sceNe 38 - ᴀ ʀeNeᴡeᴅ ʟiꜰe

About a week passed, and we were ready to get back to our usual habits. We both took a week off from work, and spent a lot of that downtime together. Cryztal still slept in pretty late, and I would be up early, but she would hold me until I fell asleep, and I would wait for her to wake up before getting up out of bed. I really wanted to ask her if I could officially move in, but this was definitely not the right time.

We let Jason come over and talk to us both about Cryztal’s people eating. She said that she could actually feel a type of energy from eating me, and can feel it when eating the jerky as well now. She thought this meant she could tell when she was “low on fuel”, as opposed to unexpectedly feeling a transformation coming on. She also said I gave her a lot of energy, so she didn’t realize how weak she had been feeling this whole time.

“So the jerky has just barely been keeping Cryztal together this whole time…” Jason lamented.

“Maybe Dale can send actual cuts of meat instead of the jerky?” If he has a supplier, maybe we could work something out.

Cryztal started to tear up. “Can we not talk about this right now…”

I rubbed her back and nuzzled her a little. “Come on. You’re too cool to cry right now.”

I still had mixed feelings about the situation. I wasn’t experiencing nightmares or anything, and the more time passed the memory of being eaten alive was becoming less intense. Jason just assumed we had already talked about it, but Cryztal was more like me and trying to pretend it wasn’t a thing. I get it, this isn’t exactly a secret you want at the front of your mind, but she should have told me. And she could have just bit my head off or something. The cruelty of it stuck with me, even if it was her acting on instinct. Her instinct wanted to inflict pain?

We did discuss one thing, but only because Cryztal asked. She wanted to know how many times I had been eaten before. She took it well enough when I said maybe once a month, but nearly lost it when I told her how it felt like every other day when we were filming the show. I tried my best to explain how I thought it would help, and how clear that was now.

“If…If I let you use Mama’s study, do you think that would help?” She asked, sniffling.

I wanted to snoop around there more anyway, especially after finding the baby book in her mother's bedroom, but I knew how much that space mattered to her.

“I don’t want to do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable with.” I said. “You didn’t want anyone messing with that space.”

“Mama…hurt you…” She started, tearing up. “And I hurt you. So you should be allowed to do what you want.”

I just nodded and tried to comfort her. I knew it was a lot for her to dwell on, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited. Maybe the answers I needed were left in there. Maybe then I can keep Cryztal from ever losing control again. Although it could mean getting hurt, I felt good having permission to at least try and find something that could help.

Possibly the biggest problem was the new habit I had formed that week. Eager to show Cryztal the vulnerability she had shown me, I may have gone overboard, but couldn’t resist.

Lying in bed next to Cryztal, she started to stir. It was about time for her to get up, so I clung onto her arm to see if she was waking up. As I heard her begin to mumble, a sign she was starting to wake up, I hopped out of bed.

“I’ll go make us some breakfast!”

As I approached her bedroom door, an oversized shirt fell down on my head. Cryztal had chucked it at me.

“Cover up. Kyle could be peeping or some shit.”

Not only was I sharing Cryztal’s bed, but I was happily sleeping half-naked most nights. Without my scars, I could genuinely give myself to Cryztal. Not by her impulses, but by my own.