Take a Step Forward

Special Chapter

Kyashii’s POV

“I would make a move on her if I were a guy...”

Kyaaah~!!

It was those words that sent my heart spiraling into a tizzy!

The tiniest glimmer of hope Yuyo gives me enables me to burst into a massive smile more than I imagined. There’s no telling how she does it, or maybe it’s just how much I like her, but she can make my heart skip a beat even with nonchalant remarks like that.

I hope she realizes how much she makes my fragile heart go wild! It’s just too much for me!

Goossh!

I suppose getting up early to make meals for Yuyo was worthwhile. The happiness I got from her words speaks volumes for everything I’ve worked on here.

Haaaa~...

But... Is it really possible for me to become a good wife one day?

I couldn’t help but smile as I glanced sideways at Yuyo.

Well, if she wants to marry me one day, that would be the most incredible feeling ever~! Kyaah~!

“......”

Oh my gosh!! There are times when I feel as if my sanity is slipping away!

The mere thought of Yuyo making me her wife sends my imagination whirling out of control! Hmph! It’s just that daydreaming about being Yuyo’s wife is such a delightful pick-me-up for me. Although I would say this is pathetic of me, I can’t help it. That’s how much I like her.

Sigh...

When I tried to take Mizuno-san’s moniker the moment she hatched that idea for fun, I knew I got ahead of myself. At that moment, I summoned every ounce of courage inside me to make hay while the sun shone just to get Yuyo to start looking at me that way. I don’t mind if it was desperation; if it was, so be it. In any case, I need to take a step forward. There’s no point in wasting time waiting around for something to happen since her cluelessness about how I feel is beyond comprehension!

While I have days when my mind doubts my chances with Yuyo, the hope that even my slightest gesture could influence her romantic interest drives me not to give up. Having gained support from my friends, especially Hana, who now says Yuyo is merely in the dark about her feelings for me, I’ve built up the confidence to take a more proactive approach.

That’s why I’ve been trying to make the most of every chance I get to kindle her interest in romance. Since Yuyo is Yuyo, I’m sure she’ll just come up with a million justifications for whatever strange emotions she may be experiencing. Hmph! As long as she’s not interested in romance, she won’t even mistake those emotional responses as romantic.

With that said, I need only one thing right now: for Yuyo to be aware of me! There is always a part of me that believes that maybe, just maybe, she’ll eventually come to see me as more than just her best friend.

It’s not totally inappropriate for me to maintain some optimism, right?

Plus, I’ve gotten better at picking up on subtle cues, and if I were to match Yuyo’s actions toward me with what I’ve read about girls liking girls, I’d say that she usually gives me those hints without realizing it.

Still...

Even with all that, it’s not exactly a walk in the park to put her in the picture that she might like me that way. The fact that she’s Yuyo, an incredibly stubborn, smart, yet dumb girl, who thought of me as her best friend, makes things much more challenging for me.

Above all else, I prefer that she figure things out for herself. I can hold out hope that she will realize she may feel the same way about me. There may be a sense that I sounded overly optimistic, but whatever. Having all this in my mind motivates me to keep going in the hopes that she will ultimately notice me.

And so, as of today, I have gained another point in my hope scorecard! Yuyo’s remark that if she were a man, she’d surely make a pass on me is an A+.

Kyaah~!

The innocence of that phrase from her still makes my heart ticklish. It’s like I’m gliding through the air as if I caught a dead giveaway! If only she were into romance, then I could interpret her random thoughts as a simple way to express her feelings for me.

Umm...?

Nonetheless, it’s not like I’d prefer for her to be a guy. What good is gender in the face of unparalleled attraction? Moreover, why would Yuyo even think like that when she already established she’s the type who is unbothered by gender?

“...Right, Kyashii?”

“Umm...” I quietly nodded with a faint smile when I heard Yuyo ask me something, though I had no idea what it was since my mind was buzzing with questions while trying to find answers simultaneously. Umm... There must be a way of saying, “you don’t have to be a guy to make a move on me, though.” Hmph!

Well, whatever...

I’ll just put that aside in the meantime. The focus can only be on one thing at a time.

My hand was busy twirling my chopsticks when I noticed Yuyo’s stunned expression as she kept looking at me, in stark contrast with the others’ thrilled faces.

Heh?? ...What’s going on??

“Hold on... D-Did I hear that right, Kyashii? You don’t mind if a girl hits on you??” Yuyo asked, her mouth gaping.

Huh?!?

What?!

D-Did I just say my thoughts out loud?!?

“.......”

I... I did, didn’t I??!

“. . . . .”

Aaaahhh!!

Oh, my goosshh, Kyashii!! How could you be so careless?!? You, dummy!!

Waaahhh!

I’m doomed!

This is the end of me!

Oh nooo...

T-There’s no way I’m getting out of this, r-right?! Knowing Yuyo, she’s probably giving this much thought by now.

My palms are sweating, and with every breath I take, I feel my heart pounding faster and faster as I gradually turn to look at her and—

Yep! I knew it! The look on Yuyo’s face tells me she’s seriously thinking about this!

OMG! You might wish me and myself the very best of luck!

Aghh!

It’s hard for me to discern what expression I’m making right now. Keeping a straight face was all I could hope for at the moment.

But...

If you think about it, maybe this isn’t all that bad, right??

Ironically, I like to think my boneheadedness may be a blessing in disguise since I was already thinking of ways to point out that she doesn’t have to be a guy to overstep boundaries with me in the first place.

Yeah... Let’s just say it’s something like that! Heh-heh?

K-Keep your optimism high, Kyashii! T-Things are going to work out just fine!

That’s right... D-Don’t be scared...

B-Besides, I’ll have to confront this situation sooner or later. It would probably be best to be bold and tell Yuyo right now that I can like girls that way. As she has said before, she doesn’t care much about sexuality, so it’s pretty safe to presume she wouldn’t feel upset with me for this, right??

…R-Right??

I... I can pull this off!

With a slow breath, I gaze at Yuyo square in the face.

Ugh!

It sure feels like I’m going down the path of no return. “Yes, I don’t, Yuyo. Our feelings are not motivated by gender but rather by our emotions toward a person... Isn’t that what you said before? So, if a girl likes me that way, and I feel the same, then I’d be willing to be her girlfriend.”

...Oh, gosh! Glad I didn’t stutter while conveying all my thoughts! I hope she will get the message loud and clear.

“Does this mean you’re not straight, Kyashii?” Yuyo asked in a soft voice.

Whaaa—!

Really, Yuyo?!

Do you really need to ask me that when it’s as plain as day?! What’s the idea of torturing me like this?!

Gaaahhh!

I’ve reached my limit! I’m out of intestinal fortitude and no longer know where to find more!

Yuyo, you dummy!

I hate you for making things even more difficult for me! “Why bother asking when your logic already figured it out?” I scoffed in annoyance.

“Yeah... I...” Yuyo sounded uneasy. “I was just making sure.”

M-Making sure?!

Goossh!

You’re making sure that I’ll pass out right here; that’s for sure! You’re not just a dummy; you’re brutal as well! Which part is so difficult to understand that I still have to explain it to you in detail?!

Where has your logic gone?!

“Right... You were always cautious about everything.” I couldn’t help but mock her.

Gaah!

Fine! I’d like to get this over with. “Yes, Yuyo... I’m not straight. And I’ll be brave enough to spell it to you right now, and in front of our friends, that I prefer to be with a g-girl than a boy.”

I’m about to short-circuit!

Shibasaki Yuyo, don’t you dare ask me any more obvious questions, or I will definitely make an exit for real! My well of courage has dried up!

•──────•༻❁༺•──────•

As soon as I finished my lunch, I made a hasty escape from the classroom. Even though Yuyo was somewhat kind enough not to ask any more questions after that and suggested we walk home together later, I still desperately needed a space to piece together what happened.

So here I am, back beneath the Japanese varnish tree.

“......”

Aaaahhh!

I could only scream without making a sound at all. Thankfully, there aren’t too many students in the area.

Gaaah!

I took a few deep breaths as my mind wandered back to what had taken place in the classroom. Having just realized the magnitude of what had just unfolded, the feeling of restlessness takes hold of me.

Oh my gosh! I have no idea where I found the resolve to be so forthright with Yuyo just like that!

Umm… There are probably a lot of things going through Yuyo’s head now that she knows the truth about me. Back then, on that one night I spent at her place, she filled me in on some details about her stance on love regardless of gender. From that, I figure she is someone who might comfortably date either sex without issue.

But…

This isn’t at the heart of the matter any longer, is it? Rather, the real problem is that I’m not entirely forthcoming with her after all this time, r-right?

Umm?

Is there a chance Yuyo may feel betrayed that I refused to share something important with her? My friendship with her may not be all honest, but it’s the only way I can stay close to her.

Aghh…

Just the thought that she might be mad at me for not telling her things makes my shoulders sag.

P-Please, no…

I don’t want her to hate me. I’m at a loss for what to do if she grows to hate me. So, please...

Sniffs…

There’s no stopping my tears from welling up. I can’t bear the thought of Yuyo resenting me even a little bit.

Urggh!

She made me into such an emotional wreck. One moment, I can be confident about something, then start stressing out about it the next. My feelings for her makes me nervous in countless ways.

“I don’t think there’s any reason to shed tears, Kyashii.….” I felt a light pat on my shoulder out of nowhere.

“H-Hanaaa…” I looked up with a pout, wiping away the last of my tears that were about to fall. “Uwaah! I d-don’t know if that’s the caseee.”

“Shibasaki-san will undoubtedly understand and accept you,” Hana said with a warm smile as she stood before me. “Let her know everything, and she’ll take it from there. Furthermore, don’t think too little of Shibasaki-san’s kindness. Aren’t you the first person who should know how compassionate she is?”

“I... I know how kind she is. That alone is enough to make me feel guilty about this. I’m worried my assumption of her understanding me fuels my duplicity within our friendship.” I took a deeper breath. “Hana, do you think I’m abusing Yuyo’s kindness?” Guilt is weighing me down.

“Mmm... No, I don’t see it like that. You have your reasons, and we know you’re doing your best to make them known. I don’t think Shibasaki-san will ignore all you’ve worked hard for just because you can’t tell her straight away that you bat for the other team.” She calmly said.

“Y-You really think so?”

“Yes. All you need to do is explain these things more thoroughly to her; I’m positive she’ll grasp the idea, Kyashii. That’s not all, as you will also have the chance to ease your guilt by revealing more about your deepest feelings.”

“B-But... What if things don’t turn out the way we expect? When I think about it... my heart aches.”

“I totally get you. Yet, if I were in your shoes, I’d rather face it even if I’m scared.” Gentle smiles glowed from Hana. “If I can’t face things myself, then I will not be able to keep moving forward and make any progress, can I?”

T-That’s true.

“You’re probably right.” I breathed a deep sigh.

“After all, don’t you think Shibasaki-san deserves an explanation at the very least?”

“I know... Facing her on a personal level is necessary, but that will require another bundle of courage on my part. Aghh...”

“I believe in you, Kyashii! Best of luck~!” Hana then pumped her fists with excitement. “You’ve got my support~! Hm-hm!”

A giggle escaped me. “Thank you, Hana… In that case, this means I should be much more shameless! Yep... Then, I’ll tell Yuyo all about it after class.”

“. . . . .”

That’s what I said…

But as soon as I stepped back into the classroom, I noticed Yuyo was staring at me so intensely it almost made me faint~!

Ahm...

Err…

Gosh, darn it!

I’m sorry, Yuyo… Please keep on forgiving me…

My explanation can probably wait for another day. At this point, my poor heart has already reached its limit as far as tormented feelings are concerned.

So…

I’m really sorry, but I want to go home alone for todaaaayyy!

✾ End of Volume Two ✾

⁂ Author's Note: ⁂

With the conclusion of this volume, I will be taking a month off from updating this novel, even though I really don't want to (T~T)... 

I have to make minor revisions to volume 1 and update the artwork on the character sheets (as I really feel the need to). The break will be my only chance to do these things.

In addition, I will be moving to a different location to start a new job the following week; thus, my calendar will be crazy. Still, rest assured; updates will begin again after I have settled down. My apologies. I would appreciate your patience, guys.

And please know how much I appreciate your continued support and all the time you spent reading, reacting, and commenting on my story.

I will see you later, guys. (ᗒ﹏ᗕ)