Gaps in Memory

I looked at Vernon first, then shifted to Mera. Mera had experience, so she might be useful.

Vernon seemed to have understood what I wanted.

“Your highness, I take it that you intend to ask us for assistance?”

“Indeed.”

“... Hm. I did not expect you to have difficulties in learning to control your mana. How curious as to why it could be.”

How curious indeed. I don’t know, maybe because the soul inside this beautiful existence, that everyone should extol and worship, was from another world where magic was non-existent and but a product of the imaginations...

He then continued.

“Despite the difference in usage of mana, I believe I can help you this time.”

“Much appreciated.”

I smiled then turned to look at Mera. She blinked a few times.

“I am included, milady?”

“Of course, why not?”

“But, I don’t think I can help. I may as well be below a novice since I can only cast out my mana.”

“That is fine, Mera. At least you have experienced it, you can point out a thing or two. Or just watch and maybe figure out what I am doing wrong.”

“... As you wish, milady.”

She bowed her head with a bit of reluctance.

They followed me back to my usual spot.

“Alright then, your highness. Please tell us how you usually do this. We actually often watch you, but we don’t have much of an idea of how you do it. So I believe telling us would help.”

“Okay. I followed some of your tips while also following some from mother’s. I use my will, imagine it, see it as a part of me. I also did some physical and breathing exercise thinking that might help a little.”

He nodded his head.

“A bit of exercise would indeed help. Have you been feeling strange lately?”

“Yes I am. Is that important?”

“If it is not a bad feeling, then it is important.”

“Is that so?”

Mera then added.

“My father told me that it is a sign that the mystic medium is working. It is adjusting or some sort.”

“Uh-huh.”

So I was really making some progress. And there was no pain whatsoever, so it must be normal.

“That said, if the feeling is so faint, then milady’s progress is slower than normal.”

“Indeed. Your brothers easily managed to control mana after a day, and their control was already impressive enough.”

“Incredible. My brothers are amazing…”

Must be what should be expected from royals.

“What about you Mera?” I asked.

“Um, I managed to cast out mana for… a day and a half was it? Although my control was pretty terrible, all of my mana just went out when I lost grips of it. I even struggled controlling the output later on.”

So there was that kind of challenge I have to face.

And here I am, a royal struggling to even access mana.

“I see.”

I held out my hand in front of me. I tried casting out mana, but of course, nothing happened.

I closed my eyes to focus. Then a couple of minutes passed, Vernon called out to me.

“Your highness, my apologies for interrupting.”

I opened my eyes and looked at Vernon.

“Yes?”

“I get the feeling that you are unable to recognize the feeling of mana.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your highness, one is normally familiar with mana, and it is what helps us start. Are you not familiar with it?”

Is he starting to notice through observing me prior to this?

“You are royalty, much closer to the realm of magic, and yet, you struggle. Have you forgotten the deeper feeling of magic?”

I guess I should be honest. No point in lying or hiding. I averted my eyes away with a troubled expression.

“... Actually, I was confused as to what the book was referring to as familiar.”

“... So that’s it. But how would you forget it? It should be impossib— no, could it be because...”

He closed his fist and pressed it unto his mouth, his eyes wide as he looked at the floor.

“Sir Vernon, what are you thinking?” Mera asked.

Yeah, what could he be thinking? He seemed pretty disturbed. What could cause such a feeling to the old man?

“Your highness, could this be perhaps because you fell from the stairs?”

Huh?

I was confused about what brought that on. In contrast to my reaction, Mera gasped loudly as she covered her mouth.

What?

Vernon then asked.

“Princess, do you perhaps have gaps in your memories?”

He asked that, and I began to realize what he was thinking about. About why I was no longer familiar to the feeling of magic.

Now then, how should I respond? If I say I have no gaps, then it would be even stranger that I was unfamiliar with magic. However, if I say I have gaps in my memories, I would have a safer route, and less stressing it would be since they would immediately understand the reason.

Right, I’m going with the latter route.

But before I could speak, Mera spoke first.

“That’s right, Sir Vernon, there was a moment when Princess Estelia failed to recognize her family when she woke up. So, her memory might have disappeared for a moment.”

“But it got restored shortly, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Or so we thought, it might not have fully been restored, there would definitely be gaps.”

Oh well, they came to a conclusion themselves.

“Your highness, why didn’t you tell us that you have gaps in your memories?” Vernon asked.

“Would I be able to tell that I have gaps in my memories when the majority of it returned? If I did forget a few, I can think it could just be one of the many things you forget everyday. Therefore, I didn’t think much of it.”

“... Of course, but a few they may be, they could be significant.”

“...”

I formed a somewhat uneasy and disturbed expression. Well, Estelia’s memories were implanted into me, so there must be a few that went missing, right? But, I have my doubts.

Even so, at least this kind of narrative would work for me. Doesn’t matter if I have some incomplete memories implanted into me. But it feels complete though.

“Do you remember your eldest brother’s face?”

“... Um why do you ask, Vernon?”

“You have not seen your eldest brother since that accident, therefore, depending on your answer, we might be able to come to a clearer conclusion.”

Well, I do remember his face well. However…

“I see… But, I think I remember...?” I sounded uncertain. “Isn’t this just one of those you forget as time went by, but recognize them when you see them again?”

“Princess, your brother isn’t gone for years. You should still be able to shape your brother’s face in your mind, especially when you lived together for years.”

“... Is that so?”

Vernon sighed.

“It seems there are indeed gaps in your memories.”

Upon hearing that, Mera appeared to panic.

“W-What should we do? What should we do, Sir Vernon?”

“We cannot do anything. We just have to be thankful that the majority of her highness’ memories are not lost.”

“It is not that horrible, right?” I timidly asked.

“I suppose, it is definitely better than having no memory at all. I should tell your parents about this later.”

I meekly nodded my head.

“Although, even forgetting the sensation of magic within you, is too important to not be anxious about,” he added.

“That is fine. If that is the case, then I just have to familiarize it again. Mother actually showed me mana yesterday, but it was only for a short while.”

“I suppose it is not enough for you to familiarize, you must understand and broaden your feeling of it. As how it should be.”

“But milady is still making progress despite it, that is amazing already,” she said with a smile.

“Thank you, Mera.”

It seems she was trying to cheer me up.

“Indeed, but progress may perhaps be slower than normal. Therefore, I will help you. Please familiarize the mana I will emanate.” Vernon said.

I nodded my head as I waited for him to begin at any moment.