The Beginning of It All

We didn't talk about what happened that day, none of us said anything to the teachers or brought it up again at any point. But one thing had changed that day, he didn't seem to hate me anymore, he even seemed to admire me a little, but maybe I was just imagining it. It was kind of fascinating that he found it more normal that I lied to a whole class, changed my ways, and took advantage of them, just to profit from their stupidity. Anyone else would have called me an asshole but he was different, it didn't seem like he wasn't willing to manipulate people or that it was critical from a moral point of view for him. It was just that whatever I got from manipulating others was worthless in his eyes.

"Say, why do you hang around with them?"

It was a long day at school in class 6, we were sitting on one of the benches behind the school. Most of our classmates and other students were sitting in the cafeteria. A third time, a classmate came to ask me if I wanted to sit with them, but I refused another time.

“I think you'll make yourself unpopular with them if you hang out with me.”

“That may be true, but I am the one who holds the class group together, they won't leave me alone because they would lose their link to the rest of the class.”

“Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?”

“Yes, of course, but just because it's rubbish doesn't mean they don't believe it.”

I finished my shake and threw the cup into the bin next to me. It was a hot summer day and outside the air-conditioned cafeteria, the small patch of shade where the bench we were sitting on was the only place you could stay. The handy thing about this place that not many people knew about was that the wall behind us was surprisingly thin and heat-conductive, which wouldn't be relevant if it wasn't for the heavily air-conditioned teacher's lounge behind it. The only downside was that we had to be quiet if we didn't want to risk being overheard.

“To get back on topic, why do you spend time with them, or rather, why not today?”

I unwrapped my plastic-wrapped food.

“It has proven useful many times to have some control over the class as a structure, but the really practical thing is that you know everything that everyone knows about everyone which in turn allows you to manipulate people in a targeted way, for example, I haven't paid for my food once in the last 2 years.”

"But was it worth it, I doubt you pay for your own food and your family is not so poor that you would have saved a serious amount of money. So, I ask again, why do you bother?"

I unpacked my cutlery and threw all the plastic waste into the bin.

“I don't like people thinking about the stuff I say, it makes everything so much harder.”

“I think we're getting closer to the solution, you've just about said it all.”

“Ok, it's ok, I admit it, I like it when people depend on me, I don't give a shit what happens to people but I love it when people care what happens to me, it gives me a sense of relevance. But let's be honest, that's how it is for almost everyone, otherwise, not so many people would want to be famous.”

I began to eat my noodles. They had the wrong sauce.

“I don't understand why this is so important to you, why do people want to be famous? What's the point, the only thing you get is that people remember you longer. But time is only an illusion, it has an end, sometimes the last human being dies and then the last creature and then the last star. What is it that has given your life meaning, as long as time is only an illusion, as long as it is not eternal, it is not worthless, because no matter how important you think you are, you are not, never were and never will be, because no matter what you create in your life, in 100 trillion years you are just dust like everyone else, indistinguishable from the drunk who died on the side of the road.”

I choked on my food and reached for my shake to get a drink, but of course, I couldn't find it. I coughed four times and burst out laughing.

"If that's really what you think, you should see a psychiatrist, who probably won't be able to help you. What you said is not wrong, but the idea that everything that is not eternal is worthless is stupid.”

I stuffed another noodle in my mouth while I thought about what he would say to have a plausible answer ready, but actually, there was only one way he could react and still, he thought forever. I didn't feel like waiting for an answer and just kept talking.

“You should try less to look for an effect that your life had on the universe because it just won't have that, we are just ants in a world where there really shouldn't be ants. Come to terms with your own world rather than the cosmos. I personally live according to what gives me the most joy because from a logical point of view that is really the best thing you can do. I don't think you do but don't let anyone tell you what makes you happy, no one knows you, even someone who is a friend to you doesn't know your psyche. We always say people are weird, but I don't see anything weird about manipulative behavior, for me it's normal and it wouldn't bother you either. If you find fun in it just do it, just be aware of the consequences and if they don't bother you just do it. If you are okay with a short life, drugs are not a problem as long as you have the money but be aware of what you are doing and if it is what you want just do it, if it isn't you either change or give it up. Just don't forget, life has a time limit and that is the limiting factor you should worry about, not the lifespan of the universe. That’s why-“

“Are you done? I'm glad you care about me, but to be honest I don't give a shit.”

We finished our meal and sat for a while.

“Did you get Raiders yet?”

“I haven't played that much lately but I will get it.”

“What have you been doing?”

“I started to create a very crappy programming language based on Python.”

“Why Python, wouldn't something more up-to-date have been more practical?”

“It would be more practical, but it would also be more complex, more work and more difficult.”

“Does your programming language have any advantage over the old python?”

“I have added a very weird <stat> function that should make tracking object-related data easier and simpler but so far there are still a lot of bugs, and it doesn't work well with 3d objects as there are problems with physical data.”

“Do you have a name yet?”

“I was thinking of T-Code, but I’m not sure yet.”