like that,” Eliza said softly.

Dawn allowed herself a small smile as she got ready for bed. She and Eliza were making progress.

~θ~

Thursday morning:

“If you were an animal, what would you be?”

“An otter,” Eliza answered after a moment of thought. That was all. She didn’t give any reasons. She didn’t ask Dawn the same question. She made no move to do anything beyond answer the question. All progress that had been made between Dawn and Eliza had been lost overnight.

Crestfallen, Dawn got ready in silence and left.

~θ~

Thursday evening:

“If animals could talk, which animal do you think would be the rudest?”

Dawn had gotten used to waiting for Eliza to answer. It was just one of the things you had to do when you were Eliza’s friend, which Dawn desperately wanted to be. Besides, she didn’t mind waiting. She was perfectly content just sitting and watching Eliza think. Eliza had this little frown whenever she did so. It was honestly adorable.

Dawn closed her eyes as that thought crossed her mind. She really needed to do something about that line of thinking. Sure, she found Eliza to be cute, pretty, adorable, gorgeous, attractive, and Dawn was doing it again. The point being, she needed to stop thinking these thoughts about Eliza. It wasn’t appropriate. Dawn hadn’t even befriended her yet. Not for a lack of trying, mind you.

“Cats,” Eliza declared. Again, she didn’t elaborate or explain her thinking. Then again, in this situation, she didn’t need to.

~θ~

Friday morning:

Just like every other morning, Eliza was already awake and dressed. Dawn had stopped wondering at what ungodly hour Eliza woke up at and just accepted it. That part was normal. The part that wasn’t normal was that Eliza was sitting and staring at Dawn. Staring expectantly. That was when Dawn realized exactly what had happened.

Every morning, Dawn would wake up and quote some inane conversation starter that she’d gotten off the internet. Eliza would answer and nothing more. The same thing would happen in the evening. And now, Eliza was expecting it. It had become a routine.

Dawn didn’t hate routines. In a lot of ways, she thought routines were fundamental to life. Eating, sleeping, studying, all that was a routine that Dawn could get behind. But routines and friendships didn’t mix. Routines were obligations, and relationships were not obligations.

Friendships were supposed to be natural. People were supposed to get along because they got along, not because they felt they had to.

Dawn wanted an actual friendship with Eliza. That was her primary desire. A friendship. Not a routine. And yet she’d established a routine. That was the wrong way for Dawn to go about things. She shouldn’t have done it. And yet she had. She had foregone true friendship and simply forced Eliza into this stupid routine. It was wrong. It wasn’t what she wanted.

So, Dawn did the one thing she thought she wouldn’t do. The one thing she thought she’d never do. She nodded at Eliza, got dressed, and left.

Dawn gave up.

897

Talking was a lot harder than Eliza thought it would be. And she knew for a fact that it would be difficult. Nearly impossible for her. That’s why she was so elated when Dawn started talking instead. She gave Eliza the chance to do as Word had suggested and speak without having to be the one to initiate the interactions. It was the best of both worlds. Or so Eliza had thought. She soon learned that talking was hard no matter which side of the conversation you were on.

Every morning Dawn would ask Eliza a question. Questions that were rather basic conversation starters. Eliza was barely brave enough to answer Dawn’s questions, let alone carry the conversations further. She wanted to, and even managed to come close a couple of times, but ultimately hadn’t been able to. Not really. Not the way that she wanted to. Not the way that Dawn obviously wanted her to.

In the end Eliza’s own cowardice came back to bite her.

Eliza knew that she wasn’t the best when it came to conversing. The last few days had made that painfully obvious. Still, to think she was bad enough that Dawn would stop trying… Eliza didn’t like it. She didn’t blame Dawn, of course. Even just a casual glance at the situation showed that Eliza was completely to blame. That just made it worse.

It wasn’t until after Dawn had given up that Eliza realized just how much she had looked forward to their interactions. That was saying something as, even before that, she was fully aware that she looked forward to them a lot more than she had any right to. Apart from late nights spent talking to Word, talking with Dawn had become the highlight of Eliza’s day. And now it was gone.

And Eliza was completely to blame.

Eliza didn’t know what to do. She should apologize, she knew that much. But then what? It’s not like she could expect things to just go back to the way they had been. That would be unfair to Dawn, who clearly had her reasons to give up on Eliza. It would be unfair to trap her into something that she so obviously didn’t want.

Eliza wasn’t sure what would happen after she apologized. If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t even know what would happen when she apologized. But she could imagine.

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“Sure. What’d you want to talk about?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For… for not trying hard enough. For making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend.”

“Of course you’re good enough! It’s just…”

“Just that I’m no good at this whole socializing thing?”

“Yeah. That.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could be better. I really do.”

“Well, how about we start over? Let you practice? And if you’re still not good at it, we can start over again. As many times as you need.”

“I’d like that.”

“Well then. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Dawn.”

“I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

“As do I.”

~θ~

It was a nice scenario. One that Eliza knew was unlikely to happen. Dawn definitely had the patience of a saint to be able to put up with her for as long as she had, but Eliza didn’t think even Dawn could put up with so many restarts. Eliza would be lucky to get one. Still, she hadn’t exactly crafted the scenario to be realistic. It had been made for comfort. And it comforted Eliza. It gave her hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, things weren’t unsalvageable. It comforted Eliza.

Eliza should have stopped there.

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“What’d you want to talk about?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For not trying hard enough and making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend. I’m not good at socializing, so I didn’t even try and get good.”

“You are good enough.”

“I’m still sorry. I wish I could be better. I really do.”

“Well, how about we start over? Let you practice? And if you’re still not good at it, we can start over again. As many times as you need.”

“I’d like that.”

“Well then. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Dawn.”

“I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“What’d you want to talk about?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“For not trying hard enough and making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend. I’m not good at socializing, so I didn’t even try and get good. I wish I could be better.”

“Well, how about we start over? Let you practice? And if you’re still not good at it, we can start over again.”

“I’d like that.”

“It’s nice to meet you. My name is Dawn.”

“I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

~θ~

Eliza was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice a lot of things. She didn’t notice the alarm on her phone telling her to get to class. She didn’t notice her breathing starting to speed up. She didn’t notice how her thoughts and fantasies kept repeating themselves. She didn’t notice when she started Spiraling.

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“What’d you want?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“For not trying hard enough and making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend. I’m not good at socializing, so I didn’t even try and get good. I wish I could be better.”

“How about we start over? Let you practice?”

“I’d like that.”

“It’s nice to meet you. My name is Dawn.”

“I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“What do you want?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“For not trying hard enough and making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend. I’m not good at socializing, so I didn’t even try and get good. I wish I could be better.”

“How about we start over? Let you practice?”

“I’d like that.”

“My name is Dawn.”

“I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

~θ~

Eliza drew her legs up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and buried her face in her knees. Her breaths were sharp and ragged. Her body was trembling slightly. Eliza was too wrapped up in her Spiraling thoughts to notice any of this. Even if she had, there was nothing she could do about it. It was too late.

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“What do you want?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“For not trying hard enough and making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend. I’m not good at socializing, so I didn’t even try and get good. I wish I could be better.”

“How about we start over?”

“I’d like that.”

“My name is Dawn.”

“I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry for not trying hard enough and making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend. I’m not good at socializing, so I didn’t even try and get good. I wish I could be better. I was hoping we could maybe start over.”

“Dawn.”

“I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you? I’m sorry for not trying hard enough and making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend. I’m not good at socializing, so I didn’t even try and get good. I wish I could be better. I was hoping we could maybe start over. I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

~θ~

“Eliza?”

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you? I’m sorry for not trying hard enough and making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend. I’m not good at socializing, so I didn’t even try and get good. I wish I could be better. I was hoping we could maybe start over. I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

~θ~

Eliza’s bed squeaked as someone else crawled onto the mattress. Eliza paid them no mind. She hardly even noticed that it happened.

~θ~

“Hey, can I talk to you? I’m sorry for not trying hard enough and making you put in all the effort. For not being good enough to be your friend. I’m not good at socializing, so I didn’t even try and get good. I wish I could be better. I was hoping we could maybe start over. I’m Eliza. I look forward to being your friend.”

~θ~

A hand rested on Eliza’s shoulder. She jerked her head up to look at whoever it was that had approached her. Dawn was kneeling next to her, looking worried. Dawn, who Eliza had failed to connect with in even the most basic way. Dawn, who had rightfully given up on Eliza. Dawn, who had no reason to approach Eliza at all, and yet still had. Dawn, who Eliza wanted to apologize to. Dawn, who Eliza was convinced wouldn’t listen to her fumbled words any longer. Dawn, who wasn’t Eliza’s friend. Dawn, who was worried about her.

Acting on pure instinct, Eliza jumped at Dawn. She wrapped her arms around her body and buried her face in her shoulder. Dawn immediately wrapped her own arms around Eliza, holding her close.

“I’m sorry,” Eliza babbled. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. Y-you kept reaching out and I never did the same! I just sat there and let you put in all the effort when it should’ve been the other way around. And now you hate me and you’re right to and I can live with that but then you started ignoring me and please don’t ignore me!”

“I… hate you?”

Eliza was too out of it to pick up on the confusion in Dawn’s voice or the fact that she’d phrased it as a question. She just listened to what was said and not how it was said.

“That’s fine!” Eliza declared. “I don’t care if you hate me. Just… just don’t forget me. Please, don’t ever forget me.”

Dawn started rubbing Eliza’s back in comfort. “I don’t hate you,” she promised. “And I could never forget you.”

Eliza frowned and pulled herself away from Dawn. “You don’t hate me?”

“Of course not,” Dawn scoffed.

“How?”

Dawn froze and slowly spoke, sounding as if the words pained her to even say. “How… could I not hate you?”

”Yes!” Eliza shouted. “You kept reaching out to me, trying to get closer to me, and I never did anything! Then you gave up on me and…” Eliza was cut off by Dawn gently resting her hand on her mouth.

“Yes,” Dawn agreed. “I did reach out. And yeah, it did hurt a bit when you didn’t do the same. You made mistakes.” Eliza fidgeted uncomfortably, but didn’t say anything in her defense. In part because she didn’t have anything she could say, and in part because Dawn was still covering her mouth. “But so did I,” Dawn continued. “Instead of actually talking to you and reaching out as Dawn Hampton, I just regurgitated the internet. The only real conversation we actually had was the one time when I didn’t do that. That probably should have clued me into the fact that I was on the wrong path.”

Eliza pulled Dawn’s hand off her mouth and spoke, unconsciously leaning forward at that. “You weren’t on the wrong path!”

“I was,” Dawn said with a wry smile. “Trust me.”

“I do,” Eliza said immediately. And wasn’t that a strange thought. She trusted Dawn. Someone she’d known for less than a month. Someone whose last name she’d only just learned. She trusted her and believed what she said. The only person that Eliza trusted more than Dawn was Word. “But being on the wrong path is better than being on no path.

“My path led me farther from the goal. In the end you were far closer than me.”

“At least you tried.”

Dawn opened her mouth to respond, but a laugh came out instead. “What are we doing?” she asked. “We’re sitting here arguing about which of us is more to blame!” With her proclamation done, Dawn started laughing again. Her laughter was infectious. Soon enough Eliza was laughing as well. Harder than she’d laughed in years.

When their laughter died down, Eliza wiped the tears from her eyes and looked up at Dawn. “D-do you think we could start over?”

Dawn smiled and shook her head. “Nah.” Eliza must have looked upset or panicked or something similar because Dawn rushed to explain. “That’s not how friendships work. We don’t just start over every time something we don’t like happens, we just accept it and move on.” Dawn blushed slightly. “That is… if you wanted to be friends.”

Eliza smiled widely. “I’d like that,” she declared.

897

Dawn didn’t even try to hide her victorious smirk at the look on Eliza’s face. A look of awe, excitement, and just a hint of overwhelmed. It was to be expected, of course. After all, by her own admission, this was the first time Eliza had ever been in a bookstore. It was only natural that she would be awed, excited, and overwhelmed.

“So, where do you want to start?” Dawn asked, crossing her arms smugly.

Eliza turned to face Dawn. There was a serious (“Adorable. No! She’s your friend! Stop thinking about how adorable she is!”) look on her face. One that made it seem as though they were doing something far more important than browsing around a store. “Everywhere,” Eliza declared.

Dawn’s smirk softened into a smile. “Well then, let’s get started.”

Eliza nodded and absently grabbed Dawn’s hand and pulled her to the back of the store. That was one thing Dawn had learned about Eliza. Once she got past the awkward are-we-really-friends stage, she was very liberal with physical touch. Not that Dawn minded. She’d even go so far as to say she enjoyed it if it weren’t for the fact that such an admission would open a can of worms that Dawn preferred to leave closed for the time being. She’d have to open it one day, and given how increasingly cuddly Eliza was getting, that day would come sooner rather than later. However, that was a problem for Future!Dawn to solve.

Dawn was very good at leaving problems for her future self to handle. She wouldn’t even be surprised if her future self hated her, though Dawn wasn’t going to dive into the implications of that. Although, it did sound like a good premise for a story. She should write it down before she forgot it.

Dawn was pulled out of her thoughts when she nearly bumped into Eliza, who had stopped walking and was staring intensely at a bookshelf. Dawn turned an appraising eye to the bookshelf. “History?” she asked, careful to keep her voice emotionless. She may not like history, but she could keep that opinion to herself. This trip wasn’t about her, after all.

“Not a fan?” Eliza asked knowingly.

Dawn shrugged, slightly embarrassed that her efforts to hide her opinion had been for naught. “I can see the appeal,” she said diplomatically.

“It just doesn’t appeal to you?” Eliza asked knowingly.

“Exactly!” Dawn said a bit too loudly. “Cute wordplay, by the way.”

“It is cute, isn’t it?” Eliza said with a soft smile. “Anyway, rest assured that I’m not the biggest fan of history either.”

“Oh. Good. Not to say it would’ve been bad if you were! It’s just…” Dawn needed to stop talking. She was only going to make things worse if she spoke much more. Yet another reason she preferred the written word. It gave her the chance to actually think about her words. “Why are we back here, then?”

Eliza turned and pointed at the far corner of the store. “This is the shelf that’s the furthest from the checkout. Logically, it’s the place to start if we want to go through the entire store, never retrace our steps, and end at the checkout/exit. You know, to make the most out of this trip with the least time elapsed.”

Dawn opened her mouth to say something, then slowly closed it again. She cleared her throat and tried again. “We’ve been here less than two minutes.”

“Yeah,” Eliza agreed.

“And you’ve already figured out your strategy?”

Eliza shrugged bashfully. “We don’t have to do things this way,” she said, avoiding looking Dawn in the eye. “We can do whatever strategy you have.”

“No!” Dawn said immediately. She blushed at the force with which she’d objected. “Y-you’re strategy is good.” Better than Dawn’s, in all honesty. She usually just scrambled for the sections she liked and then aimlessly wandered around until she left. An actual strategy, while possibly gratuitous for a visit to a bookstore, would be for the best. And, given the way Eliza’s face lit up when Dawn spoke, Dawn was right to say so. If only she’d stopped there. “Are you sure you’ve never been to a store like this before?”

“Yes,” Eliza said sadly. “I’m quite sure.”

Dawn picked up on the sadness in Eliza’s voice instantly. “Are you okay?”

The change was instant. Eliza turned from Dawn and kept her back to her. Dawn had no idea what emotions were on her face, but given how Eliza wanted them kept hidden and the slight hunch of her shoulders Dawn could guess that it wasn’t good. That guess was immediately put into question when Eliza spoke. “I’m fine.” Her voice was casual, calm, and light. None of those emotions sounded faked or forced or oversold. Eliza sounded completely genuine. She sounded completely fine, though her posture came across as anything but.

It wasn’t the first time that Eliza had gotten like this. After their heart to heart following what had clearly been some kind of breakdown, Dawn had asked Eliza about said breakdown. Eliza had immediately shut down and refused to tell Dawn what it was. Dawn wanted to press further. She really did. However, early in her life, she’d learnt that there were times to push others and times to pull yourself back. That had been a time when Dawn had to pull herself back. And so was this. So that’s exactly what she would do. Dawn would pull herself back. For now.

After a cursory examination of the history section, Eliza moved on to the next section. Dawn hurried to follow her. Eliza was moving faster than usual. She glanced at the bookshelf to her side and sped up, bypassing the next section entirely. Dawn briefly glanced at the label above the shelf and followed Eliza’s lead in ignoring the horror section.

Just beyond the horror section was a table. This table was somewhat unusual in that it didn’t actually contain any books. Instead, it contained row after row of scented candles. Eliza frowned and picked one up. “Why do they sell these?”

Dawn shrugged. She’d never paid much attention to the tables of little knickknacks dotted around stores. “Some people like a nice ambience?” she suggested.

Eliza hummed and carefully examined all the different candles. She eventually settled on one and made to move on to the next section. She stopped and turned back to Dawn. “Did you want one?”

Dawn shook her head. “Nah. Not really my thing.” As soon as the words left Dawn’s mouth she realized that it was a mistake. Eliza was already looking contemplatively at the candle in her hand. If she thought it would bother Dawn, she wouldn’t hesitate to put it back. Dawn couldn’t let Eliza do that. Not for her sake.

“Anyway!” Dawn said, grabbing Eliza’s free hand and subtly leading her away from the table before she could put the candle back. “Shall we move on?”

“Oh!” Eliza squeaked in surprise. “Uh, o-okay.”

Dawn nodded and continued along the path Eliza had already mapped out. Dawn already knew where they were going next. It was the section she naturally gravitated to in any store. Eliza looked at the books and frowned in confusion. She looked up at the label, but her look of confusion didn’t lessen in any way. She turned to Dawn curiously.

“What’s…” Eliza trailed off and read the label again. “Manga?”

Dawn dropped Eliza’s hand and grabbed her by the shoulders. She spun her around and bent down ever so slightly so their eyes were on the same level. Eliza’s eyes were both sincere and confused. Without moving an inch, Dawn spoke in the most serious tone she’d used in a long time. “I have so much to teach you.”

897

Eliza was fond of her new setup. While the desk was nowhere near as ornate as her old one, which she preferred for several reasons, it was in a much better place. Where her old one had been dark and dusty, this one was light and smelled like roses. Where her old one had been isolated, this one had the near constant presence of Dawn. Yes, it was smaller, but the old one had been far too big. This one was much better.

Eliza was tapping her finger against her desk as she contemplated the drawing she was currently working on. This one depicted a scene from the very end of The Demonic Bond. The one where Reign and August were dancing, celebrating their victory.

August was leading, holding Reign in her arms. Reign, for their part, was smiling up at their partner. They were in a gazebo lit by hundreds and hundreds of fireflies that, by demonic intervention, had somehow all had the misfortune to fly into glass jars just barely bigger than their bodies. Each jar was so clean they were barely visible. In the distance, barely noticeable even when looking for it, was a calm beach.

At least, that’s what Eliza saw when she looked at the screen. In reality, she’d barely even begun it. All she really had so far were the rough character outlines of August and Reign. If she hadn’t known who it depicted, Eliza couldn’t have even begun to guess who was dancing or what they were from. But that wouldn’t last. Eliza knew exactly what she wanted to draw. The easy part was done. She just had to draw it.

Before Eliza could actually start, however, she was interrupted by Dawn walking up behind her. Eliza hesitated for a moment. She’d only ever shown one person her artwork before. While she didn’t think Dawn would laugh or call it bad, she was still nervous. Still, Dawn was her friend, and it’d be unfair to deny her this. Eliza leaned to the side to give Dawn a better view of the screen.

Dawn hummed in slight surprise. Though, Eliza was pleased to note, Dawn didn’t convey disgust or distaste or any of the other negative emotions a small part of her mind expected. “You draw?” Dawn asked.

Eliza shrugged and slowly nodded. “I’ve been known to.”

“Can I see some of your work?” Dawn asked. “If you’re willing to show me, that is. Don’t feel pressured.”

Eliza hesitated. She wanted to show Dawn, she really did. But she couldn’t. She’d once promised Word that she’d show her artwork to her. And she hadn’t done that yet. She wanted to, but she had no idea how to broach the subject. And, until she showed her work to Word, it felt wrong to let anyone else see first.

“Not right now,” Eliza said. She gestured at the faceless character outlines. “I’d like to get some work done on this.”

“Of course,” Dawn said immediately. “I’ll leave you to it.” She turned to leave, but didn’t actually walk away. “You know,” she said slowly. “I’ve been known to write every now and then. Maybe, when you show me your artwork, I can show you my writing?”

Eliza looked up at Dawn in surprise. Dawn was very studiously not looking at her. Her posture was tense. Eliza immediately understood. She was terrified that Eliza would laugh or make fun of her.

“I’d like that,” Eliza said softly. Dawn immediately slumped in relief. She smiled at Eliza before moving to her side of the room and, after a moment of hesitation, pulled out her computer to begin typing.

Eliza turned back to her drawing. She pushed down a wave of guilt at turning down Dawn’s request. She’d fulfill it one day, she knew. She just had a promise to keep before she did. She just didn’t know how.

897

Word: I have an update for you

Pic: Oh?

Word: Remember how I said that if you want to befriend someone you should just talk to them?

Pic: I do.

Pic: Remember, that is.

Word: I have a bit of a follow up

Word: If you’re interested

Pic: What is it?

Word: Well, when you talk to them, you should talk as yourself and not someone else. Otherwise things can get… awkward

Pic: You sound as if you’re talking from experience?

Word: I’ve managed to make a new friend

Pic: Oh?

Pic: Tell me about them.

Dawn carefully poked her head out from under her blankets and looked at Eliza’s still form in her own bed. She contemplated what to say for a few more moments before retreating back into her blanket cocoon.

Word: She’s pretty quiet. Thanks to her lack of speaking she’s observant and a very good listener. When I manage to actually say things, that is. She’s endlessly patient with me when I fumble over my words. She never gets angry or annoyed. She’s an artist, which compliments me as an author quite well

Dawn sent the message and started to type another one. She stopped and read over what she’d typed out. She’d started to list out all of the physical aspects of Eliza that she found attractive. While none of what she’d said was false, she still shouldn’t be talking about her friend that way. And yet she was. And it came so naturally.

Dawn withheld a groan and let her body slump on her bed. There was no way she could deny it any longer. Not that she’d done a very good job so far.

Dawn had a crush on Eliza.

897

Word: She’s pretty quiet. Thanks to her lack of speaking she’s observant and a very good listener. When I manage to actually say things, that is. She’s endlessly patient with me when I fumble over my words. She never gets angry or annoyed. She’s an artist, which compliments me as an author quite well

Eliza read the message again and let out a silent sigh. She found herself pretending that Word had been talking about her. Not that it was hard to do. There were some obvious similarities between Word’s new friend and Eliza.

Eliza knew that she shouldn’t pretend that Word’s new friend was her, but she couldn’t help herself. She also couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that ran through her at the thought of this new friend of Word’s. This person was likely friends with Word in real life, not just online. They probably met up and had fun together. For all Eliza knew, Word and her new friend were in the same room at that very moment.

Eliza was jealous. She wanted to be friends with Word in person. She wanted to go to different places with Word. She was positive that Word would love the bookshop Dawn had shown Eliza. Eliza would love to see the look on Word’s face as she took it in. Eliza would love to be with Word. To stay by her side forever.

Eliza sighed and rolled over onto her back. She’d been dancing around her crush on Word for a while, but this one moment not only confirmed that it was indeed a crush, it went even further beyond.

Eliza was completely and utterly in love with Word.