The Home

As I left, I tried not to bump into Victor, so as not to upset him with my next disappearance but felt that the two of them needed a moment to talk. I wanted them to go through it now while the wound was bleeding rather than make them tear the plaster again one day. For one thing, I was sure that they would get along with each other. I saw how they loved each other with every contact I had with their minds.

I decided not to take a car, but to use public transport. I didn't usually do this, trying to avoid the crowds, but the experience of staying at my family's mansion beyond false hope, fear, and suffering has taught me a lot. This was also my grandmother's tactic at first to convince me of the possibilities and the merits of our gift, as she liked to call it. And yes, at first I got caught in a trap and was driven by excitement. Then I found out the truth and discovered what my family really was. Aunt Linda tried to convince me to keep working on my powers in secret, with her help. However, I was reluctant to listen to her advice and did not want to practice with her.

I had to wait a while for a bus to arrive to take me to the neighborhood where my family home was located. I was afraid to think like that about this place because I could learn there that I no longer had the right to think so. At least, that's what Marta would think, I wouldn't suspect David of such cruelty.

I had to go for almost an hour on the bus and then a fifteen-minute walk. I watched people get on and off at the next stops. Everyone with their problems or minor victories. Out of habit, I looked mainly at the window, because in the blurry reflections I couldn't see exactly what people were thinking. However, I was more tempted than before to observe them and discover the diversity and beauty of their minds. I fought with myself about whether to do it or not. I had lenses so I shouldn't have hurt anyone that much, but how much more could I count on them? How long have I been hiding again? Always with others in mind, right? With the lenses, I felt like I was in disguise, but I did it to not hurt anyone. I laughed hysterically inwardly.

"Are you okay, child?" I jumped when I heard a voice belonging to an elderly person who unexpectedly sat down next to me. "You look like you are worried about something."

I looked at the woman and felt the power suddenly break out despite the lenses. It was stronger, but I thought lenses would still be a good way to reduce it. I was scared that it was not enough, I did not suspect that I had grown so much. Haven't I felt that before? This woman just wanted to help me, because I was a bit like her granddaughter, with whom she had not had contact for a long time and suffered a lot because of it. I didn't want to hurt her, I couldn't… I clenched my fists and pressed the power with all my strength. As Tetsu said, I am supposed to rule it, not the opposite, I just have to believe it. After a while, however, I doubted, even with him I could not do it, and what more alone with a stranger.

I shook my head, I have to finally hand over the power to myself. Drops of sweat appeared on my forehead as I fought it, and it felt like power was laughing in my face. I kept saying that I wouldn't hurt that old woman who got scared and sat down at the other end of the bus. The power let go a little because it had no clear purpose, but I knew it was just a deceptive sense of control since I hadn't let it break into one mind. I sank into my seat out of shame and reached for a new phone to make it a bit harder for my family to find me again, but it was only a matter of time with their contacts. I wrote to Tetsu and told him what had happened so far, I didn't even notice when I started shaking and crying a little. He called after a while and asked if everything was okay.

"I don't know," I whispered, wiping my cheek with my sleeve.

"Lulu, I know you can handle everything, but isn't that too much for a day?" he asked worriedly.

"I thought if I had a chance to follow a blow, maybe it would be a good idea."

"And are you ready to go on?" I couldn't answer, so after a while, he added. "Whatever decision you make, I will support you."

"I know," I confirmed. "Thank you."

"Call me if you need to."

I hung up being a little more confident but still didn't know what to do. I turned around, grandma was still watching me anxiously. I had to break the power again, but I wanted to help this woman. I pressed my lips together and let it act, fighting all the time to keep it from indulging in too much. I crept into the old woman's mind as gently as possible.

It turned out that a few months ago someone had stolen her purse, in which she had both her phone and a notebook with numbers for her relatives. She had no records of them anywhere else, much less knew them by heart. She couldn't contact her family, and she tried, but the internet was a mystery to her. Her family was abroad and indeed she missed them so much. They would only see each other in a few months when they came to visit her.

I searched through her memories to find something where she looked at that notebook or phone. I wrote down the number for her granddaughter on the ticket. I was getting out soon, so then I wanted to give it to her. I got up and headed towards her, the old woman got a little scared and surprised when I handed her a scrap of paper.

"Sorry for my behavior," I said. "This is your granddaughter's number. She certainly misses you very much and would like to wish you a Happy Birthday. Please call her right away. Happy birthday," I added and left the bus because the door had just opened.

I didn't look back, I was too shaky to know what happened next. I just wanted her to succeed. I wrote to Tetsu again about what I had done, he just wrote back that he was proud of me. Should I feel the same? I helped, right? But at what cost, was I allowed to pat my shoulder? I was wondering if I had learned to control power from the beginning, would it be easier for me? Maybe if my dad hadn't died, he would have helped me. Maybe if my mother hadn't died, when she was giving birth, she would have taught me everything.

I was furious for a moment that maybe then my life would be easier and more enjoyable. I just didn't know who I was mad at, at my parents, that they weren't there for me, at myself, that I couldn't do it myself, at David, that he couldn't help me with it either, at my grandmother and the rest of the family, that she wanted me before and that they were what they were. Meditating at least allowed me to walk home without much hesitation, I hadn't even noticed when I stood in front of the gate. Before I pressed the handle, Meow suddenly appeared on the post and was looking at me curiously.

"My hunch turned out to be as reliable as ever," he replied proudly. "The maid is back."

"Unfortunately, I have nothing for you today," I replied to the cat and reached out to stroke him.

"Something has changed in you," he added curiously. "That is why I will forgive you for your insubordination this time. And stop this farce." He pointed his paw at my eyes. "I want to be sure who serves me."

He gave me a defiant look and maybe he was right. No more pretending and disguising. Under his watchful gaze, I found a small mirror in my purse and removed my lenses. I thought that since Martha hates me already, wearing them wouldn't change anything. But I wasn't going to use the power, at least not with full awareness.

"It's better," muttered the cat and smiled aggressively in his feline way.

Sometimes I thought Meow just liked it when something dramatic was going on, and he often led to situations like this, wanting to feel like he was steering us. It was not enough for him to be treated as our master, he clearly felt the need to have some real power. This cat was indeed a strange creature. His search drove my father outside. Too focused on the animal, I didn't notice when he reached the gate where I had been standing all this time.

"Lucretia," he whispered in surprise when he saw me. "Is that really you?"

He rushed to open the gate. When I heard his voice and saw him in a rush to hug me, it was like all of the air in me was gone. Again that day I started to cry and did not stop even when I was already in my father's arms. David joined me and we stood there crying in each other's arms for a long moment. As we pulled away from each other, I could finally see in his eyes all the longing and worry that had tormented him in recent months. I wanted to start with an apology, but he forbade me, said it was irrelevant and most important that I had come home.

"It is enough," the cat meowed loudly to get our attention. "I'm hungry."

So, to satisfy our red-haired master's hunger, we entered the house, a bit darkened by the joy of meeting our father again. I forgot to ask if anyone else was home. Anyway, we both took the ability to think sober for a moment, I realized it when he went inside and shouted "Martha, see who's back!"

Then he gave me a hug and tried to reassure me that I was going to be okay and that she would be happy to see me. He led me to the living room, where his wife was after a while. When I saw her, I automatically tilted my head down, but I noticed that she stopped first and looked like she wanted to hug me, but then she clenched her fists tightly and backed away.

"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly.

"Our daughter is back," David emphasized, a bit disappointed in her reaction.

"I won't have a daughter until Ginny becomes part of the family, at least I know who I am accepting," she said in a firm voice.

"Martha!" her husband raised his voice.

"Father ..." I cut them off. "Please, I don't want you to argue because of me. I'm glad that I could at least see you. Since I'm not welcome here, I'll be right out."

I really meant it, I didn't know what to say, what to say to them. I saw what I expected, David still sees me as a daughter, Martha hates me and at the moment the chances of changing her attitude were low. However, I did not expect another person to show up. Ginny came into the living room brought by screams.

"What's happening?" she asked with mock concern.

"Nothing about you," I muttered, fighting the anger that started to build up inside me as soon as I saw her. "Go away."

"It's also about me," she laughed. "I'll be part of the family soon." She took a step toward me.

"I said it was none of your business," I raised my voice.

Frustration and anger grew in me with every inch she came in our direction. Her person in the world simply irritated me with just her presence. It wasn't even about Hyacinth, if he was happy with her, I was fine with it. In the end, I couldn't stand it, I looked at her, and couldn't contain the power. I could feel this superiority emanating from her. I held the power for a second before it entered her mind. I ordered it to put her to sleep and watched with quiet joy as seconds later she fell limp to the ground. Martha screamed and ran to her.

I did not expect David and his wife would both think about my mother at that time, who apparently also had a moment when the family genes from her side were revealed in her. They was thinking I looked very much like her at that point. I was angry and wanted to vent it, but calmed down a bit when I saw that they were afraid of me. I approached my guardians and finally entered Martha's mind to better understand how she felt about me.

"I've never had a grudge against you," I said finally. "You also don't have to fight with guilt anymore. I know that you didn't want me at first, and then you were ashamed of it when your friends praised your good-naturedness. Even your husband sometimes doubted this decision and regretted that he took me. With time, you accepted and loved me, and then you crossed it all away in a second. I never wanted to hurt any of you. I didn't want to be born with it, I didn't ask for it, and I tried many times to get rid of it! David can confirm this." I smiled sadly. "I also know that you never wanted to design clothes for girls and teenagers, but you did it with me in mind, even though you didn't admit it. I remember how I could count on your help when I started to mature and did not understand what was happening and David was in a panic. You've been a good mother to me, but since you don't want to continue to be ... I understand, but I would like to ask you to let me still consider you as this figurine. You are the only mother I had and I would not like to have another."

As I said this, I was bringing out all our shared memories and moments, hoping it would touch her heart a little. But it was also important to me, I really saw my mother in her and loved her in my own way too. There were tears in her eyes, but she said nothing, her expression tight as if she was forcibly holding back her voice. I decided to give her some time, she obviously needed it, and I guess I did too.

I focused on David and smiled sadly at him, wanting to tell him I was glad to see him, but his attention was now focused on his wife. He looked at me and asked me to leave, despite all the love he had for me and the struggle he was just fighting. I didn't hold it against him, I knew that with him I would finally be able to repair my relationship, I didn't have to tell him how much I love him. Still, it hurt and I came back with tears in my eyes, but I wasn't sure where actually I should go back.