First time?

28th October 2456

       Wow, two days in a row. I think I haven't done that before. But there is something where I feel the need to write it. It's about Alan. The more I am thinking about his situation, the more I get tempted to ask him directly about it. I have a feeling that I won't get anything good from it, though.

       Why am I so interested in it out of nowhere? Is it because I still can't believe he would even be thinking about something like love? I want to know, but I don't want to interfere. Maybe I should wait if something changes and act based on that. That sounds like a good idea. I just realized that I don't know if he likes her or not. That would be a tough pill to swallow if I pulled up to him and asked if he likes Shara or not, and he would be like absolutely not, asking me why I would even think that, making a fool out of myself.

       What if that harmed our friendship since he might be very sensitive about this topic? I don't want to lose an old friend because of this.


       I am starting to question myself if it is a good decision. If I should do it. It must sound weird, to make such a big deal out of something like this. I know it's nothing major, nothing groundbreaking. I don't know. I guess it means that I need more time to think about it.

29th October 2456

       I could not bring myself to ask him today. I was mentally preparing myself the entire morning but when I saw him in class, I just couldn't. I can't believe that I am struggling so much with asking someone. I never experienced this. I barely would get nervous, no matter the situation, but this makes me feel like I never experienced anything in life, like this is my first time doing something.

       I don't have to force it. It's not like I need to ask him as soon as possible. I can do it whenever. I will have more time to observe. I will try to do it tomorrow if I get the chance. I am sure I won't have any problem with it next time. I will be more ready for it.

30th October 2456

I couldn't do it.