E: Blood Stains

I didn’t always have horns.

I didn’t always have red eyes either.

For years I was a completely normal girl. My eyes were brown, my hair was black, and my parents seemed to love me. My dad was always distant but for those few early years he at least tried to pretend.

I had friends. Lots of them.

I wasn’t the most popular kid at school. No.

But people liked me.

And I liked people.

And I really liked one person in particular.

Tsukiko Kaneko. My best friend.

Some people called her Koko.

I called her Tsu.

When I turned seven, small little nubs began growing out of head. At first my parents covered them with hats and bows. Or fluffed up my hair so it would barely be noticeable. But they kept growing.

And growing.

Until one day we couldn’t hide them anymore.

People started treating me different.

Distancing themselves from me.

The other kids didn’t call me names. Not to my face.

But I knew.

...They were scared of me.

My mom had wanted to see a doctor about it for a long time.

My dad was always strangely insistent that we shouldn’t.

I wasn’t supposed to be like this. What happened?

Eventually we did see doctors.

They couldn’t figure out what was happening to me.

My dad was angry. He said there was no use trying to understand why I had horns. It was pointless. Just get rid of them.

Just make me normal.

So they tried.

They tried to grind the horns down.

Tried to cut them off.

Break them. Chisel them away.

But it never worked.

The horns were too strong.

My dad managed to keep all this out of national news, but some places did pick up the story. Our names and faces were kept anonymous but that didn’t help. Anyone who saw me knew that I had horns. Knew that I was different.

As the years went on, rumors began to spread.

That I was a devil. That I was a demon.

Vile.

Wicked.

Evil.

There are stories. Myths. Tales of those people whose evil or jealousy or wrath caused them to become monsters. Whose grave sins led them to shed their own humanity. Their actions caused them to transform. They would gain horns. Fangs. Claws. Bodies that were malformed and misshapen. Twisted mockeries of what they no longer were. Testament to their misdeeds.

But I never did anything.

And so people grew bold.

They saw my inaction. They thought I was weak.

Now the names were said to my face.

Yelled.

Screeched.

Taunted.

And I did nothing.

I don’t know if they truly hated me or if they just thought it was fun. Maybe it made them feel better about their own lives. Whatever the reason, I didn’t care.

They didn’t matter.

Tsu was still with me. My best friend.

She was what mattered.

A month into our first year of middle school, I gave her a yellow hair bow. I made it myself. She was named for the moon but in my mind she shone like the sun. It was crude and amateurish, but I was proud.

I was happy that she liked my work enough to wear it.

Happy that she had called it beautiful.

…I didn’t notice that I was losing her.

She smiled less. Talked less.

It was a burden to be with me.

Mockery progressed to violence.

There was no fear anymore.

Everyone knew that I wouldn’t fight back.

One day, at the end of our first year, Tsu and I were heading home when some kids from our class confronted us. They sneered and snickered. Faces contorting in ghoulish acts of malice. Asking why she’d bother to let a devil keep hanging around her. Said I was a creepy pet for a creepy girl. Told her that she might have been popular if not for me.

It was true. She might have been popular without me. She had always been pretty, and had only grown prettier with time. Polite and agreeable, she probably could have gotten along fine without me holding her back. She was good at nearly everything she tried.

My status at the bottom of the social ladder dragged her down just by association. 

But she still wore the bow I had made for her.

She was still my best friend.

…I think I loved her.

One of them grabbed her arm. I grabbed theirs.

Tightly.

They let go in order to knock my hand away.

It didn’t work.

Surprised to finally get a reaction from me, I think they wanted to push things further. They shouted about my horns, about how I was a freak, about how it was only a matter of time before Tsu left me all alone.

I squeezed harder.

They cried out in pain.

Tsu told me to stop. I did.

They shoved me one last time before leaving.

I asked her if it was true.

Tsu told me that it wasn’t.

She wouldn’t leave me.

She wouldn’t.

…I knew I loved her.

A month into our second year of middle school, Tsu had something she wanted to talk about. The pressure was getting to be too much for her. I understood. It made sense. Rumors about us had only gotten worse. I didn’t just look strange. I was a monster. And Tsu was a fool. The devil’s personal puppet.

There were all sorts of rumors.

So she had a proposition for me.

Now we were only secret friends.

We would meet up after school or on the weekends. Not in public. Not where anyone could see. But I was happy that she still wanted to be with me at all.

Our classmates were right.

She did do better without me. A few girls from another class accepted her pretty quickly. They’d seen her around but not enough to really know the stigma. 

After all, she’s not the one with horns.

The distance between us also meant she no longer got picked on in class.

Just me.

But Tsu still wore the bow. So I was okay.

She told me that sometimes her new friends would ask about it. Wondering where she’d gotten it from. It was a real mystery. Last year she just randomly had it one day and then never took it off. Was it a gift? It must have been important.

It looked hand made. Very cute.

Tsu thought it was funny how no one could guess that I made it. It should have been obvious since we used to spend so much time together.

She didn’t tell them.

Near the end of our second year, one of her friends finally noticed something. Tsu kept sneaking off. Kept delaying plans. Kept meeting with someone in secret.

At first they thought it was some boy she’d apparently been talking with.

Then they knew it was me.

…

They confronted me out past the sports field. Bringing some boys along with them in case I tried to get physical. Told me that I was a creep. Told me to leave their friend alone. That whatever I thought we had was over. That Tsu wanted nothing to do with me.

Why would she ever want anything to do with me?

“Because I was her friend long before you were,” I spat the words out.

The largest boy grabbed me by my shirt collar.

I stared him straight in the eyes.

“W-what’s going on? Let her go!” Tsu cried out.

She found us.

He shoved me to the ground.

I told her everything.

That these people were terrible and that I was her real friend. That I was the one who’d always been there. That I never needed her to change. I never wanted her to pretend to be someone else. Where were they back when we were both getting picked on? 

I was the one who actually cared about her.

I’m the one who gave her the bow. I’m the one who…

“The one who…?” She looked at me with confusion on her face. Guilt in her features. Sadness in her eyes.

I looked away.

And then I said it.

I told her.

“…I’m the one who’s always loved you.”

“Oh.”

She was embarrassed.

“I-I’m sorry,” she said.

The one who’d grabbed me began to laugh. A few disgusted noises and errant giggles emerged from the group. Somehow I was the stupid one.

“I want my bow back.”

“W-what?”

“I made it and now I want it back.”

One of them shouted that it didn’t belong to me.

“I made it. It’s mine.”

She seemed hurt. But I hurt more.

Standing up, I reached out my hand.

Slowly, Tsu took off the bow. She moved forward to give it to me.

The laughing boy ran over and grabbed it from her outstretched palm.

“Let go,” I warned him.

He smiled, then pulled it apart and tossed it to the ground.

I lunged at him. Tackling him into the dirt.

I was angry. Furious.

The others scattered out of the way as laughter turned to terror.

…

I only punched him once.

In the chest.

When his bones yielded so easily… when his body crumpled like paper… when I heard their screams… my anger dissolved into fear.

Blood splattered out of his mouth and onto my face.

It was warm and wet.

He was gasping and sputtering. Struggling to breath.

Somebody called for an ambulance.

Tsu was gone.

I stayed with him until the ambulance came.

In its dark windows, I could see that my eyes had turned bright red.

My right horn was covered in blood.

I took hold of it in my left hand.

I broke it off.

…

Later I found out that I had cracked three of his ribs and broken four.

His lung had been punctured. He needed to be intubated.

He had a light concussion from his brain rattling in his skull.

It would take months to fully recover.

The school was called. My parents were notified.

Police were involved.

I was under 14 so it went to family court. I narrowly avoided a juvenile training school only due to how implausible the whole thing seemed. I had helped him into the ambulance. I had no prior history of violent activity. My appearance was eerie but even so, given the damage, it seemed impossible for this to have been an unarmed physical assault by a preteen girl.

And once the victim was able to speak. He was too scared to accuse me.

So was everyone else.

Our family’s money helped smooth things over after that.

We paid for his medical bill.

And that was it.

…

Tsu and I were no longer friends.

In our third year of middle school, we never said a word.

I saw it in her eyes.

She was scared of me too.

I hoped that high school would be different.

But the stories followed me.

And so did she. It turns out we’d picked the same school.

I considered dropping out.

I nearly did.

Instead Aunt Nakamura got in touch with us.

We started talking about a transfer.

And then I met Rin.

…

I open my eyes.

I am awake.

I am alive.

I should be dead.

If I were anyone else, I would be.

…I hope they’re okay.

Rin and Aya and Aki.

My friends.

I hope they’re safe.