The Road

I was watching as she skillfully adjusted the brown lenses using the car mirror, wondering if it was because of her skill or if there was some other reason for it. I didn't dare to ask her about it, but it was still circulating in my head somewhere and it was bothering me. Even though I was focused on the road, once in a while I would glance at the little girl sitting next to me. She stared at the passing landscape, hugging her soft toy.

"You have a question for me, don't you? Ask, sir," she said, looking at me for a moment.

"Why are you wearing lenses?" I finally blurted out.

On the one hand, I was extremely interested in the details of her skills, and I was terribly afraid of the whole truth. At the same time, however, something struck me. I almost hit the brake on the floor and caused an accident. I figured I hadn't made a mistake in bringing my family into danger. This crushing feeling overwhelmed me again when we first met seven years ago. I looked at her as she regarded me with a sad smile.

"You don't have to worry about your family. The lenses are limiting my abilities. No one will be in any danger, I will not use it against them," she said calmly and returned to looking through the glass.

I breathed air, but I don't know if there was any relief. She sounded as if she had uttered these words more than once, or was aware of their importance. Had someone told her she was a threat, called her a monster, or had she made that conclusion herself? What if it wasn't wrong? Perhaps Martha felt subconscious that taking Lucretia was a wrong decision. Something threatening her and the boys in the girl's presence? What if someone else knows about her abilities, I haven't had contact with her father for seven years, after all, so much could have changed during that time. What are its possibilities and limits? Weaknesses? What if…?

After a while, I scolded myself for thinking like that, she is only a child. I was having hope, she hadn't planned to take control of the world. This is ridiculous, I finally concluded, and loosened my grip on the steering wheel a little. Only now did I realize how tightly my hands were gripping it. Lucretia was still staring at the glass, but I had the impression that she noticed my hesitation.

"I know others are afraid of me. I got used to it already." She shrugged. "Only my dad never showed it, I always felt love from him. And never again…” She trailed off as her voice began to crack.

How did she know that? Did someone tell her that directly? It occurred to me that Lucretia is not an ordinary child who will enjoy another toy or a trip to Disneyland. I had already noticed so much contradiction in her, though she looked like a joyful child, she had so much sorrow and pain in her as if she already understood too much of this terrible world.

I was afraid to learn more, so the rest of our journey passed in silence. What else should I ask? Is she nervous? Or should I tell her about the boys, Martha? Say that she will definitely feel at home with us, that we will take care of her and be a family. I didn't know if she even wanted it. I was wondering if she would need a psychologist after all these events. After returning home, I wanted to think about it. Luckily it was the weekend and even though I didn't have to think about work during those two days.

I looked at the screen in the car which showed me an incoming call from Hyacinth, I picked it up and the car boomed out in his teenage voice.

"Dad, Victor is asking when are you going to bring his sister home?"

"We're on our way, he doesn't have to worry about that," I said, smiling involuntarily. "We'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Good, because I can't stand him anymore. I don't understand his signing when he is so excited." I heard a noise, Victor was probably offended by the words of his older brother.

"Okay, see you," Hyacinth muttered and hung up.

I glanced at Lucretia, who rose slightly curious about the conversation. I wondered what she was feeling. Or maybe she thought about the fact that we would take care of her because we must and she will only be with us for safekeeping until becomes an adult? It seemed to me that such thoughts could be running through her head, but it was hard to read anything from her face. I had a hard time understanding my own children, and she was completely foreign.

"I know," Lucretia replied. "I also know the basics of sign language."

"How did you know?" I asked shocked. "I didn't tell your father about this."

"But dad used to read the papers, and you and your wife are a little famous around here, right? Sometimes they wrote about your children there too. Dad was always hoping that you would take me in, so he prepared me for it," she replied.

She was a little right, my law firm handled many high-profile cases. Martha's chain of stores and her collections were quite successful, so we often appeared in the local media, but we tried to make it mainly related to charity rather than our professional achievements.

"Was he proud of me?" I asked, under the influence of the enormous longing I felt at that moment.

"Very," she replied. Then I felt a painful tightness in my heart. "He never spoke badly of you. He always said with pride that his friend was a well-known and respected lawyer and that he had a good heart."

It's good that we arrived at this point because I could feel more and more tears running down my cheeks. The guilt was killing me inside. I clenched my hands helplessly on the steering wheel, shaking with anger and sadness at the same time. Then the girl's hand touched mine, and I looked at Lucretia, who was staring at me as if she understood everything I was going through.

"Dad often felt the same thing, but no one is to blame except me. I asked him not to think that, I ask you for the same thing, okay sir?"

Her words shocked me a little, so I wiped my tears quickly and got out of the car. I realized the boys probably already knew we were in the driveway. If I don't bring Lucretia in soon, Victor will come here himself and take her inside. I opened the passenger side door and helped the girl out. I couldn't help but notice that she was hugging the stuffed animal tighter, yet she tried not to show any emotions, she just followed a step behind me, looking uncertainly from side to side. As we approached the door, her head went still and her gaze stared at the ground as if she saw something very interesting there. I didn't know how to cheer her up, so I initially reached out to stroke her head, but then gave it up.

Then the door opened, and Victor had no qualms about throwing himself around Lucretia's neck, decisively pushing the boundaries of her personal space. He started singing to her to say hello, but then he gave up when he saw that she was not looking at him, so he quickly pulled out his phone and started typing "Hello, I'm Victor, your big brother." He put the device under her nose and waited for an answer, finally there was a soft, "Hello, I'm Lucretia."

My younger son did not expect such a reaction, his face clearly expressed dissatisfaction. I chased him back inside and gave the girl the option to come in. I took her to the living room, where Hyacinth was waiting, nervously shuffling his legs, despite all the indifference, he was also nervous about this situation. But he walked over to her and held out his hand.

"Hyacinth," he said with a little shaky voice.

"Lucretia," the girl introduced herself and squeezed his hand, but her eyes were still focused on the floor.

I felt that the situation was going to be very uncomfortable for everyone, so I asked my older son to go to the car to get Lucretia's things, and I told Victor to show her the room that was supposed to be hers. He gestured to her to follow him. I saw that she was not feeling well until now home meant only father to her, and suddenly she was surrounded by more people who she could call her family. In the meantime, I prepared warm cocoa and cookies for the kids. After a while, I called them to the kitchen. I made myself a coffee, thinking about what will happen next.

"And how do you like your room, Lucretia?" I asked when everyone else had arrived. "If you need anything, tell me right away, okay? We don't have much experience in arranging rooms for girls."

"It's great," she replied. "Bigger than the one in my house."

"You'll get used to it." I smiled. "I hope you will feel comfortable in it. Martha won't be back until after Monday and you'll probably see her only after school ..."

"We'll be in the same class," signed Victor. "I've already told everyone that I will have a sister and that they will see her soon. You know nobody wanted to believe me."

"You must give Lucretia some time, too, Victor," I said. "Remember about it at school."

My younger son said he understood. However, I thought Lucretia's first day of school would not be easy, but I was glad someone would be there all the time. She was still holding her teddy turtle next to her, and it was probably the only thing that gave her a relative sense of security.

"Do you like turtles?" Victor asked.

"Yes," Lucretia replied. "They have shells in which they can hide. I wish I had one too."

"But they are very slow," my younger son was signing.

"Why should they be quick?" Lucretia replied.

Hyacinth and I watched their exchange for a while, then had to go back to our plans. The teenager had a school project to do, and I wanted to host Lucretia on the first day with a homemade dinner so I needed some time for preparing. The girl went to her room, wanting to unpack. Victor was willing to help her, but I refused to let him, feeling that she needed a moment of peace now.

Two hours later, at lunch, she was silent, as if the situation had suddenly become too overwhelming, so later I let her disappear into my new room again and kept Victor away from her. Still in the evening, when I thought the boys were already asleep, I wanted to see if she was okay. I suspected that she might not be asleep yet or having trouble falling asleep, so I went to her room with a glass of warm milk. I let it out of my hands when I rushed to help my younger son, who fell to the ground holding his head after looking into her room. I ran to him and pushed the already open door. Lucretia fell to her knees crying.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," she repeated over and over again.