I Do Not Want an Omelet

The day of eggs gave me a lot to think about. The question of my own biology had been lurking in the deep recesses of my mind since the morning of the Change. It scared me to think that I would have to worry about that time of the month.

But unlike Jessica, it just never seemed to come. While I wasn't quite sure if her egg-laying was exactly the reptilian equivalent of the mammalian cycle, it seemed logical enough.

I would lay awake some nights, going over what I would do in every scenario. At first, it would be my overactive imagination fumbling around, wandering into places it shouldn't. Every twist and turn my mind made caused me anxiety and fear.

But in the same way that a rollercoaster ceases to frighten after the twelfth ride, those thoughts just became mundane. Instead of anxiety and fear they induced banal dread, like going to the dentist.

Sometimes, when having dinner with my father, Liz, and Jamie, I would just stare at them, perplexed. They all managed to simply get over it. They just laughed and watched TV like everything was fine.

It's a cruel thing to say, but my father disgusted me the most. He wore a pantsuit to work like it was the most natural thing in the world—like he wasn't a man anymore.

The worst part was that I still couldn't retreat into my games. I couldn’t lose myself in Minecraft building a stupid farm that I’d inevitably rebuild a month later. It was beyond frustrating.

On the plus side, I was keeping up with my homework for once in my life. It was sincerely therapeutic to have mindless worksheets to fill out. Reading books was still next to impossible, but the Cliff notes were usually enough.

Because of that studiousness, it wasn't unusual for me to trade texts with Jessica. We only had one class in common, but she took that one class very seriously. The workload had gotten more severe after the Change, but I still didn't think her devotion was warranted. Jessica was a tryhard, through and through.

It amazed me that even after laying three eggs the size of grapefruits, she was able to shrug it off and return to tryharding. I was also surprised just how unfazed I was after witnessing it. It was just a thing that happened; like a tree falling in the forest.

The semester seemed to fly by in a haze like that.

It was during a particularly uninteresting lunch that Jessica said something fascinating: "I have Solaris on Bluray."

I blinked when I heard that. The topic had come up because Jacob was bragging about having seen some obscure films. I was no film nerd, but Jacob’s description of it piqued my interest. I found art films could be fun if they were suitably high concept.

“I’ve never seen it, but my brother bought it before he went to college. I heard it was good,” Jessica finished.

“I’d like to see it sometime,” I said offhandedly. I only realized that it sounded like I was talking about her copy after I spoke.

“Oh? You want to come over and watch?” Jessica asked sincerely.

I looked at Paul across the table. He was grinning madly. I wanted to strangle him.

“Uh… I…” I sputtered, “Sure, I mean. Yeah.”

“Cool,” Jessica said, looking at me. It was frustrating how her anatomy let her hide her emotions so thoroughly. The only advantage I had was my red skin hiding my flushing cheeks.

I felt sweaty and excited the whole day. I wanted to know why something as simple as being invited over to someone’s house made me so antsy. I wasn’t popular. Essentially all the house visiting I had ever done was at the behest of my parents or I. I had never even met Gabi or Paul at their houses; it’s easy to understand my reaction looking back on it, but it was unnerving at the time.

At the end of the day, Paul sent a text to the group chat. Gabi and I were quick to respond.

Paul: BRO

Paul: You have a date with jessica lmao

You: I’m going to strangle you

Gabi: Omg don’t tease him

Paul: Ah come on

Paul: If it aint a date what is it

You: We both literally just want to watch a movie

Paul: You cant tell me you wouldnt go for her

You: Dude she’s a snake

Gabi: I don’t see what that has to do with anything Noel

Paul: What about before the change 😏

You: Dude can you chill

Gabi: Paul can you chill

Paul: Aight sorry

Paul: But fr how you feelin

You: Fine because it’s just friends hanging out

Gabi: If you want to talk about it we’re here

I scoffed. I wanted to slam my phone down in frustration. What do they think of me?

You: Talk about what?????

Gabi: Idk girl stuff

You: I’m going to strangle you too