Hikari And A Dance With Her Subconscious?

I genuinely thought it was a regular afternoon. I sat in the café that we usually visited on the weekends and sometimes after school; a cosy little place, with small wooden tables and sofas closely placed on either side, next to the long row of large glass window panes.

Looking outside things also appeared quite normal; cloudy skies and an abundance of soft pink provided by a row of cherry blossom trees.

However, that’s where the normalcy ended. From there on, things made increasingly less sense. Well, individually they mostly made sense, but put together? A totally jumbled up mess was all that I could find.

Sitting across from me; Naoka. My closest friend, who I’d known since we were like… I don’t even know; I’ve known her as far back as my memory stretches. I guess it’d be no surprise to hear that being around her always filled with me a joy and sense of comfort that I could never find anywhere else.

The simple fact that she sat across from me triggered my suspicions, but why would I question it? The pleasure of seeing her adorable smile and hearing her ever-cheerful voice was something I could never question, even if a voice lingered at the back of my mind, telling me that something’s very wrong.

The waitress came by and delivered her a slice of matcha swiss roll along with a cup of green tea. Turning to thank the waitress, the side ponytail that she pretty much always wore her brown hair in faced me. The angle also more clearly revealed a large hoop earring. Just like the thin-framed glasses which slightly shielded her lovely, welcoming, brown eyes, I’d never seen her wearing those before.

‘Um, is something wrong, Hikari?’ she asked me, with a slightly concerned tone.

‘Huh?’

‘You’ve been staring at me intensely for like the last half a minute or so.’

‘Aren’t I always looking at you though?’

She snickered, ‘Well, yeah, but you’re especially focused right now. Is there something on my face or in my hair?’

It’s both your face and your hair, Hun; it passes as normal yet simultaneously feels so out of place, I internally fired back. ‘Nah; I guess you’re just especially radiant today,’ I sheepishly replied.

Mercifully, another waitress came by and placed a slice of kabocha squash pie and a tall glass of water in front of me, drawing my eyes away from Naoka.

I lifted my hands out of my lap and found that my nails were painted dark purple; again, not particularly out of place – I wear purple gel polish more or less all the time these days. What didn’t add up is that a quick sideways glance at my reflection in the nearby glass pane revealed that I still had long, shiny black hair; the style that I (supposedly?) permanently ditched back when I was fifteen. Add in the violet water lily that I had clipped to my hair and this world definitely seemed to be suffering from a case of broken timeline or something.

‘Hey, I know I said we were only going to hang out by visiting the café this afternoon, but now that you’re here, I kinda want to spend the rest of the afternoon with you. What do you think?’

I think this world is gonna drive me nuts, I immediate thought in reply. My reaction to her suggestion definitely resonated with reality though; if there was anybody that could touch my heart with the simplest of proposals, it was always Naoka. Me, being me, I sat there, essentially powerless to resist being filled by her warmth and wanting more than anything to wallow in it.

‘Do you even have to ask? Spending time with you is pretty much my favourite thing to do, so the answer’s a forgone conclusion really. Did you have anything in particular in mind?’

‘Checking out a few of the electronic components stores, a book store and then probably hitting a games arcade afterward, how does that sound?’

It sounds like you’ve only scored one and a half out of three, I joked. The book store definitely sounded in-character; she always was an adorable nerdy kind of girl. I thought the electronic components interest was new though; sort of in-character but a bit of a surprise to be honest. The games arcade? I basically wondered who this woman was and what she’d done with my best friend, though I wouldn’t at all have minded going if it were with her.

After finishing my slice of pie, I scooted off to the toilet.

Or at least, I tried to.

I stopped dead in my tracks part-way into the journey.

‘Oh. Hey, Hikari.’

A friendly smile, on the face of a woman with brown hair, held in a two-bun hairstyle and green everything; irises, eyeliner, hair ribbons, nail polish, bangle on her left wrist and overall skirt as well.

My heart went a bit wild at the sight of her and my mind whipped into such a frenzy that it essentially stopped working.

‘Umm, are you okay? I know you like teasing, but acting so surprised to see me is pretty low, even as a joke.’

Yep. There's no mistaking it; I don’t think there’s any grown woman who gets upset or irritated quicker than the real Midori Tsubaki, heh. ‘Ah, sorry! I just didn’t expect to run into you here is all!’ I hurriedly blustered. ‘Obviously, I’m happy to see you; why wouldn’t I be happy to see my girlfriend??’ Lowering my voice, I added on, ‘Aside from the fact that she’s getting unnecessarily stroppy right now.’

‘You really can’t go a day without being idiotic, can you?’

‘It’s a good thing I have other redeeming qualities then, isn’t it?’ Before she could reply, I figured I’d test the construction of the world a bit further.

I carefully lifted my right hand to her cheek and gently stroked, whilst summoning my most sincere apologetic tone, ‘I’m sorry, okay? My mind’s been a bit all over the place today. You needn’t worry about me too much or what I think of you. I still think you’re just as beautiful and wonderful as the day when we finally got together.’

Another thing that rang consistent with reality; her face might as well have been a stop sign with the bright shade of red that it took on. It’s partly why since the night that we met, I’ve always loved messing with her so much; her reactions never fail to be entertaining and quite adorable. Also, the whimpering when she’s been resoundingly defeated is delightful to listen to and I got treated to a taste of it in that moment, while her cheeks still glowed.

‘Right, right,’ she weakly dismissed, while clasping and gently pulling my hand down and away from her face.

Her face drew closer to mine, but I instinctively flinched and sharply retreated.

Her eyes narrowed and her voice came across half concerned and half mocking, ‘Uwah; you really are out of it today. I’m guessing we’re not dissecting it here, but I am not letting you escape us talking about this when you get home tonight…’

‘Ah, thanks,’ I waywardly replied. ‘I’m sorry about this.’

‘Pfft; you say that like we haven’t already been through far more difficult situations. I’ll see you tonight then,’ she warmly concluded, letting go of my hand and swiftly passing by me.

I rushed toward the toilet, where I spent most of the time trying to make the details of everything add up; Tsubaki seemed more or less exactly like the woman I knew in reality. The biggest issue I had with her was the timing…

Eventually, I decided to cut my losses and return to the little seating area where Naoka sat.

I returned to find her halfway through eating a caramel-topped custard pudding (Yaki Purin). She could eat pretty much any amount of sweet treats without gaining any weight in reality and it looks like that trait of hers translated perfectly here as well. Along with the fact that I could never beat her scores on tests at school, her freedom to eat whatever she liked without worrying about her weight was something I pettily envied about her.

‘Are you feeling alright?’ she asked me, with a friendly smile and no apparent worry evident in her voice.

‘I’m good, thanks.’ I shrugged, ‘Just having a bit of a weird day, I guess.’

‘No doubt, heh. You seemed awfully familiar with that woman that you bumped into before you made it to the toilet.’

My heart sank; I couldn’t even really explain why, but the fact that Naoka had seen that little exchange significantly sharpened and restricted my breathing. The fact that she asked with her normal cheery attitude unsettled me further still. I highly doubted that she’d be irritated with me, but at the same time, not knowing exactly what she felt about what she’d seen instantly ate away at my mind.

‘You really are in a funny mood today, aren’t you,’ she added, with a teasing tone, circling her fork at me in a silly somewhat accusatory gesture.

Funny mood isn’t even the half of it, Hun, I internally remarked.

‘You need to lighten up, Hikari. Being this tense really doesn’t suit you; I’ve never seen you act so stiff and apprehensive before.’

‘Ah, um, sorry,’ I hesitantly spluttered.

Naoka fixed me with a suspicious gaze and when our eyes met again, she continued. ‘I will admit though; I am curious. Who was that woman you bumped into on your way to the toilet?’

❀

That question forcefully hurled me out from that bizarre realm.

My eyes sprang open, to find the green-eyed woman from that dream peacefully sleeping beside me; her brown hair untied, unadorned by green accessories and gracefully flowing to beneath the sheet that we shared.

❀

I’m pretty sure I heard or read somewhere that dreams are often where subconscious thoughts transform themselves into strange stories and experiences while we sleep.

As much as the question from Naoka stung in that dream, I’d like to think that if an afterlife existed, our souls would all reconvene and Tsubaki would be afforded an opportunity to get a genuine taste of the joy and comfort that always filled my heart and mind when I spent time in Naoka’s presence before her untimely departure. Wishful thinking perhaps, but it would be nice…

That said, I guess I should muster up the courage to bring Tsubaki to Naoka’s grave as a second-best option. I say I should, but just thinking about visiting her grave puts a painful stinging sensation in my heart and leaves my eyes close to wetting this pillow that I lay my head on.