sCene 37 - ᴀCCeᴘᴛiɴɢ ᴛʀuᴛʜ

In fairytales, heroes defeat monsters. The heroes are skilled, strong, and fight to save others. The monsters are gross and selfish. Their power is not to be admired, but to be feared. Even when people try to love a monster, it never ends well. Monsters always terrorize the people, and only heroes can stop them. What are monsters even supposed to do if they win?

They revel in their victory! The jerky doesn't taste as nice as raw flesh!

There it was again. Now that I had control over my movements, whatever guided my body before was just an intrusive thought. An impulse that sounded like me, but couldn’t possibly be me. I don’t want to do these things.

Why would you think of them if you didn’t want to do them?

Because I’m a monster.

Then why resist?

I don’t want to be a monster.

After spending hours sobbing in my bed, I had passed out, and just sobbed some more when I woke up. I hadn't even bothered getting dressed again, just wrapping myself in a bed sheet. I finally decided to go to the bathroom, and the voice was telling me to uncover the mirror. Mama didn’t believe me when I told her the mirror scared me. Whenever she left overnight, I would cover it. Maybe if I uncovered the mirror, Mama would come back and help me.

…

Mama didn’t come to help. Instead, looking in the mirror, I could see myself. My whole self. As if it were clipping through my body, my alien body stood exactly where I stood.

Isn’t that better? Why pretend this isn’t you?

I told you I don’t want to be a monster.

But you are a monster.

I am a monster.

Be a monster.

...

Suddenly, I could hear the front door open.

Did it work? Did Mama come back to help me?

“Hey, it’s me!” That was Nai-bu’s voice.

I dropped my bed sheet and slammed the bathroom door shut, then backed myself against the wall, and curled up next to the sink. In the corner of my eye, I could see my other self. Because my other body was taller, that other face was in the mirror, a giant eye peering back at me.

The front door closed and I could hear footsteps approaching. They stopped right outside the bathroom.

“I saw you close the door.” It really was her voice.

“Please go! I don’t want to hurt you!”

“You already have. But it's me who should apologize. I shouldn’t have neglected that you need to eat people. I should have known the jerky was important.”

Perfect! She feels guilty! Use that!

“No! I should have told you! I was careless! And you suffered for it!”

I was sobbing. I fell onto my side. I hated everything that was happening.

“That’s okay. Now I know. We can be careful together.” Her voice was so soft.

Why was she being so nice to me?

All I could do was continue to cry. I would keep trying to say “I don’t want to hurt you.” and mess up, or sound terrible, and try again. Between my wailing, the words would barely get out. I was so freaked out I didn’t even lock the door. Nai-bu let herself in and as soon as she saw me on the ground she tried to prop me up. As she held me in her lap, I just continued to sob.

With every tear there was another intrusive thought.

She’s here! Bite her!

Her embrace only made my body ache more.

Don’t you remember how she tasted?

I had to accept that these thoughts were my own. And I wanted nothing more than to drown them out.